Title: L' Estate di Suicidio

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: See part one

Author's Notes: Geez, just when I get better, AOL decides to go crazy... I tell ya, someone is conspiring to keep me from finishing this story. This chapter is longer, though, so you still love me, right? Thanks to my reviewers, I love you... Enjoy!

I count the minutes passing in an attempt to stay awake, but it isn't working. Madame Pomfrey has fallen asleep on the chair beside my bed, where she's been keeping watch all day. It occurs to me that this could be used to my advantage, but it appears that there is some sort of enchantment in place to keep me in my bed. As I struggle against my invisible bonds, Snape billows into the room.

"Good evening, Mr. Potter. Don't bother fighting, that spell is for your own protection. I'm going to relieve Madame Pomfrey of her duties, and then perhaps we can continue our little chat." Snape appears calm, and resigned to his task. I think he will stay longer this time, he looks quite determined. I sigh. I know, from being in Snape's class for four years that he is nothing if not persistent. It will take a lot to convince him to give up on me.

Snape bends over Madame Pomfrey and gently pats her shoulder. "Poppy... Poppy, wake up..." Madame Pomfrey awakens with a start.

"Severus? What... Oh dear, did I fall asleep? I'm sorry... Is it your shift now?" Madame Pomfrey gets up and shuffles slowly from the room. "Good night, Severus, Harry... Good luck." I'm sure that the last remark was meant for Professor Snape alone.

"Now, Harry, from the look of it, you aren't going to get any more sleep than I am, and to be honest, I'd rather not give you a sleeping potion. So lets talk. No? I don't think you really have a choice, boy, you can't exactly move." Snape looks at me with something bordering pity, and it is the last straw.

"I'm sure that makes you really happy, Snape, to see me tied down here with no chance of escaping. Does it amuse you to see how far I've sunk, not even able to kill myself properly? Do you think its funny to see me struggling against bonds I can't break? Its no different from anything you would have seen last year, if you had been looking properly. No different from anything you would have seen all my life. From the minute I broke Voldemort, I've been tied to this image of hero, and the world became my responsibility. I've done everything I can to make it stop, to make everyone see that it isn't me, but no one is looking, Snape, least of all you. All you see is a pompous, arrogant celebrity. Don't you know that's what I want least in the world? I wish no one knew my name. I wish I could just fade away into the background and never be seen again. And here you are, laughing as I try to do what I'm certain both of us want and just disappear. Why, Snape? Why not just help me, let me die? What does it matter to you?" I pause for air, and curse myself for breaking even this much. It is never advisable to let your guard down, to let other people in. They only leave in the end, and you are left hurt and broken.

"Boy, no matter what you may believe, the last thing I want is to see you disappear. You may not be my favorite student, and I won't pretend any differently, but I wish no ill on you. You have done a lot for the people around you, saved many lives. That is a big burden to place on one so young, and I wish that you could live the rest of your life as nothing more than an ordinary man, but that is not to be. Our world is troubled Harry, and you may be the proverbial light in the darkness. It doesn't matter if you like it or want it, only that you accept it. There are many people who are willing to fight by your side, if you will let them, and that will help stop you from feeling so alone. Ultimately, though, you have to conquer the darkness within yourself before you can conquer Voldemort. And that, my boy, is up to you. I will be here, and I will help you as much as I can, but you have to fight for it, Harry. You have to want it. Accept right now that death is not going to save you, because I won't let that happen. You have to live with who you are and what you have to do, and the only way to do that is to come to terms with your past." Snape looks exhausted, suddenly, and I think it cost him a great deal to speak so kindly to me. "And now, Mr, Potter, I want you to go to sleep. I will give you no sleeping potion tonight, I want you to face your nightmares. And remember, no matter where you are in your dreams, I am right beside you."

I drift slowly off to sleep. I am exhausted, really, but I don't want to deal with this another night. It helps, a bit, that Snape is here, though I can't imagine I will ever admit that to his face. I am ashamed to realize that I want to reach out and take his hand, that I have somehow reached the conclusion that such a simple action would quiet my fears. No matter what he has said to me tonight, this is still Snape, and I don't think that I am quite ready to accept him as my friend. Slowly, conscious thought is drifting away. My hand, despite my best efforts to the contrary, is drifting closer and closer to Snape...

Cedric argues with me amiably, trying to be the good guy, as usual. "We'll take it together," I say. The cup is pulling me, its a portkey, and I'm not sure if this is what is supposed to happen or not. Voldemort's voice, in the background now...

"Kill the spare."

No, no, don't do it, not Cedric, take me, its all my fault, I told him to take it with me, why did I tell him to take it, please, not again, don't make him die again, someone save him...

I killed him..... Its all my fault.... I'm crying now, on the ground, staring at Cedric's body. I have a vague idea that this isn't how it really happened, but that doesn't matter now, and I'm staring at Cedric, willing him to move, somehow. Some miracle occurs, and he's moving, but it isn't like I wanted, his mouth is moving but I think he's still dead. He's trying to tell me something....

"Its all your fault, Harry."

Its all my fault.... All my fault.

"Its all my fault!" I'm sitting upright in bed, and the world is beginning to slide back into focus. Snape sits beside me, my hand in his. I wonder idly how that happened, but I'm still stuck in my nightmare. Cedric, looking at me, his face empty, cold and dead, and his lips forming those words. "Its all my fault," I whisper, and Snape draws me towards him comfortingly. He doesn't speak, and I'm grateful. I don't really care to be reminded that it is Snape's arms wrapped around me, silently reminding me of where and when I am. After a few minutes, he begins to gently rub my back, and finally, he speaks.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" His voice is gentle, but commanding, and I know I don't really have a choice.

"It was Cedric. I watched him die again. He told me... He told me it was all my fault. It is my fault. I told him to take the cup with me, and I didn't protect him. It wasn't Cedric that Voldemort was after, it was me. He... Voldemort called Cedric "the spare." If I hadn't convinced Cedric to take the cup with me, he would still be alive. I killed him." At this, Snape pulls me tighter and whispers softly in my ear. I am not sure of the words, but somehow, they calm me all the same. I never pictured Snape this way before, talking to me as though I were his child.

"Harry... It wasn't your fault. If it hadn't been Cedric, it would have been someone else. Voldemort wants to kill, and you can't save everyone. You have already done so much, more than anyone could ask of you. You must not blame yourself... Calm down, child, you will be okay... Go back to sleep, Harry. I will remain here with you." Snape gently lays me back down on the bed and moves away, though he does not release my hand. I know that with him here, my dreams will not return.