Disclaimer: I do not own Revolutionary Girl Utena so don't sue me.

Authoress Notes: If some of you can't tell I make the characters I like comic relief, Which is why Bakura and Pegasus are such idiots in my Yu-Gi-Oh! fics.

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CHAPTER 5

PAINT IS HELL

The rest of the week passed without much comment. Finally on Friday Heather finds a note under Utena's door addressed to her. She frowned slightly "Hey, what's this?" Utena shook her head a worried expression on her face "Uh-oh... That's got a rose seal on the back. It's from the 'End of the World," also known as the student council." she said in a mystic tone Heather frowned as she read the letter "Hmmm... "You have been scheduled for a duel with current Rose Bride holder Utena Tenjou for this afternoon. Bring all your friends with you, as this will be a much bigger duel than usual."

Utena frowned as she ate at an apple "A duel, huh? Well... I guess this means I'm your enemy until it's over."

Heather looked puzzled "You are?"

"Yes. We will duel for posession of the Rose Bride, Anshi." Heather frowned not exactly enthused "I have to? You can just have her, you know."

Utena smiled trying to get her roomate into the spirit "Oh, come on. It's no fun if you just give her to me. You HAVE to do it!"

Heather simply shrugged "Pshhh... Fine."

Utena developed a happy expression on her face "Great! I'll teach you to use a sword."

Heather frowned "A sword?" She said before producing a father "I have a sword. In fact, this is mightier. Ben Franklin said so."

Utena sweatdropped "Oh, boy..."

Cut to the shadow girls sketch

A-Ko would have been frowning if you had been able to see her face, but the fact that she was simply a shadow prevented her from doing that as she spoke to B-Ko "I wonder, I wonder, do you wonder what I wonder?"

B-Ko seemed slightly excited "There's gonna be a duel between Utena and the foreigner this afternoon!"

A-Ko shook her head and raised a hand "Who'll win? I don't know."

B-Ko would have been smirking if anyone took a guess as she spoke "All I know is that it's gonna be a much more interesting duel than before..." A-ko turned to her partner in crime with her hands on her hips "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's because-" She was about to say something when Josh walked in only his shadow visible "Excuse me, is this the public restroom?" only to be greeted by an "AAAAAHHHHHH!!!"

He shut the door and was standing out in the hallway of some random building "Jeez, if looks could kill..." He said quickly shaking his head and walking away a little stunned.

Later that afternoon, we see Utena guiding Heather through the dueling forest. Becky, Sarah, Danielle, and Josh are tagging along as Utena went over proper dueling posture and ediquet "Stand up straight. Don't slouch! Hey, put that ring back on!" Heather frowned "Do I have to wear this ring? It itches."

Utena frowned "Hey, we've all got problems. Besides, if you win this duel, I'll KNOW that you're my prince!"

Heather sweatdropped again (Oh, God, not with the whole prince thing again)She frowned "You know you really should check out computer dating services, Ute." She said with a frown as they finally reached the castle. However where the staircase should have been wasn't there. "Hey, what gives?" Utena asked with a frown. As if on cue all the Ohtori duelists and a few others come out of the bushes. Each one is wearing googles and holding a gun with red spheres in a canister on top. "Surprise!" Touga was the first to speak and Utena looked puzzled "Hey! What's going on here?!"

Saionji frowned slightly as he explained "We're trying a new approach for dueling for the Rose Bride."

"Why?" Utena asked with a frown. Enter Miki's portion of the explainations "Well, what with all the latest school budget cuts, Akio had to dissolve the dueling budget down to next to nothing. We can't use the battlefield up the stairs and we don't have any roses." Sarah frowned "Hey! I thought Akio could do whatever he wanted!"

Miki only sweatdropped at the newer students comment "You should have seen him in his meeting with Dr. Harvey yesterday.

