A/N: New chapter! Again. :D Hope ya'll like it, I'll admit it's a bit more mellow but...ah heck, just read the danged thing. And I promise there'll be more action (and Seifer) coming up. :D

If you want to get new chapters ASAP, I'd suggest registering for the forums at http://www.ffonline.com since I'm a regular poster there and will answer comments and add new stuff there before I'll come here. And again, if you're having problems registering (I talked to an Admin, he said he'd look into it; I trust him :) ) just let me know and I'll let him know. Hopefully it's fixed now though. Anyway, on with the story!


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12


By the end of the week, I had gained a great deal of respect for Squall.

Wait, let me rephrase that: by the end of the first day I'd gained a lot of respect for our Commander. By the end of the week, I was in total awe.

I had never realized everything that was sent through the Headmaster's office. Cid dealt with the politics and the gil issues, but other than that he left the rest to the commanding officer - aka, me. And there was plenty, believe me. I'd always been the type who preferred to have a hand in everything I oversaw, but halfway through the week I realized that was impossible: there was simply too much.

Xu helped a lot with the day-to-day details, which of course left me indebted to her for a lifetime. She had regularly assisted Squall with the mission assignments, student affairs and discipline, and the overall running of the Garden so knew what had to be done. It amazed me, though, that Squall had never complained about his new duties; with this much work, I don't think I could have stayed silent. Rinoa's influence hadn't affected his work ethic much, it seemed.

Life went on as "normal", with the exception that we were on heightened security alert. With Xu taking care of a lot of the smaller matters, I was free to help organize the group attaching additional protective spells to the Garden. Selphie and Irvine continued to research and had given me several ideas, which I had run past the group. Most of the crew was composed of instructors and SeeDs, but there were also several students whose magical ability was exemplary enough to join the project.

I would have asked Rinoa to help, but I knew that would never work. With what we were doing, total concentration needed to be on the task at hand; while Rinoa had never been the most focused sort anyway, she now had other matters weighing heavily on her mind.

Things had come to a head with the sorceress on Friday night, three days after I assumed command. She hadn't left Squall's side in all that time, not even to sleep; she'd just used his bedside as a pillow. So when she appeared in the Headmaster's office of all things, I nearly had a heart attack.

*

The elevator doors opened, and I glanced up from what I was doing to see Rinoa step forward off the lift. A cold fear gripped my heart as I felt the blood leave my face. "Is he...?" My mouth wouldn't finish the question, but Rinoa just shook her head.

"He's still the same," she replied softly, and I had to catch myself against a chair at the relief that coursed through me. Rinoa was wringing her hands, very obviously distraught at being away from Squall's side, and her pale face held a troubled look. Concerned, I moved towards her to catch her if she fell, which she looked about ready to do, and asked, "Are you all right?"

"Do you love him?" she asked suddenly, turning a piercing gaze on me.

The question arrested my forward movement. I stared blankly at her, understanding the question but unsure how to answer. Feeling too uncomfortable to look her in the eye I turned my head to stare at the wall-hangings across the office.

Silence stretched between us, then she asked again, a bit more softly this time, "Do you love him?"

I swallowed as she asked the question a second time, and hoped that in this instance I wasn't dealing with an irrational sorceress. I opened my mouth to say 'Yes', but what came out instead was, "I don't know anymore."

I blinked. What on earth did I mean by that?

Rinoa looked about as surprised as I felt. "Why not?" she blurted out, then seemed aghast at her outburst - the first real emotion I'd seen on her face in half a week.

Choosing my words carefully, I replied, "Because I love you both too much to hurt you with my own feelings." It sounded good, even to me. Still, I had no idea where that phrase had come from. Hadn't I, only three days prior, been so sure I loved him?

Once more the silence drew out, neither of us looking at the other. I'm surprised no one had disturbed us yet; it was still the middle of the day, and until Rinoa had shown up people had been bustling in and out of the office. I'd asked Xu later and she hadn't admitted to anything, but I had a feeling she'd kept people out to give me and Rinoa a chance to talk.

