Chapter One: Smile for the Camera!
Garden Goddess: "Hey everyone!" ^_^ "I've decided to start a new humor section, called Meaningless Banter! I thought it was time to lighten up my writing style!"
Joey: -_- ' : "Since when do you have a sense 'a humor?"
Garden Goddess: . "WHAT TYPE OF
QUESTION IS THAT?! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?!"
Joey: (Backs aways slightly) "Nothin', nothin'! Nevermind, keep goin'."
Garden Goddess: ^_^ "Anyways, as I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted, I have come up with an idea after watching an episode of that candid camera...thingy... anyway, I have decided that I will do the unthinkable and hand Joey a camera."
Joey: O.o "Wha?!!!!"
Garden Goddess: "Hehehe.. I will have Joey walk around with his camera and see if he can find anything interesting amongst all the Yu-Gi-Oh cast." (Hands Joey a camera and grins) ^_^
Joey: -_- ' "I uhhhh... Garden Goddess?"
Garden Goddess: "Just call me GG, Joey."
Joey: -_- ' " 'kay... uhh... how do ya work dis thing?"
Garden Goddess: -_-' "This could take awhile. Just push this button here and hold it up and look through here... see that red blinking light, that means its recording. Push the same button again... and it stops recording... oh and remember to change tapes every once in awhile. You'll hear it clang when the tape's been fully used."
Joey: (Stares at the camera as though it were a strange mystical item) "Okay.. I think I got it!"
Garden Goddess: "I'm happy for you.. now go and see what you can get on film."
(Joey starts to walk away, raising the camera and beginning to film the sky and sidewalk.)
Garden Goddess: "I have got a bad feeling. Maybe I shouldn't have put him in charge of a camera.."
(An hour passes. Joey returns with the camera, a large grin on his face and three tapes in his hand.)
Joey: ^___^
Garden Goddess: O.o "Should I even ask?"
Joey: ^_________^
Garden Goddess: -_- ' "Okay, okay, now you got me curious. What'd you get on film that has you grinning like Yugi?"
Joey: (Hands her the three tapes and grins) ^___^
Garden Goddess: "Stop smiling like that! You're creeping me out!"
Joey: "Sorry! I just think I did a good job dat's all...heh...heh.."
Garden Goddess: (Slowly takes the tapes and looks amongst the three.) "I guess I better watch these."
(Garden Goddess slowly takes the first tape and slides it into the VCR as Joey continues to grin like a maniac.)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Joey's Tape # 1 : Kaiba and Mokuba Wrestling Match
Joey's voice: " 'Kay so here I am.. walkin' around... what am I 'spose to get on tape...??"
(He's walking down the length of a sidewalk, the camera held steady as he follows the length of the ground until he nearly smacks into a gate. He looks up to find himself at the Kaiba Mansion)
Joey's voice: ^__^ "I wander what Kaiba's up ta."
(The screen goes out than comes in and focuses on two figures inside the Kaiba Mansion. The taller figure is Kaiba, the shorter second one is Mokuba.)
Joey's voice: "Hey, I found 'em. What are dey do-"
(The camera catches the two boys suddenly slamming eachother into the ground, Kaiba held in a headlock and Mokuba's leg held in Kaiba's arms.)
Joey's voice: O.o "Holy cow! It's a Kaiba brothers smackdown! Whoohooo! And I gots a front row seat!"
Kaiba: "GIVE IT BACK MOKUBA, JUST GIVE IT BACK!"
Mokuba: (Still holding Kaiba in a headlock)
"NO! MAKE ME!"
Kaiba: "I SAID GIVE IT BACK!!"
Mokuba: "NO!"
Kaiba: "YES!"
Joey: O.o
Mokuba: (Let's go of Kaiba's head and turns, biting down on his arm.)
Kiaba: O.o "AHHHHHHHH!! LET ME GO, LET ME GO, YOU CAN KEEP IT, YOU CAN KEEP IT ALREADY!"
Joey's voice: O.o " 'Kay, I'm confused. What da heck are dey talkin' 'bout?"
Kaiba: (Works his arm away and grabs his brother by the leg, lifting him over and flipping him onto his face.) "DON'T TEST ME KID!"
