Disclaimer: I don't own the Friends, nor do I own the song 'This very Moment' by KC & JoJo
Chapter 3 - 1 and a half weeks later

Emma walked into her Mom's bedroom, it was nearly 8am and she had gotten herself and Josh out of bed and gotten them both breakfast, all the things that her Mom was supposed to do except she was still asleep.

Emma went to the edge of the bed and shook Rachel's shoulder gently, getting no response, she shook it a bit harder, whispering "Mommy Wake up"

Still getting no response, she bent down and yelled in Rachel's ear "I need to go to school so WAKE UP"

Rachel was jolted out of her sleep and she nearly fell out of bed "What Emma?"

"Mommy, it's 8 o'clock. I have to be at school soon, you have to be at work so get out of bed" said Emma. She pointed at the clock "See"

"Shit" said Rachel, climbing out of bed wearily. Another night with only a few hours sleep was taking it's toll, She could barely keep her eyes open "Sorry honey"

"I got Joshua up and got him some cereal," said Emma "I dressed him too"

"You did?" asked Rachel "Thank you so much. I did set my alarm but I must have slept through it"

"You've been doing that a lot lately," said Emma

"I'm sorry," mumbled Rachel, as though she was the daughter and Emma was the mother "I'm going to have a quick shower ok, you grab your stuff for school and as soon as I'm out, we'll hit the road ok?"

"Ok" said Emma, exiting the bedroom.

Rachel sat down on the bed, trying to wake herself up and focus on what had to be done today. There were so many things she needed to do but she didn't know how she was going to do them. She was exhausted from lack of sleep, feeling emotional and depressed.

Emma came back into the doorway "Mom!!" she exclaimed, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going," said Rachel, standing up and walking into the bathroom where she stood under a boiling hot shower for 25 minutes, finally dragging herself out where she stood looking at herself in the mirror.

She looked an absolute mess; her face was pale, with dark circles underneath her eyes.

She sure as hell didn't feel like looking at herself any longer so she went into the semi empty closet and rifled through her millions of clothes, looking for something to wear. She hadn't been caring lately how she looked, living in her sweatpants but what she saw this morning was a wake up call that she needed to pull herself together.

She finally settled on a black ¾ skirt, a blue Singlet top and some flip- flops.

She got dressed and walked into the lounge room.

Emma was sitting on the couch, patiently waiting with her school bag next to her.

Josh was lying on his Pooh Bear sofa watching TV, Emma had dressed him, dressed him as Superman.

"Mommy" he yelled, jumping up and running into Rachel's arms

"Hey spunky" she said, kissing his head "Are you superman today?"

"Uh Huh" said Josh "Emma said so"

"Are you ready now?" asked Emma "I'm late Mommy"

"I'm sorry Sweetie," said Rachel "I'm ready"

"Good" said Emma, getting up and grabbing her bag

"If I could just find my handbag and keys," said Rachel, looking around the room

"HERE" said Emma, pulling them out from underneath on of the cushions on the couch

"Thanks. Ok now, we're good," said Rachel, picking up Joshua and heading for the door

"At last" muttered Emma, following behind as Rachel locked the front door.

They reached the sidewalk and Rachel put Joshua down, he was a big boy and it pained her back carrying him

"Come on Mommy" said Emma marching ahead "I'm going to be in trouble"

"You aren't going to be in trouble," said Rachel, dragging Josh by the hand as she tried to catch up with Emma

Josh suddenly got fed up and sat down on the pavement, where he refused to move

"Come on Josh" said Rachel

"No" said Josh "You carry me"

"Sweetie, we've got to walk all the way to Emma's school. I can't carry you," said Rachel "Be a big boy and walk for Mommy...Please"

"No" said Josh, pouting and crossing his arms "Joshua Ryan Geller" said Rachel sternly, looking around to see if anyone was watching. It was an embarrassment when people saw that you couldn't even handle your own kids.

Someone was watching from afar, Ross was standing in the shadow of a building across the street. He saw Rachel bending down and whispering something in Josh's ear and Josh's face suddenly brightening. Emma was standing, tapping her foot with her face like thunder. She was definitely her mother's daughter.

He didn't know how appropriate it was for him to be standing here, basically spying on his wife but he couldn't face her and he really wanted to see her and the kids.

He looked at Rachel's face as she stood up, holding Josh's hand. He thought how tired and run down she looked, He wanted to run across the street and take her into his arms and never let go.

He watched as she began walking up the road, towards Emma's school, watched her figure become smaller until she rounded the corner.

It was then he quickly crossed the road, and entered his apartment building. He needed to get some more clothes and his checkbook from his bedside table.

