FINDING HOME
Chapter 6. Accommodating Anew (part 1)
Harry tossed and turned for quite a while before giving up on sleep completely. Something told him that if he did not fall asleep in five hours after going to bed, it was unlikely he would get any sleep at all. Besides, there really was no point in a three hours' sleep.
He was not surprised that he stayed awake for so long. The day before was filled with unpleasant events that went through his head again and again. He expected his return to Hogwarts to be pompous and noisy, with reporters following him to the school and then prolonging the torture called "press conference" at Hogwarts. Instead he was waken up in the morning by a nurse, who gave him new robes and let in Professor McGonagall as soon as he was ready. Professor greeted him rather warmly and asked to hold on to a silver-encrusted powder-box she emerged from her purse. Harry remembered his astonishment at seeing such a female object as a purse in the hands of his strict Professor, astonishment that only deepened when he noticed the powder-box. Professor McGonagall was using cosmetics? Unbelievable.
Well, in the next second his surprise dissipated, as he automatically touched the powder-box held to him, and was overwhelmed with the familiar tugging sensation. Harry found Professor McGonagall and himself at the foot of the staircase leading to the Gryffindor Tower. Of course, the powder-box was simply a portkey. Why would a witch use such a Muggle object?
He was led to his dormitory and discovered that all his belongings were already there, laid accurately onto his bed. Professor left him there, only to be immediately encircled with an horde of excited Gryffindors who all noticed him when he was passing the common room. And only after the tenth round of "I don't remember" and "I don't know", the phrases that became an inherent part of his lexicon after a dozen of interviews, he was left alone.
This conversation seriously exhausted him, and the most disappointing part was that Ron and Hermione, instead of protecting him, played the most active roles in the interrogation. He was a bit upset that they did not visit him in the hospital. Harry understood that it was an irrational offence, they had classes to attend and could not easily sneak out to St.Mungo's, but he did need their support back then.
And their attitude was... strange, to say the least. Hermione began to ask him about the aspects of being a house elf, if he felt anger towards wizards, if he enjoyed his freedom while being in the forest, did he meet any of his brethren there who also broke free from the chains of slavery... And there he was, hoping that her 4th year's obsession passed.
He would laugh over it with Ron and tease Hermione about it, but his best friend's behaviour was even odder. He seemed constrained and every now and then would give Harry a glance over, as if making sure that this was really Harry. Finally his thoughtless "It must've been horrible to be one of those!" phrase in the corridor with a nod in the kitchen's direction explained it all. Harry realized that Ron was having a hard time overcoming his natural disdain for inferior creatures. And being a pureblood wizard, he saw house elves as those beneath him, even though his family never had any of their own. He could act friendly towards Dobby, but would never consider a house elf his equal.
Harry wondered bitterly if Ron would prefer him to have been turned into a Dementor. These creatures were way more respected than house elves.
It hurt. They were his best friends, and although they did not do anything awful, he expected more from them.
Harry sighed. If only it was his only trouble. But lack of tact on behalf of his friends was a mere trifle compared to the meeting he had later in Dumbledore's office. Right after the dinner, the Headmaster asked him to come for a talk.
When he walked in, the office appeared to be empty. Then a large black dog emerged from behind the Headmaster's desk and transformed into his godfather.
"Sirius!" Harry rushed forward, but paused when only one step separated them. He never knew how he should act around Sirius. Something told him that it would be absolutely natural to hug his gofather, but he did not have any experience with those things. What if such a display of emotions would embarrass Sirus? Harry even thought once about consulting Ron or Hermione about this, but decided that it would sound stupid: asking his friends how he should behave around his own godfather.
It seemed that Sirius had the same problem. He made a move forward, then changed his mind and stepped back, smiled, and at last settled for raising one hand and patting Harry on the shoulder. Harry responded with a wide grin. This ritual of saying hello satified both parties.
Done with formalities, they separated and moved to the large comfortable-looking sofa near the far wall of the office. Harry never sat on it before, most of his time in the Headmaster's office was spent sitting in front of Dumbledore's desk, staring the Headmaster in the face. Since Dumbledore was absent, it was probably alright to take a less formal position.
This was their first meeting since the one at St.Mungo's. Harry knew how desperately Sirius had tried to find him, Professor Lup... Remus told Harry that he all but had threatened to restrain his friend from rushing through Muggle towns in search for Harry. They saw each other at last in the hospital, but Sirius did not even have a chance to transform into his human form back then, with all the wizards running around and checking on Harry. He hid under Harry's bed licking his hand every now and then to express joy about his godson's return. Some reunion.
