Chapter 2
Excerpt from Artemis Fowl's Diary
September 4th, 2003 (encrypted)
Once again, I am sitting in detention. When will they learn? I like detention. Ironically, detention is the only place where I can find solitude to do some planning. As one may have forgotten (after all, it is easy to forget), I am here because of my "anti-social" tendencies, and it is necessary that I find a way to get out this hellhole. I am constantly being shoved into these little "social-groups" so I can make friends, but honestly, how can I be expected to make friends with children who have an IQ of that of a horse fly. Truly, it sickens me. I recorded my last encounter with my "peers" in order to further study human behavior. It's funny, they are my lab-rats.sadly, I think the lab-rat would be smarter.
John: hey you! The shrimpy little pale-dude in the corner, do you wanna play some b-ball with us?
Ralf: he looks more like a ball than a playa. Later, little dude.
John: BRO! Seriously, give little-dude a chance.
Ralf: if I must. DUDE, get ova heah now, befo I have to use force.if you know what I mean.
Sadly, my common "decency" forced me to at least introduce my self. Oh, who am I kidding.I had a coy remark ready, when the principal prodded me in the back with his pen. This was a more-than-subtle way of saying "get the hell over there, or it's back to detention!"
I slowly approached the boy called Ralf, and whispered my snide comment in his ear. It was too good to go to waste.
Artemis: honestly, how do you have the intelligence to come up with decent strategies for a complicated game such as basketball, if you don't have the intelligence necessary to put a proper sentence together? Really, I met orangutans from Uganda that were more intelligent.
Ralf: Is dat an insult, little dude? Come on, bring it on!
Artemis: I highly doubt that I can play this barbaric sport you call basketball. Seeing as I am lacking in the eye-hand coordination department, but my bodyguard, Butler, would love to compete against you two. Despite his intimidating appearance, I guarantee he has never played the sport of basketball. Besides, he seems to have "aged" quite a bit. He shouldn't be a challenge to you.
Ralf: you mean we gotta play him? Fine, I guess he's an old dude right, man?
John: uh.yeah, sure.whatever you say
Ralf: BRING IT ON, sucka's.
Artemis: before you begin this sickening practice, please let me inform you, that I am only doing this to prove one point.
John: what's that, little dude?
Artemis: I intend to show you that proper strategies can conquer a player of even your talent.
Ralf: whateva, man.
Artemis: Silence, you moronic-barbarians! I am taking a man of absolutely no prior basket-ball training, and letting him compete against you two. Of course, before the competition I shall come up with various strategies. Brains always beats Braun.every time.
Ralf: Dude, he called us moronic-barbarians.
John: Yeah, Bro. Little dude isn't so mean. At least he complimented us.
Ralf: Go us, dude.
It's pathetic. The two apes simultaneously jumped in the air and high-fived each other. I couldn't help but snicker under my breath.
Artemis: then it's settled. We will meet back here tomorrow.
John/Ralf: Peace, little dude.
Then, because I was unable to find some peace and quite, I was forced to go up to the principal, once again, and find a way into detention. This is truly getting old.
Artemis: Sir, I'm sorry to say that I will be forced to call my parents, and they will remove me immediately from this establishment.if you don't do something for me.
Principal: And what may that be?
Artemis: This place is horrific. I asked for Irish Spring Water at the cafeteria today, and the lunch lady laughed in my face. Not only does the faculty resemble a primitive tribe of Neanderthal's, but they also refuse to adhere to my.delicate needs.
Principal: Off to detention, again. I'm beginning to think you like the place.
At that moment, I have to admit.I made a mistake, as I rarely do. I muttered something under my breath.
Artemis: that would be the idea, but then again, I wouldn't expect someone like you to figure that out.
Principal: did you say something Artemis Fowl?
Artemis: nothing principal, honestly, what did you think I said.
Principal: I'm watching you, and because of that remark you just made, I'm sending Dr. Maynard into detention with you. No funny business, mister.
Artemis: I must tell you. I did not make that alleged remark.
Principal: oh yes, you did. I heard you!
Artemis: I'm sorry to say, that would not hold up in the court of law. You of all people should know about the judiciary system.
Principal: UGH, just go to detention, and stay out of my sight.
