[u]Part 45[/u]
Liz's eyes were filling with tears. She didn't know what to do. Her first instinct was to run into her beloved grandmother's arms and, yet, she hesitated. She couldn't really believe that it was Grandma Claudia. How could it be? It was impossible. Absolutely none of this made sense with what they knew about life and death. Her grandmother had died almost three years ago. It [I]couldn't[/I] be her. Not to mention the fact that only moments before the figure standing before her had been an old man named Lucianus. How could she be sure that this was her grandmother and not the old sage who, Liz had to agree with Michael on this one, popped up only when it seemed to best suit him.
"Liz, you're making this too complicated." She met her grandmother's gaze as the older woman spoke, an affectionate smile on her face. "You've always followed your heart before Honeybear. What is so different this time?"
"You're dead," Liz replied, her voice breaking a little. She knew Max had moved close behind her, but he wasn't interfering, was waiting to see what she would do on her own, was simply there to lend his quiet strength.
"Death is merely another plain sweetheart," Grandma Claudia replied gently. "We all come through here on our way there. I've just been allowed a few moments with you in the one place we can both go."
Liz stared at her, hard. When she finally looked into the woman's soft blue eyes again, she knew that this was really her grandmother. Her heart told her so and when had her heart ever been wrong? She flew into her arms. "Grandma! I'm so glad to see you!"
She felt her grandmother's hands run gently down the back of her head, bringing soothing love, as they always had before. Liz had forgotten what it was like to be enveloped in unconditional love like this. It was different from how she felt with Max. He was everything to her and, yet, this was no less necessary. She would never have it again either.
Her mother and father were dead. For the first time the truth of what this meant hit her full-force, bringing her to her knees. She heard Max say her name urgently, but Grandma Claudia said, "It's all right. I have her."
Her grandmother went down with her, rocking her and crooning, "You're not alone baby. You'll never be alone. You have a new family now. Jeff and Nancy will always be a part of you, but they are happy and together."
Liz pulled back, stared into her grandmother's face through blurry eyes. "They died because of me. He wanted me and he killed them to hide it."
"It is in no way your fault Honeybear. He is an evil being, one who will pay for his crimes." Grandma Claudia's expression was set. She pushed Liz's hair back over her shoulders, cupping her face with her hands. "Grieve for your parents, but don't let him make you feel guilty. It is what he does best. He plays on emotions, weakening us until we can no longer willfully resist him."
The bitterness in her grandmother's voice cut Liz to the quick. "I'm sorry you were disappointed by him Grandma." She lowered her voice. "When I read your journal, I pictured you and Laren like me and Max. I can't imagine what it must have felt like to know that he wasn't anything like what you thought he was."
"No," Grandma Claudia acknowledged. "He wasn't." She smiled slightly, all hints of anger gone. "I am not upset about that though Lizzie. Once I fell in love with your grandfather, I knew that whatever it was that I thought I felt for Laren was little more than what he wanted me to feel. I found true love in the end. Whatever he did to me, whatever lies he told me, none of it matters because he wasn't the one anyway. In the end, my [I]real[/I] mission to Earth was to understand what love really is. It is sacrifice and understanding, the two things Bill gave me and Laren never did." She pulled Liz tightly against her, stroking her hair lovingly. "You are much stronger than I ever was Little One. You picked wisely the first time and it has taken you far less time to learn this truth."
Liz smiled through her tears. She could feel Max hovering anxiously, even though she couldn't see him because he stood behind her. She knew that he couldn't really hear what they were saying, as he was maintaining enough of a distance to give them a modicum of privacy. Liz pulled back again, turned her head to regard him, hoping that he could see all the love she felt for him on her face. "I wish I could take the credit," she answered wryly. "But, I have to admit, nothing might ever have come of it if Max hadn't saved me that day."
"Max was drawn to you because of who you are, because of your capability to love," Claudia replied firmly. "You are all that is best and brightest in the human race, just as he was all that is best and brightest on Illyria when he lived there. You were made for each other, destined to find each other. He did not love in his last lifetime because he was waiting for you. It would have happened eventually. Soulmates cannot deny what they are to each other, no matter the obstacles. And that is what you are - mates of the soul because you understand each other. He is the gift I gave to you when I bonded you that night in the hospital, but you did not really need my sanctification of your connection. You found each other without any help from me."
Liz blinked. "You did bond us then? That's when it happened?"
Claudia nodded. "I was aware of you the whole time that you sat with me Honeybear. When Max came to let you speak with me once more, there was a point when you held my hands at the same time. The last of my strength went into bonding you with the Illyrian blessing. It was really unnecessary, but it was also one last gift I wanted you to have. When you marry Max some day, there will be no power on Earth that will be able to part you. And the bonding I provided means the same on Illyria. You are his. He is yours. But, in the end, any ceremony or blessing you experience is only tradition. You make the choice to be together or not. And because you have made that choice, it was always meant to be. Destiny is exactly what you make of it."
Liz tilted her head, pondered this. "But why us? Why were we given this gift?" She really didn't understand. What made them so special? How had they been so lucky as to find each other?
"Not everyone is strong enough to endure what you have to be together Honeybear," Grandma Claudia explained. "You draw on each other's strength, but you are also both strong enough to survive alone. You complete each other, but you are also two distinct people with your own hopes and dreams. There are very few who would be capable of sharing a love like yours, but who would also be willing to let it go if it was what was best for the other. Your children will be the beginning of a new world for both Illyria and Earth - the start of a new peace for both worlds. You have chosen this path - a difficult path. For true love is never easy, particularly at the depth with which you feel it for Max. The more we love the more we stand to lose. But because you are brave enough to risk your heart, you reap the reward. You are both destined for great things."
