If things aren't weird yet, just you wait. I'll make things weird. So weird, it seems completely normal. Mwahahahahahaha! Who laughs like that? I don't own the characters, the game, or rights thereto. I do own a copy of FF VII and the soundtrack, but nothing more.
"It's about ten miles to North Corral from here Vincent. Well, what shall we do? I'm talking to you. Answer me dammit! You're still not upset are you?"

To say the least, Vincent was still upset. No one likes being toyed with like that and Vincent was no exception. Yuffie could tell that she hurt him, but there was nothing she could do. Apologizing wouldn't mean anything to him right now. Worse yet was that he still answered her questions and did as he was told. That he would remain so damn stoic even when upset was most irritating to Yuffie, who never had Vincent's problem. Nor wanted it.

"It is eleven miles, I don't know, I know you are, I am right now, and yes I still am."
"Well thanks. So what are we to do? As you said earlier, Barret's in Corral. And we don't want to bother him now do we? So how are we going to get in there, past Barret, and sneak into Gold Saucer? Your opinion would be great help here, you know?"
"You are the leader. It is your decision."
"Fine, we're going to disguise ourselves and walk in the front gates. How does that sound?"
"If we could obtain clothing to make disguises, then I foresee no difficulties. How to obtain said clothing is the problem."
"Thank you Mr. Happy sunshine face. I'll take care of that. See ya'."

Yuffie returned later with a few odd pieces of clothing tucked under her arms. She surveyed her inventory of "acquired" clothing in search of something to wear. When she finished, she looked like a schoolgirl out for a field trip. She managed to make a passable "old man" disguise for Vincent, complete with a wood staff (a piece of wood from a dead tree), except for one problem.

"The hair and the height I can take care of. But that claw of yours has got to go. Okay now, off with it."

Vincent didn't move. If anything, he just moved to better cover his left arm. Yuffie, already on edge with his passive-aggressive attitude, snapped.

"If you don't take that claw off we won't be able to get pass the guards. I know it's not mechanical because there isn't a power source. I would have heard hydraulics or I would have seen something on the group expenses. So take the damn thing off already!"
"No."
"No? What do you mean 'no'?"
"I said no and I meant no. I will not take it off."
"Why in Leviathan's name not? What could possibly be so bad?"
"Remember? ShinRa altered me?"
"Yeah, so?"
"My arm."
"Oh, oh, I get it now. That's still no excuse! If anyone asks, you just say 'I was a volunteer for ShinRa's research department.' No big deal. A lot of people would understand."
"That's not the problem."
"Then what is? Come on, what is the problem?"
"Maybe I'll tell you someday."
"It had better be some day pretty soon. Fine, you keep your claw and I'll come up with some brilliant plan to keep it hidden."

Some time later...

"This is not a brilliant plan."
"Shut up."

Yuffie kept her voice down, since they were in the middle of town. Her still petite figured served her well. She looked almost as young as when she had started traveling with Cloud, so she could still pass for someone years younger. No one took any notice of the "grandfather" and his "granddaughter" as they walked through the town of North Corral. North Corral itself had changed since the last time Yuffie had been there. Granted it wasn't since her travels with Cloud. Not much to steal in a junkyard after all, so Yuffie had left it alone. Now it was a bright garden city, with trees and flowers everywhere you looked.

"I'll say it again; this is not a brilliant plan."
"And I'll say my bit again, shut up."

Vincent was not happy. His left arm was hidden in a large basket that been rigged to look like it was there in place of his arm. However, two major problems arose from the basket. First was that it was in constant danger of falling off. Second was the obvious fact that it was incredibly stupid looking. It amazed Vincent that no one had taken notice of it yet. I swear, even Barret could see through this. Looking around, Vincent quickly hoped he was wrong, as Barret walked up to the pair.

"Hey! You two! The old guy and the little girl! Wait up a minute!"
"(Ah shit!) Yes?" Yuffie said in her best young girl voice.

Yuffie led Vincent to a stop as they waited for Barret to catch up with them. If Barret figured out who they were, there could be problems. He would want to know what they were doing in disguise and why they were looking for Cloud. Vincent had made it clear that Cloud wanted it to be kept quiet from the others. Yuffie didn't know why, but it was something Yuffie was good at so she couldn't argue. As Barret approached, Yuffie prepared for the worst.

"I missed you two at the gate. Sorry about the guards and all, but this is still a pretty wild piece of land, so we need to watch out for monsters."
"Okay. No problems with us, right Grandpa?"
"What?" Vincent had taken the clue and was speaking in an old man voice.
"I said 'no problems' Grandpa!"
"Stop whispering, you know I'm hard of hearing. What did you say?"
"I said 'NO PROBLEMS' GRANDPA!" Yuffie yelled straight into Vincent's ear.

Several heads turned at the loud noise. Not wanting to get involved, they turned back just as quickly. Vincent had a small smile on his face.

