WNN, Wizard's News Network
By: Hurmynee
Disclaimer: I own nothing, like always. JK Rowling owns the world, like always. I am not worthy *starts doing her Wayne impersonation with the bowing and the 'I'm not worthy"-ness. *
Episode One: Morning News Show
Patil: Good Morning and Welcome to the WNN Morning News Show. I am Patil Parvarti, and I will be your host at Hogwarts, along with Harry Potter in Hogsmeade reporting on the coming of fresh spring food, Hermione Granger in England, by the Leaky Cauldron reporting the latest gossip, and Ron Weasley in Beauxbatons reporting on the tragedy that happened early this morning. We will begin with my news of what happened over the weekend at Hogwarts. Friday afternoon marked many happenings at Hogwarts, due to the annual staff party. Student witnesses claim that there was lots of loud rap music, high-pitched laughing and dirty joke telling about an hour after the party started. Then, after McGonagall was caught throwing her thong out the Staff Room window into the forbidden forest (which I will quickly add, caused many centaurs to actually RUN out of the Forbidden Forest in horror), The Weasley Twins decided to throw a magic stink bomb in the Staff Room. Unfortunately, what the stench bomb did is not mentionable on a news bomb, so we will leave with the fact that every teacher is still in the hospital wing. Saturday and Sunday was a major disaster due to their being no teachers to take points. We will leave that story with this; the teenage mind works in mysterious ways. By mysterious, I mean downright CRUDELY. Let's go to Harry Potter in Hogsmeade...
Harry: Thank you, Patil. And before I begin, I want to say that I was in one of those situations on Saturday, and I want to say...Cho, be sure to give me a call.
*Harry winks*
Harry: So anyway, on to the situation at Hogsmeade, since it is just after Easter break, fresh orders of butterbeer and Bertie Bott's are being delivered after a long strike from the Union. I don't see WHY they are striking. It isn't exactly hard to move a wand to move boxes of-
*Harry cuts himself off in the realization that he is already near firing*
Harry: Anyway, everyone is very happy here now that people can finally have their candies and magic drinks that cause you to fart for one week straight.
*Harry shakes his head depressingly*
Harry: Why couldn't my parents just've been celebrities in the real world? Anyway, I am going to pass this on to Hermione Granger by the Leaky Cauldron...
Hermione: Thank you Harry...Well, things haven't been good this weekend for the Leaky Cauldron. Friday afternoon, Hagrid came here and just wanted some drinks, like a normal giant with a depressing past. Unfortunately, like other giants with depressing pasts, he hasn't paid his tab since he started drinking 50 years ago. Hagrid refused to pay, due to being a mixture of drunk and hung over. Hey, that happens after you've gotten drunk everyday for 50 years. Anyway, some drunken IDIOT tried to punch Hagrid. Now, if someone is 8 or 9 times your size (yes, the drunken fool was Flitwick, who isn't one for staff parties), you don't want to be punched by them. Well, a major bar fight occurred, and it is still continuing today. Many are deeply disturbed, due to an incident that happened a few hours into the brawl. I'll simply say, the flinging of a giant man bra. I will say no more, and pass to Ron Weasley at Beauxbatons...
Ron: Thank you Hermione, my sweet. Well, amidst the unspeakable acts at Hogwarts, somehow the Weasley Twins had flown over to Beauxbatons and released their cursed stink bombs in every room at Beauxbatons. Well, no one was injured or worse, but the school did blow up. My pathetic brothers are being taken away to Wizard's Juvi for a month. They've been due for it; they are just out of control! Y'Know, that would make a good wizard's show...
*Ron gets a puzzling look on his face for a second*
Ron: Anyway, this isn't as much of a tragedy as everyone thinks, as a matter of fact; the school is being magically rebuilt as we speak. But, I do have to hand this to Patil, because I have to go back to Hogwarts; I have an *akhem* date with Mary Sue Poger, the-
*A girl as tall as Ron walks into camera view. She has long shiny blonde hair, pale porcelain skin, and is wearing two cloths that are called a tube top (barely covering her huge "bludgers") and a slutty mini skirt*
Mary Sue: Come on Ronny, I want to go back to Hogwarts!
Ron: Pavil, back to you...
Pavil: *rolling her eyes, sighing angrily at the sluttiness that is Mary Sue* Why did I have to major in Journalism? I could have been a model, and have someone pay for impossibly big boobs, or I could have been a pop singer, or something where I was respected...anyway, that was WNN Morning News Show, and we were Patil, Harry, Hermione, and Ron. Oh, and Boobie McBigBoobs.
*Patil rolls her eyes angrily*
Patil: Have a nice day!
