Disclaimer: I don't own the ship, the characters, or anything at all.
Chapter 23 – Whole Again
Elizabeth walked through Voyager's sombre grey corridors, to the captain's quarters. She wasn't really supposed to leave her quarters, but she couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes questions came flooding into her mind followed by the captain's words, 'I was raped.' Everything about this whole nightmare made her feel positively sick, but she couldn't just ignore it, she had to face up to who she was or what she was.
She stopped outside the captain's doors, before hesitantly ringing the door chime. She wondered if the captain would be angry, after all it was 03:00 and she really should be in bed. She didn't have to wait long to find out she heard the captain's voice, "Come in."
Elizabeth did as she was asked, and stepped through the doors. The room inside was dark, the lights must have been on minimal, Elizabeth strained her eyes trying to see the captain. After a few minutes she made out her figure by the view port.
"Captain," she said her voice almost a whisper. The captain spun around, obviously surprised that her night caller was Elizabeth. She didn't say anything for a little while, but stood and took her daughter in tears glistening in her eyes.
Elizabeth felt a bit uncomfortable, breaking the silence she said, "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I didn't mean it, I was just angry."
The captain smiled at her and held out her arms, hoping Elizabeth would accept the gesture. Elizabeth practically ran to her, revelling in the aura that surrounded the captain, her mother.
"There's no need to be sorry," the captain said gently, stroking Elizabeth's head. Elizabeth just shook her head and sobbed, it was all becoming too much for her to cope with. The captain sighed, gently rocking her back and forth, knowing how much she needed to be reassured and loved right now.
After a few minutes, Elizabeth managed to stifle her sobs enough to say, "I should have been more understanding, you've had to live with far more pain than I will have too."
The captain bit her lip; she wasn't going to let Elizabeth see her cry, not again, not over this. She tilted her head back resting it on the bulkhead behind her.
"The only pain I've had to live with is losing you. Knowing you were alive, but knowing I couldn't be with you, help you, and love you. Knowing you wouldn't even know I was your mother," her voice broke towards the end.
Elizabeth squeezed her tightly, "I know now, that's all that matters right?" she asked.
The captain looked down at her, Elizabeth's cheeks streaked with tears, her eyes shining expectantly. She smiled and nodded, "Yes, that's all that matters."
Elizabeth sighed contently, after all these years she now possessed the one thing she had spent her whole life searching for, she had a mother, someone to love and care for her, and someone for her to love and care about. Only this wasn't just her mother it was also her idol, she couldn't remember a time that she hadn't idolised Kathryn Janeway.
"I'm sure you want to know just why I gave you away," the captain said, her voice betrayed her pain.
Elizabeth nodded.
"Well, after I was raped, he left me there, unconscious on a deserted woodland path. Fortunately a group of crewmen found me, and took me back to the ship. The doctor repaired the damage, she suggested I go for counselling, but I refused. I couldn't face going over it all over again.
After the rape I threw myself into my work, and didn't look back. Two months later, however, I was forced to look back. I was on the bridge during an attack, and was knocked unconscious. When I woke up in sickbay, the doctor said she had some," the captain paused, remembering the doctor had phrased it as bad news, she couldn't tell Elizabeth that, "news. I was pregnant and the dates fitted that of the rape, besides the fact I hadn't been with anyone for over a year. She told me she could abort it if that was what I wanted, but I didn't, I couldn't, I had always wanted a child more than anything," she stopped to look down at Elizabeth. Elizabeth was clinging to the captain tightly, her eyes closed, her face a mask of anger and hate.
"I took leave and had you, everything was fine until then. You see, Admiral Paris had attempted to catch him, he had issued public alerts, and when it became known that I was pregnant by him the campaign was stepped up. Of course they never did catch him, all it served to do was tell him that he had a baby daughter.
Once he heard, he came after us we managed to hide from him for two whole years. However he managed to track us down, one day when you were playing at the park, he came up behind me. He tried to grab you but I got their first," she tightened her grip on Elizabeth, burying her face in her hair.
"After that he sent numerous threats, he even tried to snatch you from our house. I've never been so afraid, I couldn't let him get to you, you were too precious. So, I gave you to Admiral Paris and his wife, and as you know you left earth. I told him you had been killed in an accident, it felt like you were dead, only it was worse because I knew you were alive and missing your mommy, the same mommy that in a couple of years time you wouldn't even recognise. He believed it, I was acting like you were dead, I couldn't leave the house, I just stayed in bed.
You on the other - hand where becoming used to your new life on Mars. Eventually I went back to Starfleet, and that's why I'm here now, but after that day my life was never the same again. I became a shadow of the person you made me, but now I feel whole again."
They were both holding each other very tightly, both crying and both being comforted by the other.
-Fin-
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