Disclaimer: No, I don't own Yu-gi-oh or any of its characters.
Chapter Two: Lessons in Love
Garden Goddess: ^_^ "Hey guys and welcome back! I'm sure you've missed me! Here's another edition of 'Meaningless Banter' !"
Kaiba: (Growls) "Why am I here again?"
Garden Goddess: (Looks to him) "Wait a second! Sheesh, so impatient!" (Looks back to readers) "I'm sure you're all curious by the title of this chapter... cause I'm sure Seto is!"
Kaiba: (Eyes her angrily) "Stop calling me that!"
Garden Goddess: O.o "Well, it is your name. Anyways, my next victim..er person joining me in my insane meaningless mission is none other than Seto Kaiba himself. Of course this took alot of bribing and begging to get him here."
Kaiba: "This is a waste of my time." (Begins to walk away)
Garden Goddess: (Grabs him by the back of the collar of his trench coat) "Hey! Leaving so soon? Come on we had a deal! Or would you like everyone to see this embarassing baby picture of you with cake all over your face?" (Holds the pictures up to Kaiba)
Kaiba: O.O (Face turns crimson at the picture) "Where'd you get that?!"
Garden Goddess: ^_^ "Mokuba gave it me. Surprising what a little sugar can do to a child. Anyway, I assume that you have no further arguments?"
Kaiba: (Mutters to himself incoherently)
Garden Goddess: ^_^ "That's what I thought."
Kaiba: (Sighs in defeat) "Let's get this over with."
Garden Goddess: (Rolls her eyes) "You sound so excited."
Kaiba: (Changes his voice slightly into a high pitch) "Oh, GG I can't wait to start! Please, tell me what to do!" (Changes his voice back into a deep snarl) "Happy now?!"
Garden Goddess: "Very! Anyhow, this is how its gonna work. We all know how annoying guys are when they try and pick up girls. So on this edition of the show, I will have Seto.. I mean Kaiba attempt to hit on some girls using the worst pick up lines ever used by men."
Kaiba: (Mouth hangs open in shock) "Tell me you're joking! I am NOT doing that!"
Garden Goddess: (Smirks) "On the contrary, I am being VERY serious. Consider this pay back for standing me up last week."
Kaiba: (Sneers) "I never even agreed to go out with you!"
Garden Goddess: (Puts on a sad face and sniffles) "You hurt my feelings..."
Kaiba: (Raises a hand to his forehead) "I'm getting a headache. Fine - let's just do this already."
Garden Goddess: (Suddenly cheers up) "Okay! So let's - "
Kaiba: (Interrupts) "Why am I the one forced to do this?! What about that dog, Wheeler?!"
Garden Goddess: -_- "I am a feeling this will take awhile. Okay, Kaiba, look. Joey was on last time and besides Joey couldn't pick up a girl if she was lying on top of him!"
Kaiba: (Laughs) "Hey that was pretty good!"
Garden Goddess: ^_^ "Thanks, I try. I've been hanging around you too much."
Kaiba: "What can I say? I am irresitable."
Garden Goddess: -_- ' "Calm down there Kaiba, we didn't even start the show yet."
Kaiba: "Funny."
Garden Goddess: "Thanks. So let's get started! Okay, come on Kaiba, let's go to a bar!"
(She grabs Kaiba by his sleeve and walks with him to the nearest bar, dragging him in. She looks around for the nearest girl and sees one sitting at a table in the far left corner.)
Garden Goddess: (Hands Kaiba a stack of cards) "Here. These have a pickup line on each card. One for each different girl you hit on. See that girl? Go to her first."
Kaiba: -_- "I have resorted myself to the lowest of the lows."
Garden Goddess: ^_^ "And I'm so proud. Now go get 'im tiger!" (Slaps him on the back)
Kaiba: .
Garden Goddess: (Gives him a thumbs up as he walks up to the girl, looking back at her for a brief second) "Now let's all watch and see how well the outcome is. This should be hilarious!"
Kaiba: (Approached the girl and looks at the first card) "Oh..god this one is horrible." (Sighs but sits beside the girl anyway, achieving her attention. He can tell by her eyes she instantly isn't interested) "Hello."
Girl #1: "I'm not in the mood."
Kaiba: (Sighs again) "God help me... Did it Hurt?"
Girl #1: (Looks at him strangely) "What?"
Kaiba: (Feels degraded in having to say it) "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because I've never seen such a lovely angel as you."
Girl #1: (Frowns and slowly gets up to leave him alone at the table) "Loser."
Kaiba: -_- ' "This is so pathetic.."
Garden Goddess: ^____^ (Laughing hysterically, she comes up to the table and places a hand upon his shoulder, using him as an anchor to keep herself from falling) "That... was great!"
Kaiba: (Growls) "Nice to see SOMEONE is enjoying this."
Garden Goddess: ^_^ (Slowly stops laughing) "Come on it could have been worse."
Kaiba: -_- (Sneers sarcastically) "Yeah, I only lost every shred of my pride at that moment but it could have been worse."
Garden Goddess: (Slaps him on the back) "Well, don't just sit there, get going! There's plenty of other women in here!"
Kaiba: "Can't I just use them all on you instead? I hate doing this."
Garden Goddess: "I'm flattered but - no."
