Chapter 2 (The next morning)

Rachel woke up to the sounds of the TV going in the lounge room. She rolled over and found the space next to her, empty. She smiled, thinking that maybe Ross was making her breakfast or something like that and climbed out of bed, dragging on a robe and headed into the lounge room.

All she saw in there was Emma parked in front of the TV, watching Teletubbies, doona wrapped tightly around her.

She was giggling madly, and didn't even notice Rachel enter the room.

"Em" said Rachel "EMMA"

Emma turned around "Morning Mommy"

"What are you doing up?" asked Rachel "It's only 6:30"

"I couldn't sleep," said Emma "Josh was coughing all night"

"Well why didn't you come and wake me or Dad up?" asked Rachel, sitting on the couch

"I came in, but you were sleeping and so I didn't want to wake you," said Emma "And Daddy wasn't there"

"What?" asked Rachel, leaning over the couch and looking into the kitchen "What do you mean Daddy wasn't there?"

"I came in and he wasn't in bed," said Emma

Rachel stood up "Has he been out here since you got up?"

"No" said Emma, focusing her attention back on the TV

"I'll be back in a second," said Rachel, standing up and moving towards the bedroom.

She walked through the bedroom, and into the Ensuite, expecting Ross to be in the shower or something but he wasn't.

She went back out into the bedroom and sat on the bed, wondering where he could be as he said he would be here when she woke up, He wasn't going into work early.

It was then she noticed the envelope on the bedside table. She picked it up and read the front of it, it said RACHEL.

She ripped the envelope open and with a sinking feeling in her heart, starting reading the letter.
Dear Rachel, I know when you read this letter; you're going to know that I am gone.

Her heart nearly jumped out of her chest as she read the first line

"Gone??" she mumbled to herself

I've made a mistake, a mistake that I can't bear to keep to myself. I betrayed you Rachel, betrayed you in the biggest way. I think you will understand what I am trying to say, as I can't bear to write it down. I am absolutely disgusted with myself, I can't believe what I've done and if I could take it back, believe me I would. I made the decision to leave because you are better off without me, you don't deserve a husband who is unfaithful, you deserve so much better then that. I love you so much, you mean the world to me and I cannot even begin to explain how sorry I am to do this to you. I can't face you, look into your eyes and see the hurt when you realise what I've done. Please tell Emma and Josh that I love them more then anything. I'm sorry for everything Rachel, it was a stupid, stupid mistake that has now cost me so much. I will love you forever; you're my shining star. Love always and forever, Ross...

"What the hell is this?" Rachel asked herself, digesting the information. He had betrayed her in the biggest of ways and now he had gone???

She was finding it hard to understand when it clicked. He'd been unfaithful. He had been with someone else. The person she trusted most in the world...

She sat on the bed, stunned and in shock, when Emma came trailing into the bedroom

"What's that Mommy?" she asked, looking over Rachel's shoulder

"Nothing" said Rachel, jumping up off the bed

She could hear Josh wailing from his bedroom, "Go and get your brother Em"

Emma left the room and Rachel went into the walk in closet, noticing a bag and some of Ross's clothes were gone.

Rachel sank to the floor, still holding the letter and burst into tears as it sunk in. Ross had left her; He hadn't just gone to clear his head, he'd taken his clothes and had left...

Emma came back into the room, pulling Josh by the hand behind her and saw Rachel sitting on the ground, tears running down her face

"Mommy." said Emma "What's wrong?"

Rachel didn't answer and Emma got a worried look on her face

"Mommy, you're scaring me," said Emma "Where's Daddy?"

Josh began to cry, he was tired and confused.

"Mommy, what do I do?" asked Emma.

She ran to the bedside table and grabbed the phone, dialling a number she'd been taught 2 years ago and knew off by heart

"Aunty Monica?" said Emma into the phone "Something's wrong"

(Monica on the other end of the line) "Em, What's wrong Sweetie?"

"I don't know," said Emma, her voice wavering "Mommy's crying and she won't talk to me, Josh is crying too and I don't know what to do"

(Monica) "Why is your Mom crying? Where's your Dad?"

"He's not here," said Emma "I think that's why Mommy is upset"

(Monica) Put Mommy on the phone Honey"

Emma took the cordless to where Rachel was sitting, and went to hand it to her "Mommy, Aunty Monica wants to speak to you"

Rachel didn't take the phone and Emma lifted it back to her ear "She won't take the phone, Aunty Mon I'm scared"

(Monica) I'm coming over now Honey ok. You and Josh just sit tight and I'll be over in 5 minutes"

"OK" said Emma, hanging up the phone and looking over at her brother, who was standing there with a bewildered look on his face

"Mommy, Aunty Monica's coming over," said Emma "Mommy, please say something"

Rachel didn't answer yet again; she sat there with her head in her hands.

