Communicating on All Levels Part 8

**Disclaimers in part 1**

A/N: We all know that the reason there was very little Harm and Mac interaction in the last part of the season was CB's pregnancy. While in my little universe it's because they weren't getting along again.

Harm's room on Sarah Rabb's Farm Sunday 7pm

I can't believe my grandmother sent us to our rooms like we're a couple of five year olds. Actually, wait a minute, I can believe it. Grams has always been one to call them like she sees them and Mac and I did need to get away from each other for a while. Of course neither of us would have ever admitted that.

It's not easy to talk out years of miscommunication and misunderstandings. Especially when the conversation is between two of the most stubborn people on the entire planet earth.

I know that Mac and I should have had this conversation years ago. At this point I'm not sure we can say everything we need to say and not end up hating each other. Well at least this way it will be a healthy hate. If we'd kept on going the way we were before Paraguay we'd have ended up destroying each other and probably ourselves too.

I know eventually Mac's going to ask why now? The only answer I have is my time in the brig. The isolation that was forced on me while I was there left me with nothing to do but look at my life and I really didn't like what I saw.

I saw someone who's so wrapped up in duty, loyalty and honor that he managed to make himself look guilty of a crime he didn't commit. I also saw someone who does a lot of assuming. I assumed Sergei was the father of the baby. I assumed he killed her and needed me to protect him. I assumed that Mac doesn't want a real relationship with me. I'm beginning to realize that she does, she just as screwed up emotionally as I am.

Then there's my emphasis on family. For someone who claims family is important I don't have much of one do I? I have my mom and Frank. We don't see each other much though, I think that's probably due to my feelings about how I treated Frank as a kid. Actually that probably only part of it. My mom and I don't talk much about our feelings and boy are there a lot of them we need to talk about. There are my feelings about her marrying Frank and her feelings about my being an ass to the man for years. There's also the whole issue of my running away to Vietnam when I was sixteen. Would you believe we've never had a conversation about it! Then there's Grams. She tries to be there for me and she does really well but she's getting up there in years. She doesn't get out of the valley much anymore. Then there's my half-brother who has spent the majority of his life in Russia. We were both adults when we met. Hell, he so much younger than me that I was an adult at Anapolis when he was born. Even if he'd been raised in the US I don't think we'd have much of a relationship.

I want a family. I want a large, close family. That why I don't want the admiral to overlook my resignation. I firmly believe I need to shake up my life and I think getting out of the Navy is the first step. If I don't shake my life up some it's going to be too easy to fall into the same old patterns, with the same old life. I need to make myself I priority so that I can get that family I want.

I'm supposed to report to Quantico a week from tomorrow. A friend of mine that's with the FBI got me an interview which led to a job offer. I have to complete some testing and training first and then based on that they'll give me some options. I know that sounds strange but apparently there's quite a lot I'm qualified for and then want to try and decide where's the best place for me to be. Hopefully something will come of that. If not, I may just move out here to the farm and do something, practice law, fix planes, I don't know.

My stomach is growling so I head downstairs to find some food. I'm bent over with my head in the fridge when I hear it.

"Hey Grams what have we got around here to eat?"

TBC....