Liz was dumbfounded. She didn't quite know what to make of what her grandmother was telling her. She understood the parts about love not being easy and about them having chosen each other, but the other stuff - about their children and the new peace for both worlds - what did it all mean? Were they no closer to peace now? Because Grandma Claudia's words seemed to indicate many more years of hard work ahead of them. "I don't understand," she finally admitted. "I thought we were going to be able to put all of this behind us."
"Life goes on Lizzie and it comes with a price. It is a journey with bumpy spots. Do you think that "Happily Ever After" means that nothing bad or hard or sad is going to happen again?"
"No." Liz trailed off uncertainly.
"Although I have already said too much, let me ask you one question," Grandma Claudia said. "Would you go back? If you knew that you could go back to before Max healed you, that none of the difficulties you have been through would have happened, would you do it?"
"Of course not!" Liz exclaimed. The thought of her world without Max in it.It was too horrifying to even contemplate.
"Let me amend that." Grandma Claudia sounded amused, as though she understood exactly what Liz was thinking. "I told you before that I believe that you and Max would have found your way to each other eventually anyway. Take Max out of the equation Honeybear. If you could go back, would you?"
Liz thought about it for a long moment. There had been incredible heartache over the past three years. And, yet, somehow, she knew that she wouldn't go back. The truth was that the bad times only made the good times shine more brightly. Because of all they had been through, they all knew how to live each moment to the fullest. That was a lesson very few people ever learned their whole life through. That she and her friends had all learned it so young.Well, it could only be seen as a blessing. "I wouldn't change it," Liz finally admitted, feeling slightly guilty, particularly at the thought of her poor parents. But now that she knew that they were in a better place, that they still existed somewhere, even that didn't seem quite as hard to bear.
"I simply want to prepare you for what is to come my sweet Liz. It is why I left you my journal in the first place. Simply know that you and Max will find happiness and that you deserve it. Grieve for what has been lost, but not too long." Liz stared at her, wondered if her grandmother had been reading her mind. "Life is for living. Don't let all that has come before have been in vain. You are right not to want to wish it away because we must learn to accept what is and try and make the best of it."
Liz frowned. "Can't you tell me any more than that? Will it get [I]really[/I] bad again?"
Grandma Claudia looked her in the eye and raised an eyebrow. "Lizzie, do you really want to know? Isn't it easier to watch it unfold? Hope is what keeps us moving forward, is the true companion of love. If we know how it will all turn out, what is the point of hope?"
Liz saw the twinkle in the blue eyes she knew and loved so well. She smiled, then shook her head. "I guess I don't really want to know." And she realized that she didn't. It was really best to go into the future without any idea of what was in store. She didn't know if they would have survived the last three years had they known what was coming. But when they found themselves in the thick of it, they had come through the fire just fine because of the love that bonded them all and the hope the sprang from their trust in one another.
They didn't need to know. All she needed to remember was to live for the present. It was the greatest lesson she had learned through all of this.
Liz sat back on her heels, sighing. She held her grandmother's hand, squeezing. "This is really good-bye this time, isn't it?"
"No Honeybear. We won't be able to meet like this again," Claudia admitted, "But we must learn to never say good-bye. Because as long as you remember me, we will never truly be parted."
"But we will see each other again?"
"Someday." Claudia leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Liz's forehead. "But, God willing, not for a long, long while. You have many years of happiness in front of you." She pulled back, glancing over Liz's shoulder at Max and the others. "You will never be alone," Claudia repeated, sounding a little bit like she wanted to reassure herself as well.
And, with those last words, she was gone.
Liz stayed where she was, on her knees, slightly apart from the rest of the group for several long moments. She could hear them all starting to talk quietly amongst themselves, knew that they were concerned about her, but she was still going over what her grandmother had told her. It was all so confusing and, yet, the main message had been crystal clear.
Love was the only thing in the universe that really mattered. It was what bound them all together and it was the lack of it, or the lack of understanding of its power anyway, that had turned Nasedo and Milena into the criminals they had become. They both only understood a self- gratifying, selfish version of love. Nasedo's belief that he was in love with Liz, which was really only a way to get back at Max, and Milena's obsession with her youngest son, showed this. Because both those loves were really about Nasedo and Milena themselves, not the people they professed to care about.
She felt sad for them both. In the end, unless this somehow changed, there was no hope for either of them.
"Liz?" Max's voice was soft as he came and knelt beside her. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," Liz replied. She leaned into him when his arm came up to comfort her. "I'm sorry. I should have introduced you to her."
"No," Max said firmly. "That was your moment."
"I guess," Liz sighed. "I wish we didn't have to miss people." She felt bad saying it out loud, particularly as her grandmother had made it clear that they would see each other again someday. But she still felt it. It was a consequence of loving too though. She wouldn't trade the missing for the feeling of loving someone like she had loved her grandmother.
She also knew that there was a way to make sure that she always felt close to those she had lost, to her grandmother and her parents. Because, in her heart, she knew that remembering wasn't enough. She wanted her love for them to be reflected in something concrete and permanent.
She turned, looked at Max. "I want to go home Max."
"Okay," Max nodded, climbing to his feet and pulling her after him. "Let's get this show on the road then. Lucianus brought us here to figure out our next move, so let's do it."
He started to pull her back towards the others, but she resisted. When Max turned to look at her in surprise, she grimaced. "I don't think you get it Max. I mean I [I]really[/I] want to go home. Back to Roswell."
Max stared at her. When he finally spoke, it was gently, as though to remind her yet again that things could never be simple. "But you're dead to them there Liz."
