The characters belong to Top cow and TNT as do all their toys, accessories and appliances, including the Witchblade. Everything else is just hearsay and rumors.
poisson d'avril
ch5 Yaay! I made it in time! Happy April 1st!

*****************************

Danny wiped a tear of mirth from his eye as Orlinsky shuffled off, or maybe it was the overpowering scent of 'Charlie' making his eyes water, he wasn't sure.

"Hey Rookie, maybe you should go home and get yourself cleaned up. Or better yet, just bail early," Danny suggested. "I don't think I can take much more of your midget's perfume assault," he muttered while fanning the air with a folder.

"Really?" Jake chirped, looking hopeful. The morning had been fun, but the afternoon had turned out to be a living hell. He wouldn't mind escaping the heathens that had no respect for the noon cutoff rule.

"Yeah, seriously, you're killing me with the stench," Danny replied with a sour face.

Jake looked to Pez for a dissent, but judging by her facial expression and her wafting gestures, she concurred.

"Cool! Thanks guys," the rookie breathed. As he bent to gather his things, Sara got a full-on beam.

"No problem. Hope you and your happy ass enjoy yourselves," Sara chuckled. As soon as the words escaped her lips, she mentally kicked herself. Danny, however, merely grinned.

"Happy wha- Huh?" Jake blurted, suddenly looking suspicious. Getting no response other than smirks, Jake began twisting frantically in circles, looking much like a dog chasing its tail as he tried to catch sight of his rear. After a few giggles and snorts from Sara and Danny, he finally gave up and fondled his butt in front of the other two detectives.

"Jeeze, Jake really. There are some things I don't need to see," Danny complained, looking away and making a face.

Ignoring Danny's comment, Jake wiped his hands on his shirt with a disgusted look. "My ass is sticky!" he exclaimed.

"Again, more information than I needed," Danny quipped.

Jake shot him an annoyed look while Pez giggled hysterically. "Very funny, Woo," Jake grumbled.

Reluctant to go outside the office without knowing exactly what was on his behind, Jake went over to the cubby where he hid his emergency hair gel and a mirror. However, as he reached inside the dark crevice, his hand came across something foreign. Pulling the small object into the light, Detective McCarty gasped in horror.

****
Outside the precinct, hidden from view, another man winced.
****

"Someone's been spying on me!" Jake snarled. It was bad enough someone had discovered his hiding place, but using it as a spot to monitor the results of their pranks was just too much. Jake was pissed.

"What are you tal-" Danny halted his question as he saw the spy camera Jake was gripping in anger.

Danny may have been surprised, but his partner certainly wasn't. "They're not necessarily spying on you, Jake," Sara muttered. She had wondered if Nottingham was monitoring the progress of his mayhem.

Ignoring Sara's comment, Jake tried to think of anyone who knew a thing or two about electronic devices, had access to the office and would be pagan enough to break the noon rule. It didn't take him long to deduce who the culprit was.

"It's that Gabriel guy," Jake spat. "Thinks he's so smart; him and his cameras and his Bulgarian and sassy comebacks," the rookie ranted on.

"Its not him," Sara interjected, but Jake obviously wasn't listening. She supposed his conclusion was from Gabriel filming them and Jake's discomfort around him. She honestly didn't understand why McCarty mistrusted her friend so much.

"Not smart to mess with a cop, Bowman," Jake threatened the minute camera. "I'll show you my genius!" the Rookie snarled.

*****

The assassin, watching Jake's display, could not contain his mirth. Passerby's jumped in alarm and pigeons scattered, as a sudden burst of uproarious laughter erupted from a nearby rooftop.

*****

"It's not Gabriel," Sara insisted, hoping to calm the Rookie before he completely lost it and went after her friend. Breaking into Talismanic would be a bad call for Jake anyway, since even Gabriel was avoiding the place because of the talismans. She could just picture the poor Rookie being assaulted by various objects.

"What makes you think its not him?" Jake challenged, obviously not convinced. "He likes cameras." he argued.

Sara let out an exasperated sigh. "He likes lots of things, Jake," Sara retorted. This unfortunately brought up an image that made her blush. Hoping Jake and Danny hadn't noticed, she continued; "I have a pretty good idea who placed that there and it wasn't Gabriel."

"Oh, yeah, who? Who else could have just waltzed in here during lunch and pulled all this crap?" Jake demanded, folding his arms over his chest. "And I know that's when he did it, cause that's when everything started happening and he's just the type to not follow rules. Probably deliberately waited till noon to throw me off," he seethed.

Sara gave Jake a smug smile before addressing his tirade. "Well Jake, there ya have it. If it was definitely done at lunch time, then it definitely wasn't Gabriel. He was at lunch with me," she returned.

Danny tapped his forehead thoughtfully. "Oh, was that the friend you met for lunch?" he queried with a smile.

"Yeah," Sara answered, wondering what was on her partner's mind.

Jake was nonplused, he was sure he had the culprit nailed. "So who is it, then?" he plied.

"Just a highly skilled and dangerous man with a crush on Sara," Danny smirked, earning him a beleaguered look from his partner.

"A crush on HER?" Jake disputed, pointing at Sara and scrunching his face in disbelief.

This earned him fully raised eyebrows from a slightly offended Ms. Pezinni.

