THE REALITY I MAKE FOR MYSELF, CH. 4

 It had been three weeks since the return of Kaoru and Rei, and life was settling into some form of routine. Apparently, the Powers had decided to bless their pantry, taking a fishes and loaves approach to shopping. The food never went bad, and the Children never went hungry.

 Asuka and Shinji had been taking it very slow. After the revelation of their feelings for one another, they reached a sort of unspoken agreement not to rush things or pursue them unless the other said something first. This resulted in a much more sedate and peaceful household than had ever been, and an improvement on life in general.

The occasional "Baka" was still thrown around, but usually only when Asuka was teasing, or if one of them made a mistake, such as when Asuka mistook the powdered sugar for flour when trying to make pancakes one morning.

Kaoru and Rei visited periodically, and the foursome had a habit of going down into the Geofront, such as was left, to continue the pursuit of contact with the outside world. Kaoru had confirmed that, yes; souls were beginning to emerge from the Sea of LCL, deciding that a life of real pain was better than a life of false peace. Unfortunately, none of these souls had surfaced in Tokyo-3.

It was during one of these sessions, after successfully cracking a particularly recalcitrant firewall placed on the Magi, that Shinji realized something. "Kaoru, you said that there would be enemies coming soon. Why haven't they shown yet?"

"There's no real telling, I'm afraid. We don't know that much about their movements, their schedule. Nothing like this was ever prophesied by mortals, and although The Father knows, He just smiles like He knows something you don't. Which, of course, He does. I'm sorry, Shinji, but we will feel them when they arrive, and will come to warn you."

Asuka was listening with half an ear, trying more conventional ways of communicating with the outside world, namely telephones. Rei was helping, using some Angelic influences to feel out the lines that were still up and available. It was tedious work, but it was something to do all day besides sleep and eat. Neither of the Children could allow letting themselves go like that. With a characteristic growl of frustration, she slammed the phone down and tore at her hair.

"Verdammt... This is pointless! What are the odds that there's anyone just sitting by the phone, waiting for someone to call? And DON'T give me a number, Rei," she said as the blue-haired angel child opened her mouth, ostensibly to rattle off some ratio or other. "Seriously. I'm going to go out for a little fresh air."

With that, she stood up and stalked out of the command center, leaving the others with a collective sigh, and a collective thought that yeah, it really was time to take a break. A glance at the clock told Shinji part of why Asuka was so testy. They hadn't eaten in several hours. Locking out the console out of habit, (Aoba's habit, not his.) Shinji went off in search of Asuka, hollering a suggestion that they get some food.

Shinji turned a corner and found himself rather confused. He knew the base layout really well by this time, and was relatively certain there was supposed to be a corridor there. Shrugging and turning around, he nearly soiled himself when Kaoru, stepping through the illusory wall, snuck up behind him and jumped, covering his eyes.

"AAAAIGH!"

"Shhhh… It's just me, silly. No need to get so high strung."

Shinji whirled at the voice, still a little shook up, and saw Kaoru standing there, an impish grin on his ashen face. For once, Shinji could have almost passed as an Angel, as his face was a similar shade of blanche.

"You nearly scared me to death! What are you on, angel dust?"

"Oh, that was funny, Mister Ikari. Suppose I just felt like being playful, like my old human self used to want to do. Is that so wrong?"

"There's a difference between funny and attempted induction of cardiac arrest, Kaoru. But no, you're okay. Just don't try that with Asuka, you might have to go ask for a new body. I'm sure that must be a hassle."

Kaoru blinked for a moment and then laughed, his friend at once completely missing and yet uncannily grazing the true nature of things. He would always have this shape, but it WAS embarrassing to have to report in that you had DIED on assignment. It wasn't something that went overlooked often. "Come on, Shinji, let's find the girls and get you mortals some food before you join me on the Celestial plane."

Kaoru put an arm around Shinji's shoulders, and the pair made their way outside, where Rei had found Asuka, tapping her foot impatiently for the rest of them to follow.

"About time you showed up! Some manners, making ladies wait on you two jokers. You ought to be ashamed!" With a slight smirk she punched Kaoru in the arm, followed by a lighter tap to Shinji. Laughing, the group started to walk up the long path home.

Consider Rei. She is enjoying immensely this new existence, the idea that she is something more than just Gendo Ikari's puppet now makes her smile. She's been getting her practice in at smiling, what with Asuka taking her (after some initial mistrust) as the token Girlfriend and starting to forge an actual friendship with the enigmatic ex-clone. Fortunately, Rei was nothing if not a quick learner, and once exposed to the (moderately) normal social situations that occurred with the Children, she soon developed a personality other than "E: none of the above."

Shinji, meanwhile, was coping nicely with actually having a family member that wasn't dead, whether physically or emotionally. It was a learning experience for all of them, and the future looked bright, with only the distant gloom of Kaoru's prophecy to darken their doorstep.

