Losing Control And Finding Your Heart Chapter 5: A kiss is just a kiss?

Disclaimer: Standard stuff applies here. I don't own Evolution, it owns me. Please don't sue.I have two frustrated mutant teens who'll be very.shall we say, upset, if they don't get some action soon.

Dedication: to the woman who taught me that I could touch others when she touched my heart. I love you!

Special Thanks : to my reviewers; who've turned what at first seemed like an intriguing idea into a true labor of love. You guys are just plain awesome!!

We now return to our regularly scheduled fic...

Scott Summers' normally immaculate bedroom was a disaster area; random clothes were piled on the bed, or floor, wherever they happened to land as they flew out of the closet, discarded by the suddenly very nervous X-Man for one reason or another. " I can't believe I let Kurt talk me into buying this thing," he exclaimed, hurling a garish orange and green tiger print shirt out of the closet and onto the growing pile, " That's the last time I go shopping with him after getting a head injury in battle." From the moment he'd entered his bedroom, almost five minutes ago, he'd been searching for just the right ensemble to impress Rogue. As it was, all he'd managed to do was strip down to his boxers and throw almost everything out of his closet. * Maybe I should just go down like this, somehow I can't imagine Rogue minding that too much. Hmmmm..maybe I could convince her we should wear matching outfits in that case.* Despite his nervousness he grinned * Nah.she's obviously made a major effort to look nice for tonight; not that she doesn't normally. * As he continued to search for the perfect outfit, he turned that fact over in his head, she'd come down stairs completely made over, even though he hadn't suggested that dinner was anything more than just a couple of friends hanging out like they'd done many times before. Was it possible that she'd developed feelings for him even before he was aware of how he felt about her? She'd never displayed any of the signs that other girls at school, or even some of the younger girls at the institute had. * Or maybe she's just better at hiding her feelings than some people are * he mused, pulling a pair of tan khakis off of their hanger and holding them up against his legs * These should work pretty well. Not too dressy, no obvious rips or holes anywhere, they're clean..alright, I've got the pants taken care of, but what about the shirt? * he climbed into the pants and glanced back into the closet, surveying the few items left on hangers as his thoughts drifted back to the southern belle he'd left in the kitchen. * Should I go for the long sleeve look like she did, or short sleeve? Maybe she'd get the idea that I'm not afraid of her getting close. In fact, I'd rather like her to get close* His mind made up, Scott pushed the remaining long sleeved items together at the far end of the closet, ignoring them entirely. * But does she want to get close to me? * He sighed, despite their joking about the buzzer interrupting the moment, it had in actuality probably spared them from issues that neither wanted to face * Could she accept a relationship where there could be no serious physical intimacy? Can I? * The thought gave him pause for a moment. He didn't know if Rogue would really settle for a relationship where physical contact was limited to outside of the clothes or only brief, light touches. For him, there was no choice at all, he was madly in love with Rogue for who she was, not for what she could or couldn't do. * I should let her know that * he decided Scott glanced at his watch and cursed violently as he noted he'd left her almost fifteen minutes ago " Oh man, she's going to kill me," he muttered. He was about to go to the bed and search through the rejected pile again when a dark red, almost maroon, short sleeved polo shirt caught his eye. * Perfect! * he grabbed the shirt and quickly pulled it on, careful to avoid knocking off his glasses, and tucked the end into his pants. Turning back to the closet, he checked out his reflection in the full length mirror on the back of one of the doors. * Not bad Summers* he decided, * not too bad at all. * Glancing back at the almost destroyed room he chuckled nervously " Guess I can't tease Kitty about how she gets ready for dates anymore." Despite how long he'd already kept Rogue waiting for him, Scott couldn't bring himself to leave the room. Walking over to his window, he opened it and took a deep breath, letting the warm spring night air wash over him and looking up at the beautifully full moon overhead. * Why am I so nervous? It's just Rogue. *. That was the problem of course, it was just Rogue, the woman he was in love with. He didn't want to do or say anything that would ruin their friendship if it turned out that she didn't have any romantic interest in him after tonight; the thought that something he did or said could drive her to remove herself completely from his life terrified him beyond words. On the other hand, what if she did want him romantically? What did she expect was going to happen tonight? What did he expect for that matter? * I don't know, I just don't know* he thought * well, except I can probably expect her to kill me if I keep her waiting much longer*. With a last look out the window, he headed for the door, carefully avoiding the mess that his room had become. A sudden idea seized him as he exited * I hope a couple minutes more won't be the difference between life and death * he thought with a smile as he made a slight detour away from the stairs.