Josh walked over and touched Rachel's face "Mommy sad?"

Emma heard a key turning in the front door and ran through, hoping it was her dad home but Monica walked through the front door instead

"What's going on Honey?" asked Monica, putting her bag down "Where's your Mom?"

"In here" said Emma, walking back into the bedroom and pointing into where Rachel was sitting

"Rach" said Monica, sinking to the floor next to her "What on earth is the matter?"

Rachel looked up, Her face was puffy and tearstained and she wordlessly handed the letter to Monica

Monica skimmed over it, taking in a deep breathe "Noooo"

She stood up, "Emma, Josh, Let's go into the kitchen and I'll pour you both some cereal ok. You must be hungry now"

"Not really" said Emma "I want to stay with Mommy"

"We should give Mommy some alone time Honey," said Monica "Come on"

Monica looked at Rachel and whispered, "I'll be right back"

Rachel nodded in reply, tears still cascading down her face

Monica led the kids into the kitchen where she got them some cereal and settled them at the bench, telling Emma to put a video in when they were finished before heading back into the bedroom.

Rachel had moved from her spot, and was now sitting on the bed, touching the spot where Ross normally slept. Tears were no longer flowing down her face; instead an odd look had replaced them.

"Oh Rach" said Monica, sitting down next to her "I don't know what to make of this"

"I do," said Rachel, her voice suddenly clear and loud "He did it again Mon"

"Come on" said Monica, doubtful "There's got to be an explanation for this"

"Explanation?" spluttered Rachel "He just admitted it, He's done exactly what we decided yesterday he'd never do"

"I can't believe this," said Monica "What would make him do this?"

"I don't know" said Rachel "He came home late last night, stinking of alcohol because he'd been at some office party, I had it out with him, told him I was sick of being alone every night, sick of being both parents. He promised me that he was going to change, that he was going to be home more. He told me he loves me and he hates to see me hurting. Well I'm hurting right now and he isn't even here to give a shit"

Monica was silent for a second "Did he give any indication last night, that something had happened? Was he acting strange? Guilty?"

"Sort of" said Rachel, wiping her face with a tissue "I kissed him and he wouldn't kiss me back. I got this feeling that something was up so I asked him what he had got up to last night and he got a little defensive so I closed my mouth. I didn't press him for information" "How could he do this to me?" asked Rachel "Am I such a bad person? I know we were having problems but..WHY?"

"I don't know," said Monica

Monica put her arm around her and she suddenly broke down again..

"After everything we've been through, everything that has happened these past 13 years or so, 5 years of marriage, " sobbed Rachel "After last time, I didn't think he'd be so stupid to make the same mistake. He knows how hurt and betrayed I felt when he slept with someone else, and we weren't even married then, we weren't a family. There weren't innocent children involved, HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO HIS CHILDREN??"

"Calm down" said Monica, patting her back "Don't do this to yourself"

"What am I supposed to do?" asked Rachel "Tell me Monica please"

"I.." began Monica

"Well that's great. Thanks" said Rachel "How am I going to tell my kids, Daddy cheated on Mommy and since he's such a f*****g coward and can't face up to his mistakes. He's left us"

Monica was wondering what was really going on in Rachel's head right now, Her emotions were changing all over the place, one minute she was crying, then the next she was angry.

"He'll be back," said Monica "He's probably just feeling so guilty, that he can't be around you now. But I know he loves you and he loves Emma and Josh. He's going to call or something"

"Loves me?" said Rachel, her voice rising. Her sadness had been replaced by anger, right now she wanted to find Ross and kick his ass. "If he loved me, he wouldn't have done this. He would be laying next to me in bed right this very second. I can't believe you are defending him"

"Honey, I'm not defending him ok" said Monica "God knows right now I want to kill my brother for doing this to you, but you need to think about how he is feeling. Think about how you would feel if you cheated on Ross, and you knew that if you told him, it would shatter the one person that you love, it would ruin the most important thing in your life, your family.What would you do?"

"That doesn't apply here Monica," said Rachel "For one thing, I would never, EVER cheat on Ross. I meant what I said in our wedding vows and second of all, if I did do such a thing, I would face up to it, I would sit there and I would tell my husband to his god damn face and do everything possible to get his forgiveness, I would not write a letter and then run away"

"Maybe you wouldn't" said Monica "But Ross isn't like that ok. He can't face up to his mistakes; he has always been the same. Like he said in the letter, He couldn't bear to be around you, to look at you when you found out, to see the hurt in your eyes. I can see how angry you are Sweetie, but I can also see the hurt in your eyes, I can tell just by looking at you that you don't want to yell, you don't want to scream and abuse Ross for this, you want to cry and you want to forgive"

"I do not want to forgive," said Rachel "I..uh.I wan..."