"I know that!" Liz said. "But [I]you[/I] were dead too." When he continued to look at her, his bewilderment clear, she finally understood. "Max, you know that wherever you are is my [I]real[/I] home," she told him quietly. "I don't [I]have[/I] to go back to Roswell. But I [I]want[/I] to. I want to figure out a way to do it. It's where we belong."
"But it will be easier to use the portal if we stay in England Liz," Max reminded her. "Once Jenny and Ren are on the throne, we'll want to visit often, make sure that things are okay."
"And we can," Liz replied. "I mean, couldn't we build some sort of gate in New Mexico? The technology has to be out there somewhere. Probably in that library. Both the Rings we know of were built. We can do it."
"You want to build a Ring in the middle of the desert," Max repeated, sounding incredulous, and, yet, if Liz was not mistaken, admiring. "You are crazy." He was shaking his head, but pulled her towards him and kissed her. "Completely nuts."
"Probably," Liz agreed.
"But it's worth a try," Max whispered against her ear. "I'll do anything to make you happy."
"It's okay if Liz [I]is[/I] crazy, you know." Kyle's voice made them both turn their heads. Liz realized that that others had come to join them because it had likely seemed like they were nowhere near to coming to them. "According to Milena, Max is loony-tunes too. You can just be a pair of nut-cases together."
"What?" Max asked, sounding a little uncertain if this was just one of Kyle's stupid jokes or if he was serious. Liz narrowed her eyes, ready to belt Kyle if he was kidding around.
"Didn't she tell us that Tess?" Kyle insisted. "When she escaped from her cell in the Citadel. She told us that Max is completely obsessed with Liz and he's crazy because of it." The wicked grin that crossed his face made Liz understand that he was indeed kidding - probably not about Milena having said it, but about it being true. "I, of course, told her that it sounded about right to me."
"Kyle!" Tess exclaimed, elbowing him in the ribs. " The look on Liz's face does not bode well for the likelihood of you being able to father children. And since I want kids, you had better shut up."
"Yes dear."
"So what was that all about?" Michael demanded impatiently. Liz could see that he was eyeing Kyle suspiciously, obviously incredulous that Kyle seemed to think this was a good time to joke. She smiled slightly. The more things changed, the more they stayed the same. "Did she give you any ideas about how to take out Nasedo?"
"Not really," Liz admitted. "It was more about Max and me." She felt Max's eyes on her questioningly. Everyone else seemed interested too, but she quickly added. "It's private."
"Whatever then," Michael said dismissively. Liz felt a flash of annoyance, but suppressed it, knowing that, in some ways, Michael would never change. The thought made her smile, which seemed to unsettle Michael momentarily. "What?"
"Nothing," Liz replied. "Go on."
"Lucianus seemed to be implying that we don't have much of a say in what happens to Milena, that she'll take care of herself in some way. Which leaves the Nasedo problem. The way I see it, the only way to make sure he's taken care of once and for all is to kill him," Michael stated flatly. "He has to die. I won't let him live and threaten my daughter any longer. Jennetta will never be safe as long as he still exists.
Liz felt her heart begin to beat at a steady pace, her dread of this having borne fruit. She hadn't expected anyone to say it so quickly or so bluntly, particularly Michael, whom she knew had developed a healthy hatred for even contemplating taking another being's life after what he had gone through after he had killed Pierce.
She also knew that he was only saying what they were all thinking.
The major problem? None of them were killers. And, as just as it might be, killing Nasedo would be difficult for any of them to handle.
"I'll do it," Max said grimly. "I intended to do it anyway. Just on Illyria, not on Earth."
Liz reached out and took his hand, could hear the determination in his voice, but also the fear and doubt. He was eighteen years old, a supposed king, but in many ways, still just a boy. Was this what her grandmother had meant by saying that happily ever after didn't come without a price?
"You're not doing it alone Max," Isabel spoke up from where she stood next to Alex. "We all need to play a role in this. He killed us all. He needs to pay for that, if nothing else."
Liz felt the jolt that ran through Max, reflecting that he felt her own surprise at Isabel's comment. "What do you mean Iz?"
"The Crash was no accident," Alex said quietly. "He deliberately tried to kill you all while you were still in your pods. He was responsible for your deaths on Illyria and he tried to finish the job on Earth. He pretty much admitted it."
"Here's the thing though. He [I]didn't[/I] kill us this time though. And I don't think he's ever really wanted to either." They all turned to look at Isabel, Liz's surprise reflected on the faces of some of the others. "I remember some of what happened to us on Illyria," Isabel added, her voice cracking. "You saw it too Max, when I had that first nightmare, ages ago. Mother might have been responsible for pulling those memories out of me, but that doesn't make them any less true. He's a monster. We trusted him and he played on that trust to destroy us."
Liz shivered, remembering the nightmare to which Isabel was referring. It had indeed been awful. She had seen glimpses of it when she had kissed Max to comfort him at the time. But to know that it hadn't just been an awful dream, but a reality for the four people who had changed her life.It made her physically ill and only reinforced again how horrible Nasedo was.
"This time though, all he has done is mess with our minds. He developed a taste for it then and he's playing it out now. Why do you think he let Tess live when he found her in her pod all by herself?" Isabel continued. "It would have made more sense for him just to kill her." Liz's eyes widened and she glanced at Tess to see how she was taking this. She had moved closer to Kyle, but she didn't seem unduly upset. After all, Nasedo was no longer her family. Her family was here with her now. Liz tuned back into what Isabel was saying.