*Flashback*

Akio Ohtori fidgeted in his seat, which was in a room that promptly belonged to that nightmare known as Doctor Harvey. Which was almost as bad as being stuck alone in a room with Martha Stewart. He frowned at the She-Devil and her group of Yes-Men "Come on! I NEED that money for my roses!" He said for once in a pleading voice. The Evil woman smirked and looked to her 'Yes-Men "Hmmm... Should I give him any money?" She asked them "No, Dr. Harvey!" They responded simultaniously the woman smirked waving a finger in front of the chairmans face "Nope." Akio looked defeated "Awwww..." In voice that sounded like the woman on the weakest link sto promptly pushed a button ejecting Akio from the off "Goodbye."

*End Flashback*

Utena sweatdropped "...It's funny in a sad sort of way." Juri continued with her portion of the explaination "As you can see, we've had to change our tactics. Now every duelist in the school will be competing with every other duelist in a last-person-standing fight to the finish." Heather looked fearful "In what?"

They all seemed rather excited despite not using swords for dueling as they yell out the answer to Heathers question "PAINTBALL!!!"

Utena sweatdropped once more "Oh, how the mighty have fallen." Heather looked rather devious "Sounds better than dueling with roses." She remarked.

After everyone got properly equipped to fight, a special guest star came out to explain the rules. This special guest was none other than the meatball head known as Sailor Moon. "All right, folks, here's the game plan!" Juri whispered something to Utena "You know, her voice sounds awfully familiar..."

"The six teams of players will be as follows: On the Oveila Team-"

Danielle frowned and stopped the blonde "Woah, woah, woah. You're naming the teams after characters from Final Fantasy Tactics?"

Sailor moon looked slightly offended by the red haired cat girl "Why not? It's my favorite game." She said clearing her throat and continueing "On the Oveila Team will be Nanami, Mitsuru and Easter Island Boy."

Nanami looked pleased "Good. I've got two shields." The blonde continued "On the Rafa Team will be Kozue, Shiori and Danielle." The red haired looked between her two team mates and chuckled nervously "Great. I'm not gonna survive this am I?" She asked nervously.

"On the Meliaodul Team will be Sarah, Touga and Miki."

Miki smiled once again at his roomate "Looks like we'll be working together." Sarah smiled as well "It'll be a pleasure." Touga smirked as well "Believe me, it will." Sarah sweardropped at this "Oh, yeah. I forgot about him."

"On the Delita Team will be Kanae, Wakaba and Mikage."

Mikage snapped his fingers, an angry expression on his pale face "Curses! Anshi is nowhere around. How did I get myself into this?"

Wakaba took this moment to smack the black rose duelist upside the head frowning something she rarely did. "Oh, quit complaining. I don't know either of you guys." She whined.

"Moving on... The Agrias Team will consist of Becky, Juri and Utena."

Utena frowned "Despite our past differences, please don't shoot me."

Juri assured her "Don't worry; I won't." Becky smirked loading the paintball gun "If either of you shoot the other, I'll be there to gun down the rest of ya!" THis caused both of her fellow teamates to fall over sweatdropping "Great."

"Finally, on the Mustadio Team there's Heather, Saionji and Josh."

Josh seemed a little less worried about getting smacked this time,

"Looks like we're working together again, Saionji!" He however forgot that he wasn't wearing his pattented SHock Helmet and recieved a smack from his roomate. Who looked at his hand slightly relieved an evil little smirk on his face "Yes... Just like old times."

"Remember, if you get hit, you're dead. Have fun!"

Anshi sat beside Sailor Moon an oblivious look on her face as she nibbled at the leftover paint projectiles "I like the green ones." She said to the blonde who looked puzzled.

Nanami was slightly giddy as they entered the first of Ohtori's 'Paint Wars. " We'll show 'em, troops! We'll flush them out and gun 'em down! Ooh, I've always wanted to be a military commander!" She said to herself. Of course the Dean always found a way in intrude on the duels, why not stick in for the paint wars? Akio sat in the observatory window with a paintball gun in his hands, he snickered as he observed the players. "Perfect. Now I've got just the opportunity to knock out some of the people I don't like. I'll start with the white-haired freak down there." He smirked pointing the paintball gun at Nanami fireing "Oh, no! He's shooting at us!" Mitsuru felt the need to point this out to his once girlfriend the only answer he got was "Don't just sit there! Protect me!" As she grabbed the poor blonde child holding him up to block the shot Akio had fired. Which splattered all over him. He sighed in defeat "Awww..." This only caused Nanami to yell at him "Oh, don't be a baby. You, Stonehenge! Get that sniper!" She turned from the blonde to the stone head who looked up towards the tower where Akio was firing. Course looking up isn't a very good Idea when your head weights ten times as much as your body. He fell over onto the ground and couldn't get up, Nanami frowned kicking the side of his large stone head "Ahhh, you're worthless!" She remarked before shooting him in the head before she walked off. Leaving her lackeys behind.