Rinoa finally broke the silence, albeit softly. "Did you love him before?"

"Yes," I stated firmly, sure at least of that. I just hoped she wouldn't take the answer personally.

She bit her lip at that and the wringing of her hands intensified, but before I could apologize for the truth she asked brokenly, "How do you do it then? Keep going like everything is normal."

I sighed and averted my eyes, even though she wasn't looking at me. "I have my duties," I started, but stopped when she gave a short laugh.

"Duty," she all but sneered - something very unlike Rinoa. "How can you think of 'duty' at a time like this?"

Determined not to get angry, I shrugged, letting some of the pain reach my eyes. "There are a lot of others counting on me," I answered softly. "Right now, it's the only thing I have."

Rinoa's face crumpled at my statement, and she sank to the floor. "And he's all I have," she whispered brokenly.

I've never been good with excessive emotion, either in myself or with others. I had no idea how to comfort someone, and even the thought made me cringe slightly...but there was no one else around. I was the only one here, the one...

...The one Rinoa had come to for comfort. It was a startling realization. Perhaps in me she saw an echo of her own love for Squall, and wanted to be told it would be all right by one who felt exactly the same way she herself felt.

It wasn't my nature to lie, even to help ease someone's pain, but... Taking a deep breath, I crossed the space between the two of us and sank down next to the quietly sobbing girl. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I wrapped my arms around the sorceress and pulled her close to me. She broke down completely then, her eyes crying tears I thought for sure would have dried up long ago. Clutching hard to my jacket she keened softly, sobs wracking her body... and I just held her, rocking gently and awkwardly patting her head, murmuring soothing words as best I could.

Her own anguish was starting to creep over onto me but I ruthlessly beat it down, not wanting to give up my hard-won control. I doubted crying would be fitting to the role of one giving comfort. I couldn't, however, stop my eyes from filling; couldn't stop the tears from overflowing and make salt trails down my face; couldn't stop the occasional hitch in my breathing that I refused to acknowledge as a sob.

So much for being an ice queen.

*

After that day, Rinoa came back to us. She still spent most of her time in the Infirmary, but she also insisted on trying to help us out. Overjoyed that the sorceress seemed to be better, Selphie offered to let her help out with the research; by then, I think Irvine was starting to go absolutely stir crazy. With that in mind I sent the gunner to help Zell with his investigations; I'd noticed the two of them worked reasonably well together as long as Selphie wasn't in the picture.

I've got eyes in my head: it doesn't take a genius to see the hormones.

Most of the doctors had left Garden having done all they could surgically, but Squall had yet to awaken. We all visited as often as we could, although it pained me greatly that my own visits were few and far between, and never lasted long. Laguna had arrived at Garden the previous evening and gone immediately to the Infirmary. Rinoa had welcomed him warmly and offered him her own seat, but he'd insisted on simply standing and allowing her to keep her spot. Rinoa had been trying for several months to get the two to meet, but Squall had never been interested and I suppose Laguna hadn't wanted to push him. My personal opinion was that the Estharian should do just that. Subtly had never been the way to break through to Squall; just look at Rinoa. I hadn't been in Medical when he'd arrived but apparently he'd grilled the remaining doctors, and hadn't quite been his usual charming self while doing it either.

I heaved a sigh and brought myself back to the present, cutting short my little reverie. There was too much work to be done for me to spend time thinking about the past week. I was going over the latest report on how the Garden's defense preparations were coming along when Xu walked in, a distracted look on her face. "Yes?" I asked, looking up from the file in my hand.

"Hm? Oh, sorry." Xu's distracted expression cleared and she handed me yet more paperwork. "Nida asked me to give these to you. Apparently he's found a few other interesting properties to the Garden's systems since his last report and thought you might like to know."

