Title: L' Estate di Suicidio

Author: Clynn

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, and I'm not making any money off of them.

Author's Notes: Well, I know I'm a loser, but I decided since the next chapter was going to be Harry's birthday, I might as well get it up *on* Harry's birthday. It turned out to be longer than I anticipated, though, so you'll probably get another chapter within the next couple of days. Lady FoxFire- Harry's friends will find out what he tried to do when he gets the courage to tell him. No one else will do it for him. So probably not until the start of the school year. Thanks to everyone for reviewing, and a special thanks to the people who put me on their favorites list! I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Chapter 14

I yawn and stretch, burying further under the covers. A warm cocoon of deliciously soft blankets rubs against me, and I snuggle into them. I feel more rested than I have in months, and I don't want to abandon the comfort of a dreamless sleep for the uncertainty of consciousness. I release a contented sigh, and hear an answering chuckle from somewhere to my left. I rub my eyes, and attempt to question the chuckler to exactly what is going on, but all I manage is a soft, "Mmh?" Again, I hear laughter. Now I'm becoming annoyed. I try again to get some answers. "Whaaaa?" This time the laughter is accompanied by a voice.

"I think its time for you to get up, Harry. Its nearly ten o'clock!" I reach lazily for my glasses and stare over at Snape.

"Ten o'clock? When have you ever let me sleep until ten? What is going on?" I look at Snape suspiciously, and for the third time this morning, he laughs.

"Happy birthday, Mr. Potter. Now get up!" With that, Snape yanks my blankets off of me, and I growl at the sudden cold. Slowly, I begin to register what Snape said. Birthday. Today is my birthday. I'd completely forgotten. And SNAPE knew? Startled into awareness, I sit up and begin to pull myself from the bed. Snape looks at me impatiently, and I can actually see him biting his lip to stop himself from telling me to hurry up. I stretch one last time, and place my feet on the cool floor. Snape grabs my arm and pulls me into the living room, where a table is set up with an absolutely wonderful looking breakfast. I grin and sit down, Snape sitting across from me.

"Who would have thought, the bitter old potions professor, eating chocolate cupcakes for breakfast..." Snape laughs and takes a huge bite from his cupcake.

"I imagine that wouldn't do much for my reputation, would it? But no one makes cupcakes like the Hogwarts house elves. Its impossible to resist!" I take a bite from my own cupcake and nod in agreement. I have never tasted anything so heavenly. I glance around the room as I take a sip of tea, and notice what looks suspiciously like a pile of presents in the corner. Snape notices where I'm looking and grins at me, his face betraying a hint of embarrassment.

"Well... I didn't want you to have a horrible birthday just because you were here... I mean, I know you probably have more at your relatives home, but this is the best I could do, the headmaster only informed me of your birthday a few days ago..." I nearly laugh at the idea of having a better birthday with the Dursleys. Snape has never asked me about them, and I haven't volunteered any information. All he knows is that I don't think that they would deal well with a depressed, suicidal teenager. Clearly, he is still under the impression that they give a damn.

"Professor, I promise, any birthday away from my family is a good birthday. You didn't have to go to all this trouble!" I smile at Snape, and, though he looks a bit startled at my obvious dislike for my only living relatives, he reluctantly returns the grin.

"Well, I didn't do that much, actually. Dobby was more than delighted to help when I said it was for you. Is it okay if he stops by later?" I nod. Facing other people might be difficult, but Dobby is always too happy to see me to ask me any difficult questions. "Albus mentioned something about dropping by too. Actually, I think he wants us to have dinner in the Great Hall tonight. He stopped by last night and made a point of telling me that Trelawney was going away for a few days and that dinner was sure to be more quiet without her there. You don't mind do you?" I shake my head, a bit apprehensively. I know I'll have to face everyone eventually, and with only a month left until the start of school I figure I better start adjusting to being around people other than Snape.

Snape waves his wand once over the table, and the remnants of our breakfast disappear. He motions me over to a seat in front of the fire, and grabs the stack of presents. He hands me the top one, a small, flat package, wrapped, I note with amusement, in Slytherin colors. I carefully remove the shining silver bow and then, patience be damned, tear anxiously at the green paper. A book falls in my lap, and I flip it over to read the title. Of course, its educational. This may be an incredibly new and strange version of Snape, but it is Snape after all. The book is a guide to potions ingredients, their uses, where they are found, how they are used, and who discovered them. I find myself intrigued, despite myself.

"Thanks, professor. You know, with these extra lessons and now this book, I just might do better than Hermione in potions this year!"

"Your welcome. Just make sure you read it carefully, and don't think I'm going to give you any hints about what to study for my tests. But you are right, with all the progress you have made this summer, Ms. Granger should be concerned about her position at the top of my class. But if you do better than her on a test, do me a favor and try and keep it to yourself. Ms. Granger is by no means a foolish girl, but her grades mean a lot to her, and I don't think she would deal well knowing that she was being beaten by her best friend."

"No, I suppose she wouldn't. She would probably spend all night in the library trying to convince herself that she was still smarter than me. And she is, really, so why make her go through all the trouble?" Snape frowns.

"Harry, you are quite intelligent, you know. Hermione may make top grades, but I have no doubt that you are just as smart as her, if a little less... dedicated to your studies. I know I don't exactly compliment you in class but you are by no means stupid. You should have a little more confidence in yourself!"

