Crimson Tears
Chapter 25
By aznJEDI13
Disclaimer: George Lucas owns Anakin and Amidala and everyone else. Heck, he owns just about everything in the story. This is purely for fan enjoyment.
Notes: This takes place during the Clone Wars. I must warn you right now that I'm not a big fan of Anakin turning into Darth Vader so it probably won't end with anything like that. I hope you like this; I've been reading too many ami/obi ones I was sooooooooooooo mad. That was completely random and I'm going to write a bunch of stories to rebel against them!
Thanks to everyone who left a review! Please continue to do so. I was so shocked, I've never had so many reviews and I enjoyed reading them over and over again so please continue! I like long reviews too!!!
Once again, Italics means flashbacks or dreams. =D
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I might need you to hold me tonight
I might need you to say it's alright
I might need you to make the first stand
Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man
"I'm sorry Ani, if there were any rooms le--"
Cuts her off, "No, it's all right," he pauses and looks around, "I can adjust."
She smiles slightly, unsure of his feelings. They are standing in the master bedroom, overlooking the gigantic bed with satin sheets in the oval bed frame. She has just explained to him that all the guestrooms are full and eagerly awaiting company tomorrow and the only place for him is the master bedroom. He sighs; she in turn lets out a deep breath. "Are you sure, Anakin?" she asks.
He smirks, "I'm sure. Can't be too bed -- b…bad, I mean it can't be too bad," He laughs nervously and asks playfully, "You don't snore do you?"
She laughs, creating music to his ears. "No, I don't think I do." She smirks suddenly and teasingly quirks, "I'm not too bad in bed in either."
For a split second he stands there dumbstruck, she smiles innocently. "I'm kidding."
He laughs, "Oh, yeah, I knew that." And then he sobers and places a friendly hand on her arm. "Then we don't have a problem…" He turns away bashfully, closing his eyes in irritation of his self when he realized what it sounded like he said, "With the snoring that is."
She laughs again, sitting herself on the bed. He follows in suit. She pulls herself in his arms. "You can just hold me all night."
He swallows hard, "I can manage that."
She turns to face him, placing a placid hand on his cheek. Holding it tenderly and pulling his face towards her, "Please Ani, make it more," He leans towards her, rapidly closing the distance, she continues to plead, "Please Ana--"
There's a light knock on the door. She hears the timid voice of a servant. "Milady?"
Reluctantly, she pulls away, pensive and peeved, "What is it?"
"There's a personal transmission from the Prince himself."
She sighs, looking at him regretfully, almost unable to meet his eyes, knowing by book the look that will be there. "I'm sorry Ani." He nods. "All right, Asmre, patch it into my personal vid." When the servant has left, she turns to him and kisses his cheek, "We can always have fun another time," she sobers and assures him, "I'll be back, don't worry."
He nods, watching her petite figure exit into her personal office. She fails to see him, huddle into the covers with a lonely and sad look on his dashing and robust face. His blue eyes reflect a pool of terror and pain. He closes his eyes tightly, hoping for it to end.
Once, in her office, Padme turns to Asmre and nods. "Go ahead." Suddenly on the vid screen a very old and tired Bail Organa appears. "Bail," she pauses, plastering a fake and superficial smile, "How are we today?"
He groans, "I don't need this façade, Padme. Certainly, you cannot still be bitter."
"Bitter is not the word I would use."
He winches, "I see," Suddenly a look of consternation grows on his face, "I was not aware of your return."
It is her turn to stiffen. "Couldn't get away." She replies dryly.
He nods, "Politics do that to the best of us." His voice shrinks to a whisper, "Still glad you married him?"
She knows the answer as clear as her reflection in a mirror, "Yes," She pauses, "I'm glad I never gave a second thought to marrying a man like you."
"Oh, you jest now," He smirks flirtatiously, "But you loved me then."
"No, never." She replies, "Anakin is the reason for my existence."
"I know," He grows solemn, "I just wish, that well, things could have turned out better for you. I always feel a little protective over you and when…" His voiced faded away, "Let's not dwell on the past. Is this line secure now?"
She nods, her eyes scanning over several date controls.
