Part 12

The Citadel - 12 hours earlier

Milena had fallen asleep on her cot in the far corner of the chamber hours before. Liz couldn't sleep though. She was determined to get through her grandmother's journal as quickly as possible. It was absolutely spell-binding and even if the information within it was not vital, Liz would have been unable to put it down.

Poor Andrina's situation just seemed to get worse with every entry.
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September 12, 1813

I have not written in months as I have absolutely nothing of worth to report. The mission is at a complete stand-still.

My grief for my brother's loss is without end. What will I do without my Gordian, my king? He was my closest companion since our birth. While we have been at odds since Laren's arrival at the Citadel, I know that he always loved me, only wished me to be happy. It was why I agreed to come to this Ring forsaken planet to begin with. I wanted to help my brother achieve peace once and for all so that he would recognize that Laren is true and trustworthy.

I have no idea what is happening on Illyria. Milena has been absent from the dream plain since she managed to pull herself from her mourning long enough to tell me what had happened to Gordian.

I knew already though. The minute I tried to open the portal, I knew. We guessed that since Gordian could not open the portal to Earth, I would be unable to open the portal home. But I tried anyway. The portal would not even generate at all. It should have opened on the other end, there should have been people waiting for it in the Ring. But when I attempted it, nothing happened. I fear it is because my brother's energy has gone out of the universe.

We truly know next to nothing about how the cursed portal works though. Before Gordian and I, it had been a millennia since it was opened. All knowledge of the portal's function was lost. It was only chance that we opened it to begin with. We took a wager on an ancient legend and it proved to be true.

It has ended in disaster. I am trapped here. Will I ever see my home again?

January 27, 1815

I spoke to Milena today. She was evasive and hidden in shadows upon the dream plain, but she was there. It was the first time in over a year. She came to tell me that little Jaxon has been crowned. He is now king. That poor child! He has lost his father and has no one to guide him. I know that Laren will help him any way he can.

Oh my love! How I long for you! I fear that we will never meet again. I am trying to accept it, that I must make a life for myself here now.

I will never see my beloved home again, but I cannot accept that I will never see Laren again. I asked Milena to bring him to me on the dream plain. She refused and disappeared immediately. I do not understand her at all. I know that she grieves for my brother, but should maintaining contact not be her most important gift to her son? I will still try for the human treaty for Jaxon's benefit.

Jendar has made contact with a liaison with the British government. It has been determined that they are the most powerful on this world, at least for the time being. The rumours that the Emperor Napoleon is perhaps going to try and escape his island prison seems to have little real merit. Jemma has returned from France, declared that the French are not a good option. And so, the British it shall be.

I am to enter British society as a widowed countess. We shall see. I should be able to play the role of a bereaved wife quite well I think. All I do is cry.

London, England - June 28, 1815

A major strategic error has taken place. After deciding on the British, the Emperor Napoleon DID escape from his exile on Elba. Jendar and Jemma were both torn as to who to support but decided in the end upon the Emperor, which was a great mistake. The British and their allies have served the Emperor a great defeat at Waterloo. We fear the our part in aiding the Emperor will be discovered. My entrée to English society has been far too successful. I am too well-known.

We have decided to leave for North America immediately. It can no longer be delayed and although I dread leaving the Ring, our only link to home, it is time for us to disappear. Well, at least I will escape the lecherous attentions of the Prince Regent. He really is most revolting.

Boston, Massachusetts - March 23, 1849

I am still alive. It is hard to believe I did not end my life a long time ago.

My entire life has been a disaster. I have not even bothered to write in this journal. What is the point? Who wants to read about a silly princess who got lost on a distant world? For that is what I am silly, ridiculous, a complete failure. Our attempts to connect with the humans have been fruitless. It is unlikely they would even be able to grasp the reality of where I am from, of what my nephew is. We gave up long ago.

Milena has been out of contact for over twenty years. I assume that she is still alive, but I have no way of knowing. The last contact I had with her she informed me that she had remarried - to Hamor, Gordian's right-hand. He is a great general, is a good choice. He will be able to protect Jaxon and Mirana.

Stupidly it did not occur to me until about ten years ago that Jaxon and Mirana might be able to open the portal, that they are twins as Gordian and I were, that I can possibly return home. But now that I know, Milena refuses to communicate with me. I do not understand. We were close once. Why does she shut me out? Why will she not help me return to my people?