Excerpt from Artemis Fowl's Diary
September 4th, 2003 (encrypted)
Once again, I am sitting in detention. When will they learn? I like detention. Ironically, detention is the only place where I can find solitude to do some planning. As one may have forgotten (after all, it is easy to forget), I am here because of my "anti-social" tendencies, and it is necessary that I find a way to get out this hellhole. I am constantly being shoved into these little "social-groups" so I can make friends, but honestly, how can I be expected to make friends with children who have an IQ of that of a horse fly. Truly, it sickens me. I recorded my last encounter with my "peers" in order to further study human behavior. It's funny, they are my lab-rats.sadly, I think the lab-rat would be smarter.
John: hey you! The shrimpy little pale-dude in the corner, do you wanna play some b-ball with us?
Ralf: he looks more like a ball than a playa. Later, little dude.
John: BRO! Seriously, give little-dude a chance.
Ralf: if I must. DUDE, get ova heah now, befo I have to use force.if you know what I mean.
Sadly, my common "decency" forced me to at least introduce my self. Oh, who am I kidding.I had a coy remark ready, when the principal prodded me in the back with his pen. This was a more-than-subtle way of saying "get the hell over there, or it's back to detention!"
I slowly approached the boy called Ralf, and whispered my snide comment in his ear. It was too good to go to waste.
Artemis: honestly, how do you have the intelligence to come up with decent strategies for a complicated game such as basketball, if you don't have the intelligence necessary to put a proper sentence together? Really, I met orangutans from Uganda that were more intelligent.
Ralf: Is dat an insult, little dude? Come on, bring it on!
Artemis: I highly doubt that I can play this barbaric sport you call basketball. Seeing as I am lacking in the eye-hand coordination department, but my bodyguard, Butler, would love to compete against you two. Despite his intimidating appearance, I guarantee he has never played the sport of basketball. Besides, he seems to have "aged" quite a bit. He shouldn't be a challenge to you.
Ralf: you mean we gotta play him? Fine, I guess he's an old dude right, man?
John: uh.yeah, sure.whatever you say
Ralf: BRING IT ON, sucka's.
Artemis: before you begin this sickening practice, please let me inform you, that I am only doing this to prove one point.
John: what's that, little dude?
Artemis: I intend to show you that proper strategies can conquer a player of even your talent.
Ralf: whateva, man.
Artemis: Silence, you moronic-barbarians! I am taking a man of absolutely no prior basket-ball training, and letting him compete against you two. Of course, before the competition I shall come up with various strategies. Brains always beats Braun.every time.
Ralf: Dude, he called us moronic-barbarians.
John: Yeah, Bro. Little dude isn't so mean. At least he complimented us.
Ralf: Go us, dude.
It's pathetic. The two apes simultaneously jumped in the air and high-fived each other. I couldn't help but snicker under my breath.
Artemis: then it's settled. We will meet back here tomorrow.
John/Ralf: Peace, little dude.
Then, because I was unable to find some peace and quite, I was forced to go up to the principal, once again, and find a way into detention. This is truly getting old.
Artemis: Sir, I'm sorry to say that I will be forced to call my parents, and they will remove me immediately from this establishment.if you don't do something for me.
Principal: And what may that be?
Artemis: This place is horrific. I asked for Irish Spring Water at the cafeteria today, and the lunch lady laughed in my face. Not only does the faculty resemble a primitive tribe of Neanderthal's, but they also refuse to adhere to my.delicate needs.
Principal: Off to detention, again. I'm beginning to think you like the place.
At that moment, I have to admit.I made a mistake, as I rarely do. I muttered something under my breath.
Artemis: that would be the idea, but then again, I wouldn't expect someone like you to figure that out.
Principal: did you say something Artemis Fowl?
Artemis: nothing principal, honestly, what did you think I said.
Principal: I'm watching you, and because of that remark you just made, I'm sending Dr. Maynard into detention with you. No funny business, mister.
Artemis: I must tell you. I did not make that alleged remark.
Principal: oh yes, you did. I heard you!
Artemis: I'm sorry to say, that would not hold up in the court of law. You of all people should know about the judiciary system.
Principal: UGH, just go to detention, and stay out of my sight.