Kaiba: "Fine." (Gets up and heads to another table where a blonde is sitting at. She's sipping a beer and doesn't notice him at first. She suddenly raises her gaze to him and nods a hello as he sits beside her.) "Hi."
Girl #2 : (Looking him over) "Hello, never seen you around before."
Kaiba: (Shrugs) "I don't usually come to bars." (Looks at the next card and growls) "She's doing this on purpose! She's trying to humiliate me!" (Raises his gaze to look at GG to see her waving at him and shakes his head in agony)
Girl #2: (Looks at him strangely) "Who?"
Kaiba: (Sighs) "No one...." (Forces himself to read the card) "Hi my name's Seto Kaiba, I'm 18, I love long walks on the beach, dueling and candle light dinners... now that you know about me how about you tell me about yourself - starting with your cup size."
Girl #2: (Frowns at him angrily than stands up) "You filthy, disgusting - " CRACK! "PIG!" (She connects her hand to the side of his face and turns, taking her drink and leaving him to rub his cheek)
Garden Goddess: O.o (Slowly approaches him) "That looked like it hurt!"
Kaiba: (Rubbing his cheek still) "Yeah, just a little. Am I done now?"
Garden Goddess: ^_^ "No, I'm afraid not Seto. On with number three!" (Slaps him on the back again and causes him to growl angrily)
Kaiba: (Slowly stands, looking for another girl. He sees another one sitting in a booth. He slowly heads over and stands before her, hoping that keeping his distance will make it harder for her to slap him) "Hello."
Girl #3: (Doesn't notice who he is until she looks up) "Hi how are- KAIBA?!"
Kaiba: O.O "GARDENER?!"
Garden Goddess: ^_^ "Heh...heh..."
Kaiba: (Looks back at GG angrily, knowing she set him up. He grits his teeth and balls his fists, knowing that more than just Tea would know now.) "Great." (Looks at the next card and raises a hand to his head letting out a groan) "This is not happening. It's. just. not. happening."
Tea: (Looks at him curiously) "Did you want something?"
Kaiba: (Lets his shoulders slump slightly as he speaks from the card) "Let's play a game. It's called 'let's get naked' - you can go first."
Tea: O_O "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!"
Kaiba: -_- ' "Don't get all worked up, I was forced to do this. I'd never find you attractive."
Tea: "WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR ME?"
Kaiba: -_- ' "I didn't mean it like that. Calm down Gardener, you're making a scene."
Tea: (Notices people are looking at them) -_- ' "Heh...heh.... I'm gonna sit down now."
Kaiba: "Good choice."
Tea: "I won't tell, if you don't."
Kaiba: "Count on it."
Garden Goddess: (Laughing hysterically in the background) "Oh man, my side.. ow.. it aches... ow.. I'm too good... ow....."
Kaiba: (Walks up to her) "Am I done NOW?"
Garden Goddess: ^_^ "I don't know..... awfully alot of other girls here and there's more cards where that came from...."
Kaiba: "I'll go out with you."
Garden Goddess: "Done!" (Grabs him by the arm and leads him out of the bar) "So where do you wanna take me?"
Kaiba: "Somewhere desolate."
Garden Goddess: (grins like a maniac) "Aww my Seto wants alone time.. aren't you a naughty boy?"
Kaiba: -_- ' "That is NOT what I was saying."
Garden Goddess: (Begins to sniffle) "Are you trying to tell me I'm ugly?!"
Kaiba: -_- ' "No I didn't mean that either..." (Sighs) "I'm never gonna win am I?"
Garden Goddess: ^_^ "Nope."
Kaiba: "Women."
Garden Goddess: "Anyways, what else can I do with you now that I gotcha here...."
Kaiba: (Jumps slightly) "Hey! You said only one of your stupid missions! I never agreed to two!"
Garden Goddess: ^_^ "Too bad. Oh, I know! You can - "
Kaiba: "I have work to do." (Walks away)
Garden Goddess: "HEY! Get back here!" (Sighs) "Oh well, I didn't expect much from him anyways, but that was SO funny!" (Laughs slightly) "Hmmmm... I guess I have time for another victim."
(She watches as Tristan walks by and suddenly breaks into a large grin)
Tristan: -_- ' "Am... I missing something?"
Garden Goddess: ^_^ "Tristan, just the man I was looking for...!"
Tristan: "Uhh.. okay, what's up?"
Garden Goddess: (Grins evily) "Wanna do me a favor?"
Tristan: (Eyes her suspicously) "Knowing you.. its gonna involve pain."
Garden Goddess: (Backs away, putting on a 'who me?!' look) "Why would you ever think I'm capable of such a thing?!"
Tristan: "Because you ARE capable of such a thing."
Garden Goddess: (Sighs) "And here... you ruined all my fun! I knew there was another reason why I hated your character!"
Tristan: -_- ' "............"
Garden Goddess: (Shrugs) "I guess you can close this episode if you want."
Tristan: "Cool!" (Grins and than claps his hands together) "Thanks for joining us on this episode of 'Meaningless Banter'! Be sure to review and tune in for the next new chapter!"
Garden Goddess: "Yeah what he said. Hopefully, I will have a new idea by the next episode! I wanna give a thanks to Kaiba for deciding to be on the show, regardless of his strong hatred issues... see ya next time guys!"
