Crimson Tears
Chapter 12
By aznJEDI13
Disclaimer: George Lucas owns Anakin and Amidala and everyone else. Heck, he owns just about everything in the story. This is purely for fan enjoyment.
Notes: This takes place during the Clone Wars. I must warn you right now that I'm not a big fan of Anakin turning into Darth Vader so it probably won't end with anything like that. I hope you like this; I've been reading too many ami/obi ones I was sooooooooooooo mad. That was completely random and I'm going to write a bunch of stories to rebel against them!
I hate love triangles but I write them because it's a plot twister. Right now I have no clue if I'm going to add it or not, actually I have no clue if I'll even finish this one. I don't really know where it's going so this is a really questionable story. ENJOY! Feedback is REALLY appreciated.
Thanks to everyone who left a review! Please continue to do so. I was so shocked, I've never had so many reviews and I enjoyed reading them over and over again so please continue! I like long reviews too!!!
Italics mean flashbacks and sometimes they mean thoughts. It depends on the context and the way they are used. //also means thoughts or something of the past.//
Sorry for the confusion.
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Dedicated to Miss F, my beloved coach, for believing in me more than I believed in myself.
'…I believe in you.
I swear that forever from today no one will ever take your place.
I believe in you and I believe our love will last always…'
They walked in silence. The only noise from the squeaky wheels of his chair. She breathed in, inhaling his earthly scent. She had missed that scent. The aroma that she had found left on the pillows and in his tunics. Items that, long after his death, she had held to her nose and inhaled because it reminded her of the good times and she had taken solace from what he once had been.
She watched as he looked around nervously.
He was so familiar yet so new to her.
He kept quiet until spoken too. He came only when beckoned. He never acknowledged someone unless they acknowledged him. He was so different compared to the Anakin she knew. So different.
His foot slid on the cold floor. Ceasing her from pushing him forward. She furrowed her brow. "What is it Anakin?"
"I…I…" He stuttered. Another characteristic he had seemingly developed. Instead of speaking, he took her hand in his, "Please Padme…please…"
She inhaled a sharp breath and then sighed. Taking her hand she reached up and caressed his growing mat of hair. She smiled gently, "Anakin…"
His blue eyes sank into hers. She wanted so much to lose herself in those eyes and drowned herself in their depths. She caressed his hair some more, smoothing it out slightly. Waiting for the words to come to her.
She stopped her motions and placed her hand on his shoulder, "Why are you so afraid?"
His eyes littered around the room, trying to find somewhere, anywhere to focus on. Anywhere but her.
"It's just…" His voice trailed off.
She bit back a tear. Her Ani had never been afraid of the training room. Her Ani had never been so childish, so silent, so…scared. Sure he was scared, but he never showed it on the outside.
This Ani not only showed his fear, but also broadcast it across the airwaves.
"Just what?" She questioned, her heart sinking in despair.
He smiled at her faintly, "I…"
She sighed, "You don't think you can do it, Anakin?"
He bit his lip and looked away shamefully. Then he nervously ran his hand through his blond golden curled lockets. He continued, "It's just so…hard…"
She laughed a sweet laugh that made his heart jump. Then she placed her hand on his cheek, "Sweet little Anakin…everything in life is hard…"
He smirked, "I'm not little…"
A vision of a nine-year-old little boy, cold, afraid and alone on a small starship, threatened to tear her mind apart. She sniffled.
"Are you all right Padme?" He looked at her concerned.
Oh, beautiful Ani. Where did you go?
He was so much like she remembered and yet he was not Anakin anymore. He was someone else. She had to remember that she loved the ghost, not the man. But the ghost was the man.
She smiled brightly, stood up and behind him, "I'm perfectly fine, Anakin…"
She began to push him, but his foot stopped them once more.
He looked up at her, a look of desperate wanting in his eyes, "Please, don't make me go in there Padme…"
"Anakin…" She sighed. She bent in down in front of him again, "Nothing's ever easy,"
He looked away. Scared. Afraid. Nervous. Ashamed.
She cupped his chin gently, forcing him to look at her, "You have to work and you have to believe in yourself…" Her voice trailed off.