After dinner and after the Host had said goodnight, Asuka settled down for a little light reading in her room and Shinji did something a little unusual. He went for a walk.

Stepping past Asuka's door on his way out, he knocked. As he had expected, Asuka sounded a little put out at having her reading disturbed.

"Ja? What is it, Shinji? "

"I'm going out for a walk. I shouldn't be too late, so don't lock the door on me."

"Oh, fine, whatever. Enjoy it."

Shinji shook his head as he went to the genkan and got his shoes. The least she could do is sound like she cared. Oh, well. One day at a time, I suppose. Putting his shoes on and opening the door, he called out, "I'll be leaving now," hoping that reflex at least would get a response out of her.

Sure enough, almost before she knew it, her mouth opened and formed the words, "Take care of yourself." Smiling, Shinji walked out as Asuka silently cursed Hikari for teaching her Japanese etiquette. The moon was low tonight, and the illumination was rather sparse, save for the lights coming off the ghost town that was Tokyo-3. Shinji walked along until he came again to the shoreline of the lake of LCL, the familiar sanguine smell by now hardly noticed, the whole scene blessedly tranquil and serene.

Shinji smiled and clambered out onto one of the rock outcroppings, listening to the surf and relaxing. Somehow this place always made him think of his mother. It seemed he could remember her more clearly when he was here. Other memories became sharper, like that memory of Kaoru on top of the rock, humming "Ode to Joy."

Turning his head, Shinji sighed and chuckled as history repeated itself again. Kaoru was perched on that rock again, humming that same song. With a laugh, Shinji waved to Kaoru and yelled, "Don't you ever get tired of that song? At least I have different tapes in my SDAT!"

Kaoru looked his way, or seemed to. The shadows made his face hidden, but the hair was there, the frame. With a hop, Kaoru landed next to Shinji on his rock, and crouched down behind him, leaning his chin on Shinji's shoulder. "No, I never tire of it. Quite possibly the best thing that ever happened to you Lilim."

Something about his voice was different, an almost metallic edge Shinji hadn't noticed before. Chalking it up to fatigue, he shrugged it off and half turned around to look at Kaoru, who seemed to be grinning again in the shadows. Odd, but the shadows seemed to follow Kaoru's face, as though he always had his back to the light. Leaning down, Kaoru actually kissed Shinji on the cheek, an action that both registered as incredibly strange to Shinji, and somehow wrong. Not in a moral sense, but just that something about the feel wasn't RIGHT.

"It's truly a shame what has to happen, the fighting again, after all we've been through. Truly a shame." No mistaking it now, his voice had changed, sounded like it was coming from a particularly high-end set of speakers. Almost perfect sound reproduction. Almost. Shinji turned his blushing face a little farther around, his torso following, when something totally unexpected happened.

Kaoru moved like a snake, snapping out with both hands and wrapping his fingers around Shinji's throat, squeezing it tightly. Shinji didn't have time to be scared, just shocked, as he felt a stabbing, needling pain shoot through his neck. He was being strangled. Kaoru was killing him… He trusted him again, and Kaoru had betrayed that trust… Shinji's vision was dimming, he could feel his life slip away, thought he must be going to hell as a great blackness welled up all around the shadowy figure of Kaoru. Then, all at once, the pain stopped.

He could breathe again after a fashion, which he did, taking great big gulps of blood-smelling air. He coughed and gagged too, but at least his throat muscles were still working. When his vision cleared and the stars and spots stopped dancing in front of his eyes, he looked around for Kaoru. What he saw nearly stopped his heart.

Kaoru was fighting…something. A figure made out of light, rather taller than Kaoru, was putting some very serious effort into trying to kill Kaoru. Shinji recognized the hum and crackle of opposing AT fields, and he was grateful at least that the proximity was low; he didn't want any part of that. The motions were hard to follow, a strange sort of super-fast martial arts that reminded Shinji of an old genre of movies, where the fighting was all planned and choreographed like a dance, and computers made men do things that Shinji used to do all the time in his Eva.

Putting THAT pleasant thought out of his head, he realized with some suspicion that he recognized something about this figure of light. There was no shadow for it to cast, yet something about the immediate area suggested something MUCH, MUCH, MUCH bigger. Shinji watched, stunned, as the light-creature seemed to deal a stunning blow, sending Kaoru to the ground, where he looked up, spitting sand. At least, he seemed to spit sand. His face was still shadowed, which made no sense at all given his opponent's resemblance to a spot-lamp.

Reaching out with one arm, the figure grabbed Kaoru by the head and twisted impossibly, turning Kaoru's head backwards on his neck with a horrific snapping and crunching sound. Shinji retched at the sound, not wanting to believe what he was seeing. It was all going so well... What would happen to Asuka?

