Chapter 5

As soon as Rachel hung up the phone, She called Monica

"Monica" she said, as soon as the phone was picked up "Mon, I need some advice or something"

"Hey Rachel" said Monica "What do you need advice about?"

Monica knew very well what she was most probably going to ask her..

"Well, Ross called me today" said Rachel

"And.." Said Monica "What did you talk about?"

"He talked more then me" said Rachel "He told me how sorry he was, how he wants to make it up to me, how I am the only woman for him, blah, blah, blah"

"Blah, Blah..." said Monica, confused "We're talking about getting your marriage back on track and you're saying blah, blah, blah?"

"Do I want to get my marriage back on track though?" said Rachel "Right now, I'm not so sure"

"Rachel, think clearly" said Monica

"I am thinking clearly Monica" said Rachel "We are talking about the man who has been unfaithful to me TWICE, that is 2 times in our relationship history, How can I be so sure that it won't happen again, that he won't get drunk and let his penis do the thinking for him?"

"It's a matter of you figuring out if you can build up the trust again Rachel" said Monica "Can you see yourself and Ross, moving on from this, working it out and being a family again?"

"I don't know" said Rachel "I honestly don't know"

"I'm sorry but that's all I can say," said Monica "You need to figure out the issues that will stop you from accepting his apology and moving on"

"I know," said Rachel "But anyway, Can you do me a favour tonight?"

"Yeah sure" said Monica

"Can you mind Emma and Joshua for me?" said Rachel "I've got a date"

"A DATE?" exploded Monica "Are you out of your mind, that is so inappropriate.."

"Calm down Monica" said Rachel "A date with your brother"

"Oh god" said Monica "Thank heavens for that. He asked you to go to dinner then?"

"Yes," said Rachel "And I don't know if saying yes was the right thing to do"

"Why not?" asked Monica "This can be step number 1, take it one day at a time, nice and slow"

"Monica, you sound like a counsellor," said Rachel

Monica thought about it for a second "Maybe I should have been a counsellor instead of a chef"

"Sure, You are GREAT to talk too" said Rachel "So I'm going to see him tonight, would you be able to watch the kids for me?"

"Of course" said Monica "Do you want me to have them for the night?"

"No, just the evening" said Rachel

"Ok" said Monica "What are you going to talk about tonight?"

"I don't know" said Rachel "I'm really nervous, because I know that I'm going to be feeling really uncomfortable around him"

"He's your husband Rachel, someone you've been around for like 15 years. Why would you be uncomfortable?" asked Monica

"Because, every time I look at him, all I will be able to see is him with this other woman" said Rachel "And it creeps me out, it makes me feel sick inside when I think about it"

"Don't focus on that, focus on Ross and only Ross" said Monica "Picture yourself with him, doing things, that'd be better wouldn't it?"

"Yeah, until that bitches face pops up in between us and starts kissing my husband" said Rachel "God, it absolutely kills me.."

"I know," said Monica "Off that subject ok...What time will you bring Em and Josh over?"

"About 6:30" said Rachel

"Looking forward to it" said Monica "Chandler's been irritating me lately so it will be nice to have a girl to talk to"

"All Emma will want to talk about is how she wants her dad home" said Rachel "Ross was talking to her today and she pretended that he had something important to tell me, just so I would get on the phone and talk to him"

"That's so sweet," said Monica "She's playing matchmaker"

"Yeah, really sweet. Trying to shove us back together" said Rachel sarcastically "No, She is beautiful and a Little Sweetie"

"I'm so glad I've got Taylah now" said Monica, "Little Boys are the best but every woman wants a daughter that they can dress all pretty and do their hair etc. I can't wait for all that. When she grows some hair that is"

"Yeah, girls are great but I wouldn't be without my little spunky boy" said Rachel, looking at Josh who was building something out of blocks, his tongue sticking out of his mouth while he concentrated "Anyway I better go. It's like 4pm and I need to get the kids some dinner before they go to your place and calm my nerves down"

"Ok" said Monica "I'll see you in a while"

"Bye" said Rachel, hanging up the phone and sitting on the couch

"Are you going out with Daddy tonight Mommy?" asked Emma, being nosy

"I am" said Rachel "And you and Josh are going to Aunty Monica's"

"Yay" said Emma "Will Daddy be here when I wake up in the morning"

"No honey" said Rachel "I'm sorry"

"When will he be home?" asked Emma "I want him to be at home with us"

"Because something's need to be sorted first Emma" said Rachel "I'm not getting into it"

"Why?" asked Emma

"Because it's grown up stuff" said Rachel "You wouldn't understand Sweetie"

"Try Me," said Emma

"No..God Emma where did you learn to speak like such a grown up?" asked Rachel

"I don't know," said Emma "Will you give Daddy a kiss for me?"