He quickly ran up the stairs and let himself into the apartment, gasping at the mess as he walked in. There were toys from one end of the living room to the other, He realised how much Rachel must not be coping, she wasn't like Monica but she never used to let the place get this messy.

He went into the bedroom quickly, all he wanted to do was get some stuff and get out, He again realised how inappropriate sneaking in was but again, He couldn't face her and he needed his checkbook.

He looked at the unmade bed, there were a pile of balled up Kleenex on the bedside table and Rachel's nightgown was slung on the floor..He sat on the edge of the bed and picked up the nightgown, lifting it to his face, It was his favourite nightgown of Rachel's, black and silky and she looked fabulous in it.

He sat in silence for a moment, just thinking and then he snapped out of it. He figured Rachel would be home soon and he knew he shouldn't be here when she was. He quickly grabbed what he needed, including another photo of himself, Rachel and the kids from the album underneath the coffee table and was at the door, locking it when he heard Rachel's voice coming up the stairs, talking to Joshua.

He quickly snapped the lock, and ducked around the corner. He could hear her voice as she came closer...

"Daddy be in there?" asked Joshua, ever hopeful

Rachel sighed, and with a sadness in her voice replied, "No, I don't think so Sweetie"

"Where's Daddy gone?" asked Joshua, standing and watching Rachel find her keys in her handbag

Ross, from around the corner said silently in his head "I'm right here Buddy, right here"

"I don't know," said Rachel "Somewhere..Where the hell are my keys"

"I want a Daddy cuddle," said Joshua "Big one"

"You do?" asked Rachel "Well you know what, I want a Daddy cuddle too Josh"

"Yeah?" asked Josh

"Yeah I do" said Rachel "I can't help you with the Daddy cuddle but will you settle with a Mommy cuddle?"

Josh lifted his arms up in reply and Rachel held him tightly, kissing the top of his head "I love you Spunky Boy"

"Love you Mommy," said Josh

"Do you want to go to Aunty Monica's?" asked Rachel "I don't feel like being at home alone today. Do you?"

"No" said Josh "Mon's house"

"Ok" said Rachel, picking him back up and walked back down the stairs where they came up from.

Ross stepped out from around the corner, He had tears brimming in his eyes as he once again realised the pain he was putting his family through, not only Rachel but his children too.

He quickly exited the building, and jumped into a cab, heading uptown to his dingy and lonely hotel room. He hadn't been into work since the incident and didn't know if he was going to go back anytime soon either.

(Monica and Chandler's Apartment)

Monica tiptoed to the door quietly, having heard a knock. Taylah was asleep in her arms finally after about 2 hours of non-stop crying and Monica was frazzled.

"Hey Mon" said Rachel as she opened the door

"Hey Sweetie" said Monica, brightening up "Hey Josh, Come in"

Rachel put Josh down on the floor and he ran into Jamie's room and she sat down on the couch after taking Taylah out of Monica's arms for a cuddle

"She gets more beautiful every day," said Rachel, staring at the newborn and stroking her smooth skin

"I know," said Monica proudly "So how are you?"

"I'm doing ok, I guess," said Rachel

"You look better today," noted Monica

"Out of my sweats," said Rachel, lifting up her legs

"So I see," said Monica with a laugh "Yay"

"How are you feeling in yourself though?" asked Monica seriously

"Oh you know," said Rachel quietly "Sad, depressed, lonely."

She shrugged her shoulders, biting her lip as tears brimmed "I'm just..."

"I know," said Monica "I'm sorry Honey"

"Don't be sorry" said Rachel "I just need to get myself together, start my life again. With or without Ross I guess..."

"Are you ready for that?" asked Monica

Rachel paused for a second "No...How do you start it all over again, without the one person you're supposed to be with?"

"With a lot of hard work" said Monica "And a lot of help from your friends who love you and who will always be there to help you"

"You guys have been so amazing, I'm so glad that I have Friends like you," said Rachel "Do you want your Angel back?"

"Yeah" said Monica, taking Taylah from Rachel "I'll just put her in her bassinet, one second"

Monica returned and sat back down on the couch, next to Rachel

"It was nice to see a smile on your face today" she said, "Even though it's not exactly a happy one"

Rachel sniffed "I don't really feel like smiling"

"Yeah, but you've got to smile for your kids" said Monica "Don't let them see you all depressed"

"I know," said Rachel "I just wish this had never had happened, wonder if it really is my fault? I must have driven him to do this, first have the affair to start with and then feel he can't even talk to me. I know you and I discussed the possibility but I didn't really think it would be true. Maybe if I had of sat down with him, discussed what was going wrong in the marriage, he wouldn't have strayed"

"It's not your fault," said Monica "In any way at all. Ross is obviously going through some sort of crisis, and made a mistake"

"A big mistake" said Rachel

"Definitely" said Monica "But tell me now, If Ross came to the door today, said how sorry he was, how much he loves you and swore black and blue that it would never happen again and begged for your forgiveness.Would you send him away?"

