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Chapter Eight: Totally Losing It
I'm sitting in a darkened apartment. It's a foreign environment. I don't really know where I am. For some reason, I'm sitting on a bed, and I'm expecting somebody, almost in excitement. A small smile creeps over my face. Whatever it is that I'm waiting for, it'd definitely be good.

The apartment, unlike mine, is nicely-furnished and tidy. There's no signs of empty beer cans anywhere and the furnitures look expensive. I feel at ease here, more so than I do at my own house. I cross my legs. I wish the person I'm waiting for would just hurry up and put me out of my misery!

Then, my wish is answered. A tall figure appears out of the shadows and steps into the light. His face glows and shimmers in the darkness, a lone star in the vast spread of black that is the night sky. He doesn't say a word, and neither do I. I feel a tinge of something that feels like electricity shoot up my spine. There's so much packed into this moment, so much pented-up emotions and unexpressed feelings, that I can hardly get my head around it.

He sits beside me and I turn to look at him. He is painfully good-looking, and he doesn't even realise the effect he has on me. He looks almost haughty as he reaches out and puts his hand on my face. His touch is soft, cool and warm at the same time, like sea water washing over one's bare foot.

"Kaede," he murmurs. "I'm so glad you're here."

I manage to choke out, "Where am I?"

"At a safe place," he answers softly. "You're safe with me."

He entrances and entices me with his eyes, looking into mine as if seeing right into my soul. His words echo in my head, like a mother's lullaby to a disgrunted child. And I have no doubt that he is right.

And then something in me breaks. A dam collapses. I break my promise to myself, the promise that I would never let anyone see the vulnerable side of me, that I would never break down in front of another person. The way he looks at me, speaks to me, touches me softly, tells me that he'd understand whatever I tell him.

And so I do. I let out the secrets that I've been keeping for the past few years. I translate emotions and feelings and pains of the past into words, liberating them from my mind, and they hang in the air between us, my feelings and my whole heart and soul. When I'm finished I tense up, waiting for the sting of rejection, the uncomfortable silence that seems impossible to fill, expecting it any moment now, but he surprises me by taking me into his embrace.

He strokes my back gently, as if afraid of breaking me. "I'm so sorry, Kaede," he whispers against my ear, his lips grazing my skin. "I wish I could do something to chase your demons away."

I shiver in his arms, but not because I'm cold, but because he's so close to me. I move my body into his arms and lean my head against his chest. The heat radiating from his body feels comforting, somehow, as if it were enough to keep me warm in the coldest of places, the most turbulent of storms.

"There is something you can do," I murmur into his chest.

"What is it? I'd do anything."

I lift my face up to his and look him in the eye.

"Kiss me."

He looks surprised, but it's quickly replaced by happiness. "You really mean it?" he breathes.

I nod. "Yes. I mean it. Kiss me, Hisashi. Just kiss me."

Hisashi...? Kiss...?

He hesitates for a moment, and then he smiles, brightening up the darkened space like sunlight penetrating blankets of dust and mist, breaking into perfect shafts of light.

He brings his face down to mine, closer, his lips and mine almost touching, and I can feel the warmth of his palm on my face, and he's so close, close enough to melt into. His lips touch mine gently.

Hisashi...? Kiss...?

My eyes fly open. They dart around the room, nervously, and I almost forget to breathe. I touch my face. Still me. I check the room. Still mine. I look around, taking in my prized autographed Jordan jersey that hung on my bedroom wall, my basketball posters, my old writing desk, and most importantly, the absence of another human being. I'm still alone.

But then, what was Mitsui doing in my room? And why did he leave so abruptly? Was he telling me something about practice? Or...

Oh, my, god. No way. I did not just dream that...that...oh, my, god.

I sit up in bed. If I forgot to breathe before, I'm panting and wheezing now. I'm shocked. I can't think. Oh my god. What is happening to me? I can't believe I just dreamt that...

Dammit, I can't even put it into words. I run my hands through my hair, and in the process, my elbow knocks into something solid and it falls onto the ground.