Mikage Souji, Black rose duelist, Imaginary living being, immortal, genius, and all around dumb-ass. What was that? The mission impossible theme playing in the background? He hid in the bushes waiting for the first person he saw to come along a devious expression on his face. Ruby eyes filled with malaice...well as much possible for someone who isn't really. "I'll take them all out by striking from the shadows and then I'll destroy the Rose Bride! Mwa ha ha, what a great plan!" He said raising a triumphant fist in the air. Only to have Kanae steal his glory. "Umm, Mikage, aren't we supposed to stick together?" She asked as she tapped on his soulder Wakaba standing impatiently behind her. He for once said something normal that didn't include the evil laugh "You guys go on ahead. I'll catch up." They both shrugged "Well, OK..." THey oth said before turning and walking off "Any minute now, I'll have my first victim..."

Mikage continued his vigilant watch, as Touga walked seeming unsuspisious into his fireing range. Mikage kept his crosshairs on the students council president as he walked by. Just as he was about to pull the trigger, Touga whipped around in a feat of pure speed and shoots, A drop of red Paint dripple across Mikages cross hair, and a tiny spot on his bangs "Dammit! I'm dead! I KNEW I shouldn't have loaned those James Bond movies to him!" He said in defeat. Snapping his fingers in an 'Aww, Nuts' way.

Sarah frowned looking to the red head "What was that for, Touga?" The red head smirked, although he wondered if he'd simply wasted a paintball getting rid of Mikage? "Just shooting at an annoying insect. I'd be honored if you were to join me for dinner tonight. You too, Miki."

Miki looked around nervously (I'm gonna puke now) "Ahhh... Looking forward to it!"

(Why'd I get stuck with this loser in the first place? Ugh...) Sarah asked herself with a frown. Touga wrapped his arm around Sarah's shoulder "Well? What do you say?" Sarah took this moment to smack him using "Shut up or the others'll find us!" As her excuse for doing it.

Juri looked around suspisously as did Becky and Utena, although Juri's suspisously look reeked pure insanity unlike the other two. Utena frowned as she spoke in an almost whisper "Remember, we have to have strategy. If we hear someone coming, we have to separate and hide. When they show up, we all get 'em at the same time!" Becky nodded in agreement "Yeah, we've gotta be extra careful!"

Sarcasm is a wonderful thing, well if you'd call it sarcasm, but just as Becky say's 'Extra Careful' what they DIDN'T Want to happen, Happened and a big black glob of paint hit her back causing her to fell on her face. Thus in a long drawn out MOvie like scene Juri chose to be dramatic "BBBBBBEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCKKKYY!!!!!!"

The blonde frowned as she looked up from her spot on the grown, "I'm not deaf. I can hear you." Utena looked around as Juri proceeded to look embarassed "Who did that?!" The answer came really as no suprise to Becky, whom had relized that Shiori was out to get her as soon as she meet Juri. The maroon haired girl stood in the bushes a smug smile gracing her face. Juri however was angry, she pointed at the maroon haired girl her face growing red "YOU... YOU... YOU..." Shiori looked fearful as Juri took off after her, pulling out two sub machine paint guns in the process and aimed them at her FORMER maroon haired crush. "REVENGE!!!! REVENGE IS MINE!!! AAAAAAH HA HA HA HAAAAA!!!!" She cackled like crazy as she started fireing coating Shiori's back with layers of orange paint as the maroon haired teen feel to the ground face down with a loud OOF! "Fine, you got me. That was overkill, you know." She said waving a hand in the air. Juri only began to reload the guns with a slight look of happiness on her face "No it wasn't. That was for everything mean you've ever done to me!" Shiori Frowned "Like when I cut in front of you in the lunch line in third grade?" Juri thought for a moment before shooting her again "Oh, I forgot about that." Shiori mentally kicked herself (I had to open my big mouth...)

