A/N: Alright, well just so you know the contents of the letters Jen wrote to each one of her friends will only be revealed in a sequel to this story. Each chapter would contain one of the letters that Jen wrote. We'll just see how that turns out. I hope you're enjoying the story and that I'm not disappointing any of your expectations. On to the story now, enjoy!
Chapter 11
The people of Capeside went about their daily business, oblivious to the young life that had just been lost. The sign in front of the Ice House had a large Closed banner taped across it and some passer-by's frowned when they read the sign and looked at their watches trying to calculate how much time they had to find somewhere else to eat. It seemed unfair to Joey Potter as she watched all this. Unfair that life seemed to go one as usual. Jen Lindley was dead. Jennifer Lindley had died that morning leaving her daughter to Jack. They would never be able to see her again, talk to her again. She was gone.
Bowing her head and slumping down in her seat Joey resisted bursting into tears again. Pacey had graciously closed the restaurant so the mourners could gather and be together in this time of sadness and Joey appreciated the gesture. Ever since Grams had announced Jen's death no one had spoken to each other. Grams and Jack sat at a far off table with Madison, not far off was Dawson and Gale Leery, Audrey and Andie sat together and Pacey was in the kitchen with Bessie and Bodie. No one had spoken a word. They had all cried and hugged each other but never spoke. Jen was dead.
And life went on.
Not being able to stand the silence or watch the happy-go-lucky people outside Joey pushed back her chair and made her way to the kitchen, avoiding the miserable looks of her friends, her family. Entering the kitchen Joey nearly collided with her sister and Bodie as they exited both carrying a large tray of food. Joey squished her against the wall as they passed and then slipped in. She took a second to watch Pacey before clearing her throat. "Hey," she greeted and quickly thought up a reason to be there, "Where are the serving spoons?"
"Uh," Pacey turned, "Right under there." Joey nodded and lifted looked into a bin with the spoons. She turned and looked at Pacey, pausing a second.
"How are you doing?" she wondered.
"She's dead Joe," Pacey shrugged, leaning against the counter. Joey resisted the urge to go over and wrap her arms around him. It's not like she hadn't hugged Pacey before, it's just that it didn't feel right at that moment. Not with everything going through her head.
"I know," Joey nodded, her eyes clouding up with tears. She took a deep, collective breath and examined Pacey. He looked, thoughtful. "What's going through that head of yours Witter?" Pacey looked at her a second, almost hesitating to say and then exhaled loudly.
"You're off the hook," Pacey stated.
Joey looked at him confused, "What?" She had absolutely no idea what Pacey was talking about.
"You're off the hook," he repeated, "You don't have to do this anymore."
"Do what?" Joey wondered. The tears threatened to emerge and Joey held onto the counter in fear of collapsing due to what she believed Pacey was about to tell her.
"This," Pacey emphasized waving his arm in between them, "This, whatever it is we have. I never believed in that if you love them let them go and they'll come back crap, obviously, but what the hell. Life's short, I mean look at what happened to Jen. I need to be happy. I can't keep wondering what's going on between us. I love you Joe, I always have, and it's really important that you be happy too. I need you to be happy. I want you to find someone who makes you feel like you make me feel. If that person is Dawson, or New York guy, or some guy you haven't even met then fine. The simple act of being in love with you is enough for me. So, you're off the hook."
"I don't want to be let off anyone's hook Pace," Joey informed him, "I've been running for a long time and everything I've done has led me here. I can't be let off the hook because you might lead me to believe that's it's alright to run, and it's not." Joey was crying slightly now and Pacey was on the verge of tears.
"W-what are you saying?" Pacey wondering stuttering slightly as he watched her intently.
"What I'm saying is I love you Pacey," Joey continued, "I love Dawson, he's my soul mate, but that's tied to my childhood, the past. I-I've been running from this for a long time, scared of what it might mean. I can't run anymore Pace, it hurt too much to run. I-I want to..." Joey trailed off; afraid to utter the words she was about to. She opened her mouth again to say something as Dawson entered the kitchen.
Joey wiped her eyes quickly and turned away from Pacey, ripping away from his gaze, his pleading eyes. She couldn't do this now, not with Dawson in the room. Dawson stood silently by the door looking at the two of them curiously. He looked wrecked, just as wrecked as the rest of them. "Hey," he said, looking directly at Joey, "I wondered where you snuck off to."
"I couldn't take the silence," Joey shrugged, ignoring the feeling of Pacey's gaze, "So I came to chat with Pacey."
"I know the feeling," Dawson agreed, "The silence is the worst. I didn't interrupt anything did I?"
"Actually..." Pacey started, but Joey sent him a pleading look and he stopped, "No, we were just talking about how wonderful the weather is. Just the type of day Jen would've enjoyed."
