Warnings: yeah, sorry, I forgot to put them in the last one, but I don't really think there were any besides angst. This one might have some 1+2 or maybe 1+someone else. I donno, could be a possible lime. But I haven't really thought everything out yet. Kinda take it as it comes! I donno how many people like this story, but I am having a lot of fun writing it. I hope to be done soon, course I don't even know how long I'm going to make it. I have an idea but I usually get carried away with my ideas. We'll see
Disclaimer: Story mine, everything else is someone else's.
Sorry the chapters are so short. I'm trying to write a long one, but I don't want to change topics to much in each chapter. It depends though, its kinda annoying to upload these chapters, so maybe I'll start combining them. We'll see…
On to the Fic
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Chapter 3: Friends?
After the little encounter outside, Quatre showed me to the room I would be staying in. I was grateful. I just wanted to get away from everyone, and spend some time to myself. Even though that's what I had been doing for the past two and a half weeks, I could now think in peace and in comfort. I was also not ready to face the guys. I was sure they were going to ask me what had happened, and I didn't want to tell them. I know Trowa told them something, but I don't know how much or what of. I didn't want to ask him either, afraid I might spring up suspicion if he hadn't known about the encounter. I curled up in a big plush arm chair by the window and contented myself by staring out into the yard. I don't know how long I sat there, but I do know that I sat down with the sun still out shining, and when I herd the knock on the door, it was dark outside.
"Heero, I brought you some food." Came Trowa's soft, mellow voice.
"Come in"
I didn't move. Trowa opened the door and walked in. He walked over to where I was sitting and put the plate of food and glass of water down on the table next to the chair I was sitting in.
I was hungry. I hadn't had anything of substance the whole time I was in a oz base. In fact after the 'encounter' they reduced my three slices of bread to one and a half a day. The smell of food drifted to my nose and made my stomach growl. But I refused to eat it. I wasn't in the mood. I didn't think I had the strength to lift the fork to my mouth and chew the food and swallow it without making a mess. I just wanted Trowa to leave so I could eat my own way without someone watching me. I never liked being watched. But I was getting a lot of that too lately.
"Come on Heero, you have to eat" he tried to coaxed me.
"I will."
"Do you need help?"
"No"
Before I knew what he was doing he lifted the fork and piled a little of the scrambled eggs onto it the lifted it to my mouth. I turned my head. I didn't need him spoon feeding me. I wasn't a baby. Heck I wasn't even life-threatening ill.
"I can do it Trowa" I said, a little annoyance creeping into my voice.
"Then do it"
"I don't need you watching over me and babysitting me. I can take care of myself"
"Yeah, that's why you got caught at the Oz base." Low blow. I was struck speechless. My only answer was I turned my head away from him to continue looking out of the window.
"I'm sorry Heero, its just, your not well. You look like shit, in fact you smell like shit. Look…I know what happened…" I turned my head so fast I almost hit his still raised hand with the fork in it. "…It was my first day there. .. I didn't no what was happening…I just overheard some of the other soldiers talking about it… I realized it was you they were talking about. God, Heero I'm so sorry." He said, his eyes pleading with me to forgive him. I couldn't understand why he was pleading with me. It wasn't his fault, I didn't blame him. But my heart sank. He knew. HE KNEW. He might have told the others, they could know. Even if they didn't they'd see him treating me differently now. Everyone would know soon enough if they didn't already.
"What is there to be sorry about. It happened, its over now. There's nothing you could have done to stop it."
Trowa just lowered his head, unable to look into my eyes anymore.
"Do the others know?" I had to know. I had to know what to expect.
"No, I couldn't tell them. Not without talking to you first." Well at least they didn't know. Maybe I could stop them from ever finding out.
"Trowa. I don't want your sympathy, and I don't want you treating me any differently than you did before this." I stared right into his eyes, trying to force him to understand with them.
He nodded his head. "alright."
There was silence for a while, then "Heero, you have to eat something." He brought the fork with the eggs back up to my mouth. I realized I wasn't going to be getting rid of him unless I showed him I would eat. I wasn't strong enough right now to force him out. I accepted the food, chewing on the egg slowly. Trowa refilled the fork and brought it back to my mouth. After I had finished the eggs, the slice of toast with raspberry jam on it, and the glass of water, Trowa seemed satisfied. I looked back out the window, hoping he would leave soon. However, luck was not with me anymore, not that it ever was. Trowa's strong hands reached for my chin and made me turn my head so I was facing him again. I was starting to get an uneasy feeling again. He leaned forward and kissed the side of my mouth lightly. "crumb" was his only explanation for the act. He must have realized the awkward position he had put us in when he saw my wide eyes staring at him, for get got up and left with the empty place and glass in his hand.