Rogue was bored. * No * she considered, drumming her fingers on the island * Ah'm more than bored. Bored would be an improvement. Ah'm just shy of pissed. He'd better have a damn good reason for keeping me waiting" It'd been just over twenty minutes since Scott had left her to take care of the last little details of cooking so he could change into nicer clothes. In that time, the noodles had completely cooked and she'd even gone to the trouble of fixing their plates and two bowls of salad. * Ah'm just glad Ah didn't put any dressing on it yet, it'd be fairly gross by now". The thought of dressing brought her mind back to her missing dinner companion,* My dinner date * she thought giddily * Ah have a date with Scott*. Had anyone seen her at that moment, it was doubtful they'd recognize her as the angry girl she usually was. A blissful smile had spread across her face as she walked over to the vase of roses, inhaling their sweet fragrance. Glancing at the clock above the stove she decided to go looking for him in two minutes if he didn't show up on his own; and if she had to look for him, god help him when she found him. *Maybe I should go now * she thought evilly * maybe he needs help dressing..maybe he's nak.* Rogue quickly shunted the thought away as she felt a flush color her cheeks * The last thing that Ah need to be thinking about is a naked Scott Summers, especially before going on a date with him * Not that the thought would be an original one in her head. *One more minute * She thought glancing at the clock. Suddenly she felt very nervous * What if he's changed his mind? What if this was just some cruel joke? After all, who'd want a girl that they couldn't touch. Especially when they had so many who could touch them, hold them close without hurting them, willing to go out in a heartbeat * Rogue wasn't blind, she'd seen the looks that other girls sent in Scott's direction. Looks that he had never seemed to pick up on. And yet, those looks were part of the reason she didn't let him see how much she cared, she didn't want him to think of her as just another vacuous airhead who wanted a trophy boyfriend * Like Jean * she thought evilly, a smile curving her lips nonetheless. " It's not a joke," she told herself " Scott's not the kind of guy who'd do that to me. He's not like everyone else. He's..different" But what did he want from her? He'd been flirting all day, something she'd never seen him do before; calling her beautiful, kissing her palm, what did it all mean? She sighed, thinking about their second near kiss and the damn buzzer that'd broken the moment. Would it have been so awful to know just once what it was like to kiss him? Her "gift" be damned, why shouldn't she be allowed to love just because she was a mutant? She'd been working with the Professor to try to find a way to control her abilities, but as of yet, they'd had no luck, leaving them both frustrated. Him at his lack of ability to help her, and her at the cruel twist of genetics that had ruined her life. She glanced at the clock again, shaking the dark thoughts from her mind * Time's up Scott, Ah hope you've enjoyed life so far, cause yours is going to end when Ah get my hands on you*. Pushing herself off of the counter and towards the door, Rogue tried to ignore the thought that popped back into her head * Maybe he's naked..*

