Lucius can't sleep one night, so he goes into his study and writes his memoirs, trying to prove to himself that his life hasn't been pointless... my first HP fic, r/r!
Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance - Lucius M. - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,708 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: Jun 14, 2003 - Published: Jul 11, 2001 - id: 350904
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Memoirs of a Malfoy
Part Three
*.*
God was punishing me. I knew He was. I never felt so much anger towards Potter and Company in my life. I wanted Potter
to pay. Yet I didn't know how. Gabriel, in his final year and head boy, was kind to me. He helped me through. And of course there
was Narcissa. Dear, sweet, beautiful, Narcissa. She was my angel in disguise. My savior. And to this day, she still is.
And I'm grateful for her.
I remember waking up early one morning. It was three or four o'clock. The sky outside was still dark, and threatening.
Just like how I felt. Everyone else was still asleep. I got out of bed and washed up. It was around the time of finals,
so I thought I would study some more before breakfast. The rumble of thunder was heard. How ironically perfect this all fit my
mood.
I trampled down the stairs like I owned the bloody place, and strutted towards the chairs with the high backs by the
fireplace. And that's where I saw her, sleeping. My anger and resentment quickly melted away, and was replaced with awe.
She looked like an angel.
Her pristine features were illuminated by the haunting light of the roaring fire. Her blonde hair draped over part of her face,
her oval shaped face where were cradled in her arms, her long, cream colored legs draped over one arm of the chair, and a heavy
quilt covered her mid-section. I reached out to touch her, to brush away the hair over her eyes, but couldn't bring myself to do so. I
was so afraid of Narcissa after that. Even now I'm still afraid that I can break her. Sometimes, at night, I just watch her, wondering
why she never left me, and taking Draco with her...
I watched her for awhile before she began to stir. "Narcissa..." I whispered. Her eyes opened, and she looked at me, the
way Lily did during our last encounter. "Lucius..." she replied, softly. I smiled. "Studying, I see." She laughed. "I was trying to. I
couldn't keep my eyes open! History of Magic is such a dreadful subject." "It's interesting!" I countered. "It's just Professor Binns...
well, no matter! We can study together!" She smiled softly. "Let's sit by the fire."
And we really did study. Narcissa and I made top marks in our house that year. Still not high enough to surpass Potter and
Lily, but I was finally beginning to feel at ease again.
That night, I gained a best friend. Narcissa and I wouldn't begin to date until our fifth year, much to our parents' delight. I
couldn't even think of her as my wife at the time. I though Narcissa was beautiful, intelligent, and fun to be with, I also believed she
was too good for me. So, I didn't bother to pursue her. She was to good a friend to lose due to a failed relationship, and deep
inside, I was still in love with Lily. I told that to Narcissa. She was there to comfort me and to listen. Narcissa and I would tell each
other everything, and for a long time, she was the only one who understood me.
*.*
Gabriel was the prize of our House. Head Boy. Charming. Handsome. He was like a mini celebrity. I watched him with his
female companions. He was sweet as honey and quite charming. I learned a lot from my older brother. Many of it I used before
Narcissa and I were wed. I learned how to make woman swoon for me, just by a look, or even a smile. Gabriel was quite amused
when I thanked him the day of his own wedding. "Lucius, I might have been a good teacher, but most of it came from here." he told
me, pointing to my heart. I smirked, the classic Malfoy smirk. And he mirrored it.
As much as I looked up to Gabriel and loved him dearly, I also was caught in his shadow, and I hated him for it. I was to do
just as well as him, or better. Father wasn't too happy when I told him of Potter. "We're Malfoys! We come from a long line of
tradition!" he would say. "But, Father, I'm still at the top!" "Number two is not good enough for a Malfoy. Lucius, you better get you
act together! If you don't raise your grades by at least two points, I'll take you off the Quidditch team!" This really did kill me. I was to
be captain next year. So I had no choice. My grades went up about four points. But Potter also went up. He nearly had perfect
grades. Father finally gave up on me. "At least you're number two." he would say.
I had disappointed him again.
*.*
The summer before my fifth year, Narcissa and her parents came to visit often. My parents and her parents were friends
from school and other things, which is odd since I never met Narcissa until our first year. Narcissa looking beautiful as ever, was a
great joy to be around. We'd sit in my room all day and night talking. Around this time, I'd realized how much in love I was in with
Narcissa. She had no troubles in the world, except her parents on her back for not making top marks in our year.
And so our fifth year began. By mid year, I wanted Narcissa, and being a Malfoy, I would get her. No matter what the cost. That was also the same time Lily and Potter started having problems.
"Hello, Lucius." Lily said to me one night, after dinner. "Lily." I replied. She looked beautiful. Her auburn hair shining, her
green eyes glowing with sheer delight upon seeing me. "How was your summer and winter holiday?" she asked. "Good. Narcissa and I saw each other often." Lily's eyes narrowed. "Narcissa Russell?" I nodded. Jealousy was written all over her eyes. "Are you two seeing each other?" she demanded. "That is none of your business." I snapped. Jealousy, pain, and sadness washed across her perfect face. Guilt bubbled inside of me.
"But, no, we're not together." I added, gently. A few minutes of silence followed. Lily put a hand to my cheek. "Follow me
Lucius." she commanded in a soft voice. I nodded weakly. I followed her through a series of corridors and through two doors. We
stopped inside an empty Charms room.
And she kissed me.
One of those long, passionate kisses that brought all my feelings for Lily rushing back. When she pulled away, she
whispered, "I always loved you, Lucius. I'll always love you. But James... James and I just feel so right. You and I... We're... we're
just like sexual attraction. You're the type to fool around with, and well... James is the type to bring home to my parents."
My heart sank. It was like being slapped in the face. I stepped away from her. "What do you mean by that?" Lily
looked at me innocently, and slowly her eyes traveled down to the floor. "You're family's male reputation... of being playboys..."
Anger surged through my body. "And what makes you think I'm like that? I thought you knew me better!" "Lucius..." she whispered.
Lily reaches out for me. I stepped back again. "No. Don't. Lily... I've loved you for a long time... and well... I just don't know anymore..." My heart was breaking, but I had to stay strong. Malfoy men don't show weaknesses. " Why don't you go back to Potter?" I
spat. " I'm through with wasting my time on you... I've got Narcissa... and she loves me for me! Not for the damn legacy my
ancestors left me!" I stormed out, Lily in tears.
And I didn't care... much.
That night, I snuck into the girls dorms, crawled into bed with Narcissa, and held her in my arms the whole night. She
listened to what happened with patience and sympathy. As I watched Narcissa sleep, I knew that she was the one I wanted to spend my whole life with. Deep inside, I hope she felt the same way, too.
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