May 31st, 1985
I am not as I should be.
I am incomplete.
How I could know this remains a mystery to me. Does not a caterpillar remain ignorant of it's morphing process? Does not a human toddler, before it is taught about it's maturity process, simply accept that it's genitalia are designed for the relief of waste, without imagining what other functions the organs could perform? And yet I knew differently about myself. I knew that I should have been Eternal. I knew that my consciousness should span the length of the macroverse and back again. But alas, I am not, and it does not.
My Mother is dying, and my realization of that fact brings the truth to the surface – I have been miscarried. In Her haste to flee from a small hunting party, She has had no choice but to leave me. I do not feel a sense of abandonment, or anger. I am a pragmatic youngling, and I would no doubt do the same if my position and Mother's were reversed.
It is wonderful to realize that I am pragmatic. It is self-discovery, and though my Mother disdained it, I find that I rather enjoy it. Perhaps it is because I am so new to the worlds, so fresh. Indeed, I've not even had a minute of life, and already I'm waxing philosophic. How unique and creative I am!
I am aware of Mother's memories. This is Her first birthing, so I doubt She realized that it would be possible, but it is. I remember Her life, Her endless cycle of waking to eat and sleeping to dream. The dreams were rather delectable, too. She saw Me, Her son, and all of My Brothers and Sisters, taking up residence in human towns everywhere. Enjoying the meat as She did. I could get used to that sort of life, if I were to make it my own.
But as is so often the case, Mother's thinking is limited to Her own generation. I can't really fault her for that, of course, since Hers was the first generation, and a generation of one, at that. But still, Mother still viewed things as linear. She saw us spreading out across the land, but I saw Myself spreading across the ages, as well. The gift of temporal adjustment was mine.
Could all My siblings do so as well? I reach out with my mind, but I cannot find them. Perhaps they have not yet awakened. No, it is worse than that! I see it now! Another of the hunting party has remained behind, and is stomping out the trail of Mother's miscarriages. He has missed Me in the darkness, along his first pass, and that is why I have achieved consciousness, while my siblings have not. But he will be back, he has to come back this way to leave. And he won't miss me a second time.
Quickly, I search Mother's memories. She has had quite a history with these creatures, these hunters. She had met them when they were children, during Her last cycle, and failed to destroy them then. Then She called them back, and they proved to be too much for Her.
Mother was finished. I can feel the vulnerability of Her heart, a human hand clenched around it. But that is only in /this/ Now. I know what Mother had not known, that there could be another Now. One in which the hunters failed.
I summon up all of my concentration. I am young, and I am not Eternal, and so there is pain. But I must endure the pain. Mother's life depends on it, as does my own, for my physical legs are still inert, and the hunter is still coming for me. I select the moment, and I am hurtled backwards, back through the years, and My pain gives way to excitement as My mind perceives the human labels for them… 1980… 1970… 1960… all the way back to the Summer of 1958…
Don't worry, Mother. I'll save you.