"I've found the perfect opportunity to uncover more secrets from the Emperor. There's a senatorial banquet being held on Alderaan in a few days. As trivial as it seems, I've devised the perfect plan to oppose him."
"If we fail?"
"We'll have to run into hiding. I've been able to purchase some underground accommodations for the alliance. I've already begun to store things away there," He pauses, a growing look of fear in his eyes, "You should too. The end of the Old Republic is approaching quickly."
She nods her head silently, "I'll began tomorrow. Shall I send my things to Alderaan?"
He nods in turn, "Please do. It is consequential that no one know of our destination."
"Is my presence requested for the banquet?"
He nods, "That it is. Shall I add you and Anakin to the guest list?"
She bites her lip. "Anakin's not ready."
Bail's eyes grow cold, "Well he must. You have to be there."
"I'm not sure such a move as that is wise. He's adjusting rather slowly to this world."
"You said his memory was bettering."
"That I did, Bail," she pauses her voice grows into a whisper, "But he's such a delicate and fragile state right now and you know how Palpatine was manipulating him before. All he needs is another window of opportunity to snatch the alliance's one threat away."
"Point taken. However, it would seem inconclusive without you there and even more so if you showed up without your consort."
She nods again, "I'll talk to Anakin about it."
He smiles, "Very well, should I will add you to the guest list. General Kenobi and Lady Sabe also?"
She smiles a strained smile, "Yes, indeed."
"I will see you then."
"Until then." She pauses, "End transmission."
His fatigue and forlorn face has disappeared in an instance.
She slowly travels back down to the Master bedroom. Stopping only at the door. She looks at Anakin. Covers at his waist, lying on his side, well on his way to dream land. She pulls the covers up to his neck, basking him in a delicate warmth. Then she caresses his hair lightly before she leans down and kisses his cheek. Whispering softly, "Good night, my love." A small smile plays on her lips. "My heart."
Carefully, she gets in bed next to him, her back to him. A look of sadness and pain wash over her porcelain face. She sighs, there was going to be a lot of explaining tomorrow. It hurt to think that she would have to relive the explanation. Yet he needed to know so much.
As she lies thinking, eyes wide open, once again, she fails to see his potent cerulean blue eyes open, watching her intently.
Almost by habit his arms come to hold her in a comforting embrace like they did so many nights ago, when he sleepily felt her weight in the bed and unconsciously would wrap her in his arms. She relaxes, closing her eyes and giving her worries peace. She snuggles deeper into his warm and tender embrace.
Tomorrow would take care of itself.
She dreamed and for the first time -- it was a nightmare.
"You're crazy, you can't want this?" She cried, eyes sweeping over the packet of paper he had thrown down on her desk. He was pacing at a ridiculously face pace.
She closed her eyes to hide the tears. Yet it wasn't working, she could feel them falling down her cheeks and hitting her skin in abashed and abrasive agony. She wiped her eyes.
"Padme, please don't cry."
Her hands squeezed her eyes shut, trying to wake up from this nightmare. He couldn't possibly want this.
She looked up, wiped her eyes and met his gaze, "Look, Anakin," She stuttered, her whole body convulsing uncontrollably, "I know we're having fights and disagreements and everything. But it isn't the reason to get this." She held up the folder, her eyes angry filled with a large void of pain.
"Padme, please don't make this any more difficult."
"This is difficult for you? What about for me?"
"Padme please," He went to her, taking her in his arms, "I love you. I'll always love you. Just I can't do this," He paused, gesturing to them, "Right now. I can't handle it."
"Why?" She cried, "What have I done besides loving you?"
He released and resumed his pacing. "Just sign it then. We can always go back or void it."
She shook her head, taking on the façade of the Queen. "I won't sign it."
He stopped, stunned, "Why not?"
"I love you Anakin. I love you. I love being married to you. I love waking up to your handsome face in the morning, sleeping with your strong arms around me, in a comforting embrace. I love being called Senator Skywalker. I love flashing my ring to flirtatious men. I love you, isn't that enough?"
He paused, a haunting bitter look in his eyes. "Sometimes love just isn't enough."
"Quite an admission from the boy who asked if I were an angel."
He snickered, "Why must you persist and avoid this confrontation?"
