Joey's Diary
Chapter 2: The Biggest Risk
DISCLAIMER: I do not own "Friends" or any of the characters. But if I did, oh, the fun I'd have!
THE PREMISE: What if Joey kept an online diary about his relationship with Rachel?
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you for the positive reviews! If people continue enjoying it, I'll probably keep it going and possibly move forward into S9. That does depend somewhat on the upcoming S9 finale - I expect an eventual R/R reunion but, as the world's most ardent J/R fan, I am pining and hoping for a little J/R time before the inevitable happens!
Also, I do try to capture Joey's voice accurately: limited vocabulary, imperfect grammar and all. The use of a limited vocabulary can lead to occasionally redundant wording. This chapter was a little more difficult for me to do, but I finally got on a roll with it and am pretty happy with the outcome.
So, read, enjoy, and review! I have Chapter 3 completed now, and I think it's the best one so far. I hope to continue getting positive reviews before I post it! Thanks!
POSTSCRIPT: Due to some very nice reviews (thank you, Medea, Monica-Bing, and calliope542!), Chapter 3 will be up after Thursday's new episode.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I'm think I'm going to tell her today.
This is so crazy. This may be the most risky thing I've ever done. But I've got to tell her or it's going to kill me.
By the way, I can't believe I'm writing all of this down in one of these girlie online diaries. It's like something Chandler would do. But I have to let it out somewhere and Hugsy can only listen to so much of it.
I talked to Ross and told him everything - well, not everything, just really the important stuff. That was a scary thing to do but I needed to get it over with. I couldn't live with the guilt of hiding this from him anymore. I expected him to be mad. Hey, he has every right to be mad! I'm so much in love with his ex wife - who happens to be the mother of his baby - that I can't think about anything else. I wouldn't have been surprised if he wanted to hit me.
He told me that I need to tell her and at least find out if she's in the same place as me. He was so great about it. I feel worse than ever about doing this to Ross. I don't know why, but I feel guilty every time I see them together. At the same time, it makes me crazy. All the history between them is hard to compete with.
But what if - this would shock Monica and Pheebs and everyone else - what if there's nothing left between them but history and this baby? I know everyone thinks they should be together. I'd have to be out of my mind not to know that by now. But what if there's something more out there for her? Someone that loves who she is now and not some fantasy of who she was in high school? Why can't that someone be me?
I don't know what I'm going to say to her or how to say it. How do you tell your best friend that you're in love with her? "Uh, Rachel, guess what? I go to sleep thinking about you and wake up thinking about you. I dream about you every night. I can't get you out of my mind. Did I mention that nothing like this has ever happened to me before? That I would give anything to be with you?"
Yeah, that needs work.
I've got to tell her, though, even if it terrifies me. I thought maybe since she moved out, it would get easier to keep it from her. I wouldn't have to fight myself all day not to just grab her and kiss her, or lay in bed all night torturing myself because she's so close but I can't go to her. I love her so much that I can't hold it inside another day. I didn't know I could feel this way about someone. Hey, I'm Joey - I don't have deep feelings! Or I didn't until her.
I hope she'll see that this is real. She knows so many of my lines after all these years. I have to convince her that this is the real me.
You know, it's funny because all my lines are true when it comes to her. Things I always said to women that were just words to me - those words can't come close to describing how she makes me feel. I want this more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. Maybe that's why I'm so scared right now.
I sat here for the longest time before I began this entry, remembering everything we've shared since day one. The first time I saw her, when this wet bride wandered into the coffee house. The one time we kissed on that New Year's Eve a few years ago. When she first moved in with me and the two of us had so much fun together. The first time we went sailing. The awards show. The day she told me she was pregnant and I proposed because I wasn't about to let her go through this alone. All the hours we spent just hanging out, talking, and being together. Every single moment came back to me and all I could do was wonder why it took me so long to see that she is the only one for me.
I'm praying that somehow, she'll tell me she feels the same way I do. If there's a heaven and someone is listening to my prayers, she'll say she loves me too. I know I don't deserve it. But please, whoever is listening up there, just give me the chance to make her happy. I'll never make you regret it.
If she says no, I don't know what I'll do. If I don't tell her how I feel, then she and Ross start things up again, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I can't stand the thought of losing her. But I have to take the chance. I have to try.
This will be either the best or worst night of my life. I don't know what everyone will say to us if she says yes. Right now I don't care. All that matters to me is Rachel.
Ok, that's it. It's now or never. I'm going to tell her - wish me luck.