"Yeah," Dawson nodded. Joey wasn't sure if he believed the story or not. She had a terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach and she wondered if she should talk with Dawson before finishing her discussion with Pacey. "Uh...Joe," Dawson called her back to reality, "Audrey and Andie are looking for you."
"I better go see what they want," Joey announced, glancing at Pacey before exiting the kitchen.
Pacey watched her go, pleading to her with his mind not to go but to stay and finish whatever she was going to say. Dawson still stood in the kitchen, he too had watched Joey breeze by him back into the restaurant. Pacey's eyes were rimmed with red from crying; he slid to the kitchen floor and buried his hands in his face. Dawson approached him. "How're you feeling?" Dawson offered.
"How does it look like I'm feeling?" Pacey looked up into the eyes of his best friend.
"Like shit," Dawson laughed, and Pacey cracked a grin as well.
"God, this has been the most horrible week," Pacey groaned leaning his head back against the cupboards behind him, "I loved catching up with Jen, but I never thought it would be the last few days I would spend with her."
"And seeing Joey again was great too," Dawson sat down next to him, "God, she's just as beautiful as ever."
"We were idiots," Pacey sighed, "We had her and we let her go."
"Tell me about it," Dawson sighed, "She's really done it for herself, you too. You've made wonders with you life."
"You have too D," Pacey pointed out, "I mean how many people can say that they have a hit TV show that's based on their lives in a small town?"
"Not many," Dawson smiled and paused a moment before sighing, "God, I miss her."
"Which one?" Pacey wondered.
"Jen, Joey, both of them," Dawson breathed, "When Andie moved in, I realized how apart I am from the people I grew up with. We all live in such different world. Having Andie around made me more homesick than ever."
"So, has Andie coerced you into hiring her yet?" Pacey wondered. It was all so strange to him. Andie and Dawson seemed closer than ever, not in a romantic way, although he could see hints of attraction to each other. They might not notice it but he did, he made a mental note to bring it up with Jack later and turned back to Dawson.
"Not yet," Dawson shook his head, "We both agreed that it would be better for our friendship if she wasn't my PR gal."
"Yeah, well I don't think it would go over with the media well to find out the producer of The Creek and his PR gal were living together," Pacey added, "It would be the talk of the media."
"I doubt that," Dawson laughed lightly, "The media has more important people to harass than the director of a WB show."
"Who knows," Pacey shrugged. The two sat in silence a moment. Pacey felt comforted by the fact that they could still act normal with all that was going on. The sadness was still thick in the air but now a feeling of comfort had also joined it. Pacey heard the swoosh of the kitchen door shutting and looked up to find Andie standing there, watching them with a smile.
"Joey told me I'd find you two here," she approached them, "Bessie asked me to fetch the chef. Madison is hungry and she won't eat anything we have set out and Joey convinced Jack and Audrey to go for a walk."
"I'll whip something up," Pacey informed, standing up. Andie nodded and retreated to tell Bessie the news.
"I should probably go to see if there's anything I can help with," Dawson had stood up as well and followed Andie into the restaurant. Pacey stood alone, quietly going through all the possibilities of what Joey had to say as he prepared a meal for Madison.
Jack was surprised that he had agreed to leave Madison and take a short walk with Joey and Audrey. In fact, he was surprised that Joey had suggested it in the first place. She had come out of the kitchen from talking with Pacey and had looked more upset than before, if that was even possible. She had had a short talk with Andie and Audrey and then announced that she was going for a walk. Audrey had immediately volunteered to go and somehow he ended up here as well. They weren't walking anymore though, they were sitting out down by the dock where Pacey's boat was harboured. Glancing at Joey he realized she was staring at her feet with a lost expression. Jack wanted to ask her what was wrong other than the obvious but couldn't, instead Audrey was the first one to speak and it was neither about Jen or what was wrong with Joey. "So, this is the replica of the boat you spent the summer on with Pacey?" she wondered.
"Yeah," Joey nodded and her face seemed to fall more. Jack couldn't stand it; he reached out and wrapped his arm around her.
"What's wrong Josephine?" he nagged, trying to bring humour to the situation. He hurt but he needed to try and make Joey feel a little better. She looked worse than he did.
"I nearly did it," she muttered, "I nearly admitted...I can't believe this...I had to do and Dawson h-he walked in and..."
"Potter you make it impossible for anyone to understand you," Audrey complained, leaning back on her elbows.
"I love Pacey," the crestfallen Joey enlightened, "And Dawson walked in right when I was going to tell him...."
"Shouldn't you be happier then?" Jack wondered, "I mean you know who you want."