"Professor, please, I was joking! Can't we save the self-esteem lecture for another day? Its my birthday!" Snape sighs, and then hands me a second gift. I smile at him a bit, and he relaxes. I unwrap the second gift, much smaller than the first, and pull out a little red box. Inside, I find the glass owl I admired the other day in Diagon Alley. Snape had put it on a shining silver chain, and after examining it fro a moment, I slide it over my neck.

"Er... The salesman said that if you rub the owl, it will call your own owl to you. So if you ever need to send a letter or anything, you can just call for your owl and have her take it. Just make sure there is an open window or something so that she can reach you."

"Can I try it now?" I ask, and Snape stands up to open the door. I rub the owl gently, and it glows red for a second. A few seconds later, I hear footsteps down the hall. Just as Dumbledore reaches Snape's door, Hedwig swoops into the room. She lands on my shoulder and hoots softly in my ear. Dumbledore looks over at us in surprise.

"Er... Hello, Harry, Severus..." Hedwig hoots angrily at Dumbledore, and he hastily adds, "Yes, yes, you too, Hedwig. I didn't expect to see you in the dungeons." I laugh and show Dumbledore the owl charm. He admires it for a long moment, and tells me to keep it close. Another of his cryptic warnings, I suppose. Dumbledore settles into an armchair by the fire, and wishes me a happy birthday. He waves his wand and a small pile of gifts appears in front of him.

"Your friends seemed concerned that you would have an unpleasant birthday, particularly after Mr. Weasley spotted you with Severus. They asked me to pass on these gifts, as well as their best wishes." I grin and grab the first gift from the pile. The letter attached to the top is unmistakably Ron's handwriting.

Harry-

What on earth were you doing with that greasy git? Dumbledore told me he didn't kidnap you, but I have my doubts. Let me know as soon as you are allowed to write to me, I want to make sure that monster didn't hurt you (physically, at least, I can't imagine you'll escape with your sanity intact!). Anyway, a birthday at Hogwarts can't be any worse than a birthday with the Dursleys, can it? Its just too bad you can't try out my gift on your whale of a cousin... Maybe you can give them a try on Snape! Happy Birthday!

~Ron

P.S.- Be careful opening your gift!

I toss the note aside and stare a bit apprehensively at the accompanying package. I have a good idea of what it is, and, sure enough, when I pull back the paper, a box labeled Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes. I set it carefully aside, and warn Snape and Dumbledore not to touch it. They look at me skeptically, but I tell them that the box contains Fred and George's creations and they both move a little further away. A small smile on my face, I reach for the next box. This one is from Hermione.

Harry-

Ron told me he saw you with Professor Snape in Diagon Alley. I know you don't get along with him, but really, Harry you should be grateful that he gave up his time to take you. I mean, especially now, you should be grateful that there are people willing to go out of their way to keep you safe. Anyway, I'm sure the last thing you want to hear on your birthday is a lecture on showing respect to your teachers! And I'll have plenty of time to lecture you next year- I've been made a prefect! I was so surprised when I got the letter- after all the rules we've broken, I was half expecting to see Lavender or Parvati made prefect! Happy birthday, Harry. I hope you enjoy the rest of your summer, I can't wait to see you!

~Hermione

I'm amused by Hermione and Ron's assumption that any time spent with Snape is torture, but I suppose at the beginning of the summer I felt the same way. I open Hermione's gift with much less caution than I treated Ron's, and I'm not surprised to find a book. For the first time, however, Hermione has selected fiction, a book of wizard fairy tales. I'm not sure what inspired Hermione to choose this gift, but I have to admit that I'm interested. Besides, getting lost in the world of fairy tales is a wonderful distraction when my own life gets a little too tough to handle. Not that I'll ever admit that to Ron. With a bemused smile on my face, I set Hermione's gift aside. The next letter, I know, is from Sirius, and my hand trembles a bit when I lift it. Bracing myself, I begin to read.

Harry-

I know you probably don't want to hear from me right now, and I know you are dealing with a lot of stuff, but there are some things that I have to say to you. I may never understand why you wanted to take your own life, and I'm pretty sure that I won't understand why you preferred staying with Snape to going to Remus' place, but I don't want that to change anything between us. You don't have to understand a person to care about them. I know I'm not the most reachable person right now, but if you ever want to talk to me, let me know. I'll do my best to be there for you. Look, I don't want to get all heavy with you on your birthday, and I know you might need more time before you are ready to talk to me, but please know that I'm always here. Happy birthday, kiddo.

~Snuffles

A horrible sense of guilt floods me as I think of all the pain I must be putting Sirius through. Finally he is released from Azkaban, ready to start a new life, and what do I do? Let the man who put him in Azkaban get away, and when that isn't enough to make Sirius hate me, I go and try to off myself. He put himself in so much danger for me, took unbelievable risks, only to find that I'm not James, just some defective kid who kind of looks like him. And he is still doing his best to take care of me, even after all I've put him through. I jump up and run from the living room and throw myself onto my bed. I can hear Snape knocking at my door, but I ignore him and bury my face into my pillow. I can barely make out the sound of Dumbledore excusing himself, and I feel even worse. He was trying to be nice to me, and I had to go and ruin his day. I can feel tears running down my cheeks and I angrily wipe them away. Not only am I completely incompetent and horrible to anyone who has shown even the slightest kindness towards me, I'm weak and overemotional as well. Gee, this is turning out to be one hell of a birthday.