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"Ow... "
I remember saying that a few seconds before I even opened my eyes. Slowly at first, but they grew wider when I sat up, looked around, and saw where I was.
Nowhere .
Honestly, that's all I could call it. Nowhere. What would you call a place made up entirely of swirling purple-pink mist, with nothing and no one in sight, devoid of any life? What would you call a place that sparked no memory of having heard of it, of having seen it, or having even dreamt it? What would you call a place that seemed to have no limits, no bounds, no borders, exit or entrance; a place that gives no hope, emotion or feeling to one unfortunate enough to set foot in it's realm? Nowhere.
But that's where I was. I had no clue whatsoever where I was or how I had even got here in the first place. I had no memory! I remembered nothing! This was probably due to the fact that I was still dazed and in a blur from the pain earlier on, though. And that was basically all I remembered then; the pain.
I looked around. No, not a soul to be seen. I brushed my hair away from my face. Blinked. Looked around again. Still nobody. The slowly swirling mist was making me cold. I shivered. I felt numb. Completely numb. Mustering up my strength, I managed to call weakly, "Is anyone here? Is there someone to help me? Hello?" I was surprised at how sad I sounded, yet failed to actually feel the sadness . Was there an inner realisation or feeling inside that I was yet to feel, but couldn't in my emotionally-paralysed state? My voice was that of a child, innocent and lost, ripped away from the safe world she had known and plunged into nothingness. My voice was that of a child that had no one to love her, no one to care for her, no one she knew around her, no one around her, and she had been crying for quite some time without realising it.
Weakly, I got to my feet, swaying from my dizziness. "I have to find someone," I whispered. Somehow, I managed to walk, even though every tiny movement brought a sharp stab of pain to my every nerve. My vision was blurry and my head throbbed. I was so weak! What made me weaker was the thought that I might never find a way out of this... this... nothingness.
A drop of what I thought was sweat trickled down my nose. How can I be sweating in this temperature? I thought to myself, utterly weary. I reached up tiredly and wiped it off...
Blood!
The back of my hand was covered in blood! It wasn't' sweat at all! I stared, horrified, as a series of terrifying thoughts and realisations flashed through my mind;
Blood trickling from my forehead... a sharp, glowing horn... an unbearable feeling of horrible pain...
The Nixus had pierced my forehead..
Hagrid's words...
"Ye better be watchin' yerselves there, Melody, Harry... a Nixus can kill yuh anytime it wants with that horn o' theirs."
The horn kills.
Chris's joked warning...
"You think Erumpents are dangerous? Hah! That Nixus is close to a Basilisk and a Nundu, Mel. One prick of it's horn, and you're off to meet your Maker. Save me a seat in Heaven, alright?"
The horn kills.
The Nixus had pierced my forehead with her horn.
The horn kills!
Now I realised exactly what was that 'inner realisation' that I had not managed to feel earlier on. The realisation was that I was dead.
I was dead.
"Nooo!" I screamed. I sank to my knees, shivering and shaking uncontrollably. My fingers gripped at the misty, swirling ground, which was stained with drops of my blood. Shocked tears welled up in my eyes and streamed down my horrified face, while my breathing turned into choked gasps. I was dead! "No... no... " I sobbed.
You will never know what it feels like to suddenly realise that you are dead. Just like the brilliant light that first glowed from the horn, it is indescribable. The shock that suddenly washes over you like a tidal wave is filled with such force and intensity that the impact leaves your head spinning and your chest aching terribly. Your body, like your breathing, becomes horribly shaky and unstable. Soon, the shock is joined by something far more powerful and intense; Fear. I can honestly say that the fear I felt then was the greatest and most painful fear that I had ever felt before. The moment that the fear hits you, all thoughts of Heaven and Hell race blindly through your terrified, aching mind. You know that they await you, you know that they are ahead. You can't go left, right, or back. You can't go back, which means that it is time to face either one.
Somehow, you just know that Heaven is out of reach, and that the merciless fires of Hell are what you might be doomed to face. No matter how saintly you may have been in life, you can't help thinking of this terrifying possibility. All the horrible stories of torture, grief and pain in Hell dance about your brain, mocking and taunting mercilessly, about to claim your soul as one of their victims. The very thought you, you, being part of their torture, unable to escape or even cease the pain throughout all eternity, saddens yet scares you so much at the same time that you feel you can't breathe anymore and your chest pounds and aches again. Hot tears race down your face, accompanied by your heavy yet silent breaths. As you stand completely rooted to the spot by the shock, another heart-wrenching emotion appears; regret.