"But the main thing has always been that he enjoys the game more than the win. He could have won back then. He didn't [I]have[/I] to come for us. We had no idea who we were, likely never would have known. Liz's grandmother died before she could ever tell us. He wanted to use our lack of knowledge against us and he started that by lying to Tess. It's always been psychological warfare with him Max. First with Tess, then with making you pretend to hate us all, then by making you lose your memories, then by taking Jenny away from Michael and Maria. And he'll keep on doing it, right to the end. As prepared as we are, it's still going to be horrible. It was horrible last time and it will be horrible this time. Not one of us should have to handle it alone." Liz could hear the tears that threatened to erupt in her friend's voice. "I [I]won't[/I] let any of us handle it alone." Alex's arm was around her and Isabel turned her face into his neck, trying to regain her composure.
"I just wish there was another way," Tess finally said into the silence that had sprung up after Isabel's reminder of exactly what they were dealing with. "I mean, on Illyria, criminals of his magnitude are judged in the Ring. He really needs to be tried for his crimes, not executed summarily. It's not what we're about."
Liz felt her eyes widen at the calm way Tess voiced exactly what they were all thinking. For the first time she realized that her blonde friend had been through a transformation of her own on Illyria. She had matured and was more focused on exactly what was best for all of them, rather than what was best for her. Nasedo's influence had not been corrupting on the girl's true nature after all. There had been glimmerings of the real Tess all through Liz's relationship with her, even back when they had been romantic rivals, but it had become absolutely clear since they had all been through the Illyrian wringer. And it wasn't just Kyle who brought this out in her either. It was who she really was, was who she had been all along. It was only now that she felt comfortable enough with them all to show it.
Max sighed. "I agree Tess. But it's not like we can judge him on Earth, which is where this is all going to go down. That's where he is and there's no way I'm going to risk him escaping again by taking him back to Illyria to be dealt with."
"But couldn't we have him judged on Earth Max?" Liz asked tentatively, the kernel of an idea beginning to take seed in her mind. What Max had said about it not being possible to judge anyone on Earth.Why not? Why couldn't it happen? "I mean, isn't Stonehenge a Ring too? It's a portal gate, yes, but who's to say that it's not also an instrument of judgment? It looks exactly like the one on Illyria after all."
"Liz is right Max!" Isabel exclaimed, perking up. "It's the only thing that makes sense. It probably would be possible,"
"I don't know." Michael spoke up here. Liz saw the skeptical expression on her friend's face, felt her hopes fall again. "While I don't disagree with the idea in principal," he amended, apparently seeing the disappointment on Liz's face, "There are two problems I can already pick out. One, we don't have a judgment orb."
"Er, excuse me for disputing that General."
They all turned to look at Kyle, who was pulling one of the green orbs out of the pocket of his letterman's jacket. He grinned at Tess as he continued, "Decided to keep a souvenir of the day the universe decided to make you my steady girl."
Liz smiled at the succession of emotions that crossed Tess's face. At first she seemed dumbfounded, then touched and, finally, ecstatic. She threw her arms around Kyle, kissing him hard. "Who knew a jock could be such a romantic?" she crowed, still hugging him.
"It should still work," Kyle added, when Tess finally pulled away. "Nothing ever happened to us. I'm assuming they're reusable, but even if they're not, it didn't pulverize us, so it must still have some juice in it."
"Is it like a bomb?" Alex asked. "If the person is judged guilty, is that what happens? The orb blows up?"
"Who knows?" Michael shrugged. "None of us have ever been found guilty." His eyes were glinting with what Liz could only term subdued anticipation. "But this still doesn't resolve the second issue," he reminded them all. "There is no way that Nasedo is going to allow himself to be judged. He [I]knows[/I] that he'll be found guilty."
"But does he really?" Maria asked. It was the first time Liz's best friend had spoken in a while. She had been listening quietly, but now she sounded absolutely certain. "I don't think he does. He [I]really[/I] thinks he's in the right in all this guys. He may allow it, just to prove once and for all that he is the destined king of Illyria."
"He [I]did[/I] say he was the Chosen One," Alex agreed. "Both Isabel and I heard him say it. He's just arrogant and stupid enough to maybe agree to it to prove it to us all."
"Well, it's worth a try anyway," Max said. "But that doesn't mean we don't need a back-up plan." He looked around the circle of friends, his gaze resting last and longest on Liz. She frowned. She didn't like the expression on his face. Why did she have the feeling that the back-up plan wasn't going to make her very happy?
"And I'm assuming by the look on your face that you have one Maxwell." Michael's tone reflected that he was just as worried by Max's demeanor as she was. "This better not have anything to do with sacrificing yourself. Because we've done that before. It's never worked and it's [I]not[/I] happening again."
"I have no intention of sacrificing myself," Max replied firmly. "I think this is a good plan. I'm just not sure that it's going to work exactly how we hope. Nasedo has no honour. He doesn't need the Ring to prove anything to anyone. I believe that he [I]knows[/I] he's not the Chosen One and he's not going to risk the Ring proving it once and for all. Because I do think he fears the Ring. He believes in it's power and he tries to stay as far away from it as he can. Why else would he make sure to never use it when he opens other portals? He loses time every time he does that and, yet, he does it anyway."
"So what then?" Michael demanded. "If he's not going to allow himself to be judged, ever, this plan won't work. We're back to square one. We have to kill him ourselves."
"I never said he wasn't going to be judged," Max insisted. "I just want you all to know ahead of time, that he won't be the only one." He looked at Liz, his gaze loving. "I told you that it wasn't the right time before. I didn't really know why then, but I know now. We have to do it [I]now[/I] Liz. This is the only way. He won't let us get close enough otherwise."
She felt her heart start to beat more quickly. Her eyes widened as what he was saying began to make sense. "We're going to be judged too," she whispered.
"We are," Max agreed, taking her hand and pulling her against his chest. "And then we're going to end this once and for all."
