Usual disclaimers apply.

Chapter Four: Poor Rukawa

Rukawa Kaede's interview with himself

Interviewer: Baka Rukawa, why are you so cold and unfeeling towards everyone, including your own mother?

RK: Baka interviewer, mind your own business.

Interviewer: But this is an interview! I ask you questions and you answer. That's how it works!

RK: Do a'hou. Nobody asked you to interview me.

Interviewer: On the contrary, Mr Rukawa*, you asked me to.

RK: I didn't know I was that bored.

Interviewer: Yes, you are. You're all by yourself in class, waiting for it to end because you can't sleep. You thought this would be fun.

RK (snort): Fun? Me? Fun? Get out of here.

Interviewer: Well, I can't. I'm in your head am I not?

RK: Whatever.

Interviewer: I take that as a 'you may proceed'. So, why are you so cold towards everyone? Is it because of any past history?

RK (disgusted): Oh please. What a stupid question. Like you don't know the answer.

Interviewer: I'd rather hear it from you. Admitting to a problem is the first step towards solving it!

RK: I don't have a problem. You do.

Interviewer: If I have a problem, so do you. I am you and you are me, don't you remember?

RK: Kuso.

Interviewer: So, is it because of any past history?

RK: I don't want to talk about it. Shut up now.

Interviewer: You don't want to talk about it, eh? How is keeping quiet 'dealing better' than drinking beer?

RK: Hey, at least I'm not drunk practically every night. At least I'm keeping myself healthy.

Interviewer: Yes, physically, but what about mentally?

RK: I never knew I was this annoying.

Interviewer: Ah, but you are. You were from the first day you were born. Why else do you think Daddy left you?

RK: FUCK YOU. JUST SHUT UP.

Interviewer: Aww, poor little Rukawa, still reeling from the two-year-old blow, eh? What would your mother think?

RK: Screw what my mother thinks. In fact, screw you. Butt out of my life.

Interviewer: Idiot, I can't. I'm you. Remember?

RK: (no reply)

Interviewer: Come on, is it really so hard to admit that you do need people?

RK: I. Don't. Need. Anybody.

*****

I hate myself. I truly do. I am no good. I am scum. I treat people like dirt. I treat my own mother like dirt. The only thing I'm good at is basketball. Then again, I'm not even that good. I've missed about five lay-ups today and blanked on a few rebounds. In simpler terms, I'm playing like shit. And I'm not just being self-critical. It's true. Captain Akagi is looking at me with this look on his face, like he expects me to faint anytime soon. Even Sakuragi is keeping his arrogance to himself. Surprise surprise.

This is unacceptable. I have to make it work. Yasuda passes me a ball, and I decide to use this chance to get back in shape.

I fix my eyes on the hoop and crouch like a panther waiting to pounce on its prey. I pass the ball rhythmically from my left hand to right, back and forth again, trying to decide on a course of action and preparing myself for whatever I decide on.

Okay. I will do a dunk. And it would be a great one, making even Michael Jordan embarrassed.

I dribble the ball with acute expertise, aiming for the basket, and when I'm a few metres away, I jump up, shoot through the air and hurl my body at the basket. I'm so close to the rim that I could stick my tongue out to lick it. I'm about to slam the ball into the hoop with every ounce of energy I have when suddenly, the ball slips out of my hand. It lands on the waxy floor of the gym with a few soft 'thud's and bounces away from me.

Recovering quickly, I manage to fall on both feet and not on my poor arse. I realise that everyone is staring at me, shocked that I just missed a dunk.

Rukawa Kaede, what is wrong with you? You were good at dunking. You were good at the game, maybe even still are, so why are you playing like crap?

"Hey Rukawa, why are you playing like crap today?"

I feel my blood boil at those words. It's okay if I insult myself. It's a different thing completely when another person does it.

Darn that Mitsui. He has such a big mouth and he is so tactless.

"Shut up."

Mitsui rolls his eyes and walks away from me, taking aim at the three-point line. He shoots and scores. The gentle sound of ball against net echoes loudly in my ear, and I'm so damn annoyed, I think I could burst anytime.

"Dammit," I hiss under my breath. "What the hell is wrong with me?"

Somebody passes me a ball. I start to attempt a jumper, but I feel a hand clamping down on my shoulder. I turn around, and see Captain Akagi looking at me with concern in his eyes.

"That's all for today. Go take a break. You're obviously worn out."

"No. I'm fine."

"Don't be stubborn. You're going to injure yourself before the game with Kainan if you go on like this."

That certainly works. The word 'injury' sends violent shudders through me, more so than anything else. Captain Akagi does have a point. I don't want to miss the game against Kainan. I'm really keen on beating the supposed best team in the prefecture.

On the other hand, taking a break means conceding to defeat. Conceding to defeat means admitting I'm weak. In front of everybody. But then, for some reason, I'm really, really tired. I've never felt this worn out in a long time, and what's scary is that I didn't really play well today. I mean, my shots were like, 5 of 20 or something, I couldn't dunk and I couldn't grab rebounds.

I guess Captain Akagi is right. I need a break.

"Okay," I say to him. "I'll be ready for Kainan."

He smiles, but I don't respond. I start to walk off the court but Captain Akagi stops me again.

"Rukawa," he calls out and catches up with me. "Is anything wrong?"

Yes, something is wrong. It's just none of anyone's business.

"I haven't had lunch," I mutter. It's true. I skipped lunch when I was under that tree because I fell asleep, and because I couldn't be bothered to go back to the cafeteria and queue for food. I just didn't know it would affect my game so much.

