Chapter Five: Trust No One
Seriously, cheese is great. Melted cheese is heavenly. Especially those that you can twirl around your finger and suck off. Oooh, yeah, I love cheese. I love pizza. I love the Italians. They are such tensai for creating pizza. They deserve the Nobel Prize for Food or something for their great, great food.
I lick a shred of melted cheese off my bottom lip. I sigh softly in contentment. This is truly the best food I've had in like, months. I don't know how I can ever go back to my usual bread-and-butter kind of life ever again.
"So, I was saying to her, 'Yeah, we beat Shoyo!', and she was like, 'Really? Wow! Impressive!' And that was really, really mind-blowing, you know? I mean, this gorgeous chick came up to me and said I'm impressive. It was really great!"
"Gorgeous, eh? She surely can't be half as gorgeous as my Aya-chan!"
"Mitsui, don't be stupid. She said the team was impressive, not you. We beat Shoyo together. It wasn't a one-man show."
"Nani? Are you trying to say that I'm not an impressive player? I mean, I helped the team get back on track with my beautiful three-pointers! We would've lost if it weren't for me!"
"Oh please. You're not the only member in the team. It was teamwork and practice, practice, practice that helped us win."
"Maa, maa, let's not fight..."
"Kogure, didn't you see the girl? She was outside the school that other day after practice and she came up to talk to me! Wasn't she gorgeous?"
"Um, I don't really remember."
"Hmmph! No girl can ever win my Aya-chan in terms of gorgeousness!"
Great, now they're talking about girls. How typical, of Mitsui especially. I think the only things he ever thinks about are basketball and girls.
Well, it's okay, I have great food and it's free. I have nothing to complain about.
"...Rukawa?"
Huh? Did somebody ask me a question?
I look up from my plate to see four pairs of eyes staring expectantly at me. Okay, I suppose someone did ask me something.
"What?"
"We were just asking," Mitsui explains patiently, "if you ever had a girlfriend."
I stare at him, then at Captain Akagi. He agreed to this? I didn't know he was ever one to poke his nose into other people's affairs.
"Don't look at me like that," Akagi says defensively. "I didn't ask him to ask."
"Yes, you did," Mitsui says calmly. "You said, 'Go ask him, Mitsui, it's more typical of you. He'd suspect something if I did the asking.'"
Akagi glares at Mitsui, who is now smirking in triumph. "If you weren't in the same year as me, you can trust that I'd hit you on the head right about now."
"Oh shut up, the both of you, he hasn't answered our question. We can't let him off that easily, now can we?"
Grrr. Stupid Miyagi. He simply has to open his big mouth and put me on the spot. No wonder he's friends with Sakuragi. They have so much in common. They're both cut from the same bloody cloth.
I look blankly back at the four of them. I have to give Kogure some credit; he's trying hard to look as if he's not interested. But of course he is. He's waiting for a reply.
Well, I'll just have to give them something then.
"I don't date."
Mitsui's face falls. Miyagi narrows his eyes suspiciously. Akagi and Kogure try to mask their surprise and interest by looking as if they don't care. But they do. Of course they do. It is me they are interrogating. Me, Rukawa Kaede, the guy who doesn't talk. The 'mysterious' super rookie. Bleah.
Then again, if the roles were reversed, I guess I'd be pretty interested too.
"Oh, come on, don't be such a spoilt sport!" Mitsui protests. "What kind of straight, hormonal guy doesn't date?"
"Unless," Miyagi pipes up, "you're gay."
I roll my eyes. I take another bite of my pizza and mumble with my mouth full, "Do a'hou. I'm not gay. I just don't date."
"But you have so many girls following you. Aren't you interested in even one of them?"
I look at Kogure in surprise. Huh? Now he's butting into my personal life too?
Then, something occurs to me. I should've known. They're treating me to dinner. I get Italian food for free. Of course they want something in return. Nobody just gives another person free food simply because they think it's fun. Nobody does it out of the kindness of their hearts anymore. Correct me if I'm wrong, though I don't see how I can be, but isn't it true to say that most of us aren't Mother Teresa?
My seniors want something from me in return. They want details of my personal life. In exchange for a free meal.
Well, they're not getting anything off me, that's for sure.
I give Kogure my killer eye. "Drop it," I snarl. "Stop prodding into my life."
Kogure looks taken aback, and almost hurt, as if I'd reach out to slap him. "Sorry..." he says slowly. "I didn't mean to pry."
