The Bigger They Are!! Part 3!

NoV: Urgh! Finally, I'm out of school and I have time to write this thing!!! Gah!!!

Xelloss: You weren't missed. Trust me.

NoV: (fumes) Why do I even put up with you?? And that stupid Patrick!!! Going around breaking me heart like that.....(rants)

Zelgadis: Who are you talking about?

NoV: Patrick?? Patrick who??? I don't know anyone named Patrick?? What would make you think that???

Lina: (sigh) I'm sure everyone is as curious as I am to find out what happened to me. Let's find out....

**

Lina gawked at herself in the mirror for a full ten minutes. Her entire body had somehow gotten.....fatter. He stomach was hanging over her belt, and even poking out of her shirt some. Her breasts were barely being supported, and the buttons holding them in looked ready to pop. He face had thick layers of fat that were hanging in flaps of skin. She appeared to have enough excess skin to parachute with.

"Wh-what??? What in the hell happened??" she demanded, pointing at all three of her traveling companions.

Amelia shrugged. Zelgadis rolled his eyes and turned to the right. Gourry giggled madly on the floor.

Lina decided to take out her anger on the latter. "You bumbling jellyfish!!! It's probably ALL YOUR FAULT!!!" The now overweight sorceress fumed. "I'm going to kill you!!!!"

Gourry snickered, trying to hold in his insane laughter. "You could just sit on me and...and put me out of my misery!!" He again broke out in hysterical laughter.

"Really, Miss Lina," Amelia offered, assuringly, "there are programs to help people who-"

"I am NOT overweight!!" Lina shrieked. "And no one will say otherwise or they will DIE!!!"

Zelgadis began to chuckle.

"And what is so funny??" the flame-haired girl roared.

"You're not fat. You're just fluffy!" He joined Gourry in rolling around on the wooden floor.

Smoke blew out of Lina's ears. "Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows...."

Zelgadis and Gourry both snapped to attention immediately and sat up on the floor simultaneously.

"That's more like it." Lina wobbled over to her bed and sat down. "Now, let's think about what could have happened. You said I was beside a spring?"

"Yes," Zelgadis replied, blandly. "You were snoring away in a puddle of drool, dreaming about Gourry, no doubt."

"Zelgadis," Lina threatened, "if I could still move as fast as I used to be able to, I'd kill you right now."

"Of course you would."

"Spring....spring...." she repeated to herself. "Why does that sound so familiar?"

"You know!" Gourry exclaimed. "You remember the time you wanted to grow big and strong and you had to defeat the demon and then you would've turned old like the frog!! Ribbit!!!"

"Gourry, you weren't even THERE, you IDIOT," Lina barked. "Besides, this is a COMPLETELY different situation. *cough*" She shook her head as if to clear it. "I remember some old man, a different one who said that I'd be tall and well-endowed if I got into the spring! Then, we went to the spring, and....everything got dark....that old man tricked me!! Not again!!! Ahhh!! I hate old people!!!"

"Oh, but Miss Lina, you certainly must love me," a voice said from the doorway.

Lina gasped when she turned around and saw the same old man with the same old purple glint in his eye.

"You," she seethed. "What have you done to me???"

"You look....familiar," Zelgadis mused, scratching a stony ledge on his face.

"But, of course I do, Zelgadis dear," the old man said, winking. He raised her crooked cane in his wrinkly hand and vanished in a poof of purple smoke.

"Where'd he go?" Amelia wondered, hoping that he wasn't hiding under her skirt like the last person to have poofed off in purple smoke.

"I do wonder how you did not recognize me, my dearest Lina," a different voice said, floating behind them.

Lina slowly turned around to see everyone's favorite trickster priest, fully robed, with the old man's cane, which he quickly snapped back into his usual jeweled staff.

"XELLOSS!!" Lina raged. "I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!!! AAAAHHH!! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!!!!!!"

**

Xelloss: Lovely touch. I liked it.

Lina: Yes, but I'm not like pseudo-Lina. I'm perfectly in shape and ready to kick you're a-

Xelloss: Not in front of the children!!

Zelgadis: Since when do you care about the children?

Xelloss: Our children, Zel-chan?

Zelgadis: In your dreams.

Xelloss: In YOURS.

NoV: Heh.....until nexties!! Thought I'd get in another chappie before vacation!! So, tell me what you think Lina should do to Xelloss, and what she should do about her problem!!