Rachel screwed up her face, there sure as hell wasn't going to be any kissing going on tonight "Sure I will"

"Good" said Emma "What are you wearing?"

"I don't know," said Rachel, wondering how she ever got a daughter who could act so grown up at 7 years old

"Can I help you choose?" asked Emma "I love clothes"

"I guess you can," said Rachel "Come on"

They went into the master bedroom, leaving Josh in the living room and Emma went straight into the cupboard..

"I like this" she said, pulling out a black, V-necked dress

"No, that's not really right," said Rachel "Something less dressy"

"This?" said Emma, holding out a pair of beige pants

"Yeah maybe" said Rachel, sitting down on the bed

"And this" said Emma, as she pulled out a black top with a v-neck & flowing sleeves.

"Very good Honey" said Rachel "Now shoes"

"Ummm" said Emma, peering into the bottom of the cupboard "These"

She held out a pair of black heels "Mommy, you have too many shoes"

"I know" said Rachel "They'll do. Wow Emma, Do you want a job at Ralph Lauren?"

"YES" said Emma "I want to be a fashion person like you"

""Well in about 10 years, I'll get you a job ok Sweetie?" said Rachel "Now, can I get dressed in peace?"

"Yes," said Emma "Come and show me when you are dressed ok?"

"Sure" said Rachel, pushing her out the door "Bye bye"

"Mommy wait" said Emma, pausing in the doorway

"What Sweetie?" said Rachel

"I want you to look beautiful for Daddy tonight, so then he will fall even more in love with you and come home" said Emma "Like a princess"

"I'll try," said Rachel "Go on"

Rachel shut the door and sat down in an armchair, Emma was so much like her it wasn't funny, in the fashion aspect; She was much more like her father in the clever, bookish aspect.

She thought about what could possibly happen tonight, What was Ross going to say to her, what could he tell her that he hadn't already said, and what was she going to say to him?

She was feeling a mixture of feelings, nerves, the anticipation of seeing someone who she hadn't seen for 10 days, someone who she wasn't even sure she wanted to see but she knew if she had to at least make the effort, it wouldn't be fair to her or Emma and Josh if she didn't..

(Insomnia Café- Evening)

Ross paced in the doorway of the restaurant, looking at his watch. They'd said 7pm and it was now 7:08 and Rachel wasn't here. He held in one hand, a bunch of Lilies, lifting them to his nose, they smelled beautiful, Rachel's favourite flowers.

He looked down the pavement and saw Rachel walking up. She looked amazing as she walked towards him, much better then when he saw her the other day, Her hair was down and framing her face. She took his breath away.

Rachel breathed deeply as she approached him, She was late because she had to convince Josh that Jamie wouldn't eat him when he got to Monica's for some unknown reason and then she couldn't get a cab from Monica's to here for 10 minutes so she was slightly grumpy and worn out already.

She could see him staring at her as she got closer and she tried to calm her nerves by breathing in and out slowly. She was fiddling with her handbag when she reached him

"Hi" he said, leaning forward as if to kiss her causing Rachel to recoil back slightly

"Sorry, Sorry" said Ross quickly, realising his mistake

"It's ok," said Rachel

"These are for you," said Ross, handing her the flowers "You look great by the way"

"Thankyou" said Rachel "You know Lilies are my favourite"

"Yeah" said Ross "That's why I got them"

"Oh well thankyou" said Rachel

"Do you want to go inside?" asked Ross, gesturing to the doorway

"Ok" said Rachel

They approached the Maitre D, Ross saying "Table for two under the name of Geller"

"Right this way" he said, pointing to their table.

Rachel walked in front of Ross and he couldn't help but stare at her butt as she walked, it looked amazing in those pants.

"Here we are" said the Maitre D

Ross pulled Rachel's chair out for her and she sat down, Ross sat down opposite her.

