Disclaimer: Characters owned by Nintendo



Field Day

By Li Kenta

Chapter 3



Li: Hey guys.

Link: Hey, Li.

Li: So, what are we doing today?

Saria: Well I thought it would be fun to go to Lon Lon Ranch.

Li: Great, let's go.

(Suddenly, Ganondorf appears.)

Ganondorf: Noth bethore I thun.

Li: What?

Ganondorf: Yu thill go thrugh wurld oth thain.

Link: Thain?

Zelda: Bain?

Li: Pain? Oh hell *snaps finger's* your tongues healed.

Ganondorf: It's about time, as I was saying...HEY!!!

(He turns around to see the group walking away from him.)

Rauru: Mmm, all that milk and food.

Li: Rauru, your not coming.

Rauru: Why?

Li: You'd lead to the bankruptcy of the Ranch, you know, with your eating problem.

Rauru: Hey, it's a glandular problem.

Li: Hmmm *crotches down to Saria* you got any sweets?

Saria: *Digging into shirt* M&M, Skittles, Gummi Bears, Sours Worms, Jelly Beans, Starburst...

Li: I'll take that, *wolfs down Starburst pack in a matter of seconds*.

Saria: *blinks a few times* Twinkies...

Li: Perfect!!

(Li takes the twinkes and shoves them under Rauru's nose.)

Rauru: Twinkies...

Li: You like? Then you fetch!! *throws Twinkies to the top of Death Mountain*

(A shocked Rauru looks at Li and then runs towards Death Mountain.)

Rauru: TWINKIES!!!!

Li: Well, that takes care of that.

Darunia: Nice throw.

Li: Thanks. Now to Lon Lon Ranch.

(In a matter of minutes the group reaches Lon Lon Ranch, only to be greeted by Ingo.)

Ingo: Rum, rum , rum, rummy rum, always rum, nothing but rum, kids don't drink to much rum. *collapses*

Zelda: Riiiight.

Li: *kicking the drunkard aside* Hello, is anyone sober here!?

Malon: Hi guys.

Li: Hey Malon.

Malon: So, can I do anything for you?

Li: Nah, we just need a place to hangout.

Darunia: We could use some of your famous milk.

Malon: *giggle* okay, I'll get some.

Li: I'll help.

Link: *coughing* suck up.

(Li glares at Link before disappearing into the stables. Moments later everyone was happily drinking their milk.)

Link: Li.

Li: Yeah?

Link: I wanna know, can you really use that thing? *pointing at Li's sword*

Li: *smirking* Are you challenging me?

(In a matter of nanoseconds they jumped apart and drew their swords.)

Li: No shields.

Link: Done. *Throws away his shield*.

(For untold moments, the two warriors stared at each other, neither willing to make the first move.)

Li and Link: Hyyaaaah!!!

(Almost in unison the fighter's charged each other, sword's poised to strike. For the first time, and not the last, their
blades met.)

Link: Not bad.

(The battle continued, neither warrior backing down or tiring. Blow for blow they matched each other perfectly. Hoping
to catch Li off guard, Link did a back flip and landed behind him. Taking advantage of the situation, Link slashed at his
opponent's neck. Much to his suprise Li blocked his assaualt.)

Li: Pretty good.

Darunia: *stuffing his face with popcorn* Damn, this a good fight!!

Saria: I wonder whoes going to win?

Ganondorf: It looks like Malon and Zelda have chosen.

(The Goron and Kokiri look over to the two teenager's.)

Zelda: (In green cheerleader outfit) Let's go, Link, come on, let's go!

Malon: (In blue cheerleader outfit) Go, Li go, go, Li go!

(The swordsmen finally broke away from the stance and faced each other. Link made made the first move, attempting a stab
Li, but much to his suprise, Li jumped on the blade of his sword.)

Li: I thought you learned your lesson about stabbing when you fought Dark Link.

(Suprised Hylian barely had any time to react as Li's foot met his jaw in a painful manner.)

Malon: YAY!!! GO, LI!!!

(Li landed and turned expecting Link to be on the ground, but much to his dismay his oppenent was charging him.
Li only had enough time to dodge, Link, after attacking had his elbow connect painfully with Li's spine.)

Zelda: YES!!! GO, LINK!!!

(The pair jumped to opposite sides of the ranch, sword poised to strike. For what seemed like hours they stood their,
like stone statues.)

Darunia: I wish they'd hurry up I have to go to the little boy's room.

Nabooru: Then you shouldn't have had so much milk.

(Breaking the silence, the two male elves rushed each other. They slashed at each other as the met in the middle.)

Ganondorf: Who won?

(The fighter's turned toward each other, smirks on their lips.)

Li: Great move. *shows the back of his right hand, his fingeless glove split open*

Link: You to *shows the back oh his left, gauntlet spilt, exposing the Trifoce*

(Again the two entered their stances, this time they rushed each other sooner.)

Ruto: LIIIII!!!!!

