Thank You For All I've Lost

Chapter 3: I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for being just what you are,

And no more,

For not exposing, but nursing my unhealed scar,

Thanks for being a reason to live for...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flashbacking-ness!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.

.

.

.

"Is it too much to find an answer?

Is it too much to hold you close?

Is it too much to find a reason?

Is it too much to free my soul,

From self control?

.

I can't get it any better,

I always end up killing time.

Time for Love and time for living,

Time to find what's really Mine..."

.

Inuyasha sang. It seemed that on this night she never would tire of hearing his voice.

But this song, this song was different. He wasn't just singing it for the sake of a pretty little

melody to ease the nerves of his lover. He was telling her the true depths of his soul, and

asking her for answers he needed with every part of his being. With every speck of life

within his body, and every truth in his soul, he needed her to know.

.

"I know you're always waiting for me. You take me far away, and I know you're holding me..."

Kikyo said wistfully into Inu's soul. They were like two children playing with those flashlights in

houses opposite each other, flicking them on and off, just to know someone's there...

.

"And it's better now?" he asked concerned.

.

"Yes, it's better now..." she replied rubbing his ears playfully.

.

"It's better now," he grinned back, "I'm glad..."

.

And now there were just a few precious minutes before the both of them would need to

get up and get dressed, and they could not let go of each other. But they had to.

.

They had to let go and deny all of what had happened. They had to forget. Sure, both of

them knew that after tonight they would be free the rest of their lives. But it was like denying and

disowning everything you are; A lot of people do it, but few really enjoy it. The two lovers knew,

but refused to accept it.

.

The first night together wouldn't be the last...

.

but Inuyasha couldn't help but think..."what if it was...?"

.

His thoughts were interrupted by those of Kikyo, spoken aloud;

.

.

"Inuyasha, this is what we have been waiting for! This is what it will all come down

to, everything will be decided here and now! I will get the Shikon No Tama, with it you will be

made human...and..."

.

.

"Are you sure? Are you sure that's what you want? I mean...I'm sure we could..."

.

.

"Inu...kun..." she said, caressing his face, "I can't live my life under the thumb of some

greater power. I can't spend my entire life looking worriedly around the corner, waiting for someone

to get me. I don't want to spend my life fighting to keep what I love safe...I can't keep it up. Eventually,

I will break. I will break, and I will die. That isn't how people are meant to live...That isn't living at all..."

.

.

"But I'm sure...we could just...we could just run away, Ki. We could just leave it all behind..."

.

.

"and do what Inuyasha?!?! Watch as the world crumbles to ruin before my very eyes? I

am not the sort to do that. It isn't right to turn your back on the entire world for a moment of selfish

happiness! I am not a coward!"

.

.

"No.No, you're not a coward. " Inuyasha consoled, touching her hair. "Still...isn't it too soon...?

Shouldn't we wait a bit? Just a little while to..."

.

.

" Inuyasha! You can't wait around to ask questions, you've got to charge on in, throw caution

to the wind..."

.

.

She embraced him once more, and got up, leaving Inu with the feeling that he had somehow

driven her away. Like by being himself, by opening up and worrying just a little about her, he had somehow

become unworthy in her eyes. Like his fear made him less of a man. It was normal to be afraid, it was okay

to show weakness every once and awhile. After all she had done the same last night, and he had comforted

her and held her close. Why was this any different?

.

.

.

.

...and there was a bitter acidic pain in the back of his throat...

.

.

.

He watched as she replaced her clothing, awed as ever. Once again she had become a different

woman. This woman she had become, it reminded him of...what exactly? Her change was so very unique,

but familiar. It was like his mother, if she had no maternal instincts towards him. No Love. Just Cold. Cold,

and statuesque. He felt like Pygmalion in the old myths, trying to love a woman made of stone and ivory,

trying to make her real...

.

He rose to bid her farewell. To kiss her back to life, out of her ivory shell, but he was met with

nothing. No Love. It was worse than kissing a statue, for a statue had never lived, but may one day live.

No, this was like kissing a corpse, because she was once alive with Love, but now she was dead, and

would never live again. Her eyes held barely a spark of what she had once been, they spoke what she,

herself, could not;

.

.

"This is a part of it, but I wish I could make it not..."

.

.

Perhaps it was all a ruse. Maybe, tomorrow, once they had the jewel it would be fine.

Things would be back to normal, and this incident would be gone from his mind. Long forgotten.

Maybe there would be no doubting and they would spend the rest of their lives together in peace

and happiness. Maybe they would never have to worry. Never feel pain. Or hatred. Maybe they could

find what the World seemed to be missing a lot lately. They could be happy. He could be happy with

Kikyo, and she with him.

