Author's Note - Thanks for the reviews good, bad and helpful...especially Rain. I hope you enjoy it.

CHAPTER 4 - (RELIVING THE NIGHTMARE) - PART B

"Daddy look at Gordie, he's walking!!"

That was Virgil, aged 5 years, taking great delight at seeing his youngest brother take his first steps. The little toddler, twelve months old that day, staggered a bit, smiled at his older brother and lurched forward towards his arms. It was a bit of a shame Virgil didn't catch him, leaving him sprawling on the floor.

Jeff Tracy stepped forward quickly, gathered Gordon into his arms and threw him up into the air, pausing to kiss him hard on the cheek as he came down. Gordon didn't know whether to cry after the fall or giggle because his Daddy was making a fuss of him. He elected to giggle, the two little teeth in his bottom gums and the two in the top meeting in a huge grin. He buried his ginger head in Jeff's shoulder as Jeff hugged him close to his chest. Gordon loved his Daddy and it was very apparent that his Daddy loved him.

There was something about Gordon that Jeff just could not resist. He often wondered if it was because he and Lucy had almost lost him. The little fellow had such a delightful nature, a beautiful welcoming smile and was so affectionate that his Father could not help but spoil him.

Jeff Tracy had certainly been through a transition of his own over the last six months.

Forced with the bare reality of losing Lucy and his sons, he had been forced to reassess his priorities and make adjustments and compromises with the still expanding Tracy Enterprises. He wanted to move into other areas of business besides aerospace one day and had altered his Company name in readiness.

Jeff had fortunately managed to do this without Lucy following through with her very real threat of leaving him with only the business in his life. He had been scared though. He knew she meant what she had said that night. The last thing he would ever accept losing was the beautiful woman who was the mother of his children.

Jeff thought often of the argument they had had over the news of Lucy's fifth pregnancy. He had stormed off that night, genuinely furious at Lucy for the failure of communication between them on who was actually responsible for not having the babies. However, when he had cooled down a little, he had to admit in the absence of a firm plan they were both to blame. Anyway this was definitely the last baby. Jeff had already taken the steps to ensure he was not going to have any more children and that had not been pleasant experience in itself either. Still there was no doubt anymore.

"Daddy is mommy coming home today?" Virgil asked.

"Yes Mommy is feeling better now." Jeff assured his second son.

"I'm glad she can come to Gordie's party." he replied excitedly. Virgil loved parties. He had learned to play "happy birthday" on the piano recently and was thrilled he finally had a birthday to play it for.

Jeff was extremely worried at what was happening a result of this pregnancy. Lucy wasn't well at all and was currently in hospital. After their initial confrontation, she had forced herself to put on a good front particularly in front of him. She pretended to be on top of it all when she quite clearly wasn't. She had lost a tremendous amount of weight despite being only waif-like to begin with, her blood count was down and it was clear to see she was simply exhausted. She was in hospital to rest, away from the day-to-day expectations of a young family and under strict instructions of her Doctor who was more than just a little concerned and quite vocal about her health. She was being allowed home for her youngest son's first birthday party on the sole condition that she rested.

Jeff knew the circumstances were tough. After all she had not had much time to recover after having Gordon before their newest son had been conceived.

He knew the baby was going to be another boy. Lucy's Doctor had informed him privately during one of the frequent discussions they had about her well-being. Lucy didn't know. Jeff wished it were a girl for her sake; at least it would have partly redeemed the fact that he had put her through yet another pregnancy. He had already decided the baby's name would be Alan Shepherd Tracy. Jeff hoped Lucy wouldn't be too disappointed in another boy but she had not spoken about having a daughter this time. In fact she had spoken very little about this baby.

Jeff felt that even though he had apologized profusely to Lucy for the things he had said and tried every possible thing he could do to make it up to her after the argument, things had never really been the same. Coupled with the worry about her health and not overstepping the mark with the business, Jeff was finding the going hard. Emotionally it was tough and financially it was almost disastrous.