I have all but given up hope. Jemma and Jendar have decided that we are moving to the new territories in the west, that it is time to truly settle on this planet for the duration. Not to mention, our neighbours are beginning to be suspicious. We do not age as they do.

I could care less.

Why are we cursed with such long lives? Why did my brother lose his so tragically? Will I never hear a word about my love again?

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Liz swallowed, tears coursing down her cheeks.

Poor Andrina! Liz understood exactly how she felt.

Every day she spent away from Max was like torture. She was trying to be strong, knew that he was coming for her, but she missed him so much. She knew what it was like to endure a long separation from him.

What if she never saw him again?

Liz squashed the thought ruthlessly. She refused to think that way. She had NEVER thought that way through their last separation and they had found each other again. It would be the same this time.

"Liz? Sweeting, what is wrong?" Milena's voice was soft as she propped herself up on an elbow on her cot across the room. "Are you weeping?"

Liz smiled sadly. She now understood why Milena had not wanted to speak of Andrina. Her guilt for abandoning her sister-in-law, alone on another planet, must be great. Liz did not understand it. The Milena she knew was warm and kind and loving. Why would she have let her husband's sister remain lost, anchorless?

"I am sure that Andrina forgave you." She said quietly. The soft dawn light filtering through the barred window showed Max's mother's eyes widen. A panicked look crossed her beautiful, ageless face. "Milena?" Liz probed gently.

"I will never forgive myself." Milena finally admitted.

"Why did you leave her alone for so long?" Liz asked. She thought it might help the older woman to voice thoughts that had clearly been troubling her for more years than Liz could imagine.

"I could not bear for her to know how wonderful life under my son's rule became." Milena replied. "Jaxon was so good in every way, peaceful and strong. I did not want Andrina to realize what she was missing. She was trapped sweeting. She never could have come back."

Liz frowned. "But couldn't Jaxon and Mirana have opened the portal?" She lifted the journal. "That's what Andrina wonders in this. And how wonderful could it have been if you were still at war with the Dernians?"

Milena paled again. She looked down at her clasped hands. Liz could see that she was clenching them so tightly, her knuckles were white. Finally she glanced up, smiled lovingly. "You are too smart for me Liz. Andrina was never as sharp as you prove to be." She paused, seemed to gather her strength. "Laren betrayed her."

"What!" Liz exclaimed, shocked. "How?"

Milena pursed her lips. "You know that Ren is Laren's son Liz. He betrayed her with another woman. He was faithless. I didn't want Andrina to ever know. She would have been completely devastated. It was better for her not to know."

Liz stared at Milena in shock.

She knew what it felt to be betrayed by the one you love more than your own life. A brief image of Max kissing Tess in the rain flashed through her mind. She couldn't even imagine how she would ever feel to find out that HER Max had fathered a child with another woman.

She would die, plain and simple.

Liz had felt a kinship with Andrina from the opening lines of her journal, had imagined Andrina's face as her own, Laren's as Max's. The pain she felt for the poor lost princess was almost personal.

She knew that there were reasons for why she felt this way. Her suspicions had begun to gather together in a kernel of truth that was staring her right in the face. It was a reality that she had not wanted to recognize because of several facts that could not be ignored...

Liz knew. She knew that Andrina WAS her grandmother.

It meant two things, one interesting, one horrifying.

Interestingly, she was 1/4 alien.

And horrifyingly, Max Evans was her cousin.

It was not a close relationship, but it was definitely disturbing. Even his alien/human hybrid status could not mask it. They were related, if not by blood because of whatever human genes he possessed, then by ancestry.

Liz swallowed, hard.

She had to know for sure. Now.

Milena was eyeing her with concern. "What is wrong Liz?"

"Where is Tarsus?" Liz demanded suddenly. "Why hasn't he come yet? He told us two days ago to prepare to go to the Ring. Where is he?" She could hear her voice rising in pitch, trying to let hysteria take over.

She refused to allow it. Cousins or not, she loved Max and the relationship wasn't close enough to make a huge difference. They would only be third cousins. It wouldn't be like loving her mother's disgusting nephew Rodney.

Besides, kings in the Middle Ages married their relatives all the time.

That was rational Liz's thinking.

IRRATIONAL Liz was beginning to get the horrible feeling that she had fallen into an alien tragedy of Shakespearean proportions...or at least Days of Our Lives proportions.

"I'm not sure where he is." Milena replied. "Something must have happened to delay him."