Okay Kaede, that was slightly overboard. We're dealing with Kogure here, for crying out loud. He's done nothing to deserve your wrath. Do something to make it up to him. He's been so nice to you. It's the least you can do.
"Forget it."
Well. That's the most I can do.
I tune out the rest of their conversation and concentrate on eating. To be honest, their girlfriend question brought back some unwanted memories, of a girl and I holding hands, laughing, having fun, doing normal teenager-ish things. She left around the same time my father did, packing up the 'us' and leaving behind the 'me'. She was the first girl I ever loved, and she broke my heart.
What is the point of dating when relationships ultimately end? There isn't any point in inviting pain and hurt. I don't know about the rest of the world, but I, for one, am not particularly keen on going through that incredible amount of hurt ever again. It's too energy-consuming. Besides, no one is worth it.
It's so much easier not to care.
*****
I'm walking back home with Mitsui yammering away beside me. For some reason he offered to accompany me home. I couldn't be bothered to protest so I just let him be.
"So, I mean, don't you think I did the right thing? I had to break up with her. She was taking up way too much of my practice time. I was in the right, wasn't I? You should be able to relate, since you love basketball too. Don't you think?"
See what I mean about him being obsessed with girls and basketball? He's talked about nothing but those two subjects so far. And my response hasn't gone further than the occasional "huh" and "right".
"Okay, so don't talk. Forget it.
I don't know why I'm being so nice to you anyway."
I roll my eyes. Somebody seriously
needs to deflate his bursting ego.
We walk in silence for a while. I'm thinking about my mother. I'm thinking I should at least apologise. What I did isn't something I'm proud of. In fact, it pretty much accounts for my horrible day, until after basketball practice, at least.
I sigh to myself. I can't remember the last time I told somebody that I was sorry. I couldn't even say it to Kogure just now. How am I supposed to say it to my mother? I hardly even speak to her, because most of the time, she doesn't even hear a word I say.
I must have sighed again, for Mitsui is suddenly looking at me with concern on his face.
"Hey, Rukawa? I know we're not close or anything. I mean, we're not even friends. But still, if anything's troubling you..."
"I'm fine," I reply curtly.
His mouth falls open slightly. I don't know why they still continue to be taken aback by my rudeness. I thought it's what everyone expects of me, what with my arrogant attitude and my one-liners and all.
"Okay, fine. Be like that."
Great. Now Mitsui's pissed. How many people do I have to hurt or piss off in less than a week? First it was my mother. Then Kogure. Now Mitsui. And I haven't even counted the girls I snap at in school.
Mitsui should just go back to talking about girls and basketball, because the silence is seriously unnerving. And a quiet Mitsui is way out of character. I'd trade his annoying yakking for this uncomfortable silence any day.
Dammit, I can't take it anymore. We still have a long way to go before we reach my house. He has to say something.
"So how did the girl take it?"
Mitsui is surprised. That much is obvious from the look on his face. He's probably shocked, even. Well, whatever. Nobody can ever accuse me of being cliché.
"Um, not well," he answers uncertainly. "In fact, she yelled at me and called me, and I quote, 'a dirty, disgusting, hentai scumbag who doesn't deserve to live'. Although I don't know why she thinks I'm perverted. I never did anything to her. You know, that way."
I nod. Well. The silence is filled, at least. Mitsui takes my complete sentence as a sign that I'm listening and is chattering away again. I feel almost bad about tuning him out. Almost, but not quite.
For some reason I'm feeling pretty lousy. I've been feeling like that the whole day, but dinner somewhat perked me up. Now that it's just me and Mitsui and his basketball/girls talk, not to mention we're slowly approaching home, I'm thinking about my mother yet again. Argh. I wish I could take my words back. I wish I'd left her a note to say I'm sorry before I left for school today.
I wish Dad -
No Kaede, don't go there. You don't want to go there. You don't want to think about that bastard. You don't want to take it out on Mitsui by clobbing him to death. Mitsui is innocent, and for some reason that I don't want to think about, he's being nice to you. He doesn't deserve it.
"...trust no one."
Mitsui's words catch my attention. I stop walking.
"What did you say?"
"Just that, you know, sometimes it's easier to trust no one to prevent yourself from getting hurt."
I stop breathing for a couple of seconds as I let the truth of his words sink into my head. Has Mitsui gone through something horrible? Is that why he feels the way that I do about trust and hurt? What was he talking about before?
"But then," he goes on. "It's terribly lonely when it's just you against the world."
Okay. This is getting weird. I'm on the verge of flinging myself into his arms and spilling my guts to him. All because of a few words he'd uttered that rang true to me.