My alarm clock. I must have slept through the ringing, as usual. My eyes absent-mindedly settle on the time. 11.14 a.m.

11.14 a.m.?! Kuso! I'm late for work!

*****

"Kiss me, Hisashi. Just kiss me."

"You're like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much..."[1]

"You're safe with me."

"Day after day after all, I will always be true. That's a promise I made to you..."[2]

"I'd do anything."

"I'd do anything for you, anything you want me to..."[3]

Argh! Get the hell out of my head! Who is this Rukawa Kaede that has gone CRAZY? Who is this demon that invades my body? Who is this mad person who dreamt of his own basketball teammate and him doing...stuff...?!

I am not in denial. I am fully aware that I dreamt of Mitsui and I doing...stuff. I'm just aghast that something like that creeped into my sleep without me knowing first-hand. I just want to clarify that I am in no way, shape or form in love with Mitsui Hisashi.

Shit, that very thought sends violent shudders through my body. I'm so disturbed that I don't even dare to go to sleep, and work today is extremely, utterly, absolutely boring and uneventful.

Mitsui Hisashi, for crying out loud, of all bleeding people! And he, I, we, argh, I can't even say it.

I don't think I can look the guy in the eye and not fidget or give something away. I don't even want to see his face any longer, but it's just too bad for me that he's in the same team as I and I have to see him practically every day in school. Oh, yeah, and of course, he lives just a few blocks away from where I work.

Dammit. Why do these things always happen to me? First I lose my yellow/gold butterfly and fall off my chair in class, and off my bike on the way to school. And now I...did things with, um, Mitsui...and actually, um, enjoyed it.

In my dream, that is. Thinking about it now puts me in potential danger of throwing up my breakfast. Or rather, my digestive juices, considering I skipped breakfast. The point is, that was a horrible, horrible, nightmare, and I don't want to think about it any longer.

I'm busying myself right now with the cash register. I'm checking the money inside, making sure that the store hasn't been ripped off. Although how that could happen I'm not sure, but who cares? The whole point is to give me something to do so that I can think about something else. Okay, what else can I do? Ah yes, I'd change the CD in the CD player. I'm so sick of listening to this stupid Japanese opera thingy. It sounds like somebody had died and the entire world is in mourning. Utterly depressing stuff.

I look around for the spare CDs, but I find none. Not even an empty CD case. I think this opera thing is all the boss has. Somebody really has to introduce him to the fourth most wonderful thing in the world: Rock music. (After basketball, sleep, and pizza, in that order.)

"Rukawa!"

Damn. It's Bossy Boss. What does he want now? He's called me to do things that isn't in my job description for almost my entire shift. I mean, okay, so I was three hours late, but does he honestly expect human beings to wake up at 7 in the morning just to be in time for an 8 o'clock job? The only reason I'd get up so early on a weekend is to play basketball.

"Come here!"

Sighing, I walk over to where Bossy Boss is. He's standing outside the storeroom where they keep the newly-arrived goods.

"Help me open these boxes here," he instructs. "But keep an eye on the door. If somebody comes in, go back to the counter at once."

"Hn," I say in reply. He hands me a penknife. I sit down beside the boxes and get to work.

Even though Bossy Boss said 'help me', he really meant, 'do it all by yourself while I go relax in my office and do things that a teenager like you should be doing, but I'm such an asshole that I cannot care less.' He bolted as soon as I sat on the floor and got started on the first box. There are so many of them, about twenty or so. This will take a while.

In other words, it will take my mind off the most disturbing dream I ever had. Ever.

The sharp blade of the penknife slices through the flimsy masking tape, making a sound like knife scratching against bone. Tearing open the box, I look inside.

And see some guy model with a annoying Sendoh-ish smile, his hair tinted blue.

"Kaede...I'm so glad you're here."

"Where am I?"

"In a safe place. You're safe with me."

"Kiss me, Hisashi. Kiss me, Hisashi. Kiss me, Hisashi."