By: Hurmynee
Disclaimer: I own nothing, like always. JK Rowling owns the world, like always. I am not worthy *starts doing her Wayne impersonation with the bowing and the 'I'm not worthy"-ness. *
Episode One: Morning News Show
Patil: Good Morning and Welcome to the WNN Morning News Show. I am Patil Parvarti, and I will be your host at Hogwarts, along with Harry Potter in Hogsmeade reporting on the coming of fresh spring food, Hermione Granger in England, by the Leaky Cauldron reporting the latest gossip, and Ron Weasley in Beauxbatons reporting on the tragedy that happened early this morning. We will begin with my news of what happened over the weekend at Hogwarts. Friday afternoon marked many happenings at Hogwarts, due to the annual staff party. Student witnesses claim that there was lots of loud rap music, high-pitched laughing and dirty joke telling about an hour after the party started. Then, after McGonagall was caught throwing her thong out the Staff Room window into the forbidden forest (which I will quickly add, caused many centaurs to actually RUN out of the Forbidden Forest in horror), The Weasley Twins decided to throw a magic stink bomb in the Staff Room. Unfortunately, what the stench bomb did is not mentionable on a news bomb, so we will leave with the fact that every teacher is still in the hospital wing. Saturday and Sunday was a major disaster due to their being no teachers to take points. We will leave that story with this; the teenage mind works in mysterious ways. By mysterious, I mean downright CRUDELY. Let's go to Harry Potter in Hogsmeade...
Harry: Thank you, Patil. And before I begin, I want to say that I was in one of those situations on Saturday, and I want to say...Cho, be sure to give me a call.
*Harry winks*
Harry: So anyway, on to the situation at Hogsmeade, since it is just after Easter break, fresh orders of butterbeer and Bertie Bott's are being delivered after a long strike from the Union. I don't see WHY they are striking. It isn't exactly hard to move a wand to move boxes of-
*Harry cuts himself off in the realization that he is already near firing*
Harry: Anyway, everyone is very happy here now that people can finally have their candies and magic drinks that cause you to fart for one week straight.
*Harry shakes his head depressingly*
Harry: Why couldn't my parents just've been celebrities in the real world? Anyway, I am going to pass this on to Hermione Granger by the Leaky Cauldron...
Hermione: Thank you Harry...Well, things haven't been good this weekend for the Leaky Cauldron. Friday afternoon, Hagrid came here and just wanted some drinks, like a normal giant with a depressing past. Unfortunately, like other giants with depressing pasts, he hasn't paid his tab since he started drinking 50 years ago. Hagrid refused to pay, due to being a mixture of drunk and hung over. Hey, that happens after you've gotten drunk everyday for 50 years. Anyway, some drunken IDIOT tried to punch Hagrid. Now, if someone is 8 or 9 times your size (yes, the drunken fool was Flitwick, who isn't one for staff parties), you don't want to be punched by them. Well, a major bar fight occurred, and it is still continuing today. Many are deeply disturbed, due to an incident that happened a few hours into the brawl. I'll simply say, the flinging of a giant man bra. I will say no more, and pass to Ron Weasley at Beauxbatons...
Ron: Thank you Hermione, my sweet. Well, amidst the unspeakable acts at Hogwarts, somehow the Weasley Twins had flown over to Beauxbatons and released their cursed stink bombs in every room at Beauxbatons. Well, no one was injured or worse, but the school did blow up. My pathetic brothers are being taken away to Wizard's Juvi for a month. They've been due for it; they are just out of control! Y'Know, that would make a good wizard's show...
*Ron gets a puzzling look on his face for a second*
Ron: Anyway, this isn't as much of a tragedy as everyone thinks, as a matter of fact; the school is being magically rebuilt as we speak. But, I do have to hand this to Patil, because I have to go back to Hogwarts; I have an *akhem* date with Mary Sue Poger, the-
*A girl as tall as Ron walks into camera view. She has long shiny blonde hair, pale porcelain skin, and is wearing two cloths that are called a tube top (barely covering her huge "bludgers") and a slutty mini skirt*
Mary Sue: Come on Ronny, I want to go back to Hogwarts!
Ron: Pavil, back to you...
Pavil: *rolling her eyes, sighing angrily at the sluttiness that is Mary Sue* Why did I have to major in Journalism? I could have been a model, and have someone pay for impossibly big boobs, or I could have been a pop singer, or something where I was respected...anyway, that was WNN Morning News Show, and we were Patil, Harry, Hermione, and Ron. Oh, and Boobie McBigBoobs.
*Patil rolls her eyes angrily*
Patil: Have a nice day!