She stood, piercing him with a cold stare. "I do not want a divorce!"
"It's the only solution, Padme." He pulled her to him, crushing her in embrace. "You don't understand what's going on…" he trailed off.
She cupped his cheek with her hand, "But I can, if you tell me I will understand." She paused, glancing into his eyes, "It's Palpatine isn't it Ani? I told you to stay away from him."
"But the council --"
"Ignore the council, just one more time, ignore the council!" She cried.
Ani was back suddenly, the real Ani, not the Ani he had slowly changed into. He wiped tears off her eyes, "I can't control myself anymore. I don't know what's happening to me. I yell at you, " He paused caressing her lips with his own, "That's the last thing I ever wanted to do."
"He's manipulating you Ani -- I know he is! Run, run far away, don't do this though. Don't separate me from you. You need me as much as I need you."
Ani left. She saw him leave in her his eyes. He laughed. "Don't you see it? This divorce is the only thing that will keep me sane!"
She took his face in her hands, "Then I don't want to be sane, Ani. I don't want to be sane if it means losing you."
"No!" She screamed. Shooting straight up in bed. Her breathing was incoherent as her eyes tried to adjust to the darkness. "No," she breathed, "No."
Suddenly two firm hands grasped her arms, "No!" She screamed again.
"Padme." He soothed. "Padme."
She started sobbing. Crying uncontrollably and shaking convulsively. He pulled her into an embrace, whispering sweet nothings in her ear as she cried telling her tenderly, "It was just a dream."
Little did he know that tomorrow he would find out it was more then just a dream. It had been reality.
What will I do if I can't be with you
Tell me where will I turn to, baby who will I be
Now that we are apart, am I still in your heart?
Baby why can't you see that I need you here with me
Dreams suddenly from light to dark. Images callous and cold instead of happy and joyful. Feelings left undisturbed, waking in cold sweat, screaming in pure agony.
Dreaming of memories she did not want to relive.
"I love you Ani, why can't that be enough?"
He brought his lips down to meet hers in a light and tingling kiss, "I love you too, Am. I always will."
"Don't Ani," She paused, sniffling, "Don't go. You are my heart. I am nothing without you." She wrapped her arms around his waist, "I need you Ani."
He was silent. Contemplating things in his mind. When he didn't answer she was sacred, frightened beyond belief. "Don't leave me Ani," She begged, "Don't leave me please." Tightening her embrace around his waist.
He sighed, leaning back, pointing her chin to look at him. "I don't have a choice." Slowly bringing his lips down to hers and caressing it lightly.
She began to sob.
Tears poured from her glass eyes, dripping down her porcelain face. She buried her face in his chest, having nothing else to stop the tears from falling. Afraid that, if she loosened her embrace or let go he would truly slip away.
She pleaded, "Don't leave Ani, please. Don't leave me." Gone was the stoic, and façade of the Queen, back was the vulnerable and true woman. Amidala had left and Padme was all that remained.
He hugged her back tightly as tears continued to drench his garb. He kissed the top of her head soothingly. Reaching behind his back, he pulled her arms away. Turned once more and caressed her lips with a light kiss.
He turned, not wanting to see her anguished face as he left. "Just sign the papers." His voice was monotone and heavy, anticipating the radiating pain he would soon feel. He felt his very heart tear in two.
He walked away in one fluid motion -- leaving her behind sobbing heavily and screaming his name in unabashed agony.
She never heard the door open; she never saw him leave.
By the time she realized it -- it was too late. He was already gone.
This time, when she awoke she was not crying. But she felt the heavy weight on her heart. She turned to the other side of the bed -- half expecting it to be empty, half knowing it would be occupied.
A very different Anakin Skywalker was placidly asleep. A dangerously peaceful face flew across his handsome and robust features. Still, in all her life, she had never seen someone as beautiful.
Lightly she caressed his hair, feeling sleep calling her back. She spoke one drowsy sentence before she returned to a slumber well feared. "How ever did you get back to me?"
Then there was nothing left to do, but await the nightmares that plagued her and reminded her he had once been gone.
