Dear Ruby_Tears you asked why all the authors get the impression that Hisoka is jealous of Hijiri, well, in my story he is. I don't think that he was in the anime, though. You're not missing anything, don't worry! ^_^ I just liked the idea of a love-triangle...
Disclaimer: If the characters of Yami no Matsuei are mine, Hisoka is going to sing 'Sans Contrefaçon' to Terazuma now! ::nothing happens:: See, they aren't mine. Don't sue me.
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A Waste of Time [Three: Haywire]
Hisoka woke up alone in the dark room, wondering where he was. He felt cold even though he was wrapped tightly in a blanket. The curtains had been drawn over the windows, probably by Tsuzuki to make the room darker and he couldn't see much, but he knew that he wasn't home. He got out of bed, feeling a little light-headed and bothered. He remembered everything that had happened the previous day and sighed, walking to the window to see if it had stopped snowing. It hadn't. Hisoka drummed his fingers against the glass, exasperated; it was dark outside but he knew that it was already morning.
"You're finally awake!"
Hisoka nearly jumped, letting the curtains fall back into place when he heard the familiar voice that still sounded a little like his. He turned around to find Hijiri smiling at him, standing in the doorway and wearing an apron. Hisoka raised an eyebrow at the sight. He would have laughed, if he hadn't he been wondering why he had not felt Hijiri's approach. He couldn't feel anything coming from Hijiri, not a single feeling, and that was very unusual. Had Tsuzuki taught the violinist how to block Hisoka out? Why wasn't he able to feel Hijiri's feelings like he felt everyone else's? Hisoka thought that it was highly improbable that Hijiri could block him out completely, since the only person who had actually managed to do that was Tatsumi.
"Tsuzuki and I were wondering what we'd do for lunch since ordering Chinese is out of question. It'd be a little hard to get the food without opening the door."
"The door's still blocked?" Hisoka asked in some surprise.
"It didn't stop snowing during the night," Hijiri explained, pointing at the window. "Well, since ordering food is out of question and letting Tsuzuki cook is a suicide attempt, I was wondering if you'd help me in the kitchen...assuming you can cook, of course."
"I can, I cook at home," Hisoka answered seriously.
Hijiri smiled and was about to say something when Tsuzuki burst into the room, happy as usual.
"Good morning!" he said, cheerfully flinging aside the curtains to make the room only a little lighter than it was. Darkness in winter was frustrating. Tsuzuki pouted and looked at Hijiri and Hisoka. "I'm hungry."
"You are always hungry," Hisoka stated, shaking his head.
"Hisoka said he'd help me to cook something," Hijiri said, smiling. "So we're going to eat soon!"
"Can I help too?" Tsuzuki asked, hopefully, as the trio headed for the kitchen.
Hijiri stopped, shaking his head sadly.
"Iie. You stay here and wait!"
And before Tsuzuki could protest, the door was slammed shut in his face.
Hisoka looked around in the kitchen, still feeling a little sleepy and tired, for he had only managed to get to sleep when it was almost morning. Tsuzuki hadn't slept very well either, Hisoka knew, for the older shinigami had tossed and turned violently in his sleep, and Hisoka had sat on Tsuzuki's bed and caressed his hair ever so slightly, sending a warm wave of assurance, so that the older man had finally relaxed and fallen into a calming sleep.
"What do you think we should cook?" Hijiri had opened the fridge and was looking through the contents.
Hisoka shook his head. "I don't know," he admitted, shrugging.
"How about...pancakes?"
"Fine. Tsuzuki will most likely eat anything that you give him. But you don't need two people to cook pancakes," Hisoka said sceptically.
Hijiri closed the fridge and walked to the cupboard to get the ingredients. "I know...I...wanted to talk to you, actually," Hijiri said, shyly. "You barely talk around Tsuzuki and I and..."
"You thought that locking yourself in the kitchen with me would make me talk."
Hijiri chuckled nervously. "Uh...yes?"
"Nonsense," Hisoka said, shaking his head. "Let Tsuzuki in, I'll talk if that's what you want."
"No! No, I wanted to talk to you."
Hisoka raised an eyebrow. That was odd. He certainly hadn't expected Hijiri to want to talk to him, much less talk to him in private.
"How long have you lived with Tsuzuki?" Hijiri asked, looking curiously at the other boy.