He kissed me. Trowa kissed me. God this was not good. Not good at all. What did this mean? did this mean I had to look out for him? Was it just a one time thing? Does he having feelings like that for me? And if so, what do I do now? I had to leave here, but where could I go. I found myself in a need to keep going. I didn't like the idea of being in one place for too long, and even though I had only just gotten here, I felt like I had to leave, had to get out of here, and had to do it alone. Another knock made me lose my original track of thought and start a new one: who is it? Should I let them in? what if its Trowa again? Than what do I do? What if Trowa told one of the other pilots what happened in here? Why could everyone just leave me alone?
"Heero, …its me……Duo…" Duo, I hadn't spoken to him since I'd returned.
"Come in Duo" I sighed. I had been frightened about this moment. I didn't want to face Duo. I don't know why either. I was afraid of what he might think if he found out. What would happen to our friendship. Duo was the only pilot I was close to, despite my attempts to stop it. I didn't want to lose his friendship, and I didn't want to be scared to tell him. Since when was I scared to say what I felt? Never, I just never showed emotion, but if something bothered me, I told someone. But this was different somehow. This was personal. I wasn't good with feelings, especially my own, and I wasn't good at expressing myself or at revealing my past.
Duo walked into a room a little shyly. He closed the door slowly and softly behind him. I was still sitting in the armchair, so Duo walked over and sat in the chair that Trowa had been in not to long before.
"Heero, I have to talk to you" he said in a shaky voice. Duo, in a shaky voice? Now I knew something was wrong. He always talked in a strong and confident voice, but now it was weak, soft and shaky!
"Hn"
"Heero,…I was…so…worried about you. I thought I had lost you." Lost me? Why was he saying that? "I have f-feelings for you Heero. I can't explain it, but I've been drawn to you since..since I first met you." He looked away before continuing, "these past two weeks have been hell for me, I didn't know where you where or what had happened to you. I had feared the worst….You mean so much to me…I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you." He stopped, a single tear slid down his pale face. He looked like hell, he had bags under his eyes from not sleeping well, and it looked like he had even lost a little weight. All of a sudden I found his arms around me again. "I…I…l-love…you…Heero" he whispered into my ear before burying his head in the crook of my neck.
I couldn't believe it. It was to much for me to take. I stood up abruptly, throwing Duo off of me in my hast to get away.
What is going on here? Why is everyone suddenly so interested in me? First I'm raped, then one of my close friends kisses me and then the other tells me he loves me! This was not good. True, I had feelings for Duo, but love? I don't think I've ever felt love for anyone. At least I don't think so. I don't have any strong overpowering emotions for Duo, so I'm assuming I don't love him like that.
Duo stood up and saw my panicked expression. I was still weak on my feet, and I was walking backwards in a foreign room, so I was not making much progress in the 'get away from Duo' department. He realized this and easily made his way over to me. I had run into a wall before he reached me, and was trying to save myself and leave the wall when he finally caught up to me and pinned me there, grabbing my wrists and holding then just above my head.
He smiled evilly at me. 'o shit Heero, that does not look like a good sign' I said to myself, and I was right. Duo's face came closer to mine until we were inches apart.
"Don't try to deny it Heero, I know you feel something for me. There is no way this could be a one way connection. I feel to much for you, for you to not return it." And with that his lips met mine in a light kiss. I was breathing hard now, I couldn't believe he was doing this to me. Not him. Not the one person I trusted the most. His lips met mine again, but harder this time, his tongue tracing my lips before seeking entrance. I didn't grant it to him. Unlike the large guy from the base, Duo didn't force his way in. I was thankful for that but I started to panic again when his lips met my neck and started sucking. He started of soft, but then started sucking harder and harder. I gasped, it was starting to hurt. He was marking me. The others would no what happened now. Even if I wore a turtleneck they would know. It was to hot for turtlenecks, and I didn't own any. My legs gave out under me, but Duo was strong and kept me from falling. He kept sucking on my neck as we slid to the floor. I felt a dampness at my eyes. Was it tears? Was I…crying? Being raped by some guy I didn't know in a violent, painful way hadn't brought tears to my eyes. But having my closest friend corner me and kiss me and suck on my neck made me cry. This is why I didn't make alliances, why I kept away from people. Because the ones I always get close to are the ones who hurt me the most. If I don't know them, they can't touch me inside. But if I know them, and I care about them, then they can ripe me apart, without even toughing me.