Captain Akagi looks at me as though I were a moron. "What were you thinking when you came in here without taking lunch? Don't you know that every meal is vital to an athlete?"

"Yes, but I didn't know I would be this affected."

He sighs as he takes in my expressionless and indifferent face. Then, something seems to strike him, as his face suddenly brightens.

"Tell you what. When we're all done here a few of us will take you out for dinner, okay?"

Oh my god. Did he say what I think he just said? Something about dinner and me and them? Taking out? For fun? Together? As friends? Wha--?

When I don't answer, he goes on to say, "That is, if you don't have anything on at home."

Shit, what am I supposed to do? Akagi, my captain, wants to take me out to dinner just because I was stupid enough to skip lunch. He's being so nice to me and I have to acknowledge that, don't I? I mean, that's how it works, isn't it? I mean, the whole human-to-human thing, when one person does something nice for another that person does something back to that other person to show his gratitude, or something like that, am I supposed to apply it here?

But I haven't been in a social situation for so long. And I'm not sure I want to spend a few hours with the guys from the team, especially not if Sakuragi is going to be one of the 'few of us'. Then again, saying 'yes' naturally means prolonging going home and facing my mother. That doesn't sound too bad to me.

"Fine. I'll go."

*****

I shuffle silently behind Akagi, Mitsui, Miyagi and Kogure after practice has ended. They are talking and laughing to themselves. Now, I don't know what in the world I've got myself into. This could be the most uncomfortable thing I'd ever have to sit through. I sigh quietly. I wish I didn't say 'yes'.

It's too late to turn back though, for we're entering the restaurant. I do a double take as I realise we're going Italian tonight. God, what makes them think I have the money? Italian restaurants = expensive food = food I cannot afford.

Wait. You idiot, they're paying, aren't they?

"Hey."

They turn around. Probably surprised that I can talk.

"Is this a treat?"

Silence. My four seniors stare back at me. Then, Mitsui bursts out laughing.

"Ahahahahahaha! I love this guy, he's so funny! Ahahahahahaha!"

I glower at him. "What's so funny?"

"Ahahahahaha! You're the first person I've ever known who can ask a question like that so directly! Ahahahahaha!"

"Do a'hou."

"Hey, don't you 'do a'hou' me, I'm the one paying for your dinner. You don't want to offend the guy who's paying for you."

So. They are paying. Great. Now I don't have to worry about prices.

"Okay. Let's eat."

Without waiting for an answer, I saunter towards an empty table that is big enough to contain all of us and sit down. Immediately, I grab the menu and scan through it.

Okay, what are all these? Cream-based? Tomato-based? Pasta? Pizza? Spaghetti? Non-spaghetti? And many other words that I cannot begin to pronounce?

I'm about to consult somebody when I realise I'm alone at the table. I look up, and see the four of them standing by the door in shock.

"Nani?"

After what feels like a million years, Miyagi finally answers, "Rukawa...is that you?"

That baka. What's that supposed to mean?

"Stop being stupid. I'm hungry."

They exchange looks. They look at me again. I roll my eyes and decide to ignore them, and go back to scrutinising the menu.

Fine. So I don't really understand anything that's in the menu. So what? It's not like I've never tasted any fine cuisine before. My parents took me to France once when I was younger and I tasted actual French food. That was where I learnt to say, "Quel est le point?" Okay, so I spat my dinner out when I took a bite, but still. At least I know how a snail tastes like.

Believe me though, you wouldn't want to know.

Oh, here they come, my four beloved seniors. It's about time. Perhaps one of them can advice me on what to order.

"What are you having?"

Kogure, being the nice guy that he is, is the only one who bothers to answer; the other three are busy pouring over the menu, too intent to hear my question.

"Pizza. Want to share?"

"How big is the pizza?"

"Um, it depends. If you want to share I'll order a large, if not then..."

"How many slices?"

"I think ten. Why?"

Hmm. Ten. Is it enough? I feel so hungry that I could eat the whole restaurant down and go for a horse after that. Should I take up on Kogure's offer? Or should I just order something else and have it all to myself?

"Hey, Rukawa? You can order more food later if you're still hungry."

All of a sudden I feel like jumping up and kissing Kogure on the cheek. He is such a saint. I don't know what I'd do without him around. I mean, Akagi, Miyagi and Mitsui are still looking through the menu. And now, they are discussing with each other what to get. They are totally oblivious to my and Kogure's exchange. Those pigs.

"Okay. I'll share the pizza."

Kogure nods and signals for a waiter. He almost misses the soft 'thank you' that escapes from my lips.

"Oh, it's nothing. We're friends, aren't we?"

Maybe it's the hunger that's seriously getting to my head. Or maybe this horrible day, together with last night's events, have made me almost desperate for human company. Friends. I haven't heard that word sound so appealing for so long, until now.

Still, something holds me back.

I simply shrug.


*Does anyone watch Boy Meets World? Remember Finney and his 'on the contrary, Mr Matthews' thing? Hehe.

Everyone, I seriously think I'm losing Rukawa here. This story is beginning to sound less and less like our favourite Ice King and more and more like...um...me? I don't know. I can't seem to write from his perspective anymore. Of course, maybe it's just me, so please tell me in your review if it still sounds like Rukawa, or if he's totally OOC. Tell me too if he's just slightly OOC. Please? Thanks. I appreciate it.

Again, too lazy to reply to reviews and too apathetic. But thank you and keep them coming. I love reviews. They put a smile on my face. And I really need to smile right now.

-Yelen (missy_hissy14@winningteam.com)