Kozue and Danielle stood nearby watching the spectable. Kozue looked slightly relieved "Whoo! Glad I didn't make her mad." Danielle nodded in a calm voice "Likewise."

Juri felt good about herself at that moment "Well, I'm glad that's settled." She said to herself as she felt someone tapping on her shoulder. She turned around to get something she never expecting, a hard slap in the face. She fell to the ground a huge handmark is on her face, which of course is in green paint. Saionji stood over his victim triumphantly as he snickered "Never turn your back to your opponent." Just as he says this he is splattered on the back by a huge black paintball. Danielle was the only one who saw who shot it "Likewise." Akio said with a smirk. Danielle frowned putting a hand on her chin somehow appearing a detective outfit like sherlock holmes holding a large magnifying glass "Something stinks here, and it ain't your perfume, Kozue." She said to the violet haired teen standing next to her looking rather oblivious "Oh, that's good. I wasn't sure whether I should have used 'rancid polecat' today."

Danielle sweatdropped "I've gotta check something out. Catch you later." She said before pulling a string that appeared out of nowhere causing the tail she had somehow grown to rev up (Man She's really getting into this cat girl thing is she not?) And she flew off "Now I'm all alone with three downed players. Nuts." Kozue remarked to herself Before almost getting hit by a huge glob of black paint courtesy of Akio Ohtori. "Aaahhh! Retreat!" She said panic in her voice before she jumped head first into the bushes, of course these were rose bushes and hand thorns but then again...this was Kozue..

Heather frowned to herself as she walked beside Josh in another part of the forest "Where'd Saionji go?" Josh shook his head "I don't know. He said he had to "slap some sense" into some people, whatever that means." Just as he says this Kanae comes charging out of the bushes holding her gun, a phsychotic look on her face that was only seen from her once. And Mikage sure as hell wasn't behind it this time. "HA! You're cornered, foreigners!" Heather frowned

"Uh-oh. Run!" Kanae proceeded to chase Heather and Josh down a path, shooting at them every five steps or so, however no one said Kanae Ohtori had very good aim now did they? "I'll hit one of you eventually! I just need time to-" A shot was fired with narrowly missed Kanae's Head knocking her down.

Akio mocked sympathy for his fallen fiance nothing but sarcasm in his voice as he spoke "Oops. I'm sooo sorry, my sweet."

There was a blur in front of his face, That blur of course now bore the look Lain Iwakura wore as one of her alter ego's in the wired. It was Danielle as she pointed a finger at him "Ha! I KNEW it was You!!" She said. Akio smirked at the red headed cat girl "So? What're you going to do about it?"

She smirked "THIS!!!" Akio looked slightly stunned as Danielle grabbed his leg and held him in midair above the forest by only his left leg. His paintball gun feel harmlessly to the ground but proved what a fall it would be if she dropped him "Hey, what the-"

Oh wait did we say the paint gun landed harmlessly? Pardon that error, but BULLSHIT!!

Nanami sulked angerly though the forest talking to herself "

Oh, I'm gonna get 'em! I'm gonna get every last one of-" She found herself being splattered with paint as Akio's paintgun fell going off in the process Nanami snapped her fingers in defeat "Nuts."

Now, we take you back to the problem at hand.

"Put me down! Put me down! I don't wanna fall out of a window again!" He begged to the red haired cat girl, who smirked at her dominant position. "If you want me to put you down, you've gotta say it!" She smirked as the once proud dean glared at her from his upside down position "NO! I refuse!"

She smirked as she called down to him, "Have it your way. I can stay up here all day." She put emphasis on the words All Day. Akio crossed his arms, the purple tie falling into his face "Nggrrrr..."