(The two turned their attention to the direction of the yell, a big mistake. The second they turned their attention from
the fight, Links knee smashed into Li's stomach. This causes Li to bend over, headbutting Links stomach. The two fell
apart, gasping for breath.)

Link: Is your head made out of rock or something?!

Li: What's in that knee, compressed, iron ferite?!

Ruto: Li!!!

(The two turn to the direction the yell came from. To see Ruto, the demon fish. The two jumped to their feet, hoping to run
away, but their efforts were in vain as the fish was immediatly was in front of them.)

Ruto: Li, darling look at what happened to my leg.

(Li looks down at Ruto's leg, a Dodongo latched on to it.)

Li: *restraining laughter* Looks like that Dodongo has taking a liking to your leg.

(Ruto instantly kicks it, the poor thing runs away whimpering.)

Ruto: Li, kiss my leg to make it feel better.

Li: *disgusted look on his face* Okay, close your eyes.

(Li licked his his index and middle fingers. Finally he pressed them against Ruto's wound.)

Ruto: Wow.

Li: *Sarcasticlly* Amazing wasn't it.

Ganondorf: Yeah, if you like fingers.

(Li immediatly turned to Ganondorf, signalling him to stop.)

Ruto: What do you mean?

Ganondorf: Li, just pressed his saliva covered fingers against your wound.

(Ruto turned to Li, completly pissed off.)

Ruto: Li Kenta, your ass better get down and kiss my wound...for at least five seconds!

Li: Okay.

(Li bends down a kiss her wound, his lips linger for another five seconds before ripping themselves away from the Zora's
skin.)

Ruto: Oh, thank you *hugs Li* I have go see my father, but I'll be back.

(After Ruto, leaves Li standing still, until Malon approaches him.)

Malon: Li...

Li: Malon, for the love of Nayru, get me an old priest and a young priest. Please hurry, this is my purity at stake.

15 minutes later...

Old priest: What is your plight my son.

Li: Father, I trust you saw the evil that is the Zora princess, Ruto.

O.P.: Yes, we did.

Li: I was forced to kiss her skin and she hugged me.

Young priest: Dear goddess' of Hyrule, sir we must act fast.

40 minutes later...

O.P.: We've done all we can, I hope it's enough.

(Priests leave.)

Li: Now to burn the clothes touched by evil.

(Li puts on a biohazard uniform, and grabs his old clothes with big ass twizzers. Walking towards the sacred fire the
priests started, he chucked his old clothes in.)

30 minutes later...

Li: I'll gather the ashes.

(After gathering the ashes, he compressed the into a ball and materialized a slingshot.)

Li: I banish thee, material touched by a creature of satan.

All:...

Li: Well, she is.

(Li let's loose the ball, and sends it to Death Mountain.)

Meanwhile...

Rauru: Almost their. *reaching for Twinkies*

(Suddenly the ball of evil ashes, hits the box of Hotess delight's. Rauru can only watch in shock as his food falls
into the abyss.)

Rauru: TWINKIES!!! *goes after them*

5 seconds later...

(Rauru lands ass first onto a pile of rocks, inches from his sweets.)

Rauru: Nothing can take you away from me now.

(He is of course wrong, as a rock slide crushes the poor cream-filled pastries.)

Rauru: No, no, NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Back at the ranch...

Ganondorf: HA HA!!!

Li: *repressing rage* Shut...up...

(Ganondorf continues laughing, something in Li snaps...about three times.)

Li: That's it!!

(Grabs Link's hammer and starts chasing Ganondorf around the ranch.)

Ganondorf: *Again, screaming like a little girl* Nooooo!!!!

(Li catches up to the evil Gerudo.)

Li: Batter up!!!!

(Hits Ganondorf with they hammer, sending him flying.)

Li: I guess you can say, he's outta the park.

Zelda: That sucked.

Li: Oh, shut up.

Meanwhile in the sky...

Ganondorf: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait, what's that, oh no, A TREE!!!!

(Closes his eyes preparing for impact, but is suprised when it doesn't come.)

Ganondorf: Yes!! *looks behind him* Ha!!

*BAM*

(Ganondorf hit the side of a mountain, leaving an imprint.)

Ganondorf: Pain... *falls out of imprint* at least it's over.

*CRASH*

(Without warning a boulder falls on Ganondorf, the only sign of life is an exposed left arm, twitching violently.)

Back at the Ranch...

Darunia: Remind me never to get you pissed of.

Li: I can't make that promise.

Malon: I think it's time to end this chapter.

Li: Me to.

Link: *Coughing* suck up.

Cow: Moooo.

A/N: Poor Ganondorf, brave, but stupid Ganondorf. Well this the end of chapter three, hope you liked it. Also, thank
you to all the people that reviewed making my first sad, sad, sad, sad attempt at humor a succes. One more thing, you
might have noticed me and Triple M arguing and talking about a 'fic' in the reviews. That's because we are doing a fic
together, as of right now it sucks for one reason, I'm not in it, but when they do include the great glory that is me,
it will be much better.