Still, there was only a month to go before Alan was due and after she had recovered, it was Jeff's intention to take Lucy away with him alone and try to get things back to the way they had been before all this had happened. He hoped that it would be possible.

He now fully understood the stress and strain he had placed on Lucy. Since he had been caring for the boys whilst she was in hospital, he hardly had a moment's peace and quite literally fell into bed each night. He had a housekeeper come in twice a week to do the basic chores, which at least gave him a little time to run his business from home. He couldn't afford her full time, which was his original plan before Lucy fell pregnant. Most of his capital was tied up in the business and with his plans in Asia on indefinite hold; they were living tight right now. However, the housekeeper certainly eased things a bit for him and she'd arranged Gordon's party for him before leaving earlier that morning.

Jeff became aware of a set of brilliant blue eyes looking at him timidly.

"Daddy." John had said. "Can I go with you to get Mommy?" he squeaked in his tiny little voice. He looked down before he looked back at his Father and added,

"I won't ask to sit on her lap Daddy, I promise."

Jeff smiled at his shy, quiet little boy and knew that if nothing else had come out of Lucy being unwell, at least John had been forced to be a little less dependent on her. Jeff had taken steps to put that right but it had been hard to be tough on little John. He regretted that John was now so timid towards him. Anyway, it had worked and he was sure that John would grow out of being shy. The main thing was there was now one less problem for Lucy to deal with.

"Sure you can sport. You can ride up front with me if you like." he replied, picking John up as well as still holding Gordon. How Lucy nursed both of them at once was beyond him. She certainly wouldn't be able to do it now.

With Scott, Virgil and Gordon securely strapped in the back of the car and John happily in the front as Jeff had promised, Jeff had pulled into the car park of the hospital. Outside on a bench Lucy sat patiently with her bag.

"Stay here boys," Jeff said as he got out of the car and walked towards her. As he drew closer his face lit up as it focused on that beautiful woman that was his wife. He looked at her, her chestnut brown hair swept up in a half bun. God she was beautiful no matter what she did.

She was heavily pregnant and still looked very tired but she was his for the weekend and he was grateful for that.

She stood up to greet him, bending to pick up her case. He went forward quickly to relieve her of it.

"Hi Jeff." she said, kissing him on the cheek.

"Hi Luce. Are you doing OK baby?"

"Yeah I am." Her voice still had a tired sound to it.

"Feeling better?"

"Yes. The rest has done me good I guess. How about you? Tough with the boys?"

"Nah - you know me. The boys are OK."

"Yeah sure Jeff."

"Well they do make doing business a bit difficult"

"Yes they do."

At that point Jeff opened the car door and Scott, Virgil, John and Gordon all sighted their precious mommy. Jeff watched all four little faces light up with joy.

"Hi Mom", eight year old Scott had said fixing his blue eyes on the woman he loved so completely. If only his Dad hadn't made him wear that stupid seat belt he he'd have been in her arms now. He pretended to be tough around Virgil but he had really missed his mother these last two weeks.

"Hey Scotty. Missed you. "

"Me too Mom. Mom... Gordie walked today."

"That's what I wanted to tell Mommy. " said a devastated Virgil, trying to get her attention.

Lucy turned to Jeff.

"Did he Jeff?"

Jeff nodded and saw her face fall a little but mindful of Virgil he said "Virg wanted to tell you all about it and I'm sure he'd like to do it now."

Virgil felt most important and looked at his Mother after a sulky glare at Scott. He loved looking at her. She was so pretty and he loved her so much. He told her the full story and then half of it again.

"Gordie walked over to me Mommy - he did - but then he fell over. Daddy said I should try to catch him next time".

Lucy smiled.

"Yes V - you probably should. I'm sorry I missed seeing him do that."

She looked at the little blonde sitting obediently in the front seat.