He turned away once more bitterly. He began speaking, but his voice trailed off, "I can't believe in myself…"
"And why not?" She asked, her eyes piercing his.
"I'll never be able to walk." He stated simply.
She forced him to look at her once more, "Says who?"
He shook his head continuously; "Everyone's tried…what makes you so different?"
She stood up and began to push him, even though his feet were dragging. When they came to the door, she opened it and allowed him to see into the room, "Believe in yourself, Anakin, and you can do anything..."
"I wish I could believe you…" He looked down.
"You can," She stood before him and smiled, "Let's get started…" He looked away, "Anakin…" He was still so stubborn. She held out her hand towards him, "Do you trust me?"
He looked towards her, confused, "What?"
"Do you trust me?" She questioned again.
His brows creased in consternation, "I don't know you…"
She laughed, "It's a simple question."
He shrugged, "All right," He paused, "I trust you…"
"Then you will walk," She smiled, "Now come on…"
Slowly, his hand quivering, he reached out and took her hand, "You'd better be right Padme."
She pulled him up onto his feet and shrugged to a small area. She made him use her as support, "You'll see…"
'…Desperate for changing,
Starving for truth…'
The other side of the twin doors revealed the training room. People - aliens all of different races; crippled, injured, athletes, elderly were all there; working, training and rehabbing.
Some stared and gawked at Padme. She felt her face flush and turned to her company. Anakin was looking away in disgust, hiding his face with an arm that was resting against the armrest and cradling his forehead.
There were weights, mats, and bars all used to help people over come whatever their problem was.
Padme kept pushing on.
Anakin looked up startled, "Padme, aren't you gonna stop?"
She ignored him and continued to lead him farther into the training room. He looked up, studying her beautiful face. It was determined so much despite its serene covering. Determination seethed through her eyes and burned with intense fervor. Why couldn't he be like that?
Why didn't he feel like that?
They moved through one small door. He found himself outside. The fall breeze blowing, running through his hair and spilling leaves from trees onto the floor. He looked around and took a deep breath of the fresh air.
Padme took them to a bench and sat down in front of him.
He continued to look around and his eyes caught the view. From their spot on the patio, he could see mountains. He could see trees. He could see the sky. He could see down and he could see up. It was amazing. The sun shined above them encasing them in its beauty. The clouds, white and fluffy, were above the mountains like a mother hovering over her child.
And the mountains, basking in the sunlight, were clear and perfect. The city was nowhere to be seen. She smiled at him; enjoying the scenery, "What do you think Anakin?"
"It's beautiful." He breathed.
She took a deep breath and looked out over the railing, "It is."
They sat in silence, continuing to stare off at the wonders around them, not knowing what to say or what to do.
She was startled when a warm hand, rough and coarse but gentle and soft, touched her knee.
She turned around and met Anakin's cerulean blue eyes, "What is it, Anakin?"
His eyes continued to bore into hers, "Why'd you bring me here Padme? Why not dive right in?"
She sighed, reaching out, she laid the back of her hand against his face, "There's more to you then meets the eye, Anakin. I know that and there's more to me then what meets the eye."
She pulled it away, laughing for comfort, laughing to make everything clear and then spoke, "I thought we should get to know each other a little more before we," She laughed to cover up the shivering she was doing at his usage of words, "Dive right into it."
"Like foreplay?" He questioned.
Her head shot up. Why did that word effect her so much? She bit her tongue, speaking cautiously, "I suppose so…"
He smiled, "All right. What do you want to know about me?"
She smiled back, "I don't know. Just tell me about yourself."
His smile disappeared and lapsed into a silent depressed frown. Then he whispered, "I'm sure you've heard. I don't remember much."
She placed her hand on his knee; "Do you want to tell me what you remember?"
"It's just bits of images, pieces really. Nothing more."
"Do you get new ones often?" She questioned.
He nodded, "Yes."
Her hand withdrew from his knee and she met his eyes with curiosity, "What did the doctor say?"
"He says there's a slim chance I might began to remember everything."
Her heart dived right out of her chest, she was sure. She clutched her chest suddenly. Tears began to seek their way out of her eyes. She couldn't handle the news. She was losing her hard worn poise.
