A/N: Another lumberjack has hit Tortall, and this time it's Jon's turn.

Disclaimer: The Lumberjack song belongs to Monty Python, Jon belongs to TP (obviously)

Key: - means Jon sings it, ~ means everyone else sings it.

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-I'm the King of Tortall and I'm OK

I sleep all night and I rule all day



~He's the King of Tortall and he's OK

He sleeps all night and he rules all day



-I rule my empire, I have a tea break

I go to the Lavatory

On Wednesdays I pretend I'm a sorcerer

My Gift is sparkly blue



~He rules his empire, he has a tea break

He goes to the Lavatory

On Wednesdays he pretends he's a sorcerer

His Gift is sparkly blue



~He's the King of Tortall and he's OK

He sleeps all night and he rules all day



-I rule my empire, I go to war

I like to make out with Alanna

I put on women's clothing

And hang around at social functions



~He rules his empire, he goes to war

He likes to make out with Alanna

He put on women's clothing

And hangs around at social functions???



~He's the King of Tortall and he's OK

He sleeps all night and he rules all day



-I rule my empire, I take over others

With bribery and blackmail

I wish I had Alanna,

Just like my ex friend George.



~He rules his empire, he takes over others

With bribery and blackmail

He wishes he had Alanna,

Just like his ex-friend George.



~He's the King of Tortall and he's OK

He sleeps all night and he rules all day