Mokuba: "AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!" (Stands up and runs into his brother head on, taking him down onto the floor causing them to land in a large heap.)
(The two wrestle frantically, twisting eachother's arms and legs, pinning eachother down and causing the other to call out in agony. Mokuba finally manages to pull Kaiba's arm back behind his back and sits on his back, pulling his right leg behind him as well.)
Mokuba: (Watches as Kaiba struggles to get loose)
"DO YOU GIVE UP?!!"
Kaiba: -_- ' "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! LET ME UP ALREADY!"
Mokuba: (Gets off of him and slowly stands, doing a victory dance) "I WON! I WON! I WON! I AM THE VICTOR! I CONQUER ALL! I KICKED MY BROTHER'S BUTT! I CAPTURED THE FLAG! I SAVED THE BASE AND SUNK HIS BATTLESHIP! I OPENED A CAN A WHOOPASS! I BROUGHT THE FISCHIZAL TO HIS NIZAL! I -"
Joey: (Trying to contain his laughter at the look on Kaiba's face.)
Kaiba: .
Mokuba: (Stops his dance and fidgets under his brother's death glare) "Sorry Seto."
Kaiba: (Rubbing his arm at the spot Mokuba bit into) "Geez, Mokuba, did you HAVE to bite me?"
Mokuba: (crosses his arms) "Yes, you were gonna take it away from me!"
Kaiba: -_- (Let's out a long sigh) "It's just the REMOTE!" (Holds up the small black remote to the large screen tv in the room)
Joey: -_-?! (falls over in surprise and shock, smacking his head on the window he's looking into and dropping the camera)
Kaiba's voice: (looks around at the sudden noise) "What was that?"
Mokuba's voice: "I think it came from the window."
Joey: @_@ "Owwww.... da pain...."
Kaiba: (Opens the window) O_O "Wheeler?!"
Joey: O.o "Uhh.. heh.. heh... hi Kaiba."
(The Tape Goes Blank)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Garden Goddess: O.o "Well...that... was... interesting..."
Joey: ^_^
Garden Goddess: "Who knew Mokuba could be so violent..."
Joey: "I can't believe Kaiba got the crap beat out of 'im by a ten year old!" (Laughs hysterically)
Garden Goddess: -_-' "Joey... Kaiba beats you up all the time..."
Joey: (Still laughing)
Garden Goddess: (sighs) "I'm almost afraid to look at the next one but... here I go.."
(Slips in the second tape)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Joey's Tape # 2 : Twister
(Joey is inside a house and is looking around at everything with his camera.)
Tristan's voice: "Hey whatcha doin' Joey?"
(Tristan's figure finally appears and he begins to do faces in front of the camera but Joey reaches a hand out annoyed and pushes him away.)
Joey's voice: -_- "Nuttin' just filmin' stuff for someone."
Tristan: ^_^ "Cool."
(Joey walks around a corner and focuses the camera on the scene sprawled out before him. Yami and Tea are playing twister in the living room.)
Joey's voice: (The camera focuses on the two figures) "Whatcha guys doin'?"
Yugi: "We're playing twister."
Tea: -_- "Or trying anyway."
Tristan: (Suddenly appears again and sits down, lifting the spinner and grinning like a maniac) ^_^ "Okay guys, left hand on blue."
(Both Tea and Yugi struggle to place their hands on a blue circle and suddenly tumble into a heap onto the floor. The camera shakes at the impact of Joey's laughing and than steadies when he realizes they aren't getting up again. Tristan looks equally confused.)
Tristan and Joey: o_o?
Tea: -_- ' "Uhh... heh.. guys.. I think... I'm stuck!"
Yugi: O_O "HELP!!"
Joey's voice: ^_^ "Ha, ha! It's yer fault!"
Tea: (Tries to detangle herself from Yugi but fails) . "Stop laughing and help us!"
Joey and Tristan: ^_______^ "NOPE!"
Joey's voice: ^_^ "Look dere a human couple pretzel!"
Tristan: "A human couple pretzel engaged in a native dance!"