"Almost one year now..." Hisoka said, thoughtfully.
"And you're very close to him, right?" Hijiri asked, his voice very low as he busied himself with the pots and pans, deliberately not looking at Hisoka.
"Yes, you can say so, but wh..." Hisoka stopped abruptly, his face turning a bright scarlet as Hijiri's emotions hit him. "No, it's not what you're thinking! We're just friends."
"Ah." Hijiri seemed to have relaxed. So, Hijiri knew that they were both after the same man and wanted to make sure that Hisoka hadn't beat him to his heart. The violinist's honesty and cluelessness surprised Hisoka when he spoke, slowly. "I think that I like Tsuzuki. But not...you know, friend like. I like like. More like love like. And I don't know what to do, or...if he can like me as well."
Hisoka stared at him, carefully keeping his face emotionless, allowing the information to sink in. Or perhaps it wasn't so much the information that shocked him, but the fact that Hijiri had confided in him. "W-Why are you telling me all this?" he asked, quietly hanging on to the kitchen counter for support.
"Because...well, you're so close to him...I thought you could give me some advice." Hijiri was blushing slightly now, and still wouldn't look at Hisoka.
"Advice?"
"Yes, since you know him so well, I thought you were the best person to go for advice. Do you think that he could ever like me?"
Hisoka winced as he felt his head begin to ache with what seemed to be an overdose of information. Hijiri was an idiot and his naïvete irrationally angered the younger boy. How was the shinigami supposed to answer that question? Was he supposed to say what he wanted it to happen? Hisoka didn't feel like playing God and he knew that he would be miserable if Tsuzuki decided to return Hijiri's feelings. But Hisoka had decided to pretend that for him, unconditional love did exist, and that he'd be happy as long as Tsuzuki was, no matter what choice he made. Right. Absolutely.
He spoke, softly, trying to be as neutral as possible. "Tsuzuki's heart is big...too big for his own good. Even if he doesn't like you now, and I don't know whether he does or not, I think…" Hisoka swallowed, clenching his fists silently. "…he can learn how to."
Hijiri turned to him and smiled brilliantly, his whole face lighting up. "Thank you, Hisoka!" he exclaimed gratefully, hugging the shinigami for a brief while, then going back to cooking the breakfast. "Sorry if I had to lock you in the kitchen to talk. But...I had to know if…if I had a chance. Thanks again."
Hisoka sighed deeply, massaging his temple to ease the headache. Things were beginning to get out of control and he wasn't sure what to do anymore. He wanted to go away, to get Tsuzuki out of there, keep him as far away from the violinist as possible, and the further, the better.
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Hisoka knew that he had to tell Tsuzuki what Hijiri had said. First because Hijiri didn't ask him not to tell, and second because he wanted to know how Tsuzuki felt about that. But he couldn't do that in front of Hijiri and it was hard to get a moment alone with Tsuzuki now that Hijiri had taken Hisoka's impartial opinion as an encouragement to shower Tsuzuki with even more affection than before.
In short, Hisoka's life was hell at the moment.
To make it worse, it was still snowing and it didn't seem like they would be able to open the door yet. And Hisoka doubted that Tsuzuki would tell Hijiri about their teleporting skills. They'd probably have to spend another night at Hijiri's place. Hisoka wondered how much more of that he'd be able to take. He was beginning to feel suffocated and cornered, and if Tsuzuki and Hijiri decided to get together then, he'd go insane!
Hisoka was glad when the telephone rang in Hijiri's room and the violinist had to leave Tsuzuki and his partner alone in the living room to pick it up. Hisoka moved closed to Tsuzuki, sitting beside him on the couch, the spot that had belonged to Hijiri a moment ago and began speaking, in a whisper, afraid that Hijiri might hear.
"Tsuzuki, when Hijiri..." he paused, hesitantly. He blushed and Tsuzuki chuckled, used to have Hisoka blushing for no reason, but he was not used to the secretive tone in his voice.
"What?"
"Never mind." Hisoka said, waving his hand.
Tsuzuki didn't need to know, not yet, and he'd eventually tell him later, once they were back home, feeling a little more comfortable and with more privacy. But Tsuzuki grabbed his hand and Hisoka looked at him, surprised.
"Teeeell me!!" Tsuzuki cried, putting on his best 'wounded-puppy' face.