"Oh really? What about the guards at the gate?"
"Okay. I just wanted to welcome you to North Corral. If you wish to stay at the inn, it's over there. The road to Gold Saucer is right by the inn so you can't miss it."
"Thank you. And please forgive my grandfather. I feel that he is becoming senile in his old age."
"I am not! Your generation just never got any sanity, so you could never tell what it looked like in the first place."
"That's enough Grandpa."
"Excuse me, could I ask your names? You both seem so familiar to me for some reason."
"Who's got game?"
"No Grandpa, he wants to know our names."
"He's selling tickets to the game?"
"No, our names."
"Look son, I'm not interested."
"OUR NAMES, you old twit!"
"Names? Why didn't you say that in the first place? See what I have to deal with? No common sense."
"Fine, whatever. My name is, uh, Sairiki."
"And I'm Toulb. Nice to meet you...?"
"Barret Wallace."
"Nice to meet you Mr. Wallace. If you will excuse us, we need to get to Gold Saucer. Thank you. Goodbye."

Once they lost sight of Barret, Yuffie sighed a sigh of relief.

"Now that was close. Where did you pick that act up? I never knew you were an actor."
"I'm not. My grandfather acted like that. Besides, its true, isn't it?"
"What?"
"Your generation is insane."
"Well, you really are senile."
"No respect for your elders, shame on you."
"Shut up."

After a long wait, Vincent and Yuffie were allowed into Dio's spacious office. Dio hadn't changed over the years. He greeted them warmly, if a little exuberantly, and welcomed them back to Gold Saucer. They all got down to business quickly and told Dio why they had come.

"So you two finally came for it huh? I had almost given up hope that you two would come. Cloud was so sure that I couldn't argue. Of course he paid for it in the end. Then again, so will you. Hahahaha!"
"What?"
"Didn't Cloud tell you? I only agreed to hold the journal if Cloud participated in the battle arena and won. So, in this case, I set the rules. And the rules are you two have to fight for it. I've been planning this for some time. A grand double match. You two versus the house champion. This will be a fight to remember."
"Do we have to?"
"You do, if you want the journal. Here, just as an incentive, I'll upgrade your gold pass to a platinum pass, free of charge."
"Platinum pass? What's that?"
"An idea I got a little after I met Sephiroth. It works like a gold pass but you don't have to pay Gp for rides. Costs a bundle normally, but for you guys, I think I can make it happen. Now I got some more people to see so you'll have to go. I'll give you a call at the hotel. It's room #271; I called ahead and got you a reservation. And don't forget to see Esther, she's got a little surprise for ya."

"What do you think it is?"
"Knowing that it's coming from Esther, it'll probably have something to do with Chocobo."
"I hope we can get one. We'd be moving a lot faster than on foot."
"Yeah, on foot."

Yuffie looked at Vincent. He looked all depressed again. He must still be embarrassed from before, Yuffie decided. She needed to apologize to him before his angst rubbed off on her.

"So you are you two doing?"
"We're both fine. Dio said you had a surprise for us?"
"Oh yeah. A while back Cloud came by and talked to Dio. I never found out what that was all about, but that's beside the point. Now, almost as soon as Cloud finished with Dio, he came to me. He wanted me to look after a Chocobo for him. I agreed and I've waited for you two ever since. I took care of it for some time now. Should get you anywhere real fast."
"So what do we have to do to get it?"
"Just prove you can ride it. All the races are down right now. Something about a huge fight in a while."
"Let's see how it can do."

Later, in the hotel.

"Damn that thing is fast."
"I quite agree. I though you would get sick."
"That's only on ships, subs, and planes."
"And anything else that moves back and forth, back and forth."
"Stop that will you? Now I feel sick."

*Knock* *Knock*

"Who is it?"
"Message from Dio."

Vincent walked over and opened the door.

"What is it?"
"A method of transmitting information from one person to another. But that's not important. Dio would like you to come to the Battle Arena immediately."
"Thank you."
"Good bye."
"That was weird. Let's go."

"There you are. I was starting to worry."
"Don't blame us. Blame those guards at the checkpoint. They wouldn't let anyone with a weapon into the Arena. Including us."
"Sorry. There have been problems before with overzealous fans. And vengeful ex-combatants. Of course that would explain the rise in contestant losses lately. But that's in the past. On to the future. You two will face the house champion. Don't mind the crowd, they do tend to get quite loud. Now you two go and get warmed up. There are still a few things to work out."
"Will we ever get to know what it is we're fighting?"
"Of course. When we fight."

Some time later.

"That was it?"
"That was it."
"That was the most pathetic excuse for a battle ever."
"I know Yuffie, I was there."
"I mean, what chance did it have? We whooped its butt!"
"I believe we only won because it followed a different strategy from the norm for its species."
"You can be a real downer you know? What does it matter? We won! We got Cloud's journal, a gold Chocobo and a real neat pass for Gold Saucer. What could you possibly be upset about?"
"How about the fact that it's attack didn't even come close to hurting me? I felt better after being hit. Considering from what Dio did tell, this "Karma" shouldn't have done that."
"Well, it was an offshoot creature. What was it called? Donny?"
"Don Tonberry. I believe the don title references a leader of a mafia."
"Well, that would explain the pinstriped suit and the little moustache. Come on, karma. You act sad and depressed, something bad will happen. You'll get what you deserve. Lighten up."
"I don't think so."
"Jerk."

Well, that came off as anti-climatic. Tell me what you think. I can't read minds. Yet anyway. Or maybe I can. Maybe it's just being that there's nothing to read.