The characters belong to Top cow and TNT as do all their toys, accessories and appliances, including the Witchblade. Everything else is just hearsay and rumors.

I had to make some minor revisions throughout.

poisson d'avril (REVISED)
A response to Shauna Lee's challenge

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With a satisfied smirk, Jake added a package of carefully selected items to his gym bag while preparing for his day of work. Before walking out the door, he stopped by a daily calendar attached to the wall. He tore off the Farside comic decorated date of March 31st, revealing April 1st. He snickered at the new comic and grabbed his keys. Today should be interesting.

*

Sara had endured a very bad morning. Someone had switched the contents of her grooming products, spiked her toothpaste with 'Pop-Rocks' and flushed the toilet while she was in the shower. She wasn't naming names but she was sure she saw a flash of black before she was scalded.

As she got dressed, she found a pair of edible panties in her underwear drawer, jellybeans in her boots and frilly scrunchies in place of her sensible hair-bands. Thoroughly annoyed, she had stomped off to the kitchen to find someone had systematically cut out the bottom of every single cereal box and tinted her milk pink. By the time her coffee was ready, she was furious.

She stared angrily at the seemingly innocent coffee mug. "If this is decaf, someone's gonna die," she growled. She could picture a certain dark haired man grinning wickedly at her aggravation. Instinctively, her eyes flicked to his usual perch. *And that suspicious looking stream of goo on the fire escape window had better not be what she thought it was.*

*

Jake's morning had been amusing, to say the least. He'd managed to label quite a few officers' backs with interesting 'facts' about them. Burgess was still sporting a 'I pee sitting down' notice, as no one was willing to openly snicker at the burly man.

He'd tried some gags on Danny, but was met with an annoyed stare each time. It's like the guy had a sixth sense about pranks. Maybe it was some sort of Zen intuition.

*

When Sara arrived late, Jake opened his mouth to comment but was immediately shut down by her near demonic glare. The Wielder was not in the mood for anything but revenge and was just looking for someone to take it out on.

The highly skilled perpetrator of her morning mayhem had not stopped with her apartment. Her bike had been decorated with girly bows and a male stripper had accosted her on her way into the precinct.

Danny managed to calm her down slightly with some real coffee and a shoulder massage. "Tough morning, Pez?"

"Tough isn't the word. I'm leaning more towards Machiavellian." Sara muttered.

*

Despite the Wielder's slight reprieve, it was becoming obvious to her that the horrors of April 1st were not over. As the day wore on, she discovered more of the insidious assassin's pranks. When she went to flash her badge at a crime scene, a strip of condoms unfurled for the amusement of the entire crew. This was not helped by Vicky Po's enthusiastic comment about Sara 'getting some'.

Topping it off, the Witchblade seemed to be joining in on the shenanigans, showing Sara visions of Orlinsky showering and other horrific images at particularly bad times. Some of the imagery was embarrassing or hysterical and she was having a hard time keeping a straight face, let alone looking anyone in the eye.

One of her visions sparked a berating from Dante for 'making faces' at a case file he'd tried to hand her. "Listen, Petzini, I hand you a case, you take it. Understand?" he barked. "I'm sick of your attitude."

Jake had used the distraction to slip cayenne sauce into the coffee mug Dante was holding. He had been planning to use it in Sara's but decided against it.

Seeing Sara react with shock and disgust towards such ordinary things like a file folder or Orlinsky's tie made him wonder if an April Fool stunt might put her over the edge. Besides, Sara was really weird about her coffee.

*

Fretting over the completely out of control day, Sara returned to her office. She was considering finding an excuse to leave for the day before she lost her job. Ian's pranks were explainable, though she wasn't fond of Danny referring to her as the safe sex police. "That's not the standard latex for a crime scene, Pez," he'd jabbed. Sara nearly belted him.

Nottingham's capers, though annoying, were actually providing an excuse for her unusually frequent trances and odd behavior.

The real problem was the blade. Though it made no sense that an ancient amulet of great power would even be aware of the date, let alone celebrate it. As if in response, the bracelet suddenly transformed into a gauntlet and gave her the finger. At wit's end, she decided to turn to her usual cohort on the Blade.

Sara tried to call Gabriel's cell phone, but someone had changed all her speed dial numbers to Moe's pub and Moe was beginning to get irate. She hadn't memorized Gabriel's personal number so she called Talismaniac. She was greeted by the machine.

"You've reached Talismaniac, we're closed for the holiday but we'll be open tomorrow. If it can't wait till then, leave a message." By this time, the Wielder was near hysteric. After the beep, Sara yelled for Gabriel to pick up several times until an officer from two offices down told her to quiet down. Gabriel chose that moment to answer.

"Sara?" he asked, sounding a little concerned.

"Oh, hey, Gabriel, why weren't you answering the phone?" Sara queried.

"I was in the shower," he replied as the officer from the door mumbled; "Probably didn't wanna have his ear drums busted."

"Oh," Sara answered, ignoring the officer. "So, how did the shower go?" she asked. She was recalling what she presumed to be the antics of a black clad man this morning and was wondering if she had been his only target.

There was a long pause before he answered the question. "Um, good I guess. It accomplished its purpose. I feel pretty clean," he replied lightly. "Why do you ask?"

Sara could tell from the long pause that Gabriel was a bit baffled by her question. " Gabriel, I need to talk to you in private. Can I stop by?"

Gabriel looked around his shop. "Um, It's kinda a bad day to be around talismans," he hedged.

"No kidding," Sara muttered

"I was about to head out," he stated. "You wanna meet somewhere?" he asked, realizing the amulet Sara wore was probably under the same influence of the date. He wasn't thrilled about being around the thing, but his friend sounded distressed.