.

.

But Inuyasha wasn't a believer, wasn't an optimist. He had had that beaten out of him.

Instead, he was a pessimist and chronic doubter. He had to be, if he wanted to survive...

.

.

He watched Kikyo descend the hill and walk off in the direction of the village. After her

silhoutte had dissapeared from the horizon, Inuyasha shrugged on his own rather worn and dirty

clothing and dashed off to the forest near the village. To wait...

.

.

...Dreading...

.

.

.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hours later, but shush!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.

.

Kikyo chased him through the forest yelling his name. According to plan.

.

.

...too according to plan...

.

.

.

"Do you worry that you're not liked

how long till you break

you're happy cause you smile

but how much can you fake

an ordinary boy an ordinary name

but ordinary's just not good enough today..."

.

.

Inuyasha hummed to Kikyo's frantic howls of what sounded like pain.

Like the screams of a betrayed woman. But Kikyo wasn't a woman,was she? No.

She was an ivory bitch who honestly deserved to die. Cold as stone. Heart as cold

as ice.

.

.

"She didn't love me, she never loved me! It was all a lie! All of it was a lie,

to get me weak and alone. To break down my defenses. To get inside my head so she could bring me

down. All of it was for this moment,"

Inuyasha bitterly thought.

.

He bet his hatred was counterpointing her own.

.

.

.

"alone I'm thinking

why is superman dead

is it in my head

we'll just laugh instead

you worry about the weather and

whether or not you should hate

.

are you worried about your faith

kneel down and obey

you're happy you're in love

you need someone to hate

an ordinary girl, an ordinary waist

but ordinary's just not good enough today"

.

He gasped. And stopped.

.

.

.

...Why fight it? Didn't he want to die?

.

.

.

.

Didn't he want to end this unfathomable sorrow, this incomprehensable loneliness?

.

.

Breath was life, life was breath. If he stopped breathing...

.

.

The pulse under the skin would stop, it would be let free...

.

.

The pecking bird imprisoned inside the cage of bones could fly away...

.

.

The oceans of swirling blood, virtual life, would cease their churning and smashing against the

shores of his skin...

.

.

.

But every time, something held him back. Chains. Chains of glass and barbed rusty

tin dug into his skin, hurting him more than death would. Keeping him away. Away from a field.

A field of butterflies, blazing with fiery light of every color, so many butterflies that it was hard to

tell what was burning, the wings, or the field. Tough to see where the butterflies even ended...

.

.

But the time of butterflies and sun and warmth were gone...

.

.

Now all he had left was a woman who wanted him dead. A woman who would see him

dead, see him in hell. Drag him down and ruin her innocence if need be...

.

No, there was no innocence there. It was just a husk. A tearstained husk of a human.

Even Inuyasha, half breed demon that he was, was more human than she would ever be...

.

.

.

And still he rejoiced at her tears. Inside his head he laughed at her misery, her misfortune.

He may just have laughed to prove that he was mad, it was hard to be sure. He filled with mirth as she

pulled the bowstring tight.

.

He became elated, he could see the butterflies looming closer now. Perhaps they weren't

even butterflies...perhaps they were flaming clouds. Clouds of the Apocalypse, signaling the End.

.

His End.

.

.

.

...maybe they were Hope...

.

.

.

A Hope that not all was lost. That his love would save him, save her. Save the world. A

Hope that swore true loves could never die, never even begin to fade or fray. A silent wish that she

would see what he did, see past the hate and the lies. See past desperation. See past sadness.

See past tears. See past her own needs and desires. A wish that she would see what was important,

what Life was all about. A wish that she would see Love.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

...and as the bow was released, and the string relaxed, the arrow flew. He kept hoping. Kept chasing the butterflies.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

...and his hopes and his dreams and his wish for her were shot down...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

...shot down when he was.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Copyright stuff:::

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The myth of Pygmalion as previously mentioned came from the Greeks. I don't own it. Below

is a link to the complete myth:

http://www.dl.ket.org/latin1/mythology/3fables/love/pygmalion.htm

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"This is a part of it, but I wish I could make it not..."

Was taken from a stunning beach scene from the book "Echo" by Lia Francesca Block...it's an excellent book,

please check it out!!!





---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I used the songs:

Superman's Dead

By Our Lady Peace

complete lyrics can be found here:

http://www.ourladypeace.cc/lyrics-clumsy.htm#01%20-%20Supermans's%20Dead

Fragments

By Vertical Horizon

complete lyrics can be found on:

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/verticalhorizon/fragments.html

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REVIEW!