Sighing inwardly, I added the report to a growing pile in a tray next to me. Someone, I wasn't sure whether as a joke or as dubious help, had labeled the trays on either side of my temporary desk "Inbox" and "Outbox" - and true to form, there was a huge size discrepancy between the two. It might have been funny if it weren't for the fact that I had to actually read all of those reports, requests, letters, memos, etc. Reluctantly I turned back to the file I'd been studying, only to look back up when the other woman paused in the doorway.

I knew Xu; she was three years older than me, but we had gone through the same classes together and had graduated to SeeD at the same time. Along the way we'd become friends, and I knew most of her habits and mannerisms. For someone so professional in the field, she sometimes found it difficult to begin a personal or non-job related discussion. "Okay, what is it?" I asked, setting the file on the desk.

Instead of denying anything she just smiled ruefully. "I can't keep things from you, can I?"

"No ma'am," I replied, giving her a small smile.

Still she hesitated, then asked in a puzzled voice, "Have you noticed anything different about Seifer?"

My eyebrows rose. "I haven't seen him all week," I replied. "Why?"

"He just seems different." The puzzled look on her face deepened into a small frown. "He was sent to my office earlier, you know. It seems he got into an argument with several students."

No, I hadn't known. "What happened," I demanded, my gaze sharpening on Xu. Hyne help me, if Seifer had gotten himself into another mess...

Misinterpreting my response, Xu hastened to reply, "No, the fight wasn't his fault. It seems he met up with a couple students who felt he didn't deserve to be SeeD."

"Dammit," I grit out, causing Xu to look at me strangly. Rubbing a hand over my face I wondered aloud, "How on earth are we going to get him reestablished in Garden with incidents like this continuing to pop up?"

"I don't know," Xu replied, pondering the question herself. "It may just take time, but now that he's made SeeD..."

"...it's going to get worse." I sighed, then repeated, "So what happened?"

"We know it wasn't Seifer's fault," she replied. "Raijin and Fujin were there as well, and it was those two who did most of the fighting against the cadets. Seifer apparently called them off, according to the cadets."

The cadets had confessed to this? "And then?" I prompted, listening intently.

"And then, an instructor showed up and saw the group, realized what was happening, and sent everyone to me. He also claims Seifer was saying something to them, but he shut up before the instructor got within earshot." Xu shrugged. "Either way, the students confessed to me all that happened, which fit with Raijin and Fujin's account."

"So there wasn't actually a fight," I mused, feeling a bit relieved.

Xu shook her head. "There was, although it was Seifer's posse and not the blond himself. I let it slide because it was in defense of a friend, although the students won't be getting off nearly as lucky." Xu stopped, then let out a loud sigh. "That wasn't the weird part though. The entire time he was in my office, when I questioned him alone and in front of the others, Seifer never made any snide remarks. No smirks either; I might as well have been talking to a wall for all the expression he gave me."

"Sounds to me like he's finally maturing," I replied, shrugging. "It had to happen sometime."

"But it's unnatural," Xu stated, grimacing. "He was literally as bad as Squall used to be."

I frowned a bit at that, but just shrugged it off. "He'll get over it," I said. "And you can't say it's not a nice change from his old attitude."

Xu, however, didn't seem to appreciate my joke. "It's unnatural for him," she repeated firmly. "I have no idea how to deal with him like this."

"It's probably just a phase," I reassured her. "He'll be back to normal in no time."

Xu just snorted, but didn't say any more as she left the office. Glaring at the stack of files in my inbox, I took a deep breath and reluctantly picked up another report, resigning myself to a long day.

--0--

It was late that night when I finally got out of the office. Selphie had been nice enough to bring me some food from the cafeteria around dinner time, but everyone had turned in for the night quite a while back. The walkway was empty when I stepped out of the elevators, and half the lights had been shut off giving the main quad a different look than during the day. Shadows danced in the corners as I walked briskly by, hand on my whip just as a precaution. One never knew these days.

