The Reality I make for myself
In "The Beast That Shouted "I" at The Heart of The World," we see an alternate reality,
a possible path that the cast of Evangelion could have come down. These realities have their own rules, their own endings, and their own Instrumentalities. This is the chronicling of a handful of those realities.
The setting: Tokyo-3
The time: after the 3rd Impact
The cast: Shinji Ikari, Asuka Langley Sohryu
"How disgusting..."
The words broke the otherwise silent night. Silent but for the quiet sobbing of a young man, the savior of the whole world. Not that anyone knew this. Or cared. Right then, all anyone cared about was getting this stupid boy OFF of her. He was DRIPPING on her. Shinji was practically a leaking vegetable, a husk of a man, barely aware enough to know that he had just tried to kill Asuka with his bare hands. Finally, in a moment of terrifying deja vu for Shinji, Asuka spoke again.
"Will you get off?"
The shock of hearing these words again, and in much the same tone of voice, jolted Shinji out of his episode. He looked down at her, and this time actually looked at her, before scrambling carefully off of her.
"I'm sorry, Asuka..."
He sounded genuinely sorry this time, not the default apology he used to hand out. She looked at him, ready to tear into him for being so spineless, but she never got around to it. Sitting up, she scowled as she realized that this damn bandage was obscuring her vision. Something wasn't right about that, she shouldn't have been able to see at all out of that eye. And why didn't her arm hurt? Curiously, she looked down at her bandaged arm, flexing the fingers in a very Shinji-esqe gesture.
Satisfied that it wasn't about to gush blood all over the place, she began to unravel the dressing, her suspicions confirmed as she uncovered her hand. She WAS unhurt, that vicious rending of her body before the Impact had been erased. A strange excitement flooded her as she tore at the bandages on her face. As with her hand, her eye was completely fine, squinting slightly in the dim light reflected off the lake...
Shinji just sat there, his mind awash with the impressions of the last few hours. He remembered Rei, huge and white, towering over him in Unit-01 after he'd been crucified on those lances. Those black eyes, then Kaoru in her place, the calm that came over him. Complete resignation to fate at that point, letting it all just happen. Then the jumble of images that was Instrumentality, the sea of Rei's swimming in unison, the mental chaos, the sea of LCL and Rei straddling him, her hands in his chest. His mother, and then this...
"Asuka... We're... Alive. And still us. Instrumentality failed..."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Third Impact... Everything Father schemed and planned for all these years... It failed. Because of me."
"Make sense, damn you!"
Shinji began laughing uncontrollably, a strange, hysterical laughter punctuated by sobs. He knew that he was free of his father now, because of something he did, a choice that he made. He chose to destroy his father's work, the only fitting revenge for abandoning him all these years. His expression was that one of desperation, that smile that clung to sanity with its fingertips. He'd worn it before, most recently when Kaoru came for him.
Asuka was as close to frightened as it was possible for her to be right then. She'd never seen Shinji like this before, and she didn't care to see it ever again. Deciding that a delicate touch might be in order, she reached out with one hand to touch his...
"Shinji? Please calm down. It's okay, you know?"
She wondered at herself, not sure where she learned such nice things from. Probably Hikari. Wherever it came from, it seemed to work, if only because it startled Shinji so much he stopped laughing to gape at her. Taking her hand, he gripped it with the intensity of a drowning man thrown a lifeline, and for much the same reason.
"Thank you, Asuka. I think I'm okay, now."
She favored him with a rare smile, like she did whenever one would save the other's life from some angel attack or other. Smiling back, Shinji thought to himself, She really is pretty, especially in this light...
Looking around at the beach, he noticed that the surf wasn't actually water, and smelled suspiciously like blood, even though it was kind of a yellow-orange hue, and viscous. The whole lake seemed to be made of LCL, and what a lake. Where half of Tokyo-3 stood was now a giant hole in the ground, the area around it looking surprisingly intact. There were even lights in some sections of the city. Wherever the power generators were for the city, it wasn't under the central block.
Sighing, Shinji got to his feet, looking out over the city. Relief spread over him as he saw Misato's apartment complex, and with lights. At least they still had a home. Looking down, he helped Asuka get to her feet, and the two of them stood, looking out over the water, the very picture of a new beginning, a New Genesis for mankind. The moment faded, though, when both their stomachs reminded them that yes, they were alive, and yes, this required eating.
"Urgh... I feel like I haven't eaten in days."