Rukawa Kaede, a reality check here. Trust no one. Didn't Mitsui just say that? What makes Mitsui any different from the people who have hurt you your whole life? Just because he happened to say a few profound words, doesn't mean anything has changed.
He was right. He and I are not friends. We're just team-mates. Nothing more.
Rukawa Kaede doesn't make friends.
Rukawa Kaede doesn't need anyone. All he needs is basketball.
*****
I push open the door to my mother's bedroom quietly, taking extra care not to wake her. But a slight stirring on her bed tells me that she's awake.
"Kaede?" she slurs sleepily. "Is that you?"
The stench of alcohol drifts towards me and invades my nose. I stifle a sneeze.
"Yeah."
I will myself not to turn around and bolt out of the room. I will myself to walk towards her. I take a deep breath to calm my racing heart. This could be the most difficult thing I'd ever have to do in quite a while.
"Mom," I say softly. I sit down tentatively on her bed, next to her feet. Her face is hidden in the darkness.
She doesn't answer me and I can't see her face. Just as well.
"Um," I begin. I rack my brains for the right words, for words that I feel comfortable uttering. God, why do I have to do this? Why am I not the cold and unfeeling bastard everyone in school thinks I am? This is so, so difficult.
"I'm sorry," I blurt finally. "For what I said yesterday. Sorry."
She sits up slowly, and her face emerges from the darkness. That's when I realise that she's actually sober tonight.
She manages a wan smile. "It's all
right, Kaede. It's all right."
*****
Sorry to disappoint, but I didn't throw myself into her arms and cry my heart out on her shoulder. I'm not cliché, remember? I simply nodded and walked out of the room. I think my mother understood though. I think she'd been waiting for that apology the entire day and accepted it the minute I walked into the room.
Finally, the weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I begin to feel better about myself. Maybe I'll go to the court near my house tomorrow to shoot some hoops after work. Maybe I'll even cook dinner.
Well, maybe not, considering I can't cook. I tried once. All I succeeded in doing was setting fire to the meat I attempted to fry after forgetting to pour vegetable oil into the pan.
It doesn't matter, though. All that
matters is that my mother and I are okay again.
A/N: What a stupid, sappy way to end this chapter and the 'mother is mad at me boo hoo' thing. But I can't keep giving Kaede-kun sob stories, can I? It's too cruel. He deserves some peace and happiness from time to time.
I'll explain his source of income and his extensive knowledge of Physics and Mathematics really, really soon. I was going to do his income in this chapter but the dinner thing was just so fun to write about, especially because Mitsui made an appearance and I love writing about my handsome, dashing Hisashi-kun. :) I did type something about Rukawa's ex but I decided it was too corny so I deleted it. Me being me, I saved it somewhere in case I want it in the future.
So why am I telling you all this? I have no idea. Hmm.
unchained: Thanks for the feedback! Really, you found the earlier chapters hilarious? haha, thanks. I'm racking my brains to come up with something funny for the next chapter, but because I don't really do humour very well, I'm having a dang hard time. I'll keep trying though. Thanks for the continous support. :)
tensaispira: Haha I don't speak French. I got the 'quel est le point' thing from the translator at google.com. Haha!
fourteen: He doesn't pay attention to class. You'll know the answer soon. Actually I'm glad you asked the question. I was wondering if I should explain. Now I know I have to.
sLL: Karma is like...what goes around, comes around. Like if you do something good, something good will happen to you and vice versa. At least, that's what I think it is. Wow your IQ score was 148? Damn, you're the tensai!
Jo: Thanks.
jashuang: Suntec City where? And what laser show? How come I know nothing about a laser show? I really need to get out more...
Devoted2Mitsui: I LOVE Mitsui! I love him love him love him LOVE HIM! I LOVE HIM! I am part of the Mitsui brigade and I'm not ashamed! Um, yes, anyway. I agree with your analysis of Rukawa's background. He's kind of an intriguing character, isn't he? But I love Mitsui. I love him! Hehe um, anyway...
Everyone else: Sorry about this. I don't know what to say anymore. Yeah. And it's getting late too. Thanks again for all the reviews. Please come back to read! Although I'd keep posting even if no one's reading 'cause I love writing from Kaede's twisted POV. He's cool. Literally and otherwise.
-Yelen (missy_hissy14@winningteam.com)
[By the way: 'gorgeousness' is not a word. Don't learn from Miyagi.]
[...Okay, so I made a mistake. So what.]