"Hey Johnny."

"Mommy! "

"Oh baby - have you been OK?"

"Yes. Daddy said I'm a big boy now."

"Yes you are darling but I still need you to hug me later. We'll put Gordie to bed together and then you can come and sit with me a bit."

"OK Mommy and I promise I won't sit on your lap."

Lucy looked back at Jeff surprised. Jeff nodded at John approvingly and then opened his hands in mock surprise at her.

" I can do anything Lucy. Just ask me. "

"Thanks Jeff. That's a big relief."

On hearing a squeal from the back of the car she turned back.

"And here's my birthday boy. Hey Gordie." she said ever so gently.

Gordon smiled at his mother and held out his arms to her. He didn't like being strapped in when his mother was right there in front of him.

She reached forward and took him out of his chair, pausing to hold him close with an intensity that made Jeff worry how lonely she must be away from her boys. Her tiny red-haired son immediately snuggled into her body, his head resting on her shoulder. He loved his Mommy too and Lucy adored Gordon.

After a few minutes it was obvious Gordon wasn't going to move.

Jeff suggested they at least try to get home so she could rest. Scott, Virgil and John sat in their seat-belts, Gordon dozed in his Mother's arms and Lucy, tired as she felt was happy that she had her four sons with her again and happy to be going home.

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The party had been a grand affair with Gordon taking more steps much to the delight of all of his brothers and his two parents. Virgil got to play his "Happy Birthday" on the piano and despite a few mistakes and extra notes was very proud of himself even though Scott had given him grief making comments like "Aww that's not right" and "That's too slow."

Jeff had cleaned up the kitchen afterwards, taken down the balloons, and was now rewarding his efforts at handling the birthday party with the rare luxury of a Scotch. Jeff didn't drink a lot but these days he couldn't even afford that. Tonight was different though. Lucy had come home and he was feeling happy about that.

He sat down in the leather armchair opposite her. She was only half awake and looked very drawn and pale. Snuggled in beside her was John. He had not left her side since the party began but he had honored his promise to Jeff not to cling. Lucy held him close and he hugged her lovingly in return. He was nearly asleep.

"OK little guy. The others are in bed. I think you should say good night to mom and I'll tuck you in."

"I don't want to Daddy."

"John. You know what I said."

"OK Daddy. Good night mommy. I'm glad you're here."

"I'm glad too Johnny. I love you."

She watched as Jeff took his hand and led him into bed.

Five minutes later he returned. Picking up his drink ,he came and sat beside her on the Lounge. He put his arm around her and she put her head on his chest. The two of them reminisced about being in a hospital this time last year, on Valentine's Day, a day for lovers all around the world to enjoy. They, on the other hand had been terrified that they were about to lose their fourth son. At least this year, he was a healthy little boy, the centre of their world along with his three brothers.

"Jeff you've done a marvelous job with the kids."

"Thanks Lucy."

"The party was wonderful."

"Yeah it was. And it was better that you were allowed to come home. "

He stroked her hair and kissed her.

"You know I've been thinking."

She looked down at her distended stomach and then back at him. She arched an eyebrow at him.

"Can't you at least wait until the result of your last lot of thinking arrives Jeff!"

He laughed softly and hugged her. Every now and then a little bit of her old spark came back. He knew he could get it all back if they could just have the time together.

"No. After Ala... err... the baby's born I'd like you and I to take a break together. Maybe fly to the UK and see your family first and then onto a resort on an island somewhere."

Those steady, sensible brown eyes filled with tears.

"We can't afford that now Jeff."

Those tears brought back his guilt at their argument.

"Sure we can. I've got investments everywhere. It'll be worth it and it will be my tenth wedding anniversary present for you."

"Jeff we're broke. I know that. It doesn't matter."

She wiped her eyes and looked away sadly.

He turned her face to him and looked at her. She was making him cry now.