"Well, I don't miss him." Liz joked, could feel the fake smile plastered on her face beginning to crack. She stared at Max's mother. "I need to keep reading Milena. I'm sorry. I just do."

Milena frowned slightly. "Very well."

Liz closed her eyes briefly, took several deep breaths and plunged in again.
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September 1, 1850

We have settled near the Mexican border. Jendar and Jemma have made contact with the local native populations. They are friendly and helpful. Jendar has asked the help of one of the chiefs to determine the best place to begin building the compound. He has decided that we will go underground. It will be the safest for us. We fear that large groups of settlers are not far behind us.

I exist from day to day with little hope. Jemma is getting frustrated with me. I don't blame her. Thirty years of my long face is not pleasant I am sure.

December 21, 1863

The War Between the States continues in the east. It has not penetrated this far into the Territories but we hear reports on occasion from settlers passing through. Civil war is the worst possible disaster that can befall a people. I grieve for the Americans and hope that they can settle their differences more easily than Illyria could.

November 13, 1867

The unbelievable has occurred.

I have spoken to Milena. I am still in shock, cannot believe it. It has been so long, I feared that perhaps my Illyria had ceased to exist.

But it is even worse than that.

Jaxon and Mirana are dead.

Milena was almost impossible to understand. She was inconsolable with grief.
From what I have understood, this is what occurred.

Three or so years ago my niece, Mirana, fell in love. In the supremest of all ironies, somehow, somewhere, she managed to meet Tristandor, the Duke of Dernia's son.

Milena informed me that Lazar was long dead, that his daughter Danala rules Dernia in his place. Tristandor defected from Dernia, however, for love of Mirana and has been Jaxon's boon companion ever since. He was Jaxon's general and right hand.

In the end, Danala seemed to let this go. The planet has been fairly peaceful since Lazar's death. Despite arranging for my brother's murder, because surprise of all surprises (my sarcasm is apparent I am sure) it seemed that even the Dernians were horrified by the treachery behind Gordian's death (well, perhaps not horrified, since they are incapable of that emotion, but suffice it to say they did not enjoy their leader acting without honour). Lazar had tried to occupy the Ring, killing my brother when he came to parlay about it under truce. The Dernians refused to follow their leader after that and Danala assumed command as the eldest. Lazar did not live long after that. His death was suspicious, but few cared.

Danala was not pleased by Tristandor's departure but accepted it after Mirana and Tristandor were judged in the Ring and were proven worthy. It was only when my nephew tried to solidify the connection by marrying the youngest of Lazar's children that Danala attacked.

After that, Milena became a bit confused. She does not know how Jaxon and his bride were killed. She told me that Mirana and her husband were killed on the battle field as they tried to hold the Citadel.

There is now no heir to the throne of Illyria. Danala rules the planet, although she did not take the Citadel and so it is in name alone.

And then she told me the most incredible news of all.

Lucianus has returned. And not only that, he has cloned Jaxon, Mirana, Tristandor and Jaxon's wife Sabrya. Milena has sent them to me.

They are not coming alone.

Laren is accompanying them.

I will see my beloved again.

November 23, 1867

It will take years for them to reach Earth. I know it. I may not even live to see it...and yet I feel my heart has lightened.

My love! Finally we will be reunited!

November 24, 1867

Milena has disappeared again but it is to be expected. She is holding Illyria under interdict, so that it will seem that no time has passed since my nephew's death. The Illyrians may never even find out about it.

When Jaxon and Mirana are born here on Earth, they will open the portal, will return to our planet and will end this conflict once and for all. Their marriages to Tristandor and Sabrya will be the unifying miracle we have been searching for.

I cannot believe how long I am going to have to wait. Time is moving at a snail's pace. I spend many hours with the local people, learning their ways. It is most enjoyable. If women were allowed to be researchers on this planet, perhaps I would write a book to pass the time.

January 1, 1901

Another year begins, a new century in fact. I have been on this planet for nearly a hundred years - almost half my expected life-span.

The ship is expected within the next fifty years. How absurd! Half a human lifetime!

I must stop reflecting on all these issues of time. They only give me a headache.

April 16, 1915

Jendar has completed the Compound and begins work on the transformation chamber tomorrow. Several of the local natives are helping him. Milena informed me long ago that Jaxon and Mirana's ship would contain a new variety of pods that would mature them to their full potential more quickly than most children. That will be odd.