"Stop" said Monica

She pulled Rachel into a hug and held her close, waiting for the tough, angry act she was putting on to come crashing down.

It came soon enough; Monica felt her body begin to shake with sobs and she held her tightly.

(Sometime later)

Chandler, Joey and Phoebe had arrived at Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel had fallen asleep after crying herself ragged. The adults were speaking quietly as Emma, Jamie and Phoebe and Joey's 4-year-old twins Dayton and Jesse were all in Emma's room, playing quietly

"I can't believe he would do this," said Joey "Again"

"Are we sure he was unfaithful?" asked Phoebe "Maybe he'd just kidding. Maybe he's sitting down at Central Perk right now, having a coffee and soon he's going to run in and say it was all a joke, I'm Back!!!"

"Yeah, that's going to happen in a hurry" said Chandler "You read the letter, He's gone"

"I feel so sorry for Rachel" said Monica "I was in there with her, and she has this tough stance that she wants to put across, she was cursing Ross and saying that she wouldn't forgive him but I was just waiting for her to let it all go"

"Why would he ever do this?" asked Phoebe "Rachel is the person that Ross has always loved, throughout everything. I figured that once he had her back, ya'know, He'd do nothing to mess it up"

"Rachel said when he came in last night, he'd been at a work party and was drunk" said Monica "I don't know if that's when it happened, or if he got drunk because he was feeling guilty..he didn't really explain anything in the letter, just that he'd been unfaithful, was sorry and thought his decision was the best possible one"

"Work party?" asked Joey

"Yeah" said Monica, looking at Joey's face which was screwed up as if he was thinking hard

"Amanda!!" said Joey "There's this hot girl.."

"Hot girl?" interrupted Phoebe "She's hot is she?"

"No, Not hot at all" stammered Joey "There's this unattractive girl called Amanda at his work, He's mentioned her before hasn't he Chandler?"

"What?" asked Chandler "I don't know anything"

"So Ross has been talking to you about some hot girl at his work?" asked Monica "What did he say about her?"

"Nothing, just that she was sorta cute, young and she always payed a lot of attention to him" said Joey "He didn't say it like he wanted her or anything"

"Amanda" said Monica "She's got to be the one"

"Keep it to yourself" said Chandler "I think it would be best not to let Rachel know that Ross had mentioned her ok, what if she goes down to the University and has a go at her?"

"I hope she does" said Phoebe "I hope she kicks her ass, this Amanda girl would obviously know that Ross is married, yet she still tried to get involved with him"

"Tried being the operative word," said Monica "Succeeded in getting involved with him"

"Wait a minute," said Joey "Just because he mentioned her, doesn't mean she was the one"

"Think about it Joe" said Chandler "He's mentioned her before, he's been spending A LOT of time at work lately, it all adds up"

Joey thought about it for a moment "Yeah, I guess you're right"

"I just didn't think Ross could be so stupid," said Phoebe "He is soo stupid"

"Who's stupid?" asked Emma as she came wandering into the lounge room

"No one Honey" said Monica "How are you Sweetie?"

"Ok, When's my Dad coming home?" asked Emma "And why aren't I going to school today? Daddy was supposed to take me and it's 11am and he's not here"

"Hey Em, think yourself lucky" said Joey "You got a day of school for no reason"

"I wanted to go today" said Emma "Daddy was going to take me and I wanted to show him my new desk in my classroom and this special painting I'm in the middle of doing, it's of Me, Mommy, Daddy and Josh. I guess I'll show him tomorrow"

Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe all looked at each other. They didn't know what to say, how do you explain to a 7 year old that her Daddy has left her?

"Maybe" said Monica "Why don't you go back and play with Jamie, Dayton and Jesse?"

"They're all boys," said Emma "I want to play with some girl toys. Can't I stay out here with you guys?"

"Sweetie" said Monica "We're just having an important discussion"

"Fine, I'll go and talk to my Mommy then" said Emma defiantly.

"She's sleeping Em," said Chandler

"I wanna see if she's awake," said Emma.

She stomped through towards the bedroom, Monica on her heels and opened the door.

The room was partially dark and Emma could see Rachel's figure lying on the bed. She walked up to it and tapped her shoulder "Mommy"

"Emma" whispered Monica from the doorway "See, she's asleep"

"I'm not," said Rachel, rolling over and facing Emma "I'm awake"

"Sorry Rach" said Monica "She wanted to talk to you"

"It's ok," said Rachel softly, she motioned for Emma to join her on the bed.

Emma climbed up next to her and lay in her arms

"I'll leave you alone then?" asked Monica, looking at Rachel for an indication wether or not she was ready to talk to Emma about it.

