Chapter 5
A/N: OMG, you guys are the sweetest people in the world! Thank you for all of the awesome reviews. This takes place after school on the same day. Buffy has stopped zoning, but she won't let go of William. Just so everyone knows, flashbacks are inbetween the '. . . . .' and songs are inbetween the '*****'
..........................................................................................................................................
"What exactly is wrong with her?"
My mom won't get anything out of Willow. She's nice. She won't tattle.
"I suggest you ask your daughter, and if she doesn't want to tell you, then wait for her to feel more comfortable."
Ha. I knew I could trust her.
Just like I trust William. It's like. . . whenever I need someone to just be there for me, he's there. Just like he's here now.
He doesn't ask questions, doesn't press for answeres, doesn't make me try and pretend to be something I'm not.
Truthfully, I don't think I could be that person everyone expects me to be right now even if I tried.
My mom and Willow talk for a little longer, and then my mom says it's time to go. She looks at me curled up against William and offers to call his parents if he's willing to stay with me a while.
"Sure, I'd love to stay with her. But really, my dad works in the library, so I can just go ask him. . ."
He starts to get up, but I whimper in protest. I don't want him to go. I need him.
"How about you stay here with Buffy, and I'll go ask your father. What is his name?"
"Rupert Giles."
She nods her head and walks towards the library.
Since she's gone, Willow tries to speak to me.
"Buffy, honey, I want you to start going to a group therapy session. I think that it may help for you to see that you aren't the only one going through this, and there are other people who can help you. They know what you're feeling. . . the self-loathing, the hatred, they know this because they're going through this themselves. You don't have to isolate yourself in this."
If she says that this will help, who am I to disagree? She's been wonderful in this short time I've known her, and I think she'll know what I have to do to stop feeling so horrible.
I nod my head.
"Also, Buffy, I think that you should tell your mom."
My eyes grow wide at this statement and I shake my head 'no.'
Now William turns me around to face him.
"Lizzie, pet, wouldn't you like to see the man who did this to you brought to justice?"
If possible, my eyes grow even wider.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I just sort of figured it out. The 'No Touching' rule, the broken mirror. . ."
He kisses the top of my head.
"I think she's right, ducks."
I sigh heavily. How will telling my mom help anything? She doesn't understand, she'll want to know why I've kept it hidden for so long, she'll. . . She's back.
"Mr. Giles says it's OK if you come with us. That is, if you still want to-"
"I do."
The drive back home is silent. My mom keeps looking at me through the rear-view mirror.
I don't like it. I don't need a reminder that I'm so far gone I could self-distruct any second.
I start picking at the bandages on my hand. My vision travels downwards towards the scar I have about 3 inches above my wrist. Oh god, not again. . .
. . . . .
"Little girl, you need to learn some manners."
Big, long knife, where'd he get that? Ow, ow, ow, ow,
"OW!!!"
"Serves you right, you worthless piece of-"
Block your ears, don't let the words in, try and get away. . .
. . . . .
I'm picking at the bandage with fervor now. It needs to come off, wish I could take off my skin, like it's all a costume, get it off, get it off, get it off. . .
I'm whimpering, on the verge of hysterics, I-
"Please, let me go. . ."
"Please, oh god, please, please, please, please,"
I'm thrashing in the backseat of the car- or maybe I'm still in the allyway, still being cut and bruised and torn and defiled. . .
"OH, GOD!"
The car swerves. Did I say that outloud? I can't tell what's reality and what's not anymore.
"Lizzie, baby, we're going home, it's alright,"
My exterior facade slowly calms down, but inside is still turmoil. He's making it better, but not enough. . .
My finger nails dig into my skin, and blood starts to seep out from the tiny crescents, until my hand is whipped away. Please, no, I need the pain, I-
I start sobbing again.
The car stops, and I see my mother trying to reach for me, but William waves her off. He takes me in his arms and rocks me back and forth. His hand rubs my back, and slowly my tears stop.
He leads me up to my room, which my mom pointed out to him was on the second floor, right in to the left of the stairs.
He lays me on my bed, and I immediately grab for him again
He eludes me, closing the door behind us and turning on the cd-player.
*****
Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that's drifting over me
And when I wake you're never there
But when I sleep you're everywhere
You're everywhere
Just tell me how I got this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are
'Cause every time I look You're never there
And every time I sleep You're always there
*****
He gathers me up into his arms on the bed and holds me.
It's here I feel safe, despite the irony of the situation. He gets me.
*****
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone I'm not alone
I recognize the way you make me feel
It's hard to think that
You might not be real
I sense it now, the water's getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me
Away from me
*****
I make a resolution to myself: I'm going to try and get through this. I'm going to try and be me again, the me I want to be. It's the only way I'll ever be happy again.
*****
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone
I am not alone Whoa, oh, oooh, oh
*****
He whispers into my ear sweet nothings. They make me feel special.
"I'll always be here for you, you know."
He says this in such a way that I have to believe him.
*****
And when I touch your hand
It's then I understand
The beauty that's within
It's now that we begin
You always light my way
I hope there never comes a day
No matter where I go
I always feel you so
*****
He takes my hand in his and rubs it gently.
"Please, promise me that you won't try to hurt yourself again.
For anyone else, I would never have been able to do it. But for him, I'll try. I'll try and get better.
*****
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I catch my breath
It's you I breathe
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone
You're in everyone
I see
So tell me
Do you see me?
..........................................................................................................................................