"I know what you mean, Asuka. Let's head into what's left of town and see if we can't find some food. Goodness knows we wouldn't find any at home."
"Heh, that's certainly true. Let's go, Shinji."
Setting off, the two of them actually manage to fall into a comfortable silence, but before long, they start to talk.
* * *
"It's weird… I feel like there's a storm in my head…but if I concentrate, I can pick out things. Names, faces, memories that don't belong to me. It's like… What was that movie, back before the 2nd Impact? Had that Scotsman who couldn't die?"
"Braveheart?"
"No, different Scotsman. This one went around cutting off heads. Blew up cars."
"Weird."
"HIGHLANDER! He was immortal, and when all the others of his kind were gone, he could read the minds of everyone on the planet."
"Now that you mention it, I feel it too. Is this what the Commander meant by Instrumentality?"
"No, that was before… We're outside of Instrumentality, or very nearly. Maybe our contact with the Evas tuned us in, somehow?"
"It's weird, like the LCL all around us is full of people. This is like when Unit-01 absorbed you."
"Absorbed me? What are you talking about?"
"Baka! Remember when you fought Zeruel, and your synch ratio jumped to over 400%?"
"Are you SERIOUS? I did that?"
"I guess you don't remember. You had seemingly dissolved into the LCL, and been absorbed by Unit-01. It spit you out again, eventually, but Ritsuko and Misato tried like hell to get you back themselves. Misato cried when the plug opened up and you weren't there."
"Really? Wow. All I remember is waking up in the hospital."
"Baka Shinji."
"I'm sor-… I'm not an idiot, Asuka."
"Huh? When the hell did you grow a spine?"
"I think saving the world a few times must do that for a guy."
"Well, this'll take some getting used to."
Walking away from ground zero, making their way back into what's left of the city, Shinji makes an afterthought, "As will having to put up with no one but ourselves."
"WHAT?!"
"Haven't you noticed, there's no one else in sight for as far as I can see. It seems like we're the only people left in Tokyo-3, maybe the whole planet."
"Great, just great. It's the end of the world and YOU end up being the last man on earth. Can my life POSSIBLY get any worse?"
"I'd say this is an improvement to taking on the Eva series all by yourself."
Asuka shuddered, remembering the feeling of getting torn apart as her Eva was literally eaten alive. "That's certainly true."
They walked in silence a little more, and came upon the convenience store that they usually went to. Naturally, it was devoid of people, but a couple of slicks of LCL dotted the road and floor.
It was strange, but the electricity still seemed to be working in much of the city, such as was left. Apparently the MAGI really did control everything, and the humans were extraneous.
"Yecch.. Don't step in anybody if you can help it."
"I don't think they know, or care, Asuka. Anyway, with no one here, no government, it's two person anarchy now. You and me and all the food that's left in this place. I think we ought to go about setting up some sort of survival plan."
"Wow, you actually had a good idea for once. How do you plan to go about saving our lives, Mr. Invincible?"
"That's about enough. You don't have to be such a cold bitch anymore, you know."
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"
As can be expected, she immediately lashed out and tried to slap him. Unexpectedly, however, he raised his arm in a perfect forearm block, much to their mutual astonishment.
"How the hell did I do that?"
"How the hell did you do that?"
Shinji blinked and looked at his arm. Asuka was too shocked to try and get another slap in, and her astonishment took most of the wind out of her indignation.
"It must have been from the mind of someone in the LCL, someone who knew martial arts… Asuka, I think I know how we can survive. And…"
"And what? Did you think of something else?"
"I don't know yet… Let's worry about one thing at a time. What do you want for dinner?"
Since most of what they'd been used to eating was instant anyway, putting together dinner was a simple enough matter. Sitting down with some instant ramen and microwave gyoza, Shinji appeared lost deep in thought. Asuka, for her part, tried to get the hang of all the voices in her head that weren't her own or her mothers, and how to sort them out. Cracking open a can of Calpis, Shinji looked up at Asuka, a noodle dangling from his mouth.
"Asuka, you said that Ritsuko and Misato tried to pull me out of the LCL by themselves? Do you remember what they did?"
"I wasn't there… Zeruel almost killed me along with my Unit-02, they cut the connection right before it took my head off… I was in the hospital for a while." She scowled as she remembered her defeat, but somehow it wasn't as crushingly depressing as it used to be. Somehow, with only one other person in the world to compete with, she'd lost most of her driving need to be the best at everything.