Suddenly, you regret everything even slightly bad that you have ever done, and you feel like the most sinful person on earth, undeserving of forgiveness. The great God's divine light and mercy seem so far away, out of sight and unreachable to your crying, helpless soul. The tears flow faster down your grieved face as you realise that when it comes to this, there is no more asking for God's forgiveness. The Saviour you have turned to all this while cannot help you anymore... will not help you anymore, for it is He himself that you will be facing. No amount of praying, sobbing or begging will bring you back. Your mind, body and spirit are suddenly and swiftly drained of all courage and hope, leaving you weaker, helpless and devoid of strength and will. You are scared, you are fearful, you are helpless, you are just... well, dead. I was dead. Now that the painful realisation had hit, there was only the matter of what was coming up ahead.
Now, try as I may, I have never been good at putting my emotions onto paper. What I have told you so far is just pitiful compared to what I really felt then. Reading it may not have shook you up, but eventually, you'll feel it too... one day.
So there I was, sobbing alone, the shock overwhelming me. I couldn't help wondering what had happened to my physical body. Had they found it already? Sure enough, because I remember blacking out by the window. Were they sitting around it crying? Did they write a letter to my family? Did they... did they... bury me already?! At that thought, I shivered and started crying again, but comforted myself by the fact that if I must be dead, at least I will be remembered... I hope.
All of a sudden, amongst my fear, sadness and grief, something else emerged from the darkness of my mind. I started to feel anger. My heart and chest burned and pounded with a white-hot fury, more white-hot than any other fury I had ever felt before. My lips quivered and my breaths quickened, hurting my chest. I had only one thing I needed to say... one thing I needed to ask... and one thing I needed to know. Now I stood up shakily, my face red, and yelled it out loud into the nothingness and emptiness of the place; "Why did you kill me?!"
I stamped my foot on the barely-there ground and let out an extremely frustrated cry. What did I do that was so horrible and evil to get me murdered? What filthy crime did I commit to be standing here in this empty place without my life? What...
I spun around and stared. I could've sworn I heard a footstep or something behind me. I frowned. "Who goes there?" I cried, "Show yourself!"
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"Ow... "
I remember saying that a few seconds before I even opened my eyes. Slowly at first, but they grew wider when I sat up, looked around, and saw where I was.
Nowhere .
Honestly, that's all I could call it. Nowhere. What would you call a place made up entirely of swirling purple-pink mist, with nothing and no one in sight, devoid of any life? What would you call a place that sparked no memory of having heard of it, of having seen it, or having even dreamt it? What would you call a place that seemed to have no limits, no bounds, no borders, exit or entrance; a place that gives no hope, emotion or feeling to one unfortunate enough to set foot in it's realm? Nowhere.
But that's where I was. I had no clue whatsoever where I was or how I had even got here in the first place. I had no memory! I remembered nothing! This was probably due to the fact that I was still dazed and in a blur from the pain earlier on, though. And that was basically all I remembered then; the pain.
I looked around. No, not a soul to be seen. I brushed my hair away from my face. Blinked. Looked around again. Still nobody. The slowly swirling mist was making me cold. I shivered. I felt numb. Completely numb. Mustering up my strength, I managed to call weakly, "Is anyone here? Is there someone to help me? Hello?" I was surprised at how sad I sounded, yet failed to actually feel the sadness . Was there an inner realisation or feeling inside that I was yet to feel, but couldn't in my emotionally-paralysed state? My voice was that of a child, innocent and lost, ripped away from the safe world she had known and plunged into nothingness. My voice was that of a child that had no one to love her, no one to care for her, no one she knew around her, no one around her, and she had been crying for quite some time without realising it.
Weakly, I got to my feet, swaying from my dizziness. "I have to find someone," I whispered. Somehow, I managed to walk, even though every tiny movement brought a sharp stab of pain to my every nerve. My vision was blurry and my head throbbed. I was so weak! What made me weaker was the thought that I might never find a way out of this... this... nothingness.
A drop of what I thought was sweat trickled down my nose. How can I be sweating in this temperature? I thought to myself, utterly weary. I reached up tiredly and wiped it off...
Blood!
The back of my hand was covered in blood! It wasn't' sweat at all! I stared, horrified, as a series of terrifying thoughts and realisations flashed through my mind;
Blood trickling from my forehead... a sharp, glowing horn... an unbearable feeling of horrible pain...