Scott was sweating bullets. His detour had taken a little longer than he had originally planned, as he'd scurried around the mansion's upper level looking for the supplies he needed, ten minutes longer than he'd planned in fact. * Good going Summers * he thought, heading back for the stairs to the main level, * you've probably ruined the evening for Rogue, and on top of that, she's going to kill you for making her wait*. As if on cue, Rogue appeared at the bottom of the stairs just as he reached the top. They stood there for a moment, staring at the other in something akin to shock, taking in the view. Rogue, unsurprisingly, was the first to break the silence " Ya know Scott, traditionally it's the girl who's supposed to make the boy wait. We're going to have to have a talk about your breaking well established dating traditions." she smiled, giving him an approving once over, maybe a twice over if she were honest with herself, " At least you made the wait worth it". Scott smiled, relief washing over him, " So, you're not mad at me?" " Hell yes, Ah'm pissed at you Scott, and Ah'm starving to boot. Ah presume you have a good reason for taking over half an hour to find clothes? Ah almost came up to help your slow ass get dressed". Starting down the stairs he smiled mischievously, " Yes I have a good reason for making you wait my dear Rogue. And who knows, if you play your cards right, maybe I'll let you help me undress later" his words had their intended effect as she smiled and blushed, making her seem even more lovely in his opinion. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, he offered her his arm with a smile, " Shall we?". Rogue returned his smile, feeling slightly like a princess in a fairy tale as she hooked her arm through his. " Ah got the plates and salads all ready while you were taking your sweet time up there," she said. "Great! I'll grab them in a minute..but first, close your eyes Rogue". Curious, and slightly suspicious of some prank in the offing she asked, " Why; Ah've seen the dinning room before Scott?" " Trust me" he replied, smiling * With my heart * she thought nodding that she did and closing her eyes.

Scott slowly lead Rogue through the main level of the mansion to one of the back doors before releasing her arm, " I'll be right back, I promise" he whispered against her ear, sending shivers down her spine. " You'd better be" She said, slightly threateningly. That was all the encouragement Scott needed to run back up the stairs, picking up the bag of supplies he'd hidden in his room and race back down to her. " Was that fast enough for you?" he panted, slightly out of breath. Rogue grinned, " So you pride yourself on being fast? That doesn't translate into other areas does it?" Taking her arm once again, he laughed, fighting the urge to blush. " Dirty minded woman" " Only sometimes. Can I open my eyes yet?" "Nope". Scott opened the back door and walked her out into the warm night air, leading her back to the spot he'd seen from his bedroom window and released her arm. " Just a couple more moments and you can open them Rogue" She nodded, wondering just what the hell being outside had to do with dinner. Scott reached into the bag of supplies and pulled out a large dark blanket, spreading it out on the ground. He then pulled an antique looking candelabra from the bag, setting it on the center of the blanket and lighting the five candles in its arms * Xavier would kill me if he knew I was using this candelabra* he thought with a quick glance at Rogue, the gentle breeze blowing her hair across her cheeks * Of course, it would be worth dying for* " You can open your eyes now sweetie". * We're going to have to work on this whole pet name thing he's on* Rogue thought, slowly opening her eyes. A startled gasp escaped her lips as she saw just what Scott had been up to.a candle light picnic under the stars." Scott.this is just .." She trailed off, unable to find the words to describe how perfect she thought it was. He grinned, " Sorry, the matches were pretty well hidden upstairs. Am I forgiven for taking so long yet?" Silently she nodded. "I'll be right back with dinner then," he smiled, heading back into the mansion.

Rogue sat down quickly before her knees could give out and looked up at the stars, wondering once again just what was up with Scott. She'd had no idea that he could be this romantic, especially towards her. It almost seemed too good to be true. " Penny for your thoughts" his voice came from behind her." Wondering where the hell you were with food slow ass" she smiled as he set a bowl of salad in front of her as well as a plate of chicken parmesan. He set his plates down directly across from her and took a seat, smiling * She looks so happy..maybe I should tell her now * "Rogue?" " Yes" "Two things: one, you don't have to wear those" reaching over, he quickly pulled off her ever present gloves before she could protest I trust you; And two I'm not responsible for any food poisoning that occurs" he teased * Coward *he chided himself. Rogue looked down at her uncovered hands in shock, no one had been comfortable with her hands being exposed ever since she'd manifested her powers, least of all herself, and yet here with Scott she felt like it was the most natural thing in the world. They passed the meal in a comfortable silence, each wondering exactly how to tell the other what they felt, stealing occasional glances and looking away before they could get caught. For the time being, they were just Rogue and Scott, two teenagers who had found love, not the mutant heroes Rogue and Cyclops, who had saved the world on multiple occasions. As far as either was concerned, the only world that was worth saving existed in the other's eyes.