Rachel thought for a few minutes "I can't answer that..I mean, in spite of everything, I do still love him, I mean you can't just stop loving someone that you've loved for so many years but the feelings of hurt, betrayal.they're all still here and probably won't go away for a very long time"

"Well.." said Monica "I know you will do what you think is right"

"What, you think he is going to come back?" asked Rachel

"Well I don't think he is just going to disappear of the face of the earth," said Monica

"Where do you think he is?" asked Rachel

"Honestly, I have no idea" said Monica, "I haven't spoken to him since he left, Chandler hasn't either"

"Oh" said Rachel "I miss him ya'know"

"Really?" said Monica

"Yeah" said Rachel "I know that before, he was always at work and everything, but at least I knew he was there..his presence in bed at night was comforting.He was mine"

Rachel went quiet, she was staring at her hands in her lap and her mind was wandering, She started thinking about their wedding day..

(Flashback- 5 years earlier)

They were standing at the altar saying their vows, playing quietly in the background was a song chosen by Ross....

I can't believe it's true I'm standing here in front of you And you are here with me So unbelievable I'll never ever let you go My heart is yours for keeps Lets make a vow (make a vow baby) Right here and now (here and now)

This is the day that I've prayed for And you are the girl of my dreams And my place in life is right here by your side on this day This very moment (this very moment)

Today is you and I We celebrate a brand new life That God has given us Until the end of time I hold your precious hand in mine Promise you can trust.. These simple words Forever of my love for you

This is the day that I've prayed for And you are the girl of my dreams And my place in life is right here by your side on this day

This day was meant to be I need you desperately Through all eternity So perfect and so right I want to share my life I'm here by your side From now on

This is the day that I've prayed for And you are the girl of my dreams And my place in life is right here by your side on this day This very moment This very moment This very moment

I can't believe it's true I'm standing here in front of you And you are here with me This very moment

"By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife," said the Minister "You may now kiss your bride"

Rachel watched, her eyes were flooded with tears as Ross leaned forward and lifted her veil from in front of her face; He wiped away a tear and kissed her lips tenderly before whispering in her ear..

"This is the day that I've prayed for Rachel, and you know you're the girl of my dreams so I promise to you, my heart is yours and only yours forever"

She burst into tears immediately and Ross let out a little laugh "You weren't supposed to cry when I said that"

Rachel was struggling to speak because she was crying and she could feel everyone's eyes burning into her as the guests watched this private moment between the new husband and wife.

"I..I." blubbered Rachel, eventually just saying "Ditto"

(Present time)

"Rachel" said Monica, loudly, interrupting her

"Sorry" said Rachel focusing "I was just thinking.."

"About what?" asked Monica

"Our wedding day" admitted Rachel "This song that Ross picked out, was playing when we were saying our vows...The lyrics were just so perfect and after we were pronounced husband and wife, Ross whispered into my ear a little quote from the song, he said 'This is the day that I've prayed for, you know you're the girl of my dreams and I promise to you, My heart is yours and only yours forever'"

"I remember," said Monica "It was a beautiful song"

"It was" said Rachel "I couldn't stand the thought of him giving his heart to this other woman"

(Ross's Hotel Room)

He was sitting by the window, looking out at the blue sky. .It had killed him seeing Rachel this morning, seeing her sad face, knowing he was the cause of it all. Since the day they got married, they were so happy, but then something changed, He had become a workaholic, jerk husband. What had happened??

(Flashback)

They were dancing their first dance as a married couple. Ross was leading Rachel around the dance floor when she paused for a second...

"Are you happy?" she asked him, staring enquiringly into his eyes.

"More then you'll ever know" said Ross "Why?"

"Just wanted to make sure," said Rachel

"I've never been so happy my entire life," said Ross "You heard what I said to you up there, you're the girl of my dreams"

"Do you know how long I waited for you to come and sweep me off my feet again?" asked Rachel "It felt like forever, but I knew it was going to happen.One day"

"When I stopped being such a jerk and admitted my feelings," said Ross

"Promise me you'll never leave me," said Rachel "Never"

"I promise," said Ross, kissing her "I will never leave your side, until the day I die"

(Present time)

Tears burned his eyes. He had broken so many promises lately, but that one really stuck out, He said he'd never leave her, not until the day he died.

He suddenly made a decision and he picked up the phone.

TBC