Slowly and painfully I walked back to the Moulin Rouge trying like hell not to cry. It wasn't easy. I has just destroyed the one person who I loved most in the whole world. How could I not hate myself?
My Aunt Nini was waiting in my dressing room when I got back.
"Well?" she demanded?
"I told him."
"Good. Now get dressed. We've got a show in two hours and I don't need you moping around here like some drunk bohemian."
She turned and left then. I felt so much like slapping my aunt then. How dare she try to control my life when she spent her's either drunk or letting some man beat her senseless?
I hated her. I hated her and yet I couldn't disobey her. The last time I had, she'd hit me so hard my ose had bled.
With anger brewing in my heart I found my practice skirts and got dressed.
********************************************************************************************
Toulouse was sitting on the floor of his studio, a half empty bottle of Absinthe next to him. We watched him nervously as he drank and mumbled out drunken phrases about Lolita.
"Stupid girl...beautiful but...why did I let her...foolish I was!"
I hated to see Toulouse like this. I wondered why Lolita would do something like this when she knew how much he loved her.
"Fwoolish bitch!" Toulouse screamed, throwing his Absinthe bottle at the wall.
I turned away. It stung my heart to see one of my friends in this much pain.
It was then I had made up my mind. I found my coat and left to go see Lolita.
********************************************************************************************
I returned to my dressing room to start prepping for tonight's show. The lead weight in my chest had still not lifted but I tried to ignore it.
Just as I had slid into my lavender dressing gown there was a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" I called.
The door opened slightly and Christian poked his head in.
I looked at him and said, "I know why you're here Christian and nothing you say will make me change my mind."
"Why did you do that to him?"
I looked at Christian and said, "I've got my reasons. What do you care anyway?"
"I care because Toulouse is my friend and now he's in his studio completly drunk over you! All I want to know is why!"
I said nothing. If I told him why he would think I was too weak and pathetic to take care of myself, let alone someone like Toulouse.
"Well? Do you even have a reason?"
"She threatened me, all right?!" I exploded, knocking a glass to the floor. "My Aunt Nini threatened to throw me out unless I told him I could never see him again! You know I love him Chrstian, I'm just not allowed to!
He looked at me.
"And I hate it! I hate to think of him drunk and alone thinking I don't love him when I do! I'm sorry, I just can't be with him."
I turned away and began sweeping up the glass with my blush brush.
"Is that really what you believe? Or is it just what you've been taught to believe?" he asked.
At Christian's words I stopped cold. Was that really me saying all those things? Or was it the cold and unfeeling bitch I would slowly turn into if I stayed here?
Christian interpreted my silence as an answer.
"He'll be here tonight."
"Why?"
"I just know it."
With that Christian walked out the door, shutting it firmly behind him.
My Aunt Nini was waiting in my dressing room when I got back.
"Well?" she demanded?
"I told him."
"Good. Now get dressed. We've got a show in two hours and I don't need you moping around here like some drunk bohemian."
She turned and left then. I felt so much like slapping my aunt then. How dare she try to control my life when she spent her's either drunk or letting some man beat her senseless?
I hated her. I hated her and yet I couldn't disobey her. The last time I had, she'd hit me so hard my ose had bled.
With anger brewing in my heart I found my practice skirts and got dressed.
********************************************************************************************
Toulouse was sitting on the floor of his studio, a half empty bottle of Absinthe next to him. We watched him nervously as he drank and mumbled out drunken phrases about Lolita.
"Stupid girl...beautiful but...why did I let her...foolish I was!"
I hated to see Toulouse like this. I wondered why Lolita would do something like this when she knew how much he loved her.
"Fwoolish bitch!" Toulouse screamed, throwing his Absinthe bottle at the wall.
I turned away. It stung my heart to see one of my friends in this much pain.
It was then I had made up my mind. I found my coat and left to go see Lolita.
********************************************************************************************
I returned to my dressing room to start prepping for tonight's show. The lead weight in my chest had still not lifted but I tried to ignore it.
Just as I had slid into my lavender dressing gown there was a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" I called.
The door opened slightly and Christian poked his head in.
I looked at him and said, "I know why you're here Christian and nothing you say will make me change my mind."
"Why did you do that to him?"
I looked at Christian and said, "I've got my reasons. What do you care anyway?"
"I care because Toulouse is my friend and now he's in his studio completly drunk over you! All I want to know is why!"
I said nothing. If I told him why he would think I was too weak and pathetic to take care of myself, let alone someone like Toulouse.
"Well? Do you even have a reason?"
"She threatened me, all right?!" I exploded, knocking a glass to the floor. "My Aunt Nini threatened to throw me out unless I told him I could never see him again! You know I love him Chrstian, I'm just not allowed to!
He looked at me.
"And I hate it! I hate to think of him drunk and alone thinking I don't love him when I do! I'm sorry, I just can't be with him."
I turned away and began sweeping up the glass with my blush brush.
"Is that really what you believe? Or is it just what you've been taught to believe?" he asked.
At Christian's words I stopped cold. Was that really me saying all those things? Or was it the cold and unfeeling bitch I would slowly turn into if I stayed here?
Christian interpreted my silence as an answer.
"He'll be here tonight."
"Why?"
"I just know it."
With that Christian walked out the door, shutting it firmly behind him.