To be continued.
Liz's eyes were filling with tears. She didn't know what to do. Her first instinct was to run into her beloved grandmother's arms and, yet, she hesitated. She couldn't really believe that it was Grandma Claudia. How could it be? It was impossible. Absolutely none of this made sense with what they knew about life and death. Her grandmother had died almost three years ago. It [I]couldn't[/I] be her. Not to mention the fact that only moments before the figure standing before her had been an old man named Lucianus. How could she be sure that this was her grandmother and not the old sage who, Liz had to agree with Michael on this one, popped up only when it seemed to best suit him.
"Liz, you're making this too complicated." She met her grandmother's gaze as the older woman spoke, an affectionate smile on her face. "You've always followed your heart before Honeybear. What is so different this time?"
"You're dead," Liz replied, her voice breaking a little. She knew Max had moved close behind her, but he wasn't interfering, was waiting to see what she would do on her own, was simply there to lend his quiet strength.
"Death is merely another plain sweetheart," Grandma Claudia replied gently. "We all come through here on our way there. I've just been allowed a few moments with you in the one place we can both go."
Liz stared at her, hard. When she finally looked into the woman's soft blue eyes again, she knew that this was really her grandmother. Her heart told her so and when had her heart ever been wrong? She flew into her arms. "Grandma! I'm so glad to see you!"
She felt her grandmother's hands run gently down the back of her head, bringing soothing love, as they always had before. Liz had forgotten what it was like to be enveloped in unconditional love like this. It was different from how she felt with Max. He was everything to her and, yet, this was no less necessary. She would never have it again either.
Her mother and father were dead. For the first time the truth of what this meant hit her full-force, bringing her to her knees. She heard Max say her name urgently, but Grandma Claudia said, "It's all right. I have her."
Her grandmother went down with her, rocking her and crooning, "You're not alone baby. You'll never be alone. You have a new family now. Jeff and Nancy will always be a part of you, but they are happy and together."
Liz pulled back, stared into her grandmother's face through blurry eyes. "They died because of me. He wanted me and he killed them to hide it."
"It is in no way your fault Honeybear. He is an evil being, one who will pay for his crimes." Grandma Claudia's expression was set. She pushed Liz's hair back over her shoulders, cupping her face with her hands. "Grieve for your parents, but don't let him make you feel guilty. It is what he does best. He plays on emotions, weakening us until we can no longer willfully resist him."
The bitterness in her grandmother's voice cut Liz to the quick. "I'm sorry you were disappointed by him Grandma." She lowered her voice. "When I read your journal, I pictured you and Laren like me and Max. I can't imagine what it must have felt like to know that he wasn't anything like what you thought he was."
"No," Grandma Claudia acknowledged. "He wasn't." She smiled slightly, all hints of anger gone. "I am not upset about that though Lizzie. Once I fell in love with your grandfather, I knew that whatever it was that I thought I felt for Laren was little more than what he wanted me to feel. I found true love in the end. Whatever he did to me, whatever lies he told me, none of it matters because he wasn't the one anyway. In the end, my [I]real[/I] mission to Earth was to understand what love really is. It is sacrifice and understanding, the two things Bill gave me and Laren never did." She pulled Liz tightly against her, stroking her hair lovingly. "You are much stronger than I ever was Little One. You picked wisely the first time and it has taken you far less time to learn this truth."
Liz smiled through her tears. She could feel Max hovering anxiously, even though she couldn't see him because he stood behind her. She knew that he couldn't really hear what they were saying, as he was maintaining enough of a distance to give them a modicum of privacy. Liz pulled back again, turned her head to regard him, hoping that he could see all the love she felt for him on her face. "I wish I could take the credit," she answered wryly. "But, I have to admit, nothing might ever have come of it if Max hadn't saved me that day."
"Max was drawn to you because of who you are, because of your capability to love," Claudia replied firmly. "You are all that is best and brightest in the human race, just as he was all that is best and brightest on Illyria when he lived there. You were made for each other, destined to find each other. He did not love in his last lifetime because he was waiting for you. It would have happened eventually. Soulmates cannot deny what they are to each other, no matter the obstacles. And that is what you are - mates of the soul because you understand each other. He is the gift I gave to you when I bonded you that night in the hospital, but you did not really need my sanctification of your connection. You found each other without any help from me."
Liz blinked. "You did bond us then? That's when it happened?"
Claudia nodded. "I was aware of you the whole time that you sat with me Honeybear. When Max came to let you speak with me once more, there was a point when you held my hands at the same time. The last of my strength went into bonding you with the Illyrian blessing. It was really unnecessary, but it was also one last gift I wanted you to have. When you marry Max some day, there will be no power on Earth that will be able to part you. And the bonding I provided means the same on Illyria. You are his. He is yours. But, in the end, any ceremony or blessing you experience is only tradition. You make the choice to be together or not. And because you have made that choice, it was always meant to be. Destiny is exactly what you make of it."
Liz tilted her head, pondered this. "But why us? Why were we given this gift?" She really didn't understand. What made them so special? How had they been so lucky as to find each other?
"Not everyone is strong enough to endure what you have to be together Honeybear," Grandma Claudia explained. "You draw on each other's strength, but you are also both strong enough to survive alone. You complete each other, but you are also two distinct people with your own hopes and dreams. There are very few who would be capable of sharing a love like yours, but who would also be willing to let it go if it was what was best for the other. Your children will be the beginning of a new world for both Illyria and Earth - the start of a new peace for both worlds. You have chosen this path - a difficult path. For true love is never easy, particularly at the depth with which you feel it for Max. The more we love the more we stand to lose. But because you are brave enough to risk your heart, you reap the reward. You are both destined for great things."
