Crimson Tears

Chapter 21

By aznJEDI13


Disclaimer: George Lucas owns Anakin and Amidala and everyone else. Heck, he owns just about everything in the story. This is purely for fan enjoyment.

Notes: This takes place during the Clone Wars. I must warn you right now that I'm not a big fan of Anakin turning into Darth Vader so it probably won't end with anything like that. I hope you like this; I've been reading too many ami/obi ones I was sooooooooooooo mad. That was completely random and I'm going to write a bunch of stories to rebel against them!

Thanks to everyone who left a review! Please continue to do so. I was so shocked, I've never had so many reviews and I enjoyed reading them over and over again so please continue! I like long reviews too!!!

Sorry I've been so absent. Life is hectic now that school's started! Look hopefully for an update a week.

Once again, Italics means flashbacks or dreams. =D

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'…I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life…'



Here, I made this for you. So you'd remember me.

"It's beautiful…such a delicate carving. The engraving, I haven't seen such a thing." He beamed, his fingers running over the smooth japor snippet.

She smiled sweetly, watching as he praised the handiwork.

I carved it out of japor snippet. Take it. It will bring you good fortune.

His fingers running lazy patterns over the carvings time after time. His eyes continued to trace the Tattoonie pattern that had once been familiar to him, but now was unknown.

He was surprised that such a thing as beautiful as the carving was in his hands. She knew he would be dumbfounded to learn that it was he who had carved it.

It's beautiful. But I don't need this to remember you.

Words echoed through her mind. Words of another place and time. Memories of a small boy, a blazing fire in his eyes, which lit every time he saw her. She remembered his dancing eyes as if it were yesterday he had been nine and she had been fourteen.

"Wherever did you get something like this?" He questioned, looking up into her pools of lustrous brown.

She laughed, touching his arm lightly. "There are many things that will be revealed in time, Ani."

He smirked, "Tell me now Padme."

She hooked her arm through his, "We don't want to be late…"

He smiled brightly, "Yes of course, but you can tell me on the way -- I want to know so much Padme!"

"Which you will, in time though, Ani, in time." She smiled brightly.

He shook his head, ignoring her previous statement, "When did you first meet?"

She laughed softly, "Did you even hear what I said Anakin?"

"I did," He took a deep breath, "It's just, I'm sorry, I'm so curious Padme."

She sighed, "Oh all right. You or he, was nine when we first met. I was fourteen and ruling the planet. He had asked me if I were an angel."

"A what?" His eyes grew large, astonished.

This made her laugh and she smiled. "An angel -- a celestial being of beauty and glory."

He made a look of mock-disgust, "And you liked that?"

"I thought it was cute, " She looked at his face and softly hit his shoulder, "Come on, he was nine."

Anakin went solemn suddenly, studying her face. Then he reached up and held her cheek with his right hand, "Well, he wasn't that far off."

He leaned forward, quickly closing the distance.

She closed her eyes in anticipation; suddenly images began to flood her vision. Images of love and laughter, smiles and songs, tears and trials, fear and the force.

Covering a little boy with a blanket.

Reunion of laughter and smiles.

Two becoming one.

Passionate kisses in the dark, sweet kisses in the light.

Declaring undying love.

Her eyes snapped open as she pulled away suddenly conscious of what was happening. Anakin's eyes opened also and narrowed at her. His hand dropped from the side of her face.

"Padme…" He began.

She sighed, leaning forward and kissing his cheek. She wiped her eyes briefly, "I'm sorry, Ani, this is still too overwhelming for me. I'm not ready for things like that again."

He wiped a loose tear from her eye, "I understand."

They continued to walk in silence. A regretful silence full of unavoidable questions.

"It's just…I love him so much…and now this…and while you may look like him," she sniffled, "You aren't him."

He nodded, "It's okay," His brows furrowed in pensive thought, "You love him so much, was it possible for him to love you more?"

"He had loved me since he was nine. He had told me he was going to marry me. I never doubted that his feelings were not reciprocated."

"Didn't you and him ever have problems?" He questioned.

"Of course, who doesn't. But love was never a problem. His loved for me burned brightly as did mine for him. My world rose and fell on him. The problem was," Her eyes narrowed in thought, "The problem had always been working that love into our private and public lives. When we first realized we were more than friends he was just a Jedi Padawan learner forbidden to marry, we had to wait several years before it was possible."

She looked at Anakin, who was very deep in thought, absorbing the information as if his life depended on it. And from a certain point of view – it did.

They stopped at a door and rang.

"You see, he was a Jedi before he was a man and a hero before he was husband. And I, in turn, was a Queen before I was a woman and a Senator before I was his wife. Life was like that for us. Love was never the problem," She paused, breathing deeply, "The problem was finding a way so we wouldn't have to abandoned the love that we desired so badly." She wiped her eyes gently after she finished speaking.