" Mmmm.that was wonderful Scott," Rogue said, settling her arms behind her and leaning back to gaze up at the stars. " I can't take all the credit for that, your salad was great" he replied, crawling over behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. She smiled, snuggling back against him and leaning her head on his shoulder. " Make a wish" she whispered "Hmmm?" Scott asked; caught up in the sensation of her body against his, he hadn't quite caught what she said. " Make a wish, you know.on a star" " You mean having you in my arms isn't enough?" he asked, smiling. Rogue blushed, carefully reaching back to caress his side with her bare hand. " Come on Scott, just make a wish" " You first" " Ah already did, and no, Ah won't tell unless you make one too: Scott grinned, " You know me too well", giving her a little squeeze with his arms, Scott picked out a star and made a silent wish. " Ok" he said, " now what did you wish for?" " For tonight to never end," she said shyly, closing her eyes and resting against him " Your turn." Scott sighed " To be able to control my powers so I could look at you without this constant red tinge". Rogue roughly pushed away from him suddenly, grabbing her gloves off the blanket and pulling them on. " You think you have it so bad Scott? At least you can see, and touch, and do a hundred things Ah can't without worrying that you'll hurt anyone. And control? What do you call your visor and glasses, huh? Cause Ah don't see you blowing holes in everything around you. You know, Ah thought you were different Scott, but you're just like every other guy. It's all about you. Ah thought that maybe, just maybe you cared about me.Ah guess Ah was wrong. Goodbye Scott" Her eyes glistening with unshed tears Rogue stood up and began walking briskly back towards the mansion * Ah will not let him see me cry. Ah will not let him see me cry*

Scott quickly pushed himself to his feet and took off after her * Wonderful Summers, open mouth insert both feet * " Rogue, wait!" " Can it Summers, Ah don't want to hear it" She snapped. "Please". Rogue didn't want to stop because she knew if she did, she'd cry, she'd let him know just how her heart was breaking, but that one word, uttered so hopelessly stopped her dead in her tracks. " You want to know what I call my glasses and visor?" he asked, walking around to face her, his heart on the verge of breaking as he saw the pain reflected in her eyes " I call them barriers. Just like your clothes and gloves. Just like both of our attitudes, we keep people back to keep from hurting them. Mutant powers aren't the only powers in our lives Rogue, words have power too. When people look at us do they see Scott and Rogue? No, they see the fearless leader and the anti-social goth girl, and that's who we become to keep people from knowing who we really are. But that's not who we have to be. Rogue, there's something I have to tell you.and it isn't easy for me to say because I've never said it before.I'm terrified of it really.Rogue, I love you. I love you for you, not for what you can or cannot do". Rogue didn't realize that she was crying until she saw the tears rolling down Scott's cheeks from under his glasses, and hers reflected in those glasses. She'd longed to hear someone tell her that for so long that she couldn't believe that someone like Scott was the one to say it to her. " You know what I really wish? " she asked, her voice rough with tears she tried to hold back " That you actually meant that Scott. It's sweet, but who could possibly love someone they couldn't touch, and who couldn't touch them?" She tried to go around him once more, to get to the safety of the mansion when she was stopped by a hand on her arm. " I could Rogue," he answered honestly, " I do. And you have touched me; you touched in a way that no one else ever has," he took her gloved hand and placed it against his chest, " you touched my heart". With her hand still resting against his chest, Scott leaned his head in towards hers, capturing her lips with his. Startled, Rogue wrapped her arms around him, drawing him more deeply into the kiss; she knew that she should let go, push him away before she hurt him but she just didn't care anymore * Ah'm sick of being in control all the time. Ah want this *. Scott felt the familiar tingle of his powers and consciousness being drawn into Rogue as he kissed her deeply, unworried about the consequences * Fuck the consequences * he thought * I love her!* As he slumped against her, unconscious, Rogue plucked his glasses from his face and put them on to contain his power and settled down onto the grass, crying openly. The tears were those of joy however, as she could feel the truth of Scott's declaration * He loves me * she thought, running a gloved hand softly through his hair * He risked his life to let me know that it really is love *. Her hand gently traced the line of his jaw as she looked down at his prone form " Ah love you too Scott" she whispered smiling.