"I mean, well," Jake stammered, realizing his faux pas. "If he has a crush on her, why would he make my ass all sticky and spray me with perfume?" came his reasonable query.

Though Jake had made a good point, Danny had serious reservations about Jake's choice of words. "Hey, think about it Jake, once a guy's got the girl's attention, he proceeds to debase every other male threat in her presence to gain superiority," Danny reasoned.

"So why hasn't he assaulted you?" Jake asked suspiciously.

"Because, apparently, I'm not a threat," Danny reasoned as he watched Sara digest this explanation. "Besides, there may be more than one culprit," he admitted.

"So Bowman might be working with the guy," Jake suggested, not wanting to give up completely on his original suspect.

Sara couldn't restrain a guffaw at this notion.

"No, I just think there is more here than meets the eye," Danny explained, leaving Jake completely confused but reminding him of his sticky bottom.

Reaching back into his cubby, Jake pulled out his mirror and examined his defaced trousers. "Oh, man!" he griped, Dante's new moniker of 'sunny cheeks' now obvious. He thought the man was commenting on his California smile, and now wished he could take back the retort that had made Dante flush and the other officers stifle nervous laughs.

"How long have I been sporting a face on my fanny?" Jake demanded irritably. He was a bit irked that niether one of them had told him about it. He shot a suspicious glance at his chair, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. He would have spotted a smiley face before he sat in it earlier, anyway, he reasoned.

"Not that I keep tabs on your backside, Jake, but it wasn't there this morning," Danny replied. "Must've happened around lunch time, like you said," he stated smoothly, managing to neither lie, nor give himself away.

"It was probably your Dracula stalker," Sara suggested, deciding to pin the blame on Nottingham. She figured it as the least she could do, after all his pranks on her.

"That scary guy?" Jake uttered, trying to suppress a shudder at the thought. Did 'highly skilled' mean the man could even draw on his ass without him knowing? The guy did have an almost supernatural ability to appear out of nowhere.

"Great," he grumbled in despair. There was no way he would want to even attempt revenge on that guy. "He won't be laying in wait for me outside, will he?" Jake queried, shooting a worried look at Sara.

"Good lord, Jake, are you asking me to escort you home?" Sara teased.

"Of course not," Jake huffed. "I was just wondering. Cause if he is, he's gonna get what's coming to him. That's all I'm saying," Jake relayed confidently.

Sara and Danny exchanged amused glances. "Okay, you do that, Jake," Sara encouraged.

"Try not to go too hard on him," Danny added with a smirk.

Noting their sarcasm, Jake shot them his classic 'bite me' expression before skulking off in a scented haze of exasperation. "I am so out of here," floated across the floral air as he trudged out of sight.

Sara turned back to her partner in concerned curiosity. "You think 'sunny cheeks' will deduce the real culprit, once he's had a chance to chew on the matter?" Sara queried.

"Nah," Danny smiled as he wetted a napkin and removed the evidence from Jake's chair. "Anyway, where's the proof?" he grinned.

"You are truly devious, Woo," Sara complemented. "You haven't pulled any pranks on me, have you?" Sara asked, suddenly paranoid. She briefly tried to check her own backside, a la Jake twirling.

Danny laughed at her subdued 'dog chasing tail' performance. "Don't worry, Pez. I never pull the same pranks twice," he reassured. "Besides, you've probably endured enough pranks for today and I'm not willing to be on the receiving end of your infamous temper," he added.

"Wish Nottingham had the same reservations," Sara commented. Though she noticed he'd switched targets when she had neared her boiling point. At least her temper was good for something she mused.

"Well, at least he's tormenting Jake, now, instead of you," Danny consoled. "Hehe, a midget," he chuckled absently.

"You really think Nottingham sees Jake as a threat?" Sara asked worriedly.

"That was just some crap I made up to get him out of here. The guy really did reek," Danny stated. "Damn Pez, you worry too much," he commented, while grabbing his jacket.

"Where are you going?" Sara asked.

"I'm gonna go grab a coffee, get outta here till the smell dissipates," Danny answered.

Deciding that was a good plan, Sara donned her jacket and joined him. "Ya got any ideas on how I can get back at Nottingham?" Was the last thing the assassin heard before they left the range of his listening device.


*****************************


a/n: I sincerely apologize again, for my treatment of poor Jake.

Thanks, again to Roguegal17. I have been told that the next part of her saga will be finished soon. :)

Shauna Lee! - Thanks for taking a peep at what you instigated. ^_^ I am unwisely typing this with a soda in hand. I guess I just don't learn.

Beck and Nanz - My apologies for not managing to get a good prank in on Ian. The muses seem to be running the show and I simply ran out of time. :(

Fae - hehe, your comment reminded me of the hilarious 'dirty pigeon' video. Now, I'm gonna have to find that link again.

LefemmeLurker - Such a cool name. Why in the heck did I pick 'scooter'? Gah! Anyway, it's nice to know at least one person won't be throwing rocks at me for my horrific tormenting of the man.

Cindy - Although the work hasn't let up, the muses did indeed attack, leaving me sleepless, ditsy and a bit spastic. But with a lot of writing on both stories. I can't think of any dirty jokes. The only thing I usually remember about jokes, is the laughing part. I'd be interested if anyone had some to tell tho.

Thank's again to everyone who humored me by responding to this little fit of writing.