A/N: The song is 'Everywhere' by Michelle Branch. I don't own it, I just thought it fit there. Again, thank you for all of the wonderful reviews. I'm far from finished (Just so you don't think it's over), but I still crave reviews. It's like my lifeline, people! OK, I'm done ranting. I love you all so much,
Andi
A/N: OMG, you guys are the sweetest people in the world! Thank you for all of the awesome reviews. This takes place after school on the same day. Buffy has stopped zoning, but she won't let go of William. Just so everyone knows, flashbacks are inbetween the '. . . . .' and songs are inbetween the '*****'
..........................................................................................................................................
"What exactly is wrong with her?"
My mom won't get anything out of Willow. She's nice. She won't tattle.
"I suggest you ask your daughter, and if she doesn't want to tell you, then wait for her to feel more comfortable."
Ha. I knew I could trust her.
Just like I trust William. It's like. . . whenever I need someone to just be there for me, he's there. Just like he's here now.
He doesn't ask questions, doesn't press for answeres, doesn't make me try and pretend to be something I'm not.
Truthfully, I don't think I could be that person everyone expects me to be right now even if I tried.
My mom and Willow talk for a little longer, and then my mom says it's time to go. She looks at me curled up against William and offers to call his parents if he's willing to stay with me a while.
"Sure, I'd love to stay with her. But really, my dad works in the library, so I can just go ask him. . ."
He starts to get up, but I whimper in protest. I don't want him to go. I need him.
"How about you stay here with Buffy, and I'll go ask your father. What is his name?"
"Rupert Giles."
She nods her head and walks towards the library.
Since she's gone, Willow tries to speak to me.
"Buffy, honey, I want you to start going to a group therapy session. I think that it may help for you to see that you aren't the only one going through this, and there are other people who can help you. They know what you're feeling. . . the self-loathing, the hatred, they know this because they're going through this themselves. You don't have to isolate yourself in this."
If she says that this will help, who am I to disagree? She's been wonderful in this short time I've known her, and I think she'll know what I have to do to stop feeling so horrible.
I nod my head.
"Also, Buffy, I think that you should tell your mom."
My eyes grow wide at this statement and I shake my head 'no.'
Now William turns me around to face him.
"Lizzie, pet, wouldn't you like to see the man who did this to you brought to justice?"
If possible, my eyes grow even wider.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I just sort of figured it out. The 'No Touching' rule, the broken mirror. . ."
He kisses the top of my head.
"I think she's right, ducks."
I sigh heavily. How will telling my mom help anything? She doesn't understand, she'll want to know why I've kept it hidden for so long, she'll. . . She's back.
"Mr. Giles says it's OK if you come with us. That is, if you still want to-"
"I do."
The drive back home is silent. My mom keeps looking at me through the rear-view mirror.
I don't like it. I don't need a reminder that I'm so far gone I could self-distruct any second.
I start picking at the bandages on my hand. My vision travels downwards towards the scar I have about 3 inches above my wrist. Oh god, not again. . .
. . . . .
"Little girl, you need to learn some manners."
Big, long knife, where'd he get that? Ow, ow, ow, ow,
"OW!!!"
"Serves you right, you worthless piece of-"
Block your ears, don't let the words in, try and get away. . .
. . . . .
I'm picking at the bandage with fervor now. It needs to come off, wish I could take off my skin, like it's all a costume, get it off, get it off, get it off. . .
I'm whimpering, on the verge of hysterics, I-
"Please, let me go. . ."
"Please, oh god, please, please, please, please,"
I'm thrashing in the backseat of the car- or maybe I'm still in the allyway, still being cut and bruised and torn and defiled. . .
"OH, GOD!"
The car swerves. Did I say that outloud? I can't tell what's reality and what's not anymore.
"Lizzie, baby, we're going home, it's alright,"
My exterior facade slowly calms down, but inside is still turmoil. He's making it better, but not enough. . .
My finger nails dig into my skin, and blood starts to seep out from the tiny crescents, until my hand is whipped away. Please, no, I need the pain, I-
I start sobbing again.
The car stops, and I see my mother trying to reach for me, but William waves her off. He takes me in his arms and rocks me back and forth. His hand rubs my back, and slowly my tears stop.
He leads me up to my room, which my mom pointed out to him was on the second floor, right in to the left of the stairs.
He lays me on my bed, and I immediately grab for him again
He eludes me, closing the door behind us and turning on the cd-player.
*****
Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that's drifting over me
And when I wake you're never there
But when I sleep you're everywhere
You're everywhere
Just tell me how I got this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are
'Cause every time I look You're never there
And every time I sleep You're always there
*****
He gathers me up into his arms on the bed and holds me.
It's here I feel safe, despite the irony of the situation. He gets me.
*****
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone I'm not alone
I recognize the way you make me feel
It's hard to think that
You might not be real
I sense it now, the water's getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me
Away from me
*****
I make a resolution to myself: I'm going to try and get through this. I'm going to try and be me again, the me I want to be. It's the only way I'll ever be happy again.
*****
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone
I am not alone Whoa, oh, oooh, oh
*****
He whispers into my ear sweet nothings. They make me feel special.
"I'll always be here for you, you know."
He says this in such a way that I have to believe him.
*****
And when I touch your hand
It's then I understand
The beauty that's within
It's now that we begin
You always light my way
I hope there never comes a day
No matter where I go
I always feel you so
*****
He takes my hand in his and rubs it gently.
"Please, promise me that you won't try to hurt yourself again.
For anyone else, I would never have been able to do it. But for him, I'll try. I'll try and get better.
*****
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I catch my breath
It's you I breathe
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone
You're in everyone
I see
So tell me
Do you see me?
..........................................................................................................................................
A/N: The song is 'Everywhere' by Michelle Branch. I don't own it, I just thought it fit there. Again, thank you for all of the wonderful reviews. I'm far from finished (Just so you don't think it's over), but I still crave reviews. It's like my lifeline, people! OK, I'm done ranting. I love you all so much,
Andi