Disclaimer: Story mine, everything else is someone else's.
Sorry the chapters are so short. I'm trying to write a long one, but I don't want to change topics to much in each chapter. It depends though, its kinda annoying to upload these chapters, so maybe I'll start combining them. We'll see…
On to the Fic
-----------
Chapter 3: Friends?
After the little encounter outside, Quatre showed me to the room I would be staying in. I was grateful. I just wanted to get away from everyone, and spend some time to myself. Even though that's what I had been doing for the past two and a half weeks, I could now think in peace and in comfort. I was also not ready to face the guys. I was sure they were going to ask me what had happened, and I didn't want to tell them. I know Trowa told them something, but I don't know how much or what of. I didn't want to ask him either, afraid I might spring up suspicion if he hadn't known about the encounter. I curled up in a big plush arm chair by the window and contented myself by staring out into the yard. I don't know how long I sat there, but I do know that I sat down with the sun still out shining, and when I herd the knock on the door, it was dark outside.
"Heero, I brought you some food." Came Trowa's soft, mellow voice.
"Come in"
I didn't move. Trowa opened the door and walked in. He walked over to where I was sitting and put the plate of food and glass of water down on the table next to the chair I was sitting in.
I was hungry. I hadn't had anything of substance the whole time I was in a oz base. In fact after the 'encounter' they reduced my three slices of bread to one and a half a day. The smell of food drifted to my nose and made my stomach growl. But I refused to eat it. I wasn't in the mood. I didn't think I had the strength to lift the fork to my mouth and chew the food and swallow it without making a mess. I just wanted Trowa to leave so I could eat my own way without someone watching me. I never liked being watched. But I was getting a lot of that too lately.
"Come on Heero, you have to eat" he tried to coaxed me.
"I will."
"Do you need help?"
"No"
Before I knew what he was doing he lifted the fork and piled a little of the scrambled eggs onto it the lifted it to my mouth. I turned my head. I didn't need him spoon feeding me. I wasn't a baby. Heck I wasn't even life-threatening ill.
"I can do it Trowa" I said, a little annoyance creeping into my voice.
"Then do it"
"I don't need you watching over me and babysitting me. I can take care of myself"
"Yeah, that's why you got caught at the Oz base." Low blow. I was struck speechless. My only answer was I turned my head away from him to continue looking out of the window.
"I'm sorry Heero, its just, your not well. You look like shit, in fact you smell like shit. Look…I know what happened…" I turned my head so fast I almost hit his still raised hand with the fork in it. "…It was my first day there. .. I didn't no what was happening…I just overheard some of the other soldiers talking about it… I realized it was you they were talking about. God, Heero I'm so sorry." He said, his eyes pleading with me to forgive him. I couldn't understand why he was pleading with me. It wasn't his fault, I didn't blame him. But my heart sank. He knew. HE KNEW. He might have told the others, they could know. Even if they didn't they'd see him treating me differently now. Everyone would know soon enough if they didn't already.
"What is there to be sorry about. It happened, its over now. There's nothing you could have done to stop it."
Trowa just lowered his head, unable to look into my eyes anymore.
"Do the others know?" I had to know. I had to know what to expect.
"No, I couldn't tell them. Not without talking to you first." Well at least they didn't know. Maybe I could stop them from ever finding out.
"Trowa. I don't want your sympathy, and I don't want you treating me any differently than you did before this." I stared right into his eyes, trying to force him to understand with them.
He nodded his head. "alright."
There was silence for a while, then "Heero, you have to eat something." He brought the fork with the eggs back up to my mouth. I realized I wasn't going to be getting rid of him unless I showed him I would eat. I wasn't strong enough right now to force him out. I accepted the food, chewing on the egg slowly. Trowa refilled the fork and brought it back to my mouth. After I had finished the eggs, the slice of toast with raspberry jam on it, and the glass of water, Trowa seemed satisfied. I looked back out the window, hoping he would leave soon. However, luck was not with me anymore, not that it ever was. Trowa's strong hands reached for my chin and made me turn my head so I was facing him again. I was starting to get an uneasy feeling again. He leaned forward and kissed the side of my mouth lightly. "crumb" was his only explanation for the act. He must have realized the awkward position he had put us in when he saw my wide eyes staring at him, for get got up and left with the empty place and glass in his hand.