"You really mean it?"

"Yes. Kiss me, Hisashi. Just kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me."

FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! CAN I NEVER GET AWAY FROM THAT HORRIBLE IMAGE? CAN I NEVER ESCAPE THOSE CORNY DIALOGUE?

Kiss my fucking ASS!

Jumping up from the floor as if it were on fire, I walk quickly to Bossy Boss's office. Sure enough, he's sitting on his big leather chair with his legs on the table, reading some comic and laughing to himself and spitting every other second.

Ignoring the disgusting image, I open the door and enter without knocking.

"I can't work on the boxes."

He looks up from his comic. He frowns. "What boxes?"

Telling myself not to punch him in the eye, I answer slowly, "The...boxes...you...asked...me...to...open."

He looks confused. And then, "Ah! Those boxes! Well, why not?"

Yes, why not, Rukawa? Besides the very important fact that hair dyes remind you of Mitsui, which in turn reminds you of that heinous dream, which will definitely in turn derail your sanity. But you can't possibly tell the boss, "I had this disturbing dream about a male teammate and I kissing and hair dyes remind me of him because he has dyed blue hair and if I think about that dream further I will definitely go crazy so can I not do this painful job?"

No, I can't.

"Hurry up, answer me, I haven't got all day!"

"I'm allergic to hair dye," I blurt out. And it's not entirely a lie, taking into consideration my current situation.

Bossy Boss looks at me with unmasked suspicion. I feel my fists clenching.

"All right then," he finally relents, making it sound like he'd just donated a billion dollars to all charities in the world. "Get somebody to do it for you."

I breathe a sigh of relief. I turn around and walk out of the room without giving him a second glance.

"Don't you want to say anything to me?" he yells indignantly after me.

Um. Whatever.

*****

Work is over and I got my paycheck. A whopping grand total of five hundred dollars. Yahoo. I managed to get some female co-worker to do my boxes job for me. She was so excited when I went to talk to her that I almost felt bad about brushing off her date offer, but then again, she is too chirpy and exclamation mark-ish for my liking. I mean, the exchange went something like this:

Me (tapping Female Co-Worker [FCW] on the shoulder): Hey.

FCW (jumping at my touch): Oh! Rukawa-kun! Hi! How are you! Isn't the weather beautiful today!

Me: Yeah. Can you open these boxes for me?

FCW: Sure! Anything! Anything you want! Do you want me to do anything else! I can take over your shift for you too!

Me: No. It's okay.

I turned to go, and then:

FCW: Rukawa-kun! Do you want to get coffee sometime! Like maybe after work! I know a great place! We could hang out and talk! Wouldn't that be fun!

Me (back facing her): Not really.

FCW (not relenting): But you look so stressed out! I think you need a cup of good coffee! I know just the place! And hey! It would be my treat! Okay!

Me (back still facing her, walking to counter): Whatever.

FCW (still not relenting, following me to counter): Come on! Just go with me! I promise you'd like it! Don't you like coffee! Everybody likes coffee!

Me (giving Killer Eye): Get out of my face.

So now I'm heading for a sports store to get myself a new pair of socks. I dropped one of my pair out of the window when attempting to hang clothes to dry, and despite rushing downstairs to retrieve it, it completely disappeared. Mother suggested that perhaps somebody stole it but who in the world would want to steal a pair of old, ratty, dirty socks?

I select the cheapest pair. Wow, it's manufactured by ABC company! Astounding!

I look longingly at the Nike and Addidas and Reebok socks on display, but unfortunately, they cost twice and thrice the price of ABC socks. Oh well, it's just socks. Who really cares?

I'm about to head for the cashier to pay for my thing when I catch sight of a row of mountain bikes on display. As if in a trance, I walk towards them.

One particular bike attracts my attention. It is pink and bright and loud, just like mine, the bike I thought had died and gone to heaven but instead miraculously returned to my side. I trace the surface of the bike with my fingers lightly. Now I'm reminded of my unsolved mystery. The one I discovered yesterday. And I feel a chill go through my body.