I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart
She let the papers collect dust on her shelf. She watched their every move afraid that if she took her eyes off it for too long they'd fly away to Anakin with her non-existent signature. And then before she knew it, Anakin would have slipped away along with it.
Divorce was the farthest thing from her mind. She didn't even know that they were having problems. Well, she did, but she tried to ignore the signs that ceased to plague her mind.
She didn't sign the papers. She only waited for Anakin to storm in and ask why she hadn't. She hadn't repaired a rebuttal -- she would let her heart do the talking.
They hadn't always resided at different places. There was once a time early in their marriage where they lived together in her Courusant apartment. It was close to her office and close to the Jedi temple. But suddenly everything, behind her eyes, began to fall apart. She hadn't realized it at first until he began to blow up at her staff in her private place on Naboo.
She had never been so embarrassed, so hurt, so afraid than that day.
When he came back for the papers, she was ready. "Padme," His eyes narrowed, "Why haven't you signed the papers?"
"I cannot sign them."
His brows furrowed, "Why not?"
"I love you Ani, I can't do it." She stood from behind her desk, going to hold him from behind. "What happened Ani? How did we get to this?"
When he didn't answer, she continued. "I thought you loved me Ani, I thought you loved me without regret, without a second thought, all unconditionally. What happened Anakin, what happened?"
He began to relax in her embrace, allowing her warmth to surround him. She placed a light kiss where his shoulder met the neck. "Tell me Ani, please, whatever I did. I want to make it right. I don't want to lose you."
He turned in her embrace, brushing his lips against hers lightly, "It's not you." He took her face in his hands, "It's me." He began to cry. Tears falling down his eyes, she wiped them away with her small petite and gentle fingers. "I've been a fool."
"Oh, Ani…"
"I love you Pad, I always have. I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me. I don't want to lose you either." She gathered him in an embrace, pressing his head to her shoulder, absently caressing his hair as he cried on her shoulder.
Silently happy because, for now, it was over.
"What a beautiful sight to wake up to."
She smiled. He returned the smile gracefully. Running his finger down her cheek. "Force you're beautiful."
He leaned down to brush his lips against hers, but she pulled away slowly. "I'm sorry, Ani. I'm not ready for that." He nodded, looking aways shamefully. "How was your meeting with Prince Organa?"
"As expected," She smiled, "You remember him, don't you?"
"All too well."
She laughed. "We've been invited to attend a senatorial function on Alderaan in a few days. Do you think you're up to it?"
"I suppose so."
She reached out and touched his arm lightly. "You can say you aren't."
He shook his head, "No, I think it's about time I got back into the real world."
"Very well." She stretched and then rolled on her back. He began to get out of bed. "Wait, Ani. There's one more thing you must know."
He nodded, his body sinking back on the bed. "What is it, Padme?"
She took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. "Anakin, before Anakin died. We were almost getting a divorce." She glanced at him, "Before you say anything let me explain."
"Anakin and I grew our separate ways. I held his arm and kissed his cheek, smiling giddily. Acting the part of a happy couple at senatorial functions. Allowing the press to see that everything was just as it should be. Except, when we were not in front of the public's eye. We walked feet apart, looked the other way, barely acknowledging the other's presence. We ate the farthest apart as possible, we talked only as much as needed to, told each other only things that needed to be told. We ate in silence. By the time I realized it, it was almost too late -- it was too late."
His eyes narrowed. His mouth twitched. He shook his head. "You tell me now."
Her head looked down, "Yes. I'm sorry Ani. I should have told you the problems sooner."
"So you bring me back here, only so I can find out you two we're divorcing! I thought you loved me -- loved him!" His voice raised in anger.
She looked up, panic in her eyes. She reached for his hand, but he pulled it away from her. "I do! Oh, Ani, I do! That's why we didn't. I couldn't stand to lose him! I loved him so much, my heart would break without him!"
He stood, shaking his head. "Don't go Ani," She begged, "Please don't go!"
He looked at her, leaning forward and crushing her in an embrace, "I won't."
She cried. Tears trailing down her face. He reached over and wiped them away, and then held her close to him. "I only wanted you back, Ani. I only did it cause I wanted you back."
He kissed the top of her head lightly before placing his chin on it. "I know."
To be continued…
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