Liz was dumbfounded. She didn't quite know what to make of what her grandmother was telling her. She understood the parts about love not being easy and about them having chosen each other, but the other stuff - about their children and the new peace for both worlds - what did it all mean? Were they no closer to peace now? Because Grandma Claudia's words seemed to indicate many more years of hard work ahead of them. "I don't understand," she finally admitted. "I thought we were going to be able to put all of this behind us."
"Life goes on Lizzie and it comes with a price. It is a journey with bumpy spots. Do you think that "Happily Ever After" means that nothing bad or hard or sad is going to happen again?"
"No." Liz trailed off uncertainly.
"Although I have already said too much, let me ask you one question," Grandma Claudia said. "Would you go back? If you knew that you could go back to before Max healed you, that none of the difficulties you have been through would have happened, would you do it?"
"Of course not!" Liz exclaimed. The thought of her world without Max in it.It was too horrifying to even contemplate.
"Let me amend that." Grandma Claudia sounded amused, as though she understood exactly what Liz was thinking. "I told you before that I believe that you and Max would have found your way to each other eventually anyway. Take Max out of the equation Honeybear. If you could go back, would you?"
Liz thought about it for a long moment. There had been incredible heartache over the past three years. And, yet, somehow, she knew that she wouldn't go back. The truth was that the bad times only made the good times shine more brightly. Because of all they had been through, they all knew how to live each moment to the fullest. That was a lesson very few people ever learned their whole life through. That she and her friends had all learned it so young.Well, it could only be seen as a blessing. "I wouldn't change it," Liz finally admitted, feeling slightly guilty, particularly at the thought of her poor parents. But now that she knew that they were in a better place, that they still existed somewhere, even that didn't seem quite as hard to bear.
"I simply want to prepare you for what is to come my sweet Liz. It is why I left you my journal in the first place. Simply know that you and Max will find happiness and that you deserve it. Grieve for what has been lost, but not too long." Liz stared at her, wondered if her grandmother had been reading her mind. "Life is for living. Don't let all that has come before have been in vain. You are right not to want to wish it away because we must learn to accept what is and try and make the best of it."
Liz frowned. "Can't you tell me any more than that? Will it get [I]really[/I] bad again?"
Grandma Claudia looked her in the eye and raised an eyebrow. "Lizzie, do you really want to know? Isn't it easier to watch it unfold? Hope is what keeps us moving forward, is the true companion of love. If we know how it will all turn out, what is the point of hope?"
Liz saw the twinkle in the blue eyes she knew and loved so well. She smiled, then shook her head. "I guess I don't really want to know." And she realized that she didn't. It was really best to go into the future without any idea of what was in store. She didn't know if they would have survived the last three years had they known what was coming. But when they found themselves in the thick of it, they had come through the fire just fine because of the love that bonded them all and the hope the sprang from their trust in one another.
They didn't need to know. All she needed to remember was to live for the present. It was the greatest lesson she had learned through all of this.
Liz sat back on her heels, sighing. She held her grandmother's hand, squeezing. "This is really good-bye this time, isn't it?"
"No Honeybear. We won't be able to meet like this again," Claudia admitted, "But we must learn to never say good-bye. Because as long as you remember me, we will never truly be parted."
"But we will see each other again?"
"Someday." Claudia leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Liz's forehead. "But, God willing, not for a long, long while. You have many years of happiness in front of you." She pulled back, glancing over Liz's shoulder at Max and the others. "You will never be alone," Claudia repeated, sounding a little bit like she wanted to reassure herself as well.
And, with those last words, she was gone.
Liz stayed where she was, on her knees, slightly apart from the rest of the group for several long moments. She could hear them all starting to talk quietly amongst themselves, knew that they were concerned about her, but she was still going over what her grandmother had told her. It was all so confusing and, yet, the main message had been crystal clear.
Love was the only thing in the universe that really mattered. It was what bound them all together and it was the lack of it, or the lack of understanding of its power anyway, that had turned Nasedo and Milena into the criminals they had become. They both only understood a self- gratifying, selfish version of love. Nasedo's belief that he was in love with Liz, which was really only a way to get back at Max, and Milena's obsession with her youngest son, showed this. Because both those loves were really about Nasedo and Milena themselves, not the people they professed to care about.
She felt sad for them both. In the end, unless this somehow changed, there was no hope for either of them.
"Liz?" Max's voice was soft as he came and knelt beside her. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," Liz replied. She leaned into him when his arm came up to comfort her. "I'm sorry. I should have introduced you to her."
"No," Max said firmly. "That was your moment."
"I guess," Liz sighed. "I wish we didn't have to miss people." She felt bad saying it out loud, particularly as her grandmother had made it clear that they would see each other again someday. But she still felt it. It was a consequence of loving too though. She wouldn't trade the missing for the feeling of loving someone like she had loved her grandmother.
She also knew that there was a way to make sure that she always felt close to those she had lost, to her grandmother and her parents. Because, in her heart, she knew that remembering wasn't enough. She wanted her love for them to be reflected in something concrete and permanent.
She turned, looked at Max. "I want to go home Max."
"Okay," Max nodded, climbing to his feet and pulling her after him. "Let's get this show on the road then. Lucianus brought us here to figure out our next move, so let's do it."
He started to pull her back towards the others, but she resisted. When Max turned to look at her in surprise, she grimaced. "I don't think you get it Max. I mean I [I]really[/I] want to go home. Back to Roswell."
Max stared at her. When he finally spoke, it was gently, as though to remind her yet again that things could never be simple. "But you're dead to them there Liz."