"I've always known," Joey notified, "It's just when Dawson walked in I realized that if I told Pacey I'd have to tell Dawson and with all that's going on it would just hurt more."
"Dawson a big boy," Audrey insisted.
"I can't do it," Joey sighed, "I told Jen I would but I can't. He's already lost Jen and he's about to lose his soul mate too."
"Joe, they both deserve to know," Jack persisted, "Anyway, apparently you promised Jen you would and as her best friend I insist that you fulfill her wishes." Jack managed a small, encouraging smile to Joey through his sadness and Joey returned the favour.
"I'm such a hypocrite?" Joey sighed, "Jen's...dead, and I'm worrying about my stupid love triangle."
"Jo, it's your way of dealing with the pain," Jack kissed Joey's forehead lightly, "Instead of obsessing over the food, or Madison, or your director boyfriend your dealing with the fact that you know who you love and are afraid to admit it. As much as it pains me to say it, Jen's dead, that's the truth and we've got to deal with this in anyway that we can. And you need to tell Pacey."
"Does it have to be today though?" Joey complained.
"YES!" Audrey and Jack both exclaimed, standing up before pulling Joey to her feet. The three headed back to the Ice House in silence each mourning Jen, each basking in the start of their future that was about to begin.
Pacey was sitting with Andie and Dawson when the three others returned. From the minute Joey walked in her gaze had not strayed from him, not even to look at Dawson. Jen's words from the day before and Jack's from minutes earlier reverberated in her brain and she was determined to finally let go. To stop running because she still was. Until she told Dawson and Pacey her feeling she would still be running.
Audrey had quickly joined the three at the table while Jack ran off to see Madison, but Joey stood still. She stood by the door trying to will time to stop, but it didn't. Time went on. Time was no man's friend.
Joey didn't make the first move thought, Pacey did. He had approached her at some point in time and grabbed her hand dragging her back outside into the sun and crowds of smiling people. Joey detested these people right now. Soon enough she found herself back where she had been, but this time she was on Pacey's boat.
A familiar feeling overwhelmed her as she sat in a seat so similar to the one she sat on that summer on True Love when she talked with Pacey as he steered the boat. Quickly she stood up. This type of thing was better done standing up. Of course she didn't know whether that was true or not but she was too fidgety to stand up. "Why did I bring you here Joe?" Pacey asked.
"Because you want to finish our talk," Joey stated.
"Yeah, but why?" Pacey stressed the why.
"Because it involves our future," Joey braced herself to reveal her secret, "Our future being mine and yours. Pacey, I love you, I always have but I've just always been afraid of the consequences of being in love with you so I ran. I ran to Dawson, Eddie, Paris and I didn't stop. But I have to stop Pacey. I want to be us again Pacey, me and you. I love you."
"I-I love you too Joe," Pacey somehow managed to answer, "I love you so much." Joey felt relief wash through her as Pacey said the words back to her. Next thing she knew they were in each others arm kissing passionately.
"I need to go back," Joey pulled apart, "There's still something I have to do."
"Can't it wait?" Pacey questioned.
"I wish it could," Joey admitted, "But life doesn't wait Pacey and if I've learnt anything from what happened to Jen it's that I just don't have the time."
Joey jumped off the boat and slowly walked up the dock, glancing back once to see Pacey watching her with awe and love. Joey couldn't help but smile wide at the sky, thanking Jen with all her heart for setting her free. Joey had stopped running from love, and now it was time to take the final leap. Joey loved Dawson, but not in the way she loved Pacey, or the way she had once loved Dawson. She was not afraid anymore; the triangle would be put to rest whether or not Dawson liked it.
The minute she walked into the Ice House she received curious looks from both Jack and Audrey, the only two who knew what other life altering occurrences were happening today. Joey could tell right off they wanted to know where Pacey was and what had happened. They would have to wait though because her eyes then fell up Dawson, who chatted with Andie and her heart filled with dread. She had stopped running but she wanted to take off again. Dawson's reaction from the first time he had found out about Joey and Pacey played through her head and she froze up. A gentle shove from Audrey, who had snuck up from behind her, set Joey off again, reminding her of what had to be done and the promises that she had made.
She approached the table where Andie and Dawson sat and the two looked up, smiling sadly. They were not trying to be happy, just trying to accept that Jen was gone. "Can I talk to you a second?" Joey asked, looking solely at Dawson Leery.
"Sure," Dawson nodded and curiously followed Joey into the kitchen and then out back into the alleyway behind the restaurant. "What's up?" he wondered, once outside.
"I-I have to tell you something," Joey began, "And, I'm not sure how you'll feel about it, but nonetheless it has to be said."
"Okay..." Dawson trailed, waiting for Joey to continue, and she did.
