(Note: Welcome to Chapter 4. From here on, a few of the jokes might be hard for some to understand. But if you know a good bit about J-rock and anime/manga, you should be fine. If not, it'll still be funny….just random. I'll try to help explain some things. If you've read or seen the brilliant manga and anime X (Also called X / 1999 in the American translations.) Then you'll be good to go! )
Behind them stood a crowd of Gerudo women, angrily tapping their feet and muttering things. "What do you mean you don't' like Taco King?!"
"How can you say that?!"
"Er…"
"I thought you liked us!!"
"Yeah, what's the deal?!"
"No, it's not that! No-"
"You can't NOT like Taco King!! They're funding this very story!"
"Yeah!" Link chimmed in with the girls. Maybe he was one. But that's a different story.
"You're a freak, King Ganondorf!"
"H-hey!!"
"FREAK!"
"Just like that other freak!" One girl in the back said, then others chimed in with agreements and laughter.
Link and Ganondorf both blinked, and the evil king asked, "…Who do you mean? Speak up!"
She tried to stop laughing, and explained, "Oh, you know. She's just like you…she does not eat…THE TACO."
"EW, she's horrible!" Link squealed. The girl nodded, but then merrily slapped him upside the head for interrupting.
"What's her name….oh, oh, you know, Nabooru." The girl continued.
"Yeah, that's her." Another said with a nod.
Ganondorf made a face, "OH. Her. Hmph."
Link blinked and looked at Ganondorf, while the girl's gradually started to trot back to the Gerudo Fortress. "Hey, what's up with you and her? You don't seem to like her-"
"None of your business." Ganondorf quickly answered.
Nayru, who had somehow magically gone unseen by the horde of Gerudo women, laughed again, "Now that they're gone, I'll explain everything to you." She said, while turning on The Pillows and bobbing her head to the foreign tune. She set the volume to a lower setting, then lay down on her surroundings of pillowy pluffy fluff and looked down at them.
"It looks comfyyy!!" Link cried, but was smacked upside the head again, this time by Ganondorf.
"Now," Nayru said, with a hint of authority in her voice, "I said that you both have been given a test, right?"
They both mechanically nodded.
"Yes, well, that is true…but you two cannot do it alone. There are others who will partake as well."
"Who?" Link asked
"How many?" Ganondorf followed up.
"Be quiet, and I'll tell you. There are five others, but let me explain why. It is destined that, in this year, 99 B.C., that this would happen. You both were given your powers that you possess for certain reasons, you know."
"To defend Hyrule?" Link asked.
"To destroy Hyrule?" Ganondorf asked, more eagerly than Link.
"Well…yeah, but besides that!" Nayru snapped, annoyed.
Both stared at her, with utterly blank faces.
"Now, listen carefully. VERY carefully!! You are both more than mere men, a hero and a sorcerer. You destiny was written for you, in the stars. Like seeds on a poppy seed muffin. Like chicken pox on a three-year old. You are both members of The Seven." She paused for effect, "Ganondorf, from the vast Gerudo deserts, and Link, from the Kokiri forest, you are two of The Seven, and you will fight to save this earth."
Both stared up at her, wondering what this group of seven was.
She smiled, then stood back up, and was soon surrounded by thin strikes of lighting, encircling her; drawn to her power. "You stars are written, and they name you both as a Dragon. Well, actually…Eels. Dragon sounds better, but actually, you're both just symbolic eels. But the power! An Eel of Heaven! Which means that you are both one of…………The Seven Essences! "
"Wha?! What the heck!? " Ganondorf snapped, "That's not a cool term! That's doesn't even flow off your tougne or anything!! Couldn't you think up a better name?!"
Nayru looked displeased, "Well, we couldn't use The Seven Seals, it's already taken and it's not at all Zelda related! And besides, religious reference is all 'politically incorrect' these days!"
Meanwhile, Link was in awe of his new found importance. He started up at Nayru, "Wooooooooow……"
"Then what the heck does Essences have to do with The Legend of Zelda?!" Ganondorf demanded.
"The Triforce is made of the Essences of the Goddesses, silly!" Nayru replied with a smile.
"Woooooooooooooooow……"
"That's just dumb!" Ganondorf shouted, then crossed his arms.
"Well, whether you think that or not, you can't change your destiny." Nayru said as-a-matter-of-factly, then cleared her throat a bit, "Now, the battle of the fate of earth will begin soon…mark my words. But right now, it is your job – both of you – to find the other five Essences, and you must discover the place where the battle will take place."
"Can't you tell us any more?" Link asked, and stared up at her.
"No." She replied, "You must walk your own paths, whichever way they may turn. You will discover more on your way to victory…or defeat, whichever way the wheels of fate may turn, but one thing is certain."
"What's that?" both asked.
"I'm sure glad as hell that I won't be there when you meet the next Essence, YO!!" Nayru said, then laughed, grabbed her fluffy boom-box, then disappeared head-banging to The Matrix Reloaded soundtrack.
Ganondorf stood there for a long time, hearing nothing but the wind blow. He slowly looked to the west, in the direction of the Spirit Temple, and started that way for a long time.
Meanwhile, Link was aweing over himself again. "Wooooooooow….."
"….Crap." Ganondorf mumbled, and narrowed his eyes, "Just crap."
