WNN, Wizard's News Network
By: Hurmynee
Disclaimer: This is stupid. I don't even look like her, why would you think I was her?
Episode Three: The McGonagall Factor
Announcer: Welcome to The McGonagall Factor! Our host normally is Minerva McGonagall, but she is at the hospital wing at Hogwarts. So, to take her place, Neville Longbottom...
Neville: Well, I was going to, but unfortunately, I have been fired from the station due to my...*akhem*...hobbies involving hobbits.
*A big oversized cane pulls him out of the chair*
Announcer: To replace replacement Neville, Draco Malfoy...
Draco: Welcome to the Malfoy Factor! I am Malfoy, and I will send my gang of death eaters on you if you disagree with me! Now, news bit number one...
Draco: Weasel Twins A.K.A. Stink Bomb Terrorists. They set three of at the Hogwarts staff party, and flew over to Beauxbatons to do the same. I knew those Weasels were no good. Everyone has been oh-so curious about what is happening at Hogwarts. There have been rumors of the most extreme measures. For example, one is that the Creevey boys are getting female students to pose for 'centerfolds'. Sorry to say that one isn't true. Another one, is that Granger is flashing passing boys. Thank god, not true. The truth is most astounding; someone has smuggled in a TV and everyone is watching...OK, FINE, THE CREEVEY BROTHERS ARE HANDING OUT CENTERFOLDS!
*Draco is panting heavily from nervousness, then quickly regains posture*
Draco: Err...sorry. Anyway, news bit number two...
Draco: Hogsmeade foods poisoned? That's right, after a big re-stock to make up for the 6 month strike, people are starting to question whether the snacks were poisoned by the unionmen. When did they start to question? When an elderly man took a sip of it, and passed out. He's been K.O.ed since Friday, when he took a bite out of a poisoned flavored Bertie Bott...ohkay...moving on...
Draco: Did Voldemort really go after Harry Potter, or was it a little cover- up for his parents suicide? Ok, I made that one up, but think of the possibility! REALLY moving on...
Draco: Lucius and Snape; bed part-AH! WHO PUT THIS IN HERE!
*Giggling comes from camerawoman Hermione*
Draco: GRR! Wait, what am I doing letting a buck-toothed dweeby mudblood ruin my day. Or, I wouldn't if I wasn't questioning whether that was true...
*Draco glares into his reflection from the camera for a moment*
Draco: Anyway, the real story. Remus Lupin just recently quit his job on "War on Voldie". His reason?
*A video tape of a press meeting starts*
Remus: I have come to realise that, in the wizarding world, I am the only one interested in women, aside from my good friend Trelawney. I am going to the Muggle World so that I have hopes of finding a women that will like me for more than being a werewolf.
*The tape freezes for a second, then it goes back to Draco*
Draco: I have no comment. Last story for today...
Draco: I have a crush on Nev-HERMIONE! IF YOU CONTINUE THIS, I WILL HAVE YOU FIRED! Anyway, we are out of time, tomorrow I'll be back again...
Albus: Mr Malfoy, I am afraid that all of the staff is cured...
Draco: Trust me, I'll be back tomorrow *smirks evilly*. Anyway, stay tuned for Celebrity Gossip with Cho Chang.
A/N: I want to use this part to comment on everyone who reviewed Episode Two...
Hannah: Actually, I didn't know until I wrote it in that he was Bi. All my comedy writing is totally improved. Which explains why "The New Kid" is going nowhere .
Ivory Tower: Actually, I don't watch News Channels, but it's easier to turn CNN into a wizard's news station than MSNBC ^^. Yes, I believe that Doris Crawford is still stuck under the man-bra . And Filch, Neville, and Voldie make a great...er...odd pair?
By: Hurmynee
Disclaimer: This is stupid. I don't even look like her, why would you think I was her?
Episode Three: The McGonagall Factor
Announcer: Welcome to The McGonagall Factor! Our host normally is Minerva McGonagall, but she is at the hospital wing at Hogwarts. So, to take her place, Neville Longbottom...
Neville: Well, I was going to, but unfortunately, I have been fired from the station due to my...*akhem*...hobbies involving hobbits.
*A big oversized cane pulls him out of the chair*
Announcer: To replace replacement Neville, Draco Malfoy...
Draco: Welcome to the Malfoy Factor! I am Malfoy, and I will send my gang of death eaters on you if you disagree with me! Now, news bit number one...
Draco: Weasel Twins A.K.A. Stink Bomb Terrorists. They set three of at the Hogwarts staff party, and flew over to Beauxbatons to do the same. I knew those Weasels were no good. Everyone has been oh-so curious about what is happening at Hogwarts. There have been rumors of the most extreme measures. For example, one is that the Creevey boys are getting female students to pose for 'centerfolds'. Sorry to say that one isn't true. Another one, is that Granger is flashing passing boys. Thank god, not true. The truth is most astounding; someone has smuggled in a TV and everyone is watching...OK, FINE, THE CREEVEY BROTHERS ARE HANDING OUT CENTERFOLDS!
*Draco is panting heavily from nervousness, then quickly regains posture*
Draco: Err...sorry. Anyway, news bit number two...
Draco: Hogsmeade foods poisoned? That's right, after a big re-stock to make up for the 6 month strike, people are starting to question whether the snacks were poisoned by the unionmen. When did they start to question? When an elderly man took a sip of it, and passed out. He's been K.O.ed since Friday, when he took a bite out of a poisoned flavored Bertie Bott...ohkay...moving on...
Draco: Did Voldemort really go after Harry Potter, or was it a little cover- up for his parents suicide? Ok, I made that one up, but think of the possibility! REALLY moving on...
Draco: Lucius and Snape; bed part-AH! WHO PUT THIS IN HERE!
*Giggling comes from camerawoman Hermione*
Draco: GRR! Wait, what am I doing letting a buck-toothed dweeby mudblood ruin my day. Or, I wouldn't if I wasn't questioning whether that was true...
*Draco glares into his reflection from the camera for a moment*
Draco: Anyway, the real story. Remus Lupin just recently quit his job on "War on Voldie". His reason?
*A video tape of a press meeting starts*
Remus: I have come to realise that, in the wizarding world, I am the only one interested in women, aside from my good friend Trelawney. I am going to the Muggle World so that I have hopes of finding a women that will like me for more than being a werewolf.
*The tape freezes for a second, then it goes back to Draco*
Draco: I have no comment. Last story for today...
Draco: I have a crush on Nev-HERMIONE! IF YOU CONTINUE THIS, I WILL HAVE YOU FIRED! Anyway, we are out of time, tomorrow I'll be back again...
Albus: Mr Malfoy, I am afraid that all of the staff is cured...
Draco: Trust me, I'll be back tomorrow *smirks evilly*. Anyway, stay tuned for Celebrity Gossip with Cho Chang.
A/N: I want to use this part to comment on everyone who reviewed Episode Two...
Hannah: Actually, I didn't know until I wrote it in that he was Bi. All my comedy writing is totally improved. Which explains why "The New Kid" is going nowhere .
Ivory Tower: Actually, I don't watch News Channels, but it's easier to turn CNN into a wizard's news station than MSNBC ^^. Yes, I believe that Doris Crawford is still stuck under the man-bra . And Filch, Neville, and Voldie make a great...er...odd pair?