"Lucille I love you darling and I want this for you. I'm going to fly my Mother out here next August and it will happen because I want it to. And so that you don't get yourself worked up let me assure you that we are not broke. I still have thirty million dollars tied up in Asia."

"Yes but it's not making any money."

"I know that and you know that but when I finally go ahead with my plans it will."

"In the meantime what do we do? We can't live on just nothing."

"Lucy please stop it. We're fine. The company in the States is secure and the profits are paying my interest debts as well as the medical and other bills and educating Scott and Virgil. Let me worry about the money. You just worry about you."

They said nothing for a while. He took her hand.

"So will you come with me."?

She nodded. "Of course I will. Especially since I won't get pregnant any more."

He was relieved again to hear the spark in her voice. With that he changed the subject.

"So Gordie's walking. Boy are we in for it now."

She smiled at him knowingly before her face dropped a little.

"Yes I'm sorry I missed that milestone. Gordon's the first one I've missed do anything major."

"Never mind you won't miss the next one."

"Not for the same reason anyway".

She shifted painfully on the couch as she felt the frantic kicking of her unborn baby. The frequency and intensity of it was starting to worry her a bit. It was like something wasn't quite right. Still Jeff didn't need to be worried about that; it was her problem just as the pregnancy was.

"I know it's a boy you know." she said watching him go red as what he thought was his secret was no longer a secret from her.

"How do you know?" he asked innocently.

"I had a scan yesterday. It was pretty obvious to me after having scans for four other boys. The Doctor confirmed it for me and then told me you knew Jeff."

"Yeah well I've known for a while." he admitted, disappointed he had been caught out.

Now the old Lucy was there, teasing him, giving him grief.

"Jeff, I keep telling you that you cannot father girls. None of your family can. The scary bit for me is if my five boys are like you I might end up with at least twenty-five grandsons."

"Holy Moses. Let's not even think about that."

He looked down and then directly at his beautiful wife, his everything.

"So are you disappointed Luce?"

"Well a bit. But I was with John and Gordon too and I wouldn't change either of them now for anything."

"Even John?"

"Even John!!"

She was yawning now and her swollen feet and sore back didn't make it pleasant sitting on the couch. The thought crossed his mind to return her to the hospital despite the inconvenience to the now sleeping household. He needed to hold her close to him to make himself feel better and less afraid of where life was taking them right now. She had always been his rock and at the moment whilst he was trying to be hers, he was afraid of what was going to happen if the company went down and he lost her and his boys because of it.

"Lucy are you sure you're OK?" he asked placing his hand on her belly as she grimaced again with all the kicking.

"I'm fine Jeff. I'm just tired and the kicking doesn't help."

"He's kicking rather a lot don't you think. Is that normal? I can't ever remember any of the others like that."

"I know but I guess it's OK. The Doctor would have said something.

You'd just better hope that when he comes out that he slows down a little Jeffrey."

"I want to call him Alan, after Alan Shepherd. Remember him?"

Lucy nodded. "The Astronaut? I hope he doesn't mind. "

Jeff was pleased she agreed with his choice. Alan Shepherd had been his inspiration as a very young man.

Suddenly a wicked smile stole across her features.

"I wonder if someday some deranged man like you might want to call his son Jeffrey Tracy Smith."

"Well they might and I'd be honored!"

"Oh Jeff. You are so pathetic!!!" she laughed and kissed him.

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He couldn't take this much more. He couldn't do anything to help. He'd been ordered to sit in the corner away from the birthing table and there was confusion everywhere.

Ten minutes before there had been just the two of them and the midwife until something on the monitor made her leave the room in what could only be described as panic. She pressed some red buzzer he had never noticed before. Within seconds there were doctors everywhere, nurses running about with equipment, everyone giving orders over each other and he had been shoved out of the way.

Over the commotion he heard her screaming his name in absolute agony as the Doctors examined her and listened frantically for the baby's heart. They couldn't hear it. Jeff felt his heart in his mouth and tried to speak but nothing came out. He jumped up from where he sat and tried to see what was happening.