"Oh."
"Why do you ask?"
"I was just thinking.. If they knew a way, theoretically, to pull a person out of the LCL, why couldn't we do that too? I mean, we have their memories, their thoughts… We just need to learn how to harness them."
"That's really sci-fi, Shinji. Think we can do it?"
"Our whole lives are really sci-fi, Asuka. It's like we're living in one of Kensuke's dreams or something. Giant android robot fights, cities that retreat underground, huge, white naked angel Rei's killing the whole planet…"
"Oh, yeah.. I forgot about Wondergirl. What do you think happened to her?"
"I…don't know." I don't have the heart to tell you the truth about her, not after Ritsuko killed them all.
"Well, I hope she's okay, wherever she is."
"Yeah, me too."
Shinji blinked as he realized something, "Did you just voice concern for another human being, Asuka? You must be as changed as I am from all this."
"Must be. Shut up and finish your ramen before it gets cold."
Having finally finished eating, they cleaned up their mess and went back out into the world, careful not to step in anyone. There were puddles of LCL everywhere, and little rivulets of it ran in the storm drains and roadsides. Eventually, they made it back to Misato's apartment, Shinji immediately going for his SDAT player, Asuka turning on the TV. Both these normally reliable diversions were to be cut short, however, as the TV, naturally, had no programming on and the SDAT chose that day, in all the months it had been in Tokyo-3, to burn out the batteries and die.
(together:) "DAMMIT!"
It would seem that their synchronization training during the battle against Israphel hadn't worn off yet after all. With nothing better to do, they convened in the living room and sat, staring at each other, for about as long as either one could stand, until finally Asuka snapped her fingers in realization.
"I've GOT IT!"
"What?"
"Let's go down to headquarters, try that thing you were talking about, and pull Kaji out of the LCL!"
"Um, okay, but why Kaji?"
"Because I need a real man to continue the human race with, baka!"
"Newsflash, Asuka, but you're fourteen years old."
"Almost fifteen!"
"Uh huh. Anyway, it's worth a shot. Anything's better than just sitting here staring at each other all night."
"Aww, what's the matter, Shinji, don't you like staring at the most attractive woman on the planet?"
"The only woman on the planet," Shinji muttered.
"What was that?!"
"Nothing, Asuka." This is going to be a long rest of my life if this is what I have to look forward to.
Asuka glared at him a moment longer, then yawned deeply. Shinji, watching her, yawned also. Partly out of sympathy, but partly because, as he realized, that he was exhausted. "Actually, Shinji, let's go to bed. Get a fresh start in the morning."
"Suits me fine. Goodnight, Asuka."
Asuka paused on her way into her room, suddenly assaulted with unfamiliar feelings towards Shinji. She'd felt them before, when he saved her from the volcano after the fight with Sandalphon. Feelings of gratitude, of warmth and, God help her, affection.
NO! I mustn't let myself feel this way about him! Pull it together, Asuka, he's just some idiot boy. So what if he saved your life a couple of times, you've done the same for him. You're Asuka Langley Sohryu, you don't need him or anyone else!
In the face of the overwhelming fact of their complete and utter solitude on this planet, however, her thoughts rang hollow. Oh, what the hell. Can't hurt to be nice to him this once.
"Goodnight, Shinji. Sweet dreams."
Shinji paused, midway into changing the batteries in his SDAT. He was so shocked he nearly dropped his SDAT player, and was too paralyzed to say anything until after she'd shut the door.
*quietly* "Sweet dreams, Asuka."
As he lay down with fresh batteries, playing the 25th track on his SDAT, he found that he couldn't sleep for the voices in his head. Grumbling, he turned up his music, hoping it could drown out the cacophony between his ears.
Between tracks, he could hear Asuka moaning restlessly in the next room. Apparently the voices troubled her dreams as well, in the form of nightmares. Presently, she opened the door and stepped out. Shinji played possum, closing his eyes and killing his music. The flushing of the toilet told him she just needed to use the facilities. Asuka must have been just half-awake, though, because she flopped down next to Shinji on the floor there, just as she had the night before they defeated Israphel.
Shinji choked back a scream, not quite as overwhelmed this time. In a bizzare moment of deja-vu, he looked down at her, admiring her body through her nightshirt, but not trying to kiss her. Sighing, he pulled a blanket over her and rolled over, turning his music back on, fighting for sleep. He could have done without the dreams.