"I know that!" Liz said. "But [I]you[/I] were dead too." When he continued to look at her, his bewilderment clear, she finally understood. "Max, you know that wherever you are is my [I]real[/I] home," she told him quietly. "I don't [I]have[/I] to go back to Roswell. But I [I]want[/I] to. I want to figure out a way to do it. It's where we belong."
"But it will be easier to use the portal if we stay in England Liz," Max reminded her. "Once Jenny and Ren are on the throne, we'll want to visit often, make sure that things are okay."
"And we can," Liz replied. "I mean, couldn't we build some sort of gate in New Mexico? The technology has to be out there somewhere. Probably in that library. Both the Rings we know of were built. We can do it."
"You want to build a Ring in the middle of the desert," Max repeated, sounding incredulous, and, yet, if Liz was not mistaken, admiring. "You are crazy." He was shaking his head, but pulled her towards him and kissed her. "Completely nuts."
"Probably," Liz agreed.
"But it's worth a try," Max whispered against her ear. "I'll do anything to make you happy."
"It's okay if Liz [I]is[/I] crazy, you know." Kyle's voice made them both turn their heads. Liz realized that that others had come to join them because it had likely seemed like they were nowhere near to coming to them. "According to Milena, Max is loony-tunes too. You can just be a pair of nut-cases together."
"What?" Max asked, sounding a little uncertain if this was just one of Kyle's stupid jokes or if he was serious. Liz narrowed her eyes, ready to belt Kyle if he was kidding around.
"Didn't she tell us that Tess?" Kyle insisted. "When she escaped from her cell in the Citadel. She told us that Max is completely obsessed with Liz and he's crazy because of it." The wicked grin that crossed his face made Liz understand that he was indeed kidding - probably not about Milena having said it, but about it being true. "I, of course, told her that it sounded about right to me."
"Kyle!" Tess exclaimed, elbowing him in the ribs. " The look on Liz's face does not bode well for the likelihood of you being able to father children. And since I want kids, you had better shut up."
"Yes dear."
"So what was that all about?" Michael demanded impatiently. Liz could see that he was eyeing Kyle suspiciously, obviously incredulous that Kyle seemed to think this was a good time to joke. She smiled slightly. The more things changed, the more they stayed the same. "Did she give you any ideas about how to take out Nasedo?"
"Not really," Liz admitted. "It was more about Max and me." She felt Max's eyes on her questioningly. Everyone else seemed interested too, but she quickly added. "It's private."
"Whatever then," Michael said dismissively. Liz felt a flash of annoyance, but suppressed it, knowing that, in some ways, Michael would never change. The thought made her smile, which seemed to unsettle Michael momentarily. "What?"
"Nothing," Liz replied. "Go on."
"Lucianus seemed to be implying that we don't have much of a say in what happens to Milena, that she'll take care of herself in some way. Which leaves the Nasedo problem. The way I see it, the only way to make sure he's taken care of once and for all is to kill him," Michael stated flatly. "He has to die. I won't let him live and threaten my daughter any longer. Jennetta will never be safe as long as he still exists.
Liz felt her heart begin to beat at a steady pace, her dread of this having borne fruit. She hadn't expected anyone to say it so quickly or so bluntly, particularly Michael, whom she knew had developed a healthy hatred for even contemplating taking another being's life after what he had gone through after he had killed Pierce.
She also knew that he was only saying what they were all thinking.
The major problem? None of them were killers. And, as just as it might be, killing Nasedo would be difficult for any of them to handle.
"I'll do it," Max said grimly. "I intended to do it anyway. Just on Illyria, not on Earth."
Liz reached out and took his hand, could hear the determination in his voice, but also the fear and doubt. He was eighteen years old, a supposed king, but in many ways, still just a boy. Was this what her grandmother had meant by saying that happily ever after didn't come without a price?
"You're not doing it alone Max," Isabel spoke up from where she stood next to Alex. "We all need to play a role in this. He killed us all. He needs to pay for that, if nothing else."
Liz felt the jolt that ran through Max, reflecting that he felt her own surprise at Isabel's comment. "What do you mean Iz?"
"The Crash was no accident," Alex said quietly. "He deliberately tried to kill you all while you were still in your pods. He was responsible for your deaths on Illyria and he tried to finish the job on Earth. He pretty much admitted it."
"Here's the thing though. He [I]didn't[/I] kill us this time though. And I don't think he's ever really wanted to either." They all turned to look at Isabel, Liz's surprise reflected on the faces of some of the others. "I remember some of what happened to us on Illyria," Isabel added, her voice cracking. "You saw it too Max, when I had that first nightmare, ages ago. Mother might have been responsible for pulling those memories out of me, but that doesn't make them any less true. He's a monster. We trusted him and he played on that trust to destroy us."
Liz shivered, remembering the nightmare to which Isabel was referring. It had indeed been awful. She had seen glimpses of it when she had kissed Max to comfort him at the time. But to know that it hadn't just been an awful dream, but a reality for the four people who had changed her life.It made her physically ill and only reinforced again how horrible Nasedo was.
"This time though, all he has done is mess with our minds. He developed a taste for it then and he's playing it out now. Why do you think he let Tess live when he found her in her pod all by herself?" Isabel continued. "It would have made more sense for him just to kill her." Liz's eyes widened and she glanced at Tess to see how she was taking this. She had moved closer to Kyle, but she didn't seem unduly upset. After all, Nasedo was no longer her family. Her family was here with her now. Liz tuned back into what Isabel was saying.