"Yeah, meet me at Dom's Diner in fifteen," Sara requested.

"Okay," Gabriel sighed, slipping into a pair of jeans. Sara always wanted everything right away.

Sara hung up just as Danny was entering the office. "I'm having lunch with a friend so you've got Jake to yourself today," Sara informed him.

"Nah, I've got myself to myself. I just sent Jake on a wild goose chase," Danny stated. He was getting annoyed with Jake's constant attempts to pin things on him and slip things into his coffee. He also wasn't amused by his prank calls. For Christ's sake, he works with the guy, of course he recognized his voice.

*

Sara waited for fifteen minutes at the diner before Gabriel finally showed. "You're late," she snapped. "What happened?" she added a bit apologetically when she noticed the scratch on his cheek.

"Got assaulted by a Wanga Doll," Gabriel replied casually. "So, what tomfoolery has the amulet been up to?" he queried.

"Just lot's of obscene and odd imagery, but its doing it nearly constantly and sometimes I come to in really odd positions" Sara explained.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow at the 'odd positions' comment.

"What's a Wanga doll?" Sara plied, trying to divert the subject.

"A talisman that summons forces of the night. They're pretty harmless unless one jumps out at you," Gabriel remarked with a grimace.

"I don't understand, Gabriel. Why would a silly holiday affect talismans?" Sara prodded.

"Well, even though the common belief is that the celebration of April Fools originated in France When the Julian calendar was replaced by the Gregorian for religious reasons, the actual origin of the holiday is a mystery," Gabriel replied.

Sara blinked. "Explain, Gabriel."

"The fact that the day is celebrated nearly worldwide for different reasons, is odd in itself. There are lot's of different theories, but I'm leaning toward the belief that it has something to do with nature and the arrival of spring," Gabriel revealed.

"Meaning?" Sara prodded, getting a bit impatient.

"Meaning that the forces of nature are unpredictable on this day and since most talismans are meant to harness those powers, they're affected. Or rather they react to it, in my opinion," Gabriel explained. He honestly didn't understand why she didn't seem to follow sometimes. The Witchblade usually filled in the blanks, he thought.

At this moment, however, the blanks it was filling put an odd expression on Sara's face.

"Sara? ... Sara?" Gabriel hailed.

"Um, hey, sorry," Sara apologized. "Are you going commando?" She asked without thinking.

"You wanted me to meet you right away. I was in a rush," Gabriel retorted defensively, a bit offended by both the Blade and Sara's audacity.

"So there's nothing I can do about it?" Sara implored, gesturing at her bracelet. Its gem was sporting a wicked grin.

"Not really," Gabriel replied. "It sounds like its antics are pretty harmless. Although you might want to refrain from addressing your visions in front of others. They may not be as tolerant as I am," Gabriel relayed.

"Um, yeah, sorry," Sara mumbled. Between Nottingham and the Blade's 'harmless' antics, her sanity and reputation were swiftly spiraling down the drain. She considered taking the thing off, only to realize it was one step ahead of her. It had sealed itself around her wrist and seemed to be mocking her.

Gabriel noticed her frustrated reaction to it and stifled a snicker.

Sara leveled an angry glare at him. "I'd be careful about pissing me off right now, Bowman," the Wielder growled. "Between Nottingham and the Blade, I'm about ready to go off the deep end and I can't be held accountable for the carnage when that happens."

"What did Nottingham do?" Gabriel inquired, inching away from Sara and her bracelet. It was twinkling mischievously and making him a bit nervous.

"What 'didn't' he do! The man is a menace," Sara spat. "I've had it up to here with Nottingham's pranks and this thing - she snarled at the bracelet - gave me the finger," she griped.

"It gave you the finger?" Gabriel asked in disbelief. That wasn't a good sign. Unpredictable transformations could be dangerous. "Maybe you should take the rest of the day off," Gabriel suggested, inching further away. He was nearly out of the booth now. Just a little farther and...

Sara noticed Gabriel attempting to escape and latched onto his wrist with her adorned hand, causing Gabriel to cry out in alarm. "Hey! you're not abandoning me are you?" she accused angrily.

"No, I mean, um," Gabriel stammered while trying to keep the bracelet from touching his hand. His one experience with holding the thing had given him more insight than he wanted and had nearly drained him to death. He didn't want a repeat performance or worse. Now would be an extremely risky time to come into contact with it. As if sensing his fear, the gem brightened and he could swear he heard it giggling. "Sara," he squawked in a panic.

The Wielder finally noticed the bracelet taunting Gabriel and let go of him just before the tendril managed to reach his hand. "Sorry," she sighed. "It's just that no one else but Irons and Nottingham know about this thing and well..." She trailed off, not wanting to bring up her recent torments at the hands of the assassin. Gabriel would probably find them amusing anyway and suggest that the psychotic stinker had a crush on her.
*
*
********tbc
.

a/n: I originally posted this without having the second half of it beta'd - big mistake. I've got to learn not to post when jacked up on caffiene.
I highly recommend reading anything by 'Neftzer', an extremely skilled and talented writer. I'm serious. As opposed to the silliness I post, it is highbrow in an excellent way and very intelligent. 'Epiphany' is touching and somber. 'Mobious goes on a dating game' is simply hilarious. The current 'Occupation' is not only rich and detailed but also provides a wonderful insight into the events of a staggering and nefarious part of world history. Elizabeth Bronte is amazing. Think of a highly educated and refined Sara. There are wonderful swashes of writing, expanding on minute but intrigueing details from the show. Rogue pointed out the use of piano keys and linked it back to Gabriel's refernce to them in the show. Neftzer's ability to express thoughts and feelings is amazing and seemingly done effortlessly, a writer who truly paints with words.