"Thanks" said Rachel

Monica moved away from the door, shutting it quietly behind her.

Emma looked into Rachel's eyes "Are you better now Mommy?"

"A little" said Rachel "I'm sorry I scared you this morning"

"Why were you crying?" asked Emma "And where's Daddy? He hasn't been home yet?"

Rachel took in a deep breath as she thought about how she could explain this to Emma

"Emma Honey" began Rachel, her eyes filling up with tears "Daddy's gone away for a little while"

"He has?" asked Emma "But he tucked me in last night and promised to take me to school and everything.He's gone somewhere and he didn't even say goodbye?"

"I know honey" said Rachel, her voice cracking "But I think Daddy needed some space or something. He left without saying goodbye to me too"

"Is he coming back soon?" asked Emma "I'll miss him if he's gone for too long"

"I don't know," said Rachel "Your Dad needs to think about some things.."

"You were lying last night," said Emma, climbing off the bed and standing up"When you told me that my Daddy loves me, if he loved me he wouldn't have left at night time without saying goodbye..he would have kissed me goodbye"

"I wasn't lying Princess," said Rachel, sitting up "He does love you, but he just made a fast, bad decision and left without telling anyone about it. He might have kissed you goodbye, maybe you just didn't wake up"

"He didn't" stated Emma "I always wake up when Daddy comes in to my room"

"I'm so sorry Sweetie" said Rachel "Daddy might be living somewhere else, but he still loves you, He left me a note telling me to tell you and Josh that he loves you both more then anything."

"I don't care," said Emma "Daddy is mean for doing this, He's mean for making you cry so much this morning. I don't care if he never comes back"

"Please don't say that Emma" said Rachel "Don't say things you don't mean"

"I do mean it," said Emma.

She came back and sat next to Rachel, laying her head on her shoulder "But I love you Mommy, I know that you'd never leave me and Joshua"

"I will always be here Emma," said Rachel, kissing her head "No matter what happens, you can't get rid of me. I will always be here for you, and just like your Daddy, I will always love you"

(Hotel Room - Across the City)

Ross lay on the bed, staring at the wall.

He was almost regretting his decision to leave, he could picture Emma's face when she found out that he wasn't there, God she meant the world to him. He couldn't believe how one stupid mistake, can hurt so many, could change his life just like that.

There was no way he could go back now and make up for what he did, there might have been a slight change if he had of stayed there and talked it out to Rachel, but not anymore, because instead of facing up to it, he took the coward road and ran away.

He got out his wallet and opened it up, pulling out 2 photos. One had been taken 3 years ago, 2 hours after Joshua was born. It was him, Rachel and Emma all sitting on Rachel's Hospital bed, Baby Joshua sleeping in her arms, they were all smiling for the camera, Rachel's an exhausted but happy smile. Ross was holding one of Josh's little hands and Emma was holding the other one. They were such a happy family, celebrating the birth of a new baby.

The other photo was of him and Rachel on their wedding day, standing in front of the buffet table, where their 3 tier wedding cake sat, they were about to make the first cut, both of them were holding the knife and staring into each others eyes. Rachel had the biggest grin on her face as she stared at her love.

Rachel's face now flashed in front of him. She had those beautiful, expressive eyes, which could tell a million stories, those eyes that when she was upset, they sort of crinkled up and got a film of tears across them. Ross had seen that upset look one to many times. Every time they ever fought; Rachel was the first one to cry and when she did, Ross had this automatic instinct to forget whatever the problem was and take her into his arms and make her feel better.

He could just imagine what she was feeling right now, the emotions and pain, the feelings of hurt and betrayal.and it was his entire fault.

He wished he could just go home, face up to it, beg Rachel for her forgiveness but something told him not to, something told him that if he went home, it would just cause more anger, more fighting, something he didn't want to put Rachel or his kids threw.

He reached over and picked up the phone, dialling his home number. All he wanted to do was hear her voice, maybe even hear Emma's voice, not speak, just hear a voice, and know that she was ok..

The phone rang once and the machine picked it up..He heard his own voice.

"Hi, you've called the Geller's. Ross, Rachel, Emma and Joshua. We can't come to the phone right now but if you leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we can. Bye"

He hung up and redialled the number, this time it was answered by a voice that wasn't Rachel's, it was Phoebe.

(Other end of the line) "Hello"

Ross didn't say anything.. He wanted to just say "Hi" but he couldn't

(End of the line) "Hello!!"

Ross hung the phone up quickly, leaving the dial tone buzzing in Phoebe's ear.

He lay back down and closed his eyes, holding the picture of his family close to his chest. There was a dull ache in his chest, a pain that wasn't going to go away.

TBC