Amazingly, the body in the giant's hand refused to fall limp, twitching spasmodically and rotating on its own, the head and body realigning themselves. Without another sound, the creature of light appeared to stare balefully at Kaoru's back. A flash of light, a familiar sort of crackle and zing, and Kaoru sported a nice new purple cross of energy sticking out of his chest.

As the cross faded away, a red sphere could be seen glowing in the edge of the hole, which was already beginning to close. The giant reached out with its free arm and gripped the sphere, which Shinji dimly recognized as a core. With a twist and a yank, the core was extracted from Kaoru's body, and he finally stopped struggling, falling limp to the ground.

The creature seemed pleased with itself, turning the sphere over in an almost reflective manner. With a very human shrug, it internalized the sphere and began to change. Shinji watched, dumbfounded, as the light began to shift, turn colors, and darken into solid matter.

In the end, "it" was a tall, rather muscular young man, as pale of skin and red of eye as Rei or Kaoru, but with long, aqua green hair pulled into a ponytail. His clothes seemed design for ease of movement, loose fitting pants and a tank top. Shinji could see the shimmer and shudder of wings behind him, kept just out of sight, like he had seen on Kaoru, except these seemed different somehow.

As the light bled away altogether, "it" turned and saw Shinji. Shinji fought the urge to scream like a girl and run for it, he saw what that thing could do, it was obviously an Angel. Then "it" smiled widely at him and waved, as though Shinji were an old buddy of his that he'd seen in the park or something.

"Shinji! My man! Come over here man, you look scared half to death!" The accent was strange, it sounded like any second, he could be expected to say, "Duuude." In short, he sounded like a California Surfer, but in Japanese.

Shinji was stunned at this point, but not immobile. He had expected a silent, swift attack, and had gotten neither swift death nor silence. Clambering down off his rock, more than a little shakily, he looked up at this strange being and stammered.

"wh..who… wha… what did… Ka..oru.. You…"

"Whoa, take it easy there, little bud. You had a close scrape back there. Good thing I showed up when I did. Damn Eva unit almost had you." He gave Shinji a startlingly firm pat on the back, and Shinji tried to assimilate this new data. He was alive. That was an Eva unit lying on the ground, not Kaoru. This guy is an Angel.

"Thank you, I guess. But who are you?"

His new acquaintance feigned a look of injury. "I'm hurt, man. You should remember your first victory, at least. I'm the one you lost your Eva cherry to. I'm Sachiel. Nice to see you again."

Shinji felt like his stomach had opened up a hatch at the bottom and said "EVERYBODY OUT!" He felt, also, like he was having a very bad dream. But the soreness of his neck where Kaoru, no, where the Eva had tried to strangle him. Now that it was dead, the shadows weren't so friendly, and Shinji stared blankly at a face that looked like the bastard son of Kaoru and The Joker. The familiar lines of Kaoru's face were broken by this hideous red gash of a mouth, these lips that even a drag queen would have thought over the top.

                Even in death, the grin remained, mindless and terrifying. It reminded Shinji of the smiles of the Eva series right before they started to look like Rei. Shaking off the memory, he looked up at the sound of pounding feet on the sand and the sight of Rei and (he hoped) the real Kaoru running to him. Why Kaoru couldn't have materialized right there was beyond Shinji, but the author knows that it wouldn't have made for very exciting reading.

                Stopping short of the scene and stepping over the prone corpse, Rei smiled at the newcomer. "Sachiel, I see you made it in time. Welcome back to Earth."

                "Thanks, Lilith. It's good to be back, and how about this new body? LOADS more maneuverable than my original. I think I spooked our boy here, though," he said, looking down at Shinji fondly. "Their boy" looked immensely perplexed, still trying to work through the past ten minutes.

                "Wait a minute... You're Sachiel back from the dead?"

                "Not dead. You can't kill an angel, just discorporate one. Fighting a life-or-death battle with an angel is like playing Rochambeau with your opponent wearing a cup. Hah."

                Shinji had no idea what he was talking about, but nodded. "And you just saved my life. I think. Why?"

                "I think I'll let my brother field that one. Adam?"

                Kaoru stepped forward and patted Shinji on the shoulder. "You see, Shinji, eventually all of the angels will return, and they will be the protectors of you children who defeated them originally. Since you fought and defeated Sachiel originally, he is to be your guardian. Do you understand now?"

                Shinji looked thunderstruck, but after a few weeks of relative normalcy, it was almost comforting to have his life shaken up again. He was almost beginning to get bored. "I think so. So are you my servant or just a bodyguard?"

                Sachiel looked down at his young charge and laughed loudly, pounding him on the back again. Shinji felt certain he'd have bruising in the morning. "Good one, little bud! Servant... HAH!"

                Shinji opened his mouth to say he wasn't kidding, thought better of it, and looked to Rei. "Is Asuka okay? It WAS just this one, right? There's not another one in the apartment snapping her neck, right?"