"It's nothing, Tsuzuki, really," Hisoka said, looking away from his partner. "I was wondering when we can go home."
Hijiri was in the room again before Tsuzuki could answer, and Hisoka resumed his boring task of watching the other shinigami and the violinist talk. He wished now, more than ever, that he hadn't come to Hijiri's house in the first place.
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The room was quiet in the darkness; the entire house was. In the darkest hours of the night, Hisoka usually tried to think of pleasant things that would allow him to sleep, and even sometimes when sleep didn't come until dawn, it was still nice to think that after every midnight it was morning again. But that only worked at home and that night Hisoka was struggling with a rather bothersome insomnia.
He stood up and walked to Tsuzuki's bed, kneeling on the floor beside the sleeping man. He shook Tsuzuki's arm ever so slightly and the older shinigami woke up with a startled shudder. "What?!" Tsuzuki asked, confused.
"I want to go home." Hisoka stated.
"Mmhmm..." Tsuzuki mumbled, covering his eyes with his arm with the intention of going back to sleep.
"Tsuzuki, I really want to go home."
Tsuzuki sat up, stretching, and looked at his partner with a fond smile. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and let Hisoka lean his head on his leg. It was a common position to them. After living together for so long, touching came naturally, though it was almost a taboo when they had first moved in together. "You don't like staying here, ne?"
"No. I don't." Hisoka closed his eyes as Tsuzuki's fingers began to slide through his hair.
"Why not?"
Hisoka wanted to tell him why, but he couldn't. Touches, yes, but words still weren't allowed between them. Hisoka wasn't good with words, but then again they had never needed them to understand each other. But now there was someone else and words were beginning to become necessary. "Because...Hijri, he...he..." he hesitated and Tsuzuki leapt to his own conclusions.
"You don't like Hijri, do you?"
"No!" Hisoka cried, then shook his head. "I mean, yes! .....I mean, I do like Hijiri but...you're confusing me!" Tsuzuki chuckled and Hisoka glared at him. "Baka!"
"If Hijiri's not the problem, what is it, then?"
"Well, Hijiri is part of the problem." Hisoka started.
"Did he do something to you that you didn't like?"
"No, he..."
"Did he try to m—"
"Tsuzuki!" Hisoka cried, angrily. "Will you stop trying to guess and let me speak?"
"Gomen! I was just..."
"Are you two okay?"
Tsuzuki and Hisoka turned around to find Hijiri standing on the doorway, rubbing his eyes and wearing a sleepy expression. Hisoka tried to move away from Tsuzuki but the man kept caressing his hair and he gave up.
"I heard a shout and..."
"We're fine." Tsuzuki said, smiling. "Hisoka's just having a headache."
"Ah...I have some pills in my room, if you want one..."
"No, it's going away," Hisoka mumbled, blushing. If Hijiri hadn't been in such a sleepy daze he would have noticed the position of the two shinigami and made wrong assumptions. It wasn't as if Hisoka wanted to traumatize Hijiri forever with the supposed betrayal.
"...okay, then. I'll go back to bed, good night, everyone..." Hijiri said with a huge yawn, before walking back to his room.
Hisoka stood up hastily. "Let's go home."
"Now?" Tsuzuki asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Now." Hisoka said, folding his arms. He wouldn't spend another night in that place, and now he had lost the courage to tell Tsuzuki about the conversation in the kitchen.
Tsuzuki only chuckled, standing up and scooping Hisoka up on his arms in the process. Hisoka blushed harder, trying to push Tsuzuki away, but the man unceremoniously tossed him on his bed before he could protest. Tsuzuki pulled the blanket up to Hisoka's chin, ignoring the glare on the boy's face.
"What do you think you're doing?!"
"Tucking you in," Tsuzuki said simply. "We'll go home tomorrow."
"...you said that yesterday," Hisoka mumbled, watching his partner as he returned to his own bed.
Hisoka stayed awake until he was sure that Tsuzuki was sleeping soundly. He let the blissful silence of the night lull him to sleep, even though his mind was full and trying to prevent him from resting. He'd make sure that he and Tsuzuki went back to their house the next day; he'd find a way to go home and be alone with his partner again.
I'll tell him tomorrow, was the last coherent thought that crossed his head as unconsciousness claimed him.
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