Chapter 2: The Biggest Risk
DISCLAIMER: I do not own "Friends" or any of the characters. But if I did, oh, the fun I'd have!
THE PREMISE: What if Joey kept an online diary about his relationship with Rachel?
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you for the positive reviews! If people continue enjoying it, I'll probably keep it going and possibly move forward into S9. That does depend somewhat on the upcoming S9 finale - I expect an eventual R/R reunion but, as the world's most ardent J/R fan, I am pining and hoping for a little J/R time before the inevitable happens!
Also, I do try to capture Joey's voice accurately: limited vocabulary, imperfect grammar and all. The use of a limited vocabulary can lead to occasionally redundant wording. This chapter was a little more difficult for me to do, but I finally got on a roll with it and am pretty happy with the outcome.
So, read, enjoy, and review! I have Chapter 3 completed now, and I think it's the best one so far. I hope to continue getting positive reviews before I post it! Thanks!
POSTSCRIPT: Due to some very nice reviews (thank you, Medea, Monica-Bing, and calliope542!), Chapter 3 will be up after Thursday's new episode.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I'm think I'm going to tell her today.
This is so crazy. This may be the most risky thing I've ever done. But I've got to tell her or it's going to kill me.
By the way, I can't believe I'm writing all of this down in one of these girlie online diaries. It's like something Chandler would do. But I have to let it out somewhere and Hugsy can only listen to so much of it.
I talked to Ross and told him everything - well, not everything, just really the important stuff. That was a scary thing to do but I needed to get it over with. I couldn't live with the guilt of hiding this from him anymore. I expected him to be mad. Hey, he has every right to be mad! I'm so much in love with his ex wife - who happens to be the mother of his baby - that I can't think about anything else. I wouldn't have been surprised if he wanted to hit me.
He told me that I need to tell her and at least find out if she's in the same place as me. He was so great about it. I feel worse than ever about doing this to Ross. I don't know why, but I feel guilty every time I see them together. At the same time, it makes me crazy. All the history between them is hard to compete with.
But what if - this would shock Monica and Pheebs and everyone else - what if there's nothing left between them but history and this baby? I know everyone thinks they should be together. I'd have to be out of my mind not to know that by now. But what if there's something more out there for her? Someone that loves who she is now and not some fantasy of who she was in high school? Why can't that someone be me?
I don't know what I'm going to say to her or how to say it. How do you tell your best friend that you're in love with her? "Uh, Rachel, guess what? I go to sleep thinking about you and wake up thinking about you. I dream about you every night. I can't get you out of my mind. Did I mention that nothing like this has ever happened to me before? That I would give anything to be with you?"
Yeah, that needs work.
I've got to tell her, though, even if it terrifies me. I thought maybe since she moved out, it would get easier to keep it from her. I wouldn't have to fight myself all day not to just grab her and kiss her, or lay in bed all night torturing myself because she's so close but I can't go to her. I love her so much that I can't hold it inside another day. I didn't know I could feel this way about someone. Hey, I'm Joey - I don't have deep feelings! Or I didn't until her.
I hope she'll see that this is real. She knows so many of my lines after all these years. I have to convince her that this is the real me.
You know, it's funny because all my lines are true when it comes to her. Things I always said to women that were just words to me - those words can't come close to describing how she makes me feel. I want this more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. Maybe that's why I'm so scared right now.
I sat here for the longest time before I began this entry, remembering everything we've shared since day one. The first time I saw her, when this wet bride wandered into the coffee house. The one time we kissed on that New Year's Eve a few years ago. When she first moved in with me and the two of us had so much fun together. The first time we went sailing. The awards show. The day she told me she was pregnant and I proposed because I wasn't about to let her go through this alone. All the hours we spent just hanging out, talking, and being together. Every single moment came back to me and all I could do was wonder why it took me so long to see that she is the only one for me.
I'm praying that somehow, she'll tell me she feels the same way I do. If there's a heaven and someone is listening to my prayers, she'll say she loves me too. I know I don't deserve it. But please, whoever is listening up there, just give me the chance to make her happy. I'll never make you regret it.
If she says no, I don't know what I'll do. If I don't tell her how I feel, then she and Ross start things up again, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I can't stand the thought of losing her. But I have to take the chance. I have to try.
This will be either the best or worst night of my life. I don't know what everyone will say to us if she says yes. Right now I don't care. All that matters to me is Rachel.
Ok, that's it. It's now or never. I'm going to tell her - wish me luck.