                Rei looked nonplussed. Of course. "No, we sensed only this one. Although, now that they have started to come, it may be wise for us to return to your apartment. I can't imagine the Adversary would pass up such a prime opportunity."

                Shinji nodded, feeling nauseous as he imagined that sick looking Joker-Kaoru standing over Asuka's broken and bleeding body, grinning like the Cheshire cat on catnip. Looking at Sachiel one last time with shreds of lingering misgivings, he starts off towards home at a dead run. The angelic Host shrug collectively and follow him in their rather unique way, the air around them crackling and shimmering, as if invisible wings beat, driving them to catch up to him. As they flew off, both literally and figuratively, no one noticed bubbles floating to the surface of the LCL surf, nor the hand that reached out of it and clawed desperately at the sand. The hand WAS attached to an arm, and that arm to a torso, and that torso to a head, which coughed and spluttered and spit LCL, cursing quietly, and muttering about needing a beer...

                Back at the apartment, Asuka was in the bath, enjoying a nice soak without having to worry about Shinji barging in on her. She had on some music, Handel's "Water Music," and all was right with the world.

Too bad it didn't last.

                With a start, she heard the front door open and shut, and Shinji's voice calling her name frantically. "ASUKA? ASUKA, ARE YOU HERE?" He searched the house in record time, not that impressive a feat considering the size of the apartment, but by then Asuka had toweled herself and opened the bathroom door.

                "I'm here, you idiot! What the hell are you yelling about?" She looked exceedingly cross, mostly because he had interrupted her favorite part of the music. With a start, she realized that they had company, and it was more than two. She took in the newest Angel in a hurry, and felt her knees go weak. Mein Gott in Himmel, he's GORGEOUS! And then he opened his mouth.

                "Hey, there! You must be Asuka! I'm Sachiel, nice to meetcha!" He grinned wide and made for a handshake, but ended up barely dodging a snake-fast slap and a chorus of curses, mostly German. Stepping back, he looked to Rei, a little confused, who walked up to the red-haired and red-faced girl, trying with greater than usual success to calm her down and explain things. In one corner of Asuka's mind, her romantic side made note of Shinji's concern for her well-being, and squirreled it away for later use.

                "So he's one of Shinji's bodyguards because Shinji beat him the first time they met? How weird. When do I get one?"

                Kaoru looked at Sachiel and gestured him over to sign the Book, which he did. As Sachiel signed his name on the line, Kaoru looked up at Asuka. "Your first victory was shared with Shinji, and was our brother Gaghiel, the Angel of Fish. Look for him after the appearance of Ramiel. If what happened with Sachiel is any indication, the appearance of one will presage the appearance of the other, so if you see any more of me running around with a mouth like a whale at a drag show, be on the lookout for a bright light, and start to run."

                Asuka could say nothing to that except, "Oh..okay." Kaoru had a way of killing conversation like that. Rei finally coughed and suggested it might be a good idea if Asuka got dressed, which she did after tossing off another "Perverse idiot!" at no one in particular. The males (or at least, male-shaped entities) shrugged at each other while Rei just giggled quietly. This earned her a strange look from Shinji, to which she just smiled at him.

                Shinji smiled back and turned to Sachiel, who had leaned up against the doorframe and was eyeing the room with interest. Coughing to get his attention, Shinji decided to get to know his new gift of Heaven.

"So, I don't guess you're gonna hang around the whole time here, right? How do I get a hold of you if I need you?"

                "Easy. Just holler. Wherever you go, I'll be there. Simple enough."

                "Oh, okay. In that case, I'll see you later, then, I guess? You're not staying the night, right?"

                "Nope! I'm gonna go back with Adam here to Lilith's place and chill." With that, he and the rest of the Host faded from view, Rei waving at Shinji with a smile. Smiling back, he turned as the door to Asuka's room opened and she stepped out, dressed in an oversized t-shirt and (presumably) panties.

                "Huh? Where'd they go? Did they disappear? I didn't hear the door open..."

                "Yeah, they went back to Rei's place. Listen, Asuka... Do you think we can handle this? I mean, I almost died tonight, I would never have suspected that attack. Do you think that we can even make it on our own in this world? "

                "I dunno, Shinji. We're both pretty unique. What with the Instrumentality knowledge, we could do damn near anything, except that we don't have enough people in the world to make it happen anymore."

                They both heaved a sigh, looking at each other. It had been a long, exhausting day, and tomorrow didn't seem to be shaping up any better. They ended up dragging out the futon on the living room floor tonight, sleeping next to each other out of some unspoken desire not to be alone tonight. As he slept, Shinji had a dream of Asuka, caught in the clutches of his berserk Unit-01, exactly as he had gripped Tabris in Terminal Dogma just before granting his death wish. In his dream, Shinji screamed.