A nurse took his arm and pushed him back towards the seat.

"Mr. Tracy please stay out of the way. This is an emergency."

This was a nightmare. It couldn't be real.

He covered his face with his hands and felt them shaking. He had been to the moon and back, nearly lost Gordon but despite all of this,he had never been this afraid before in his life. Jeff felt himself saying a prayer as another Doctor was brought in. He was the surgeon Jeff remembered thanking for saving Gordon. He seemed to take charge of the other Doctors and Jeff heard him barking orders to them to scrub.

"Prep her for theatre. I've only got two minutes to get this baby out."



Two minutes. Jeff saw those two minutes pass in slow motion right before his eyes.

He followed as they moved the table from the quiet dim atmosphere of the birth suite to the harsh lighting of the operating theatre next door. The nurse forced him to put on a gown.

"Lucy! Lucy can you hear me?"

It was her own Doctor trying to talk to her as an anesthetist almost ran through the door.

"Uh huh. This hurts so bad. It never hurt this bad before. It's tearing me up the middle."

She began screaming again. Tears were streaming streaming down her face.

"Mrs. Tracy you've got to help me. Listen to me. The baby's cord is around his neck. He's got no oxygen."

"What? Oh no… Is he OK? …Where's Jeff ... I want Jeff..."

"I'm here Lucy. It's gonna be OK."

"Mr. Tracy for God's sake get out of the way!! We have to operate."

Lucy started to bear down and her Doctor started screaming too.

"No Mrs. Tracy. You can't push! Don't please. You'll tighten the cord further. "

"I can't help it. Oh God please stop."

"We can't have him in the birth canal. " the Surgeon warned in a low voice.

"Don't push. Think of something anything but pushing." the Doctor begged.

"I can't!! "

The nurse looked at the monitor attached to Lucy

"The baby's in arrest. No heart beat."

"I've got to go in. Get the gas on to make it less painful for her." the surgeon demanded earnestly, ordering the anesthetist to commence. He had to start cutting immediately and he knew Lucy was going to feel it. He had no choice. Lucy gasped as the first cut happened.

An incubator was rushed in. A pediatrician came in with oxygen and stood next to the surgeon. Their faces were lined and worried.

"Jeff!!!" she screamed thrashing about and the nurses tried to hold her still.

"I don't like this. The baby's head is down further than I first thought. It's a breech delivery as well. I'm going to have to cut right down. There's too much blood for my liking. Hold her still. For God's sake why isn't that gas working? Lift the dose."

"The dose is at maximum Doctor."

"'It can't be"

"It is Doctor."

The seconds seemed like hours as he worked with lightening speed.

"Still too far down. I can't cut too much further this way without major damage.

"That baby hasn't got much time Doctor. Lower extremities are blue." said the Pediatrician next to him.

"Mr. Tracy?"

Jeff's mouth fell open.

Surely they weren't asking him to choose?

Instead Lucy screamed for them to get the baby out. All of this, the argument, the trouble with the business, the suffering she'd already gone through with this could not be for nothing. She wanted her baby.

As he made his final incision thankfully she fell into blackness and within seconds Jeff Tracy saw the lifeless form of his baby son almost torn from inside her followed by a flood of blood. The pediatrician began working feverishly on him as another nurse untangled the cord that still pulsed around his neck. He wasn't responding. Jeff felt tears running down his cheeks.

Lucy was still hemorrhaging badly, her whole abdomen open. The nurse wiped the sweat from the surgeon's forehead. He could not stop the bleeding.

In the rush to open her right up something had gone wrong. He was still barking instructions, the baby now the least of his worries. The surgeon clamped and re-clamped finally getting the bleeding under control. She was going to need a transfusion in a big hurry and many more hours of surgery yet.

