Who Would Have Thought

Hannya

Rating: R for language and later Lemony goodness

Pairing: DracoXHarry

Disclaimer: After a rather pathetic attempt to steal the rights to Harry Potter and Co., I have returned in defeat, sadly stuck with simply writing the characters into freakish OOC roles and slashy situations. Bummer.

Warning: Slash, if the pairing hadn't already told you that. Draco's dirty mouth, basic lack of believable British slang, voyeuristic centaurs..That's all for now.. I think.

A/N: Alright, it's officially developed a mind of its own so here's the next chappie. No it doesn't make sense and yes I was stupid enough to type it anyways.

Chapter Two

Harry Potter, Boy Who Lived and the good guy butt monkey of the powers that be, woke with much arm flailing and a rather unmanly squeak. In fact, it was more the kind of squeak one gets when a mouse realizes that their nest is being used as a bed by a tiger. Or something.

Like clockwork (Muggle, not wizard. No clue how those work) a sleepy voice made the journey through two sets of curtains and the distance between the beds to fight it's way through the blood pounding in the Gryffindor's ears. "Harry, mate, you alright?" After a few undecipherable vowel noises and the sound of someone trying to knock themselves unconscious with the thick wooden headboard of their bed, another voice joined in.

"Just another Malfoy wet dream. Go back to sleep, Ron, " Seamus muttered drowsily even as a confirming if vague gurgling noise coming from the general vicinity of the boy wonder's bed.

The redhead in questioned groaned and pulled a nearby pillow over his prominent ears, "Merlin, Harry! That's the third bloody time this week!"

Wishing not for the first time that Voldemort would actually get around to finishing him off, Potter paused to wonder why in Muggle hell did it taste like he just ate dirt?

************Meanwhile, in the forbidden forest**********

"You got any fours?"

"Go fish."

Bane sighed loudly and made a resigned grab for the half deck of dog- eared playing cards sitting on the toadstool-er, card table. "So, you hear about that Potter kid and some hot blond hooking up in the down by the oaks tonight?"

"No way! Is Venus bright tonight, or something?"

"Nah, Ronan bribed some kids from Harry's dorm. And, after the dreams he talked about, this should be some show. Ronan's off trying to find the camera before then."

"Sweet! I-" a sudden shuffling of leaves alerted the two leering centaurs of some large and ungainly creature entering their leafy rec room. Something not of the forest.

In a flash, the cards were hidden in a nearby rotten stump and both creatures had assumed fitting unearthly all-knowing expressions.

"Hagrid, you wished to speak to us?" Firenze ventured solemnly, smothering a very unprofessional giggle at the large man covered in leaves and twigs.

The large groundskeeper shifted nervously, despite his relief at finding the two. "Well, the thing is, a couple of students have detention out here tonight and I was wondering if you could keep an eye on them. Just in case, you know."

Two quadrapeds exchanged a 'look'. Bane trotted closer and gave the half-giant a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Of course. The forest is very dangerous at night."

"Yes, we'll be glad to watch them- um, watch out for them." Relief was coming in waves off the reassured man so he completely missed the leers that the centaurs couldn't suppress any longer. In fact, half way into the leer, both horse-men-things were caught up in one of Hagrid near fatal hugs of gratitude and practically skipped back to his little hut of happiness.

Bane and Firenze stared after him for a minute before snickering loudly, the larger of the two nodding to the other, "Come on, let's go help Ronan load the camera. I have a feeling this detention should be recorded for prosterity."

***************************************8

Night came too soon. Okay, actually it came at the exact same time it was supposed to but the two hormone-dazed young wizards scheduled to serve detention together were exactly thinking rationally. After all, if you tilted your head, squinted a little, and smoked something highly illegal, the forbidden forest could almost be described as romantic.

Draco Malfoy, despite being a well-known Hogwarts Sex God, did not *do* romantic. So, of course, he decided that the only redeeming quality the great outdoors currently held was one green-eyed nervous looking Gryffindor. He'd been dreaming of this, literally, for quite a while and had finally come to the decision that denial was for idiots and that with all the phallic symbols prominent in the wizarding world, no one could actually blame him for liking blokes. The fact that the boy he was currently fancying was supposed to be his archrival was merely an insignificant detail when compared to how nice his arse looked in Quidditch robes.

Now, all he needed to do was convince one Harry Potter of the exact same thing.

Unfortunately, his raven-haired prey was still trying to reconcile the very excellent snogging of his dreams with the spoiled Slytherin at his side. He sighed, sure this was just fate's latest plot to drive him batty. "I hate my life."

Silver eyes blinked once, taken back by the unexpected statement before their owner made a slightly blundering attempt at comfort. "Um, if it makes you feel better, I hate your life too."

Harry paused, brushing away an irritating and possibly poisonous bit of plant life that had been attempting to poke out his eyes behind his glasses, and gave his companion a puzzled look. "No, actually, it doesn't but good try."

Draco shrugged, waiting patiently while the forest continued to attack the Golden Boy. After all, Snape wasn't expecting them back until late and that left him plenty of good seduction time. A few minutes and several scratches later, the pair was back to trudging through the shaded woods in search of some rare herb that their Potions Professor was too cheap to buy in Knockturn Ally like everybody else. And, come to think of it, Harry looked rather delectable all annoyed and more messed up than usual, a small scratch decorating one high cheekbone, a souvenir from the formidable flora, surely. God, he just wanted to taste it, feel hot breath on his neck as he traced the mark with his tongue..

The Gryffindor gulped a bit at the hungry look that had just replaced the slightly bored expression the young Malfoy seemed to wear permanently. He'd seen him eat in the Great Hall only hours ago so it couldn't be that. Plus, that face looked familiar, like he had seen it somewhere else. A memory from a dream..

It was just bad luck that Harry's moment of poetic realization was ruined by a rather rough tree he'd backed into and that the thought running through the other boy's mind were about as poetic as a porn soundtrack. The pale Slytherin seemed to almost glow in the available moonlight, an imposing creature who was currently getting very comfortable in one Harry Potter's personal space. Both boys hearts sped up as they flashed back to the dreams of each other, remembered touches and they were leaning closer without even realizing it when-

FLASH

A brillant light drowned out the moon, the familiar sound of a camera snapping. Draco growled, annoyed at best, while his prey slipped from his arms and headed after what sounded like a centaur with a camera. He always knew those hairy beasts were perverts...

TBC~

I don't even know why I decided to write this but, oh well. *I* thought it was funny.

Big hugs and Draco plushies to my beautiful inspiring wonderful reviewers who I don't actually have time to personally thank because I'm falling asleep. *yawns* TANKU!