"Here are your menu's," said the Maitre D "Someone will be back for your order"

"Thank you very much," said Rachel, flashing her million dollar smile

"Cosy back here isn't it," joked Ross "Little Love nest"

"It is" said Rachel, raising her eyebrows slightly "Nice place" "Someone from work recommended it to me" said Ross, jumping in quickly with "Someone being James, a man"

Rachel nodded, taking a sip of her water.

"Can I take your order now?" asked a Waitress who had approached the table

Rachel and Ross both opened their menu's.

"I will have the Caesar Salad, with a side of Croutons," said Rachel "And then the Salmon"

"And I will have the Pumpkin soup and then the Salmon too" said Ross "And a bottle of Wine"

"Oh, I don't want any wine," said Rachel "Water's fine for me"

"Ok then" said Ross "Make that a jug of water with a spritz of lemon"

"Ok, that will be about 20 minutes," said the Waitress "Can I get you any bread?"

"No, that's fine," said Ross, before remembering to ask Rachel "I'm sorry, did you want some bread?"

"No" said Rachel "Thankyou"

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Rachel looking everywhere but at him.

Ross got fed up so he broke the silence and began to talk.

"Rachel, you look amazing tonight," he said

"Thanks" said Rachel "I'm actually feeling better today"

"Good" said Ross "So, where is Emma and Josh tonight?"

"They're at Monica's" said Rachel "I'm going to pick them up later"

Ross nodded slowly "So the reason I wanted to have dinner with you tonight, well it was so I could talk to you face to face, Find out where you are in all of this, Try and convince you how truly sorry I am.."

"I know all this," said Rachel "You told me on the phone"

"Yes, but I want to tell you again, looking at you" said Ross "I can't even begin how to explain how sorry I am Rachel. This past week or so has been hell for me."

"Hell for you?" interrupted Rachel "Well it's been hell for me too Ross. Hell for me, Hell for Emma and Josh as they wondered why the hell their Daddy up and left them"

"I know, I know," said Ross "I can't believe how much this has impacted them, I wasn't thinking when I made my decision, all I was thinking about was how hurt you were going to be and how I didn't want to be around to see it"

"And you weren't" said Rachel "You weren't there to explain it to me, I had to read it in a letter, a letter that didn't even properly explain why it happened, you weren't there to comfort me when I was crying"

"Would you have honestly wanted me there?" asked Ross

"It would have been better, if you had just come to me and told me Ross" admitted Rachel "Stood up and admitted 'I've done something stupid, I've made a mistake'. I would have still been hurt, I would have still been angry but I would have at least given you some credit for having the courage to admit it to my face"

"I'm a coward," said Ross "But the reason I didn't stick around was because I can't bear to see you hurt, see you angry. I don't like looking at you when you're unhappy, even more when I know that I was the cause"

Rachel played with her napkin as he spoke, she was listening but she couldn't look at his face. She eventually looked up, when he stopped talking and saw him staring at her, with a sad look on his face.

"Can you tell me what you're thinking?" asked Ross "Is this the end of everything? Have I ruined the only relationship I've ever had, where the person means as much to me as you do?"

Rachel's lips trembled and she felt tears suddenly spring to her eyes and tip over. Two single tears slid down her face as she looked into his eyes...

"I don't know" she said softly "This may have been the last straw"

"No" said Ross. He shuffled his chair over next to her and took both of her hands into his "Please don't say that Rachel. Don't do this to me"

"I'm sorry," said Rachel, Tears were now flowing freely as she spoke.

A voice suddenly interrupted them "Ross!!"

Ross looked up and got a horrified look on his face "Amanda"

Rachel also looked up and saw a petite brunette, standing next to Ross. Her hand on his arm

"Hi stranger" said Amanda, looking for a crying Rachel then back to Ross "How are you?"

"I'm Fine," said Ross, moving so Amanda's hand slid of his arm

He looked at Rachel who was staring at Amanda, a puzzled look on her tearstained face

"This must be Rachel then?" said Amanda, leaning forward and grabbing Rachel's hand, leaving her shocked "I'm Amanda, Ross's Colleague"

"Hello" said Rachel, wondering why this woman was still standing here when she could clearly tell they were in the middle of something.