His eyes filled with confusion, "Are you all right, Padme?"
"Yes," She bit her lip, "Just fine."
His brow raised as he noticed she was now just a little distracted, "Do you just want to get started?"
"Yes, that would be good."
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Tossing and turning that night, she dreamed. Her conversation with Anakin fresh in her mind, his words trapped in her consciousness. It just kept replaying – every word, every breath repeated itself.
She dreamed of falling and falling into his strong arms and warm embrace.
She had drenched her self in paper work. Data pads clinging all over the desk and cluttering her work place. Her hair had been twisted into a messy bun as she sat there into her elbows with senatorial banter.
She had purposely done this. She wanted only to avoid a certain Jedi Padawan.
He had arrived a few days ago with Obi-Wan. She had been stunned. The scrawny little boy was now a six-foot knock out; he was most certainly a man.
He had tried to charm her once already during the banquet. She wanted nothing more than to forget what he had tried. She was just not looking for romance.
Right?
Suddenly, the object of her thought's head popped through from the door. "Padme?"
She sighed and looked up, "Anakin."
"Can I come in?"
//Sure why not, what's the worst that could happen? No one will let him set the desk on fire like last night.//
"All right."
He studied her, "If you want me to go, I can."
"No," she bit her lip, that had come out before she could stop it, "You're here now, what's the use? I could use a break."
He looked down at her desk, "Wow."
"Yeah. Politicians talk a lot and write a lot."
He laughed. "But you love it, right?" He questioned with a smile clearly shown on his handsome features.
"Yes," She smiled. He felt his heart dive and his palms become sweaty, "I love it."
"That's what counts."
"Yes, that's what counts," She looked over at him, "Do you love being a Jedi?"
He smirked, it was a roguish grin, charming and dashing at the same time, "Yes. I do."
They continued to talk for a while. They laughed. They smiled. They enjoyed each other's presence. They enjoyed it so much; she had lost track of time.
She told him simply, hoping he would understand, "I have to get back to work now."
"Padme…" He came over to her chair and whispered. Why did he whisper?
She matched his tone, "Yes, Anakin?" She turned towards him.
"Can we stop this foreplay?" He questioned a dark, tense look of ardent fervor in his eyes.
Incredulous. "What foreplay?" she asked as if she didn't know.
He leaned forward; "You know what I mean."
She unconsciously leaned towards him, closing her eyes and whispered, "No, I don't."
Softly his lips caressed hers. Then he pulled away. "I love you Padme."
She turned away. Tears in her eyes, her voice caught in her throat, how could she tell him what contradicted her heart so much?
"Padme…" He began.
She closed her eyes, not wanting to look at him because she knew she would give in then, "Foreplay, Anakin, play the foreplay."
"Why?" He asked.
She was crying now. The tears flooded her vision. Allowing her to see distorted vision of a hurt Anakin Skywalker. She shook her head; "I can't do this right now." His eyes narrowed, "Oh Ani! As much as I want this," She motioned between the two of them, "It's not the right time…"
She watched his emotion play on his face, "How can it not be the right time, Padme?" He asked.
She leaned forward and planted her lips on his and then ran her hand down the side of his head slowly, "Let me sleep on it." She paused, "Please."
His face had a softened just a little; "I'm leaving in the morning."
"I know." She took his hand in hers.
"When will I see you again?" He asked, somberly.
She shrugged, unable to give in answer and more importantly afraid what the answer would do to him, "Someday," She paused, watching his eyes for the emotions that he was feeling. With his eyes, she could see within his soul, "I'm sorry, Anakin."
He pretended he didn't hear her. He tried to laugh to lighten the mood, "Foreplay huh?"
"Yes." she sobered still.
He chuckled again; creating music for her ears as joy made a mask across his features. "Did I actually use that word? He asked, laughing at his own stupidity. You know the true definition is…"
She laughed, "I can define words, Ani. Now, I have paper work to do." She motioned him to leave; he smirked, "Out!"
Little had she known then, that on that day, at that place and time, he had entered her heart and never left.
She had fallen and she couldn't get up.
To be continued…
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