Before he could answer, the door swooshed opened to reveal clumsy and nervous Dr. Smuks, fumbling with his glasses, "What's wrong? When you called it sounded urgent."

Padme tensed, "It is, he's been having headaches."

"Oh dear." The doctor mumbled and ushered them inside.

Anakin walked inside, Dr. Smuks followed and pushed him down onto a bed. He fumbled the knob of a door leading to a protruding room, "CAT scan Anakin." He explained briefly walking swiftly inside.

Anakin grasp Padme's hand, "Stay with me please."

She glanced at the Reginald and he shook his head. In turn, she shook her head, "I can't Ani, I'll be inside the other room." She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, "I promise."

Once she was safely inside, and Anakin's bed had begun to move under a cylinder container, Reginald turned to her; "He looks at you like he likes at no other."

She wiped her eyes, "I know."

Meanwhile, Anakin solemnly laid inside the cylinder container as fluorescent lights flashed. Once again, vision, incoherent and distorted, blurred and cleared, cleared and blurred.

Unexpected invasion. Chaotic fury. Maddening,wild emotions.

Sudden bursts of light. Burning sensations.

Orange, there was orange everywhere.

Screams of pain. Screams of fear. Screams of panic.

Suddenly, in the cylinder container, the flashes of light accompanied by consistent beeps.

He blinked his eyes, shutting them as he tried to shut out the agonizing pain. It hurt so much.

Hollow sounds of a siren.

Black, then, everything became black.

Waking and not knowing who or what.

Vision, forgotten and remembered, incoherent and distorted, cleared and blurred, blurred and cleared…

A small hand touched his shoulder followed by rough hands rubbing his temples. Then the two hands went to the back of his head and rubbed at his neck.

"Hmm…" He heard.

He turned to see Padme's eyes narrow. "Well?" she asked apprehensively.

Reginald's brows furrowed then relaxed, "Well as far as I can tell. It's nothing to be concerned about…have you been remembering things Anakin?"

Anakin turned and looked at Padme, "Yes, yes I have," He heard her gasp.

"Anakin you didn't tell me…" Her voice trailed off.

"Then," Reginald came back to rubbing his temples; "The CAT scan showed that there was nothing negative in the brain. Everything seems to be perfectly normal. The headaches are a result of fragments reconstructing themselves."

"Oh my." Her heard Padme say surprised.

"If the headache worsens, come to me and I can prescribe a pain killers, Anakin." He nodded to his doctor. Reginald continued, "Otherwise, the only thing I can prescribe is time."

Both of them nodded this time and exited.

They walked down the hall in silence. It was Padme who spoke later on when they reached the door to his quarters.

"Ani, you never mentioned…" She touched his arm lightly.

"Would it have changed things?" He questioned, his eyes burning into hers.

She glanced down, avoiding his eyes, "Yes."

"Then that's why…" His voice trailed off.

She squeezed his arm gently, "What do you remember Ani?"

He glanced at her, "I remember this."

She asked, "What's that?"

"I remember," He reached over and held her cheek with his right hand, "I remember I loved you."



'…I loved you forever in lifetimes before…'



He took little pleasures out of just walking around. He hobbled on his cane for the most part, but just the feel of his legs stepping one in front of the other pleased him. He had left Padme to sort things out. Taking what little time he had before the headaches would began to caused more raw visions.

When he had told her he remembered loving her. He didn't press for a kiss, but held her as she wept. In time he knew there would be more than comforting embraces and soft gentle caresses.

He walked the gaunt corridors in hope that inspiration would spring from his mindless thoughts. But the more he walked, the more his thoughts transformed into lazy and utter words beyond his comprehension.

He was just about to turn back and go fourth to Padme's waiting arms of comfort, when she appeared. Her appearance wasn't forlorn like that of Padme's nor was it gentle. There was no contrast between the two. They seemed as different as day and night. He preferred Padme any day to her, especially now.

"Hi," She smiled faintly.

He looked over at her, already knowing what to expect, "Hey." He looked away bitterly and continued to walk.

She ignored it, "How are you?"

He grunted out, monotone, "I'm all right."

She glanced at his cane; "You can walk now."

He narrowed his eyes, "Yeah, I just need a little help, but I'll get better."

Her tone softened slightly, "That's great,"

His lip pursed, "Yeah," He looked away once more, "Well, see you around."

He began to walk away when her hand reached out and grabbed his arm, "Anakin, wait." He turned away; she flushed red embarrassed, "Anakin…I want to see you tonight."

He shook his head, "I can't."

Her face contorted -- hurt, "Why not?"

"I'm busy." His lip curled in aggravation.

Her eyes narrowed and her voice trailed off, "With her…"

"With Padme, yes." He laughed mockingly, "I don't have feelings for you anymore."