Turning down the walkway to the Infirmary, I made my way silently down the corridor. There wasn't a soul in sight, and like most of the Garden a number of lights were turned off. The Infirmary itself was still lit, as it remained open all the time, but Dr. Kadowaki was nowhere to be seen. That suited me just fine as I crept quietly past the machines and medical paraphernalia towards the room in the back that held Squall.

I could hear a low murmuring coming from inside, and hesitated for a moment before opening the door. It pushed forward without a sound and I peeked around the edge.

Rinoa sat in the chair next to Squall's bed, the fingers of her right hand interlocked with those of her unconscious boyfriend. She was leaning forward onto the bed, using his arm as a pillow while her other hand rested flat against his chest. It would have been a very poignant moment, if not for the fact that Rinoa seemed to be drooling.

Squall, for the most part, looked the same as he had a week ago: pale, haggard, and extremely thin. He hadn't awoken through it all, which had the lot of us worried. The doctors had assured us before they'd left this was often the case after traumatic injuries, that the body focused everything on healing and rest. Still, I think would have given just about anything to see a small twitch of the hand, a single blink of an eye - something to give us hope. Rinoa, I think, needed it more than anyone else.

It wasn't the two lovebirds who drew my attention, however, but the other unexpected guest also crouched next to Squall's bedside. I guess I hadn't been the only one who was into late night hospital-bed visits.

"I remember once coming to visit you in the orphanage," Laguna whispered, his face hidden from me. "You were about four years old at the time, not even as tall as my hip, and so very beautiful." He paused, and I saw his narrow shoulders rise and fall as he took a deep breath. "Ellone didn't know I'd gone there; I'd even left Kiros and Ward behind in Esthar, telling them I needed to visit Raine's grave alone. Instead I hopped a train going the opposite direction."

His shoulders hunched, and his voice became even lower. "The two heads of the orphanage, Edea and Cid, welcomed me there. They seemed so disappointed when I said I wouldn't yet be able to take you with me." He gave a muffled laugh, which sounded harsh even with the faint tone. "Yet, I told them... They believed me though, and when I asked to see you they took me to a playground in the back. Playground, heh; the contraption looked more like an obstacle course, and was covered with kids. But I knew you instantly; they didn't even have to point you out.

"You were playing with a blond boy high atop a narrow walkway. Or maybe it was fighting; I couldn't tell from that distance. I still remember your clothes: green shirt with red sleeves, black pants, and brown boots that looked dirty even from where I stood. I just watched you as you played, watched you slide down a pole to the next level to get away from a blond haired girl who was following you. You were crouching next to another boy on the lower levels when you saw me staring at you."

I watched his shoulders begin to shake, and realized this discussion was something I had no right to be a part of. Standing there, watching the man whose life we'd followed through our dreams start to break down, I wondered sadly if Squall would ever be able to forgive Laguna. Not long after we returned to Garden, Laguna had paid a visit to Garden and asked to see Squall in private. Whatever their conversation had been (and some of us had a fairly good idea), afterwards Squall had clammed up about the Estharian President. Any time the conversation came up he changed the subject, refusing out right to discuss it with any of us. If Rinoa brought it up to him privately she never told us, and I wasn't asking; it was really none of my business.

"You just watched me," Laguna continue, his voice growing thick, "obviously not having a clue who I was. Of course, how could you have; we'd never met. After a moment you got distracted when the blond boy hit you with a mud ball and turned those precious eyes off of me." Laguna ran a hand through his long hair, visibly shaking. "How does one fix a mistake like this?" he asked in a broken voice. "I should have come for you, but it seemed safer where you were than it would ever have been near me. Maybe you're right, maybe I do make too many excuses...but is it really too late?" Laguna reached over to brush a damp lock of hair off Squall's forehead and I saw the agony etched deep into the man's face. "Just don't leave me now Squall. Even if you hate me for the rest of your life..."

I'd seen enough, more than I should in all honesty have ever seen. It was wrong to be intruding; that I'd stayed to hear as much as I did was just plain inexcusable. Withdrawing from the room as quietly as I'd entered, I let the door creep shut and silently made my way to my quarters.