They both sat on the sofa for a few minutes, not saying anything. Harry would tell Sirius everything about what happened to him - in his head, he began to refer to it as an "adventure", somehow this term made it easier to deal with - but he knew that Professor Dumbledore most likely already told the whole story. Not that there was much to tell anyway: shouting, fear, flash of light, pain, running, more running, darkness, waking up. With bitter irony, Harry had to resume that his previous encounters with Voldemort were more... exciting.
Sirius was the first to break the silence. He took a deep breath and started, eyes turned downwards: "Harry, I-I probably will have to leave for a while. I don't know for how long, so I just wanted to say goodbye."
It was a shock. Harry should be prepared for this, after everything he heard in the hospital about Peter's newly restored glory, but it was a shock nevertheless. Swallowing a lump in his throat, he whispered: "When?"
"Now, I am afraid," Sirus raised his eyes at him and continued. "This whole thing about Wormtail... I don't understand this, I don't know how could they make him a hero again, but it is getting dangerous for me. Before this, I had a little hope that they will listen, maybe interrogate me with Veritaserum, maybe he would get caught or at least somebody would see him and confirm that he is alive. Now they got the facts, and they still managed to pervert the truth. Nobody will question me if I get caught. Peter is a star now."
The lump was growing.
Sirius grasped his hand. His voice acquired apologetic notes. "I thought about staying, but I am so tired, Harry... so tired of hiding. I never imagined it would be so hard, to turn around every minute, to place wards around every damned place I stay at for more than one hour so that they would not locate me, to obliviate anybody I talk to. It's exhausting, I won't be able to do it much longer. I talked to Dumbledore, he advised me to lie low for a while. I don't want to disappear like that, especially now, when you just came back from god knows where, but..."
Harry felt that Sirius was feeling guilty about leaving, and he did not want that. If Sirius decided to stay in order not to hurt Harry's feelings, and would get caught because of that... He attempted an encouraging smile.
"It's OK, Sirius. Don't worry about me. I am alright. And I can always write to you, can't I?" The smile slipped a bit when he saw a negative headshake.
"I will have to go into hiding, Harry. Real hiding. It means no owls, no visitors. This is the only way to become untraceable. Dumbledore says that now, with Voldemort's corpse to confirm his resurrection, they will begin a true manhunting for the remaining Death Eaters. All the more risk that I will get caught, too. And you most probably will be receiving extra attention now. What if some particularly curious reporter places a tracing charm on owls you will be sending?" He smiled a little when he saw Harry's scowl at the mention of extra attention.
Leaning forward, Sirius patted Harry on the shoulder again. "It will all work out, alright? Just give it time. And Dumbledore will find a way for me to come back."
Not really listening to the words of consolation that he should be offering rather than receiving, Harry asked: "So you will be there all alone?"
"No, Remus is coming with me. There's a lot of time we need to make up for."
One more person was leaving, then. Harry sort of hoped that he would at least have Remus. But it was good that they would go into hiding together. Harry suspected that after twelve years in Azkaban staying on his own would be too hard for his godfather.
Harry did not cry in front of Sirius, although he desperately wanted to, because he promised Sirius "to be strong". He did not cry when he told Ron and Hermione about this, pretending that it was a temporary problem, and Sirius would be back soon. Now he was on his own, and there was no reason for being strong. Nobody could see him now, and yet he did not cry. He wanted to scream in frustration, wanted to bang his head on the bedpost, wanted to beg for Sirius' forgiveness for not being able to stand for him during the press-conference. He was not a good godson, he was supposed to have done better than mumbling something incoherent and nodding to Lucius Malfoy's words, to change something, to protest, to help Sirius... He kept tossing in the bed, wrapping himself in the sheets and ceasing to feel the difference between frustration at his own inability to help his godfather and irritation caused by the increasing itch. Harry tried to disentangle himself from the cocoon of bedsheets he somehow created, and fell from the bed.
A/N: Well, not a very eventful chapter, but it had to be done. Your comments are very appreciated.
Kindli - I can hardly wait myself *g* Thanks again for your feedback! And also I would like to express my deepest gratitude to: Calmardaa, Chibi Zen-chan, MOI (Lucius is neither good nor bad. He is... Lucius. I never saw him as a total bastard, that much I can tell you. I am not sure about Lucius' POV here, but he will make an appearance in this story again. And I will definitely have more of Lucius in my other stories that are currently in work), rowenna, Fanny chan, Anni. *hugs all her reviewers* I love you all!