"For a long time I've been running," Joey used the 'running' analogy once again, "Running mostly from the truth and love. Coming back to Capeside made me realize that I can't do this anymore. Despite popular belief I've always known who I've really loved but the fear kicks in and I try to run away from it. Dawson, you're my soul mate, we understand each other's needs and desires, but we can't be more. I love you Dawson, but I..."
"You love Pacey," Dawson stated, "I understand Jo, and it really doesn't matter anymore who end up with who. We're soul mates, we always will be and now, that's enough for me. If you and Pacey are happy together, then that's how it should be."
"You mean it?" Joey wondered, somewhat shocked by Dawson reaction.
"Yeah," Dawson nodded, sincere. Joey smiled thankfully at Dawson, she could not find the words to thank him so instead she hugged him and he returned the favour. Their hug lingered a moment. "Better get back inside, I'm sure the others are wondering what happened to us."
"Especially Jack and Audrey," Joey agreed, "Pacey as well, if he was able to find his way back here after I told him."
Dawson turned and opened the door where that had come from only to find Audrey, pressing her ear against the door. The two laughed, momentarily forgetting their tragedy as they avoided Audrey's questions and returned to the dining area. They saw Jack, holding Madison who was eating an apple and remembered Jen. Everything about the blonde haired baby reminded them of their lost friend. Pacey had returned and sitting with Jack, talking. Andie was with Bessie and Grams, but when Dawson, Joey and Audrey returned to the room, all looked their way. They all knew what Joey had told Dawson, they all waited for some sort of reaction.
Dawson's gaze fell upon Pacey. "Congrats man," Dawson sighed.
"You mean it?" Pacey inquired.
"That was my reaction too," Joey admitted, "He means it Pace."
"I do," Dawson nodded, "We've spent too long in conflict over Ms. Potter here. She's your man, she love you."
"I know," Pacey smiled, a spark of happiness appeared in his eyes, "And to end this day on a slightly happier not, Ms, Potter I do believe I have something for you."
"You do?" Joey questioned.
"I do," Pacey nodded and approached Joey, Dawson stepped away from the two and joined Jack where Pacey had been before, after a moment Pacey spoke, "I've learnt a lot of things from Jen. One thing I learnt that was if you believed in something enough, no matter what anyone else thought, you can make it work. Jen believed in us Joe; she helped me believe in us. I lost my belief, I lost you and now I lost Jen, my friend. But before I lost Jen, she helped me find my belief, and now I found you. I can't lose you again Joe; I've lost too much in my life already.
"So, Miss. Potter I have something for you, a question," Pacey reached into his rumpled suit pocket and pulled out a velvet box, Joeys heart stopped as Pacey opened it to reveal the magnificent Sapphire ring embedded in diamonds, "This ring belongs to you Joey, not matter you answer," Then, getting Pacey got down on one knee, "Joey Potter, will you marry me?"
Time seemed to stop for the first time that very second. Joey's friends, her family, her soul mate all watched and waited for her to answer. This was it, she had thought she had stopped running, thought she had finally made the biggest decision of her life, but truth was this was it.
Joey looked at Pacey then, who watched her ever movement, gesture and expression. This was Pacey Witter, the pest who had teased her and tortured her relentlessly throughout her childhood in from of her grown up and at his most vulnerable. His eyes were filled with such hope. Joey paused, basking in the moment, taking in each sound, and smell. She knew the answer, she always had known.
"Yes," she replied, finally, "Yes Pacey Witter I will."
The room remained still and silent as Pacey slid the ring onto Joey's finger and the room burst quietly into applause. Pacey returned to his feet and Joey threw her arms around him and kissed him, then the two touched foreheads, and smiled at each other. "I love you Pace," Joey whispered.
"Love ya too Potter," Pacey replied. The others were trying to get into congratulate them, but Pacey and Joey remained together a minute longer, each saying their good-byes to the past, preparing for their future, and giving one last good-bye and thank you to Jen. Jen Lindley had brought one more joy to the world before she died; she had given Pacey back his belief in his love for Joey and had given Joey the chance to finally accept the love that was offered to her.
Madison seemed to pick up on the sudden happy moment and clapped her hands. As Jack put Madison down a second to hug Joey and Pacey the girl wobbled over to the entrance to the Ice House. "MOMMA!" the two year old shouted, reaching her hands towards the door.
The room stopped their small celebration and remembered their grief, remembered why they were all here. They turned towards their lost one's daughter, as she reached towards the door. In that moment, they saw something that none would talk about for years. They saw Jen Lindley, standing at the Ice House door, smiling brightly at them all. They all saw her and stared in awe but in the blink of an eye, Jen was gone.