When finally a tiny cry came from where they were working on the baby, everyone in the theatre breathed a temporary sigh of relief. It had been two minutes to the very second.

"Thank God" Jeff wept with sheer relief. Once the baby was reasonably stabilized he was whisked away into intensive care in the incubator. The Surgeon insisted Jeff leave the theatre immediately. This was not looking good for Lucy.

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"Mr. Tracy."

Jeff looked up from where he sat with tired eyes. He was completely drained.

He had been outside the theatre worried sick for five hours now. Hopefully this was news that she was finished in surgery. He rose to greet the Doctor. Jeff felt he owed this Doctor big time. If he hadn't stopped Lucy pushing, he wouldn't have Alan now.

"How is my wife?"

"Mr. Tracy. Jeff. I'm afraid I have some bad news for you about Lucy."

Jeff's face went white. "What do you mean?" he breathed.

The Doctor looked at him with genuine sadness and sincere sympathy. He'd gone through this whole pregnancy with Jeff, shared his worry over Lucy's health, and he knew how close the two of them were. He also felt for the fact that the young man in front him had five little boys.

"Jeff. I hate to tell you this but ...well it looks like Lucy isn't going to make it." he began gently. "The bleeding can't be stopped. The surgeons tried everything. The C Section just went wrong. If we'd known about the problem with the cord earlier, we'd never have let her labor go that far. I'm so sorry that I have to be the one to say this."

Deadly silence.

"So now after all of this you're telling me that Lucy is doing to die?" Jeff spoke and tried not to sound like he was blaming anybody but he sure as hell wished he could.

" Lucy doesn't have long left Jeff. I suggest that you might like to spend the rest of the time with her in a private area. I'll arrange for Alan's incubator to be brought in from intensive care so she can see him. We'll talk, afterwards".

Jeff just stood there nodding stupidly, his bottom lip trembling, tears welling and falling from his eyes.

"Doctor" he gulped back a half-sob. "Is my son all right?"

"Yes Jeff. He'll be fine"

It wouldn't sink in. She couldn't be dying. This was Lucy. His wife. His everything.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his mobile telephone and called the house. His Mother was minding the other four children for him whilst they had been at the hospital.

"Jeff!! Thank God. I was starting to get worried. How are Lucy and the baby?"

"Mom - there's been complications."

"What do you mean Jeff?"

"Mom please I don't have time to explain."

He tried to tell her what had happened and more importantly that she needed to bring the boys to the hospital immediately for them to see their Mother. Josie started to cry as he hung up in tears.

The Doctor showed him into some sort of small room. It was a special room designed for this sort of occasion. There was a bed, a couple of chairs, a clock, a telephone and a buzzer for the Doctor. There were no treatment boards or a place for flowers. It was simply a room for people who were terminally ill to die in. But this was Lucy; she wasn't old and sick or terminally ill. She was a young woman and all she had come to do was give birth to their last baby. This just wasn't right. She didn't deserve to die here.

Jeff wiped his red eyes and tried to stop crying before he saw her. He owed her that at least. Before entering the room the Doctor said,

"Lucy is awake and in a fair bit of pain Jeff. I um have told her she isn't going to be taking the baby home."

He nodded rigidly and walked through the door. Despite trying to compose himself, the sight of her lying in the bed with machines attached everywhere when he had held her in his arms only the night before, caused him to break down totally. No he couldn't cry, he had so much had wanted to say to her. A lifetime of things he'd put in the back of his mind to discuss with her. Plans he wanted to make. Plans that included her. They were supposed to be like his Father and Mother and grow old together, watching their grandchildren play. Not this. This was not the way he'd planned it to be.

He came and sat where she could see him and took her hand. She opened her eyes.

"Jeff" she breathed smiling weakly. "I'm glad you're here."

"Hey there princess." he said as gently as he could.

"Have you seen the baby?"

Jeff looked at the tiny little scrap in the incubator next to her, the result of that night they had spent together and the cause of that stupid argument that really didn't matter any more.