"But the main thing has always been that he enjoys the game more than the win. He could have won back then. He didn't [I]have[/I] to come for us. We had no idea who we were, likely never would have known. Liz's grandmother died before she could ever tell us. He wanted to use our lack of knowledge against us and he started that by lying to Tess. It's always been psychological warfare with him Max. First with Tess, then with making you pretend to hate us all, then by making you lose your memories, then by taking Jenny away from Michael and Maria. And he'll keep on doing it, right to the end. As prepared as we are, it's still going to be horrible. It was horrible last time and it will be horrible this time. Not one of us should have to handle it alone." Liz could hear the tears that threatened to erupt in her friend's voice. "I [I]won't[/I] let any of us handle it alone." Alex's arm was around her and Isabel turned her face into his neck, trying to regain her composure.
"I just wish there was another way," Tess finally said into the silence that had sprung up after Isabel's reminder of exactly what they were dealing with. "I mean, on Illyria, criminals of his magnitude are judged in the Ring. He really needs to be tried for his crimes, not executed summarily. It's not what we're about."
Liz felt her eyes widen at the calm way Tess voiced exactly what they were all thinking. For the first time she realized that her blonde friend had been through a transformation of her own on Illyria. She had matured and was more focused on exactly what was best for all of them, rather than what was best for her. Nasedo's influence had not been corrupting on the girl's true nature after all. There had been glimmerings of the real Tess all through Liz's relationship with her, even back when they had been romantic rivals, but it had become absolutely clear since they had all been through the Illyrian wringer. And it wasn't just Kyle who brought this out in her either. It was who she really was, was who she had been all along. It was only now that she felt comfortable enough with them all to show it.
Max sighed. "I agree Tess. But it's not like we can judge him on Earth, which is where this is all going to go down. That's where he is and there's no way I'm going to risk him escaping again by taking him back to Illyria to be dealt with."
"But couldn't we have him judged on Earth Max?" Liz asked tentatively, the kernel of an idea beginning to take seed in her mind. What Max had said about it not being possible to judge anyone on Earth.Why not? Why couldn't it happen? "I mean, isn't Stonehenge a Ring too? It's a portal gate, yes, but who's to say that it's not also an instrument of judgment? It looks exactly like the one on Illyria after all."
"Liz is right Max!" Isabel exclaimed, perking up. "It's the only thing that makes sense. It probably would be possible,"
"I don't know." Michael spoke up here. Liz saw the skeptical expression on her friend's face, felt her hopes fall again. "While I don't disagree with the idea in principal," he amended, apparently seeing the disappointment on Liz's face, "There are two problems I can already pick out. One, we don't have a judgment orb."
"Er, excuse me for disputing that General."
They all turned to look at Kyle, who was pulling one of the green orbs out of the pocket of his letterman's jacket. He grinned at Tess as he continued, "Decided to keep a souvenir of the day the universe decided to make you my steady girl."
Liz smiled at the succession of emotions that crossed Tess's face. At first she seemed dumbfounded, then touched and, finally, ecstatic. She threw her arms around Kyle, kissing him hard. "Who knew a jock could be such a romantic?" she crowed, still hugging him.
"It should still work," Kyle added, when Tess finally pulled away. "Nothing ever happened to us. I'm assuming they're reusable, but even if they're not, it didn't pulverize us, so it must still have some juice in it."
"Is it like a bomb?" Alex asked. "If the person is judged guilty, is that what happens? The orb blows up?"
"Who knows?" Michael shrugged. "None of us have ever been found guilty." His eyes were glinting with what Liz could only term subdued anticipation. "But this still doesn't resolve the second issue," he reminded them all. "There is no way that Nasedo is going to allow himself to be judged. He [I]knows[/I] that he'll be found guilty."
"But does he really?" Maria asked. It was the first time Liz's best friend had spoken in a while. She had been listening quietly, but now she sounded absolutely certain. "I don't think he does. He [I]really[/I] thinks he's in the right in all this guys. He may allow it, just to prove once and for all that he is the destined king of Illyria."
"He [I]did[/I] say he was the Chosen One," Alex agreed. "Both Isabel and I heard him say it. He's just arrogant and stupid enough to maybe agree to it to prove it to us all."
"Well, it's worth a try anyway," Max said. "But that doesn't mean we don't need a back-up plan." He looked around the circle of friends, his gaze resting last and longest on Liz. She frowned. She didn't like the expression on his face. Why did she have the feeling that the back-up plan wasn't going to make her very happy?
"And I'm assuming by the look on your face that you have one Maxwell." Michael's tone reflected that he was just as worried by Max's demeanor as she was. "This better not have anything to do with sacrificing yourself. Because we've done that before. It's never worked and it's [I]not[/I] happening again."
"I have no intention of sacrificing myself," Max replied firmly. "I think this is a good plan. I'm just not sure that it's going to work exactly how we hope. Nasedo has no honour. He doesn't need the Ring to prove anything to anyone. I believe that he [I]knows[/I] he's not the Chosen One and he's not going to risk the Ring proving it once and for all. Because I do think he fears the Ring. He believes in it's power and he tries to stay as far away from it as he can. Why else would he make sure to never use it when he opens other portals? He loses time every time he does that and, yet, he does it anyway."
"So what then?" Michael demanded. "If he's not going to allow himself to be judged, ever, this plan won't work. We're back to square one. We have to kill him ourselves."
"I never said he wasn't going to be judged," Max insisted. "I just want you all to know ahead of time, that he won't be the only one." He looked at Liz, his gaze loving. "I told you that it wasn't the right time before. I didn't really know why then, but I know now. We have to do it [I]now[/I] Liz. This is the only way. He won't let us get close enough otherwise."
She felt her heart start to beat more quickly. Her eyes widened as what he was saying began to make sense. "We're going to be judged too," she whispered.
"We are," Max agreed, taking her hand and pulling her against his chest. "And then we're going to end this once and for all."
To be continued.