He kissed me. Trowa kissed me. God this was not good. Not good at all. What did this mean? did this mean I had to look out for him? Was it just a one time thing? Does he having feelings like that for me? And if so, what do I do now? I had to leave here, but where could I go. I found myself in a need to keep going. I didn't like the idea of being in one place for too long, and even though I had only just gotten here, I felt like I had to leave, had to get out of here, and had to do it alone. Another knock made me lose my original track of thought and start a new one: who is it? Should I let them in? what if its Trowa again? Than what do I do? What if Trowa told one of the other pilots what happened in here? Why could everyone just leave me alone?
"Heero, …its me……Duo…" Duo, I hadn't spoken to him since I'd returned.
"Come in Duo" I sighed. I had been frightened about this moment. I didn't want to face Duo. I don't know why either. I was afraid of what he might think if he found out. What would happen to our friendship. Duo was the only pilot I was close to, despite my attempts to stop it. I didn't want to lose his friendship, and I didn't want to be scared to tell him. Since when was I scared to say what I felt? Never, I just never showed emotion, but if something bothered me, I told someone. But this was different somehow. This was personal. I wasn't good with feelings, especially my own, and I wasn't good at expressing myself or at revealing my past.
Duo walked into a room a little shyly. He closed the door slowly and softly behind him. I was still sitting in the armchair, so Duo walked over and sat in the chair that Trowa had been in not to long before.
"Heero, I have to talk to you" he said in a shaky voice. Duo, in a shaky voice? Now I knew something was wrong. He always talked in a strong and confident voice, but now it was weak, soft and shaky!
"Hn"
"Heero,…I was…so…worried about you. I thought I had lost you." Lost me? Why was he saying that? "I have f-feelings for you Heero. I can't explain it, but I've been drawn to you since..since I first met you." He looked away before continuing, "these past two weeks have been hell for me, I didn't know where you where or what had happened to you. I had feared the worst….You mean so much to me…I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you." He stopped, a single tear slid down his pale face. He looked like hell, he had bags under his eyes from not sleeping well, and it looked like he had even lost a little weight. All of a sudden I found his arms around me again. "I…I…l-love…you…Heero" he whispered into my ear before burying his head in the crook of my neck.
I couldn't believe it. It was to much for me to take. I stood up abruptly, throwing Duo off of me in my hast to get away.
What is going on here? Why is everyone suddenly so interested in me? First I'm raped, then one of my close friends kisses me and then the other tells me he loves me! This was not good. True, I had feelings for Duo, but love? I don't think I've ever felt love for anyone. At least I don't think so. I don't have any strong overpowering emotions for Duo, so I'm assuming I don't love him like that.
Duo stood up and saw my panicked expression. I was still weak on my feet, and I was walking backwards in a foreign room, so I was not making much progress in the 'get away from Duo' department. He realized this and easily made his way over to me. I had run into a wall before he reached me, and was trying to save myself and leave the wall when he finally caught up to me and pinned me there, grabbing my wrists and holding then just above my head.
He smiled evilly at me. 'o shit Heero, that does not look like a good sign' I said to myself, and I was right. Duo's face came closer to mine until we were inches apart.
"Don't try to deny it Heero, I know you feel something for me. There is no way this could be a one way connection. I feel to much for you, for you to not return it." And with that his lips met mine in a light kiss. I was breathing hard now, I couldn't believe he was doing this to me. Not him. Not the one person I trusted the most. His lips met mine again, but harder this time, his tongue tracing my lips before seeking entrance. I didn't grant it to him. Unlike the large guy from the base, Duo didn't force his way in. I was thankful for that but I started to panic again when his lips met my neck and started sucking. He started of soft, but then started sucking harder and harder. I gasped, it was starting to hurt. He was marking me. The others would no what happened now. Even if I wore a turtleneck they would know. It was to hot for turtlenecks, and I didn't own any. My legs gave out under me, but Duo was strong and kept me from falling. He kept sucking on my neck as we slid to the floor. I felt a dampness at my eyes. Was it tears? Was I…crying? Being raped by some guy I didn't know in a violent, painful way hadn't brought tears to my eyes. But having my closest friend corner me and kiss me and suck on my neck made me cry. This is why I didn't make alliances, why I kept away from people. Because the ones I always get close to are the ones who hurt me the most. If I don't know them, they can't touch me inside. But if I know them, and I care about them, then they can ripe me apart, without even toughing me.