"He's beautiful sweetie. He's a lot like John by the look of him. Finally we might have two the same."

She smiled and grimaced, "I hope he's not going to give you as much trouble."

Tears spilled from the sides of her brown eyes.

"I'll never get to hold him or love him or see his first steps. I'll miss his just like I missed Gordie's."

"I'll watch them for both of us Luce."

"Thank you Jeff. You are such a good Father. I know the boys are safe with you."

"Lucy I can't go on without you."

"You don't have a choice Jeff. You've got the boys and your business is everything to you. You have to go on."

He clutched her hand and put his head down and began to sob as the reality of what was really important in his life surfaced as he looked at losing it.

"No Lucy you're wrong. You are everything to me not the business."

"Jeff I am so sorry," she said sobbing too.

"Baby don't say that. I've done this to you. It's me who should be saying sorry."

He went to put his arms around her but couldn't. Every movement hurt her and she felt herself starting to feel distant.

The door opened. It was Josie. She led Scott, Virgil and John into the room and held onto Gordon. The three little boys looked at their Daddy and saw his tear-marked face and devastation. They turned to look where their beloved Mommy was and knew what Grandma had said in the car about her going to heaven was true. Scott started to cry, Virgil followed. John just sat there looking at his mother, too young to understand.

Lucy asked to see John. Jeff held John where she could see him and all she could do was cry. John cried too at the sight of seeing his Mother like that and ran and buried his head in his Grandmother's arms. Josie tried to comfort the little boy.

Virgil was allowed to come up to her alone. Their identical eyes locked. They were brown and loving. Lucy loved this little boy more than life itself and didn't want to leave him. Life was something she was losing the battle with.

"Virgie" she breathed taking his little hand. "You and I - we will always be the same. Look after your Daddy for me. Make sure you love Daddy like I do."

"Mommy" Virgil said sniffing sadly and looking towards the incubator. "Is that baby our new brother?"

Yes V - this is Alan. I need you to look after him for me"

"I will mommy".

Scott came forward then. He was almost nine years old, a replica of Jeff. The devastated little boy cried so hard that she tried to sit up to gather him into her arms. However, she couldn't sit up any more. It hurt too much. Scott lay on the bed in her arms crying as if his heart was going to break. He promised her he would look out for his brothers and care for his Daddy. He was her first baby, - the special one, the one who would go on to be everything she and Jeff were about and everything they would ever have been. Nothing would change that.

Gordon had seen his Mother and was screaming to be held by her. Josie placed him on the bed and he immediately cuddled up to her. Lucy really started crying now.

"Gordie." she whispered, struggling to not only breathe but also focus on what was happening.

"Mom take them out" she heard Jeff sob. 'She's going."

Josie did as Jeff had asked pausing only to kiss Lucy on the forehead.

"My precious little girl. What you have done for my son is more than what I can ever thank you for. I will take care of your babies. Don't you worry sweetie."

Those words were all Lucille needed. Her breathing became erratic. Her hand reached out for Jeff's.

Jeff sat on the bed and slid his hands behind her back drawing her close to him. He looked at her as he had done all those years ago at the party. He had known somehow even then that she would be the mother of his children. She looked into his eyes and Jeff looked at her beautiful features one last time.

" I love you baby" he whispered, his tears falling unchecked.

"Jeff... I love..."

She drew her last breath, her body relaxing into his arms.

He pulled her closer to him sobbing uncontrollably. She had gone.

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Jeff sat up with a start, his body lathered in sweat. He was sobbing. It had all surfaced again. The guilt he felt at what had happened to Lucy because of him. He should never have have suggested that night alone. He had never forgiven himself for what happened as a result of it.

Breathing as normally as he could he re-focused on the present, even though the past could never be forgotten.

He knew what he had to do with Alan.

Next Chapter - Some Fatherly Advice