"Amanda, We're sort of in the middle of something," said Ross, speaking up

"So I see," said Amanda

"So" said Ross, prompting her

"I haven't seen you since Mike's party" said Amanda "Why haven't you been into work?"

"Personal reasons" said Ross "Amanda, I think you should leave us alone now"

Rachel was just staring at Amanda, who appeared to be unable to take her eyes of Ross, Rachel was sensing Ross' discomfort and it suddenly all made sense.

"This is her isn't it?" she mumbled

"Rachel" said Ross

"Oh so you told her?" asked Amanda "Wow, that must have been very brave of you"

Rachel's blood was boiling as she looked at the cheap slut who had convinced her husband to stray. She fumbled for her purse, finding it and standing up, forcing Ross who was blocking her way to move

"I've gotta go" said Rachel,

"No, Rachel" said Ross, reaching for her arm

"Don't!!" said Rachel, shaking him off "You can call tomorrow and talk to your son and daughter and explain to them why you won't be coming home"

"Rachel.." Pleaded Ross "Sit back down"

Rachel looked at him for a moment, before storming off towards the entrance, before she stared crying again in front of both of them.

She walked out the door and stopped, sinking into a bench, which was meant for people waiting for service.

She sucked in breaths, feeling like she was going to hyperventilate as a wave of emotions came over her. Seeing whom Ross had cheated on her with brought everything back up to the surface. She didn't know what had caused the outburst of anger but it frightened her.

Meanwhile Ross was still standing at their table, shocked at what had just happened. This was supposed to be the first step in him gaining her forgiveness, instead Amanda had to come and rear her ugly head and ruin everything.

"She's sweet Ross," said Amanda smugly "Gorgeous too"

"Yeah, I know Amanda," said Ross "Listen to me now ok, read my lips. You stay away from me, and you stay away from my wife. What happened between us was nothing, a stupid, stupid mistake. You mean nothing to me, absolutely nothing"

"Really?" asked Amanda "I could have you fired you know, I am younger then you after all, I'll say you took advantage of me"

"I really don't care," said Ross "Now do me a favour and get out of my way while I go after my wife"

He pushed her out the way and ran towards the entrance, leaving Amanda staring at him dumbfounded.

He ran out the double doors, looking at both sides and seeing Rachel sitting a few feet away, her head in her hands.

"Rachel" he called, running up to her

She looked up and Ross had never seen such a look on her face before. She stood up and walked in the other direction

"Rachel" he called, running behind her and grabbing her arm gently "Please stop"

"Did you even look at her before you kissed her?" said Rachel angrily, turning around

"What?" asked Ross "Why?"

"She's awful Ross," said Rachel "She's not even pretty"

"I know" said Ross "She's not prettier then you"

"Stop it ok" said Rachel loudly "You keep raining all this praise on me and I'm starting to wonder if it's all just to suck up my ass and get back home"

"I'm not doing that," said Ross, looking at the pavement "I just want things to be better, I want you to tell me that you forgive me, I want to see a smile on your face again"

"You can't just click your fingers and make everything better" said Rachel sadly, "It doesn't work like that"

"Can't I at least try?" asked Ross "Rachel, tell me what I have to do to make it up to you, I will do anything"

"I don't know," said Rachel, wiping her eyes

"You can't stand there and tell me you don't know Rachel," said Ross "Because I know you, I know how many thoughts would be running through your mind right now, Can you find it in your heart to forgive me? Is it worth me taking further steps to regain your trust?"

Rachel sat down on a bench under a large tree "I just feel so messed up right now Ross"

"I understand but can't you see how much you mean to me?" said Ross, sitting down next to her "If Amanda meant anything to me at all, do you think I would be sitting her with you?"

Rachel shrugged her shoulders "I don't know. I don't know what goes on in your mind lately but I do know that I want to go home"

"We haven't even had dinner yet," said Ross

"I'm not in the mood to eat," said Rachel, starting to stand up "I'm sorry"

"Wait" said Ross. He stood up and held her by the shoulders

"What?" asked Rachel

Ross leaned in and kissed her lips gently "I meant what I said Rachel, all you need to do is think about it, I'll wait for you for as long as it takes"

Rachel backed away, shocked.

She moved a few feet away saying "I will" before she walked up the street without turning back.

Ross sat back down on the bench, rubbing his temples and wondering, "Why does everything have to be so hard?"

TBC