The competition had narrowed down by this point. Only Miki, Sarah,Touga, Kozue, Heather, Josh, Wakaba and Utena are left. Speaking of Utena, she walked through the forest feeling sorry for her fallen team mates "Poor Juri. Poor Becky. I'm all alone out here now..." Wakaba took this moment to jump out of the bushes on top of Utena "Glomping time!!!" She proclaimed and Utena shoot her in the

head "Nahh. Stomping time." The onion haired girl fell to the ground "Aaaaagh! I'm blind!!!" She said shouting holding her eyes and kicking her feet. Utena sweatdropped "Try taking off your goggles."

Wakaba did so and jumped around as if some miracle had happened not even caring about her paint covered face "...I can see! I can see! It's a miracle!" Utena sweatdropped "Riiiight."

Touga smirked, he was definately winning this one! Finally proof that he could get women better than Akio could. Okay maybe not...but then again... "I'm serious. You could go far as a member of the student council." He smirked Sarah shook her head " No way."

Touga smirked "I'd make it worth your while..." He said with a wink. Miki frowned at the red head "Should we try the strategy now, Sarah?" Sarah smirked something that didn't seem to suit her "Oh, yes." She whistled loudly Touga looked puzzled "What's happening?"

He asked.

In a truly American Cartoon style Everyone, including the already shot players appeared and surrounded Touga. They opened fire on the unsuspecting Touga leaving him drenched in all sorts of colors of paint.

"Come on! Don't hold back!" That was Utena

"Let 'im have it!" That was Saionji "I CAN SEE HIS EYES! YEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Definetly Miki. After about five minutes of shooting Touga he's covered in head to toe with paint. "Why?" He gasped before falling over. Sarah once again smirked "We all had that planned out from the start." Miki looked to the surrounding paintballers. "Yeah. OK, normal game rules again, everyone!" The previously shot Paintballers feel down where they were standing and the unshot ones ran into the bushes again. Sarah looked to her roomate and partner "

Now that he's out of it, we only have to worry about Heather, Kozue, Josh and Utena. We'll stick together, right, Miki? Miki? Ah... Miki?" Perhaps Miki wasn't as smart as he seemed. He had ran off into the forest ALONE, into a clearing where a very supisous item sat "Hey, a piano! Ooh, I feel like playing!" He

said before running over to the paino starting to play the first keys to 'the sunlight garden' Miki paused and pondered to himself "I wonder what a piano's doing out here... Oh, well." He continued playing, but as soon as it hit the last note of his famous peice, none other than Kozue popped out of the top of the piano. (It's actually quiet fitting that she popped out of something..although I'm thinking it should have been a cake. "Surprise!" She called out her brother looked suprised "aahhh! What're you doing here?!"

"Gettin' revenge for you roomin' with Sarah!" She said simply before shooting him, black paint spattered all over and he fell off of the piano bench. "The old 'piano in the middle of the forest' trick... Damn, I should have known..." He said to himself as Kozue hopped out of the piano with a triumphant look on her face. "No for Sarah!" She said running the way Miki came in.

"Now where could he have gone to?" Sarah asked herself softly As Kozue appeared behind her "Ha! I've got you cornered!" Said pointing her gun at Sarah who looked devous but at the same time innocent. "Now why would you want to shoot me?" She asked. Kozue only glared and launched into her explaination for why Sarah deserved to be shot "You tried to steal my brother away from me! You tried to seduce him! You tried to make me look bad! Furthermore-" Of course while Kozue is explaining Sarah took the time to shoot her. She looked down at the Neon green paint on her clothes " ...Oh. Touche." SHe said before falling down.

"Hhmph!" Sarah felt something splattering on her back turning around she saw the reason. Heather and Josh. Josh frowned looking disappointed "I wanted to shoot Kozue!" He remarked angerily "Why?" Sarah looked puzzled as Jos spoke "She shaved my eyebrows too short. They itch!"