More than ever, I'm convinced I'm totally losing it. And it's not just about the bike. Because right in front of my very eyes is a person looking at the very same bike. That isn't a problem. It's his hair. It's blue. Like a certain somebody's.

"Just kiss me, Hisashi. Just kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me."

Enough is freaking enough! This is insane! I'm reminded of him everywhere I go, and hence am reminded of that dream. I have to get away.

I'm so wrapped up in trying to get that mental image of Mitsui and I doing...stuff...from my dream out of my head that I don't even realise that the person in front of me is talking.

"...to ride on, isn't it?"

"Huh?"

"It's a great bike to ride on, isn't it?"

I nod numbly, but I'm not paying attention. Suddenly the store has become crowded. I can't even see where the cashier is.

Wait a minute. This voice is familiar. I take a closer look at him. And my eyes widen.

"Mitsui!" I yelp.

He looks up from the bike and raises an eyebrow. "Um, yes?"

Mitsui is standing in front of me. Mitsui is looking at the bike I'm looking at. Mitsui is talking to me. Mitsui is looking at me.

"Why are you looking like you've seen a ghost?"

Because I freaking have! The ghost that is my dream! Shit, I have to get out of here, before I really lose it. I intend to go to the NBA before they slap me in a straitjacket and right now, I'm obviously nowhere near the league. I have to get out of here. Now.

"I gotta go," I mumble. Without waiting for a reply, I turn around quickly and walk out of the store.

Immediately, alarm signals go off. I stop dead in my tracks. And realise that I forgot to pay for my socks.



[1] Lyric taken from "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" by I don't know who.
[2] Lyric taken from "A Promise I Made" by Dakota Moon
[3] Lyric taken from "Anywhere For You" by the Backstreet Boys (but we all know they didn't write the song. Duh).

Please convert dollars to yen mentally. Thank you.

Yaoi was quite fun to write. I'd definitely do a proper one someday. Sorry for throwing in the oldest and most annoying cliche in the book but I had to. You all understand, don't you??

Did anybody notice that Rukawa's female co-worker ended every single sentence with an exclamation mark? Isn't that totally annoying?

chescaOtaku: Aww thanks for your kind words. =) I really appreciate it. =)

unchained: I got Jurong but I'm appealing to various JCs 'cause Jurong is like, kind of far and I can't really be bothered to travel all the way there when I don't even know the way. Truth be told, I'd rather do a film course at Ngee Ann Poly. But what the hell. I'm glad you got the college of your choice. =) Congrats.

lambie: Movies? Slam Dunk movies? What's that? So today I was at Ginza Plaza (somewhere in the West Coast) and I went into this store called Games Express or something and they apparently have undubbed SD VCDs. But, the catch is, they sell the whole series in two sets and the first set is in Chinese, the second Japanese. But because they sell it together, you have to buy the whole thing. And guess how much it costs? Ninety-whopping-dollars. Wonderful, isn't it? Oh well, good luck looking and if you find anything tell me too hor!!!

sLL: Hahaha yeah Mitsui's gangster friend was CRYING! So cute! I hope the dream sequence satisfied you, I wrote it 'cause you kept mentioning it and I got REALLY tempted. It's your fault. This fic originally started as a Mitsui/Rukawa friendship kinda thing so I'll try to steer it in that direction, but I'm not making any promises.

White Meteor: Jin has wonderful eyes. But my darling Mitchy wins him hands-down for the title for 'Best Three-Point Shooter'. =) Thanks for the bike idea. I'll think about it.

jashuang: Okay, thanks, I'll go check it out sometime next week.

tensaispira: hahahaha you're funny. I don't know why. You just are. Hahahahaha.

So folks Singapore is out of the Tiger Cup which is too bad but oh well, at least we played a good game. This is getting WAY too long so I'll shut up now.

-Yelen (rules!!!!!!!) missy_hissy14@winningteam.com