She looked stunned, "What…what do you mean?"

"I don't want to be with you anymore."

"How can you say that -- after all I did for you, after all we've been through…" Her voice trailed off, "You love her -- you love Padme!"

His eyes narrowed as he spoke firmly, "Yes, I do."

She laughed bitterly, tears forming on the edge of her eyes, "You think you have true feelings for her, but they're false!" She screamed.

Angrily he retorted, "I love her!"

She matched his tone; "She is your wife!"

He laughed scornfully, "I know."

She stared at him, "Are you sure that's not why you have feelings for her?"

"Yes." He reaffirmed.

Her eyes narrowed, "How can you be sure?"

He laughed, smiling down at her, "I can't. But it drives me mad that someone like her would love someone like me. And it makes me love her more."

She laughed bitterly, before sobering, "She loves you? How can you be sure that she loves you, not who you once were?"

He berated her, "At first, she'd look at me with these weird glances and awkward gazes. Now all I see in her eyes, in place of the bewilderment and confusion, is love and devotion. I can tell by her eyes that she loves me for me and not me for him. And I love her just as strongly."

"You declare your love so firmly! How do you know what love is?"

He shook his head, turning away from her once more, "I didn't know love -- until I met her."

"And us? What of us…I love you!" She screamed at him.

He took in a deep breath and his eyes finally met hers for the first time, "I'm sorry. I've loved her forever and in lifetimes before..."

She stood there, cringing, tears trailing down her rough face.

He continued, "It wouldn't matter how much I cared for you -- I'd still love her more."

"Bastard," She retorted, "You're in love with a whore!"

He was furious. He slapped her with all the pent up anger in side of him. He slapped her. She grabbed her cheek. He began to walk away when he heard her call angrily, "Anakin, you son of a…"

He stopped and faced her, "Goodbye Jewel," His eyes narrowed enraged and callous, "Make sure you stay out of my life or I will personally see that you do not interfere again. I don't want to see your face ever again and I don't want you ever interrupting what Padme and I have."

She shook her head, wiping her eyes, her upper lip set in anger, "You're crazy."

He laughed, smiling brightly, "Yes, I am crazy -- crazy for her."




'…You taught me to run
You taught me to fly
Helped me to free the me inside
Helped me hear the music of my heart
Helped me hear the music of my heart
You opened my eyes
You opened the door
To something I've never known before
And your love is the music of my heart…'



His heavy upset footsteps echoed through the corridor.

//How could she say things like that?// He asked himself.

Part of him told him that she had a right to be angry, but the other half told him he had made the right choice. He loved Padme and only Padme.

Had he done wrong though by Jewel in doing right by Padme? They had never really been together, he and Jewel. Sure they had had a few "outings together" but nothing more. He had pursed her for a time being, but later drew away as things, his emotions more specifically, grew more intense.

Then Padme entered his life and he had carelessly through Jewel aside, though for most part she had avoided him and his affection despite how shallow it was growing. And Padme, she had opened her arms wide to him and was ready to comfort him in her long forgotten embrace.

He turned the corridor to his room and was greeted with another familiar figure.

"Anakin," The voice stated, both sternly and grimly. The mirror shadow of a tone once used so very often.

He was resting against the wall, obviously he had been waiting for a while, "Obi-wan, I'm sorry I wasn't expecting you…"

The elder nodded, "It's really all right."

"Good." Anakin fumbled with his key; "I was having a little problem any ways,"

Obi-wan nodded, came towards Anakin, taking his back off the wall, "Padme told me. I…" He stuttered nervously, "I can't believe it."

"Neither do I. I remember things and it's absolutely wonderful."

"Yes…"

He turned toward Obi-wan, "I was a Jedi, Obi-wan, a Jedi…and you were my teacher, you taught me things. You were my…master. My master!"

His voice cracked, "Yes…I was your master."

"I remember it and it's wonderful. I missed you Master, missed you so much."

"I missed you too Anakin…" He came forward and embraced him, "It feels so good to hear that again Padawan."

Anakin gripped him tighter, small salty tears trailing down his face, "I know."

Obi-wan released him flushed, wiping his eyes continuously, "You were like a son to me Anakin. When they gave you up for dead I almost died right there with you. It hurt so much cause you were gone."

"I know, Master, I know, but I'm here now."

The tears continued to fall and soak his red beard, "It's so much better now, Anakin, it is better so."

They embraced once more, "I'm right here Master, I'm right here."

"I love you Padawan." He buried his face on Anakin's shoulder.

"I love you too Master."

Obi-wan clutched him as if his life depended on him, "It's good to have you home, Ani."

"Yes, home…" Anakin breathed, wiping his eyes, "Home for good."

To be continued…

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