"Oh." She said before falling over. Heather frowned "So, who's left?" Just as she says this Josh is splattered with pink paint. Heather whips around to see Utena behind her with a smoking paintball gun in her hand. "It's just you and me, Lou. Think you can shoot a girl?" She said dramatically Heather looked to the readers at this moment "Oh, crap."She said before starting to run, Utena chasing after suprisingly not shooting. "I wouldn't want to waste ammo on such an easy target! Besides, I want to get you cornered!" Heather frowned at Utena's answer frightened look on her face "How very lucky for me. YIKES!!!"

Meanwhile everyones favorite souless robot and blonde haired meatball headed dumb ass are stil in the clearing where everything began. And yes now they're both eating the paintballs. "I like the green ones. Do you like the green ones?" Anshi asked the blonde who shook her head "Oh, I prefer the red ones. They're a bit sweeter."

"Hmmm..." Anshi frowned as she picked up a paintball gun "How do you shoot this anyway, Sailor Moon?" The blonde looked smart for once as she began to explain how to use the paintball gun "Oh, it's pretty easy. Just point at something and pull the trigger."

heather crashed through the underbrush landing on her but "Aaaagh!"

Anshi looked to the blonde frowning once more " Just point and shoot?" She said dully The blonde nodded "Yep."

Utena emereged from the bushes a few moments after Heather who is still sitting on her butt. The pink haired duelist walked up to her pointing the gun which she clicked "Oh, I guess you weren't my prince after all. Too bad. Goodbye, Heather!" In the words of the magic emporer Ghaleon, If there is a god of fate his is certainly fond of plot twists. " Utena-sama! Look at me! I can play paintball too!" Utena whiped around just as Anshi fired to the shot, which hit Utena in the head, purple paint splatters all over. Utena glared at the rose bride, Sailor moon stood up looking offical "Well, since everyone else is shot and purple was the color Heather was using and since I'm tired and bored, I declare Heather the winner! Congratulations!"

Heather just looked like she had no clue what to do "Uh... Thanks."

"Yay! I'm your Rose Bride, Heather-sama! Look, I even come with a sword!" Anshi said happily as a sword launched out of her chest via a spring mechanism, Heather tried her best to look happy all she could manage was a monotone "Whoopee. Sorry, Utena."

Utena of course didn't seem be bothers. She was actually quite starry eyed "You won. You HAVE to be my prince! KISS ME, BABY!!!"

Heather looked puzzled and afraid at the same time "What? AAAAHHHH!!! I liked you better when you were trying to shoot me!" She said running off into the forest being chased by Utena.



Danielle still hovered in the air, still holding Akio by his left foot, she looked rather aggitated "Say it." Akio crossed his arms "I WILL NOT!!!" He said sturnly "Come on..." She losened her grip on his leg to provide encouragement "Say it..." At this point her looked fearful "OK, OK!!!"

Danielle smiled victoriously "Good. Also, say it through this megaphone." She said handing Akio a Megaphone he heaved a sigh and spoke "Attention, students of Ohtori. This is Akio Ohtori speaking. I'd like to formally apologize to everyone I've ever been naughty with..."

Somewhere Touga looked amused "'Bout time." He continued "...And I'd also like to say that Danielle the Cat is the coolest cat in the world and I'm very sorry to have tried to seduce her..."

Danielle narrowed her eyes "And?"

"And... And..." By this point the once proud dean had started to cry "..And she makes me want my mommy!" Danielle snickered "Good." She released his leg and he began to plummet downwards screaming for his dear life. Only feet from the ground Danielle grabbed his leg again laughing "Psyche!" Akio heaved a sigh of relief "Ugh..." That is before vomitting which landed on Nanami who was just getting up from her spot before.

Touga Kiryuu, covered in paint adressed the student council and their guests "Well, I declare this new method of dueling to be a great success." Saionjis frowned at his 'friends' and spoke "What do you mean? We all lost the Rose Bride, even Utena."

Touga didn't seem to care "Yeah, but look at my funky new clothes!" He said showing off his paint splattered uniform "I'm tie-dyed! I can get my funk on now! GROOVY!" Saionji raised his hand almost emotionless he once again spoke "This is for your own good." there was a loud 'OOF' sound