Joey's voice: (Suddenly slips into a Jeff Corwen Accent) "Look at this wild creature, it's natural habitat makes it very dangerous! One bite could be fatal. Get too close and you could be tangled amongst its long legs and arms. I'm going to attempt a closer contact right now." (Steps towards them and zooms in on their faces) "Look at it! Look! I'm right near it! I'm right in front of its deadly jaws!"
Tristan: (Laughing hysterically.)
Yugi: -_- '
Tea: .
Joey's voice: (Notices Tea is beginning to untangle herself and slowly backs away at her expression) "I tink dis is where I leave. See ya Trist! See ya Yuug!"
(Joey turns quickly just as Tea gets up to follow him. The tape goes blank.)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Garden Goddess: (laughing) ^_^ "Well I have to say I enjoyed seeing them tangled like that! That is just TOO funny!"
Joey: (On the floor rolling with laughter) "HAHHHAHAAHAHA....!"
Garden Goddess: "Well I can see Joey is enjoying himself."
Joey: (Stands up slowly) ^_^ "I gotta film people more often!"
Garden Goddess: -_- "Right."
Joey: "I tink I better put in da last tape."
Garden Goddess: "Why?"
Joey: ^_^
Garden Goddess: "Joey you're scaring me."
(Joey slips in the final tape and steps back to let her watch.)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Joey's Tape # 3: Crossdressing for the Faint at Heart
(The camera is moving and reveals Joey's face. He's holding the camera with his hands, holding it away from him so his face is seen.)
Joey: ^_^ "Ya really gonna like dis one GG."
(His face disappears and he's holding the camera again. He's walking up to a house and is walking through it until he comes to a room where the door is slightly ajar.)
Joey's voice: (In a whisper) "Some kid at school told me 'bout dis a week ago. I thought I might as well check it out."
(Joey slowly pushes the bedroom door open slightly to reveal a figure of a young man standing in front of a mirror. He's dressed in a slick red sequined dress, the skirt short and the neck line low. His face his filled with bright colors of makeup and he's grinning as he admires himself.)
Joey's voice: (Can no longer control his
laughter) "HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!"
(The figures spins
around and the camera gets a fool shot of Duke Devlin.)
Duke: "Joey Wheeler? What the heck are you - is that a camera?!"
Joey: (Still laughing. Manages to nod as he zooms in on his figure.) "Smile for da camera you hot sexy thing you!"
Duke: (Starts towards the camera) "You will give me that camera this instant, unless you want me to beat the crap out of you!"
Joey: (Starts running backwards with the camera still focused on him.) "What's wrong? Can't run in ya heels?!"
Duke: "Get back here Joey!!!"
Joey: (Laughing) "I can't do dat now can I? Afta I show everyone dis, I'll get all the girls to myself!"
Duke: (Begins to run incredibly fast, regardless of the heels) "YOU SHALL PAY!"
Joey: (Begins to runaway) "Ha, ha! Try and catch me if ya can ya hot, sexy stud! Whoohoo!!"
(The camera continues to focus on Duke as he runs in the dress than slowly turns to focus on the floor as Joey sprints out of the house and down the street. The tape goes blank.)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Garden Goddess: (Is trying to control her laughter as she clutches onto her side) "Duke...Devlin... in a... dress?!"
Joey: (Grinning like a maniac) "I said da same thing."
Garden Goddess: (Slowly composes herself) "I must say Joey.. you did a good job."
Joey: (Grins) "Tank you."
Garden Goddess: "Well guys I guess this ends the first chapter of Meaningless Banter. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did."
(She pauses the VCR on the vision of Duke in a dress and starts to laugh again uncontrollably.)
Joey: (Starts to laugh) "Now I got some dirt on 'im!"
Garden Goddess: "You mean 'we'. Anyways, I will see you guys next time on another addition of 'Meaningless Banter'! Please read and review, if you can - for I'm sure you are as compelled by the vision of ...." (Pauses to let out a chuckle) "Duke Devlin in a dress as we are...! I'd like to thank Joey for joining me on the show."
Joey: (laughing hysterically)
Garden Goddess: "I guess he's kind of distracted!" (Rewinds and plays the tape again)
(Both Joey and Garden Goddess burst out into
insane howls of laughter.)