The Nixus had pierced my forehead..
Hagrid's words...
"Ye better be watchin' yerselves there, Melody, Harry... a Nixus can kill yuh anytime it wants with that horn o' theirs."
The horn kills.
Chris's joked warning...
"You think Erumpents are dangerous? Hah! That Nixus is close to a Basilisk and a Nundu, Mel. One prick of it's horn, and you're off to meet your Maker. Save me a seat in Heaven, alright?"
The horn kills.
The Nixus had pierced my forehead with her horn.
The horn kills!
Now I realised exactly what was that 'inner realisation' that I had not managed to feel earlier on. The realisation was that I was dead.
I was dead.
"Nooo!" I screamed. I sank to my knees, shivering and shaking uncontrollably. My fingers gripped at the misty, swirling ground, which was stained with drops of my blood. Shocked tears welled up in my eyes and streamed down my horrified face, while my breathing turned into choked gasps. I was dead! "No... no... " I sobbed.
You will never know what it feels like to suddenly realise that you are dead. Just like the brilliant light that first glowed from the horn, it is indescribable. The shock that suddenly washes over you like a tidal wave is filled with such force and intensity that the impact leaves your head spinning and your chest aching terribly. Your body, like your breathing, becomes horribly shaky and unstable. Soon, the shock is joined by something far more powerful and intense; Fear. I can honestly say that the fear I felt then was the greatest and most painful fear that I had ever felt before. The moment that the fear hits you, all thoughts of Heaven and Hell race blindly through your terrified, aching mind. You know that they await you, you know that they are ahead. You can't go left, right, or back. You can't go back, which means that it is time to face either one.
Somehow, you just know that Heaven is out of reach, and that the merciless fires of Hell are what you might be doomed to face. No matter how saintly you may have been in life, you can't help thinking of this terrifying possibility. All the horrible stories of torture, grief and pain in Hell dance about your brain, mocking and taunting mercilessly, about to claim your soul as one of their victims. The very thought you, you, being part of their torture, unable to escape or even cease the pain throughout all eternity, saddens yet scares you so much at the same time that you feel you can't breathe anymore and your chest pounds and aches again. Hot tears race down your face, accompanied by your heavy yet silent breaths. As you stand completely rooted to the spot by the shock, another heart-wrenching emotion appears; regret.
Suddenly, you regret everything even slightly bad that you have ever done, and you feel like the most sinful person on earth, undeserving of forgiveness. The great God's divine light and mercy seem so far away, out of sight and unreachable to your crying, helpless soul. The tears flow faster down your grieved face as you realise that when it comes to this, there is no more asking for God's forgiveness. The Saviour you have turned to all this while cannot help you anymore... will not help you anymore, for it is He himself that you will be facing. No amount of praying, sobbing or begging will bring you back. Your mind, body and spirit are suddenly and swiftly drained of all courage and hope, leaving you weaker, helpless and devoid of strength and will. You are scared, you are fearful, you are helpless, you are just... well, dead. I was dead. Now that the painful realisation had hit, there was only the matter of what was coming up ahead.
Now, try as I may, I have never been good at putting my emotions onto paper. What I have told you so far is just pitiful compared to what I really felt then. Reading it may not have shook you up, but eventually, you'll feel it too... one day.
So there I was, sobbing alone, the shock overwhelming me. I couldn't help wondering what had happened to my physical body. Had they found it already? Sure enough, because I remember blacking out by the window. Were they sitting around it crying? Did they write a letter to my family? Did they... did they... bury me already?! At that thought, I shivered and started crying again, but comforted myself by the fact that if I must be dead, at least I will be remembered... I hope.
All of a sudden, amongst my fear, sadness and grief, something else emerged from the darkness of my mind. I started to feel anger. My heart and chest burned and pounded with a white-hot fury, more white-hot than any other fury I had ever felt before. My lips quivered and my breaths quickened, hurting my chest. I had only one thing I needed to say... one thing I needed to ask... and one thing I needed to know. Now I stood up shakily, my face red, and yelled it out loud into the nothingness and emptiness of the place; "Why did you kill me?!"
I stamped my foot on the barely-there ground and let out an extremely frustrated cry. What did I do that was so horrible and evil to get me murdered? What filthy crime did I commit to be standing here in this empty place without my life? What...
I spun around and stared. I could've sworn I heard a footstep or something behind me. I frowned. "Who goes there?" I cried, "Show yourself!"
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