Progress. My time with the first peoples of this land has made me question whether it is as wonderful as the humans like to think. I hear horror stories from the battlefields of Europe, perpetuated by that horrible human weapon the gun. The Americans have not joined the conflict, but may yet do so. It grieves me to witness so much pain. It reminds me too clearly of the pain my home planet has endured.

March 23, 1947

Jendar has managed to make contact with Jaxon's ship! Oh the excitement! They are almost here! It is unbelievable!

I will see my Laren soon. I wonder how he has changed. I fear that he will find me greatly so. My sorrow over the decades has aged me prematurely I fear. I look in the mirror, see a still young face (by human standards anyway). But the Earth has not been good to me. To Illyrian eyes, I may not seem myself at all.

But I am still his Andrina inside. I trust in his love. He would not forsake me.

July 12, 1947

I write in haste, preparing to go meet the ship. Jendar has spotted them within the Earth's atmosphere! We only pray that the humans do not take note of it. It would be disastrous to be forced to deal with them at this delicate time.

When Jaxon has been podded and reborn, he can establish contact. His old aunt is no use in that department anymore.

My heart is beating a mile a minute! I feel like the young princess in love that came to this planet so long ago, so full of dreams.

Do dreams die I wonder?
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Liz closed her eyes briefly, tried to control her racing heart. She knew what came next.

The Crash.

Dreams did die.

And yet still Liz could not help but hope that there was something in this journal that was going to fix the gigantic intergalactic heartache she and Max were about to be subjected to.

She must have inherited that never-ending hope from her grandmother. Because no matter how much Andrina spoke of her grief and despair, her hope shone from the pages of her journal like a bright light.

And yet, Andrina had been betrayed by the one she trusted most. Milena had said as much. Liz had not been surprised. Nasedo had not struck her as the romantic hero in a fairy-tale that was for sure. If he was anyone, he was the stupid side-kick who always got them in trouble. After all, he was the one who had made the crucial error that had landed Max in the White Room.

If Liz had disliked him before, she hated him now, for betraying the innocent girl her grandmother had been, for damaging all of Andrina's illusions about love - even if she never knew about it herself.

Liz shook her head, tried to suppress her anger.

She needed to read - needed to find the answers she sought once and for all.

And she found it. In the very next entry...

December 25, 1955

I have not written in years. Could I write about the torture I have undergone, relive it within the pages of my journal? I do not know, but I have never had the opportunity before now anyway. I have told myself that I owe it to the original tenet of that book to be honest within the pages, to relay all my experiences among the humans, but if I ever do manage to transcribe the words I write here, I do not know if I will want anyone to know how humankind has disappointed me.

I trusted in their goodness, in their emotions. Gordian believed in them. It was why he sent me here in the first place.

My experiences in this hell-hole have proved us delusional.

And yet they are not all the same. There is one who has proven himself a friend.

His name is Bill Parker.

He has been my guard for close to eight years now. I know that I frightened him to death the first couple of years. The concept of my existence was almost too much for him to grasp, but I have managed to wear him down. Laren always said that one of my greatest strengths was my charm. Bill is an intelligent man. He soon saw that I was no different from him, that I might not be human but that I loved, hated, FELT...

We have been friends for years now. We speak intimately about many things. I was happy for him when he married Doris, grieved with him when she died giving birth to their little Jeffrey. He is disillusioned with the army these days, is disillusioned with what he has been forced to watch me endure - and yet he remains, tries to protect me to the best of his ability. I am astounded that they have let us grow so close. It is most peculiar but I do not want to jinx it by reflecting on it too long.

It is Christmas for the humans who celebrate that holiday and Bill told me that his little boy decided to send me a gift. Apparently Bill has told Jeffrey all about me, leaving out the otherworldly details of course! Anyway, Jeff asked his father what he thought I would like, what I loved most. He intended to spend his birthday money on a gift for me!

Life would be so much easier for those who are different if children ran the universe! I cannot imagine our children on Illyria, before the Dernians pod theirs and force them to lose their emotions, continuing that farcical conflict. Human children are much the same it seems, although I have had contact with few.

But I am getting off track. It seems that Bill informed Jeff that what I would like more than anything is a small book in which to write my thoughts. I think he emphasized "small" so that he would be able to hide it easily for me. Anyway, I am grateful. I am afforded few luxuries here.

It is hard to believe, but there is an even greater gift that Bill Parker has offered me however.

He wants to help me escape.