Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss.





Xander watched his newfound lover with tears in his eyes. He knew what was happening but he couldn't help but to wish he were wrong. Spike was leaving him. Saying goodbye and moving back into the crypt he had not been near in more than three months. The young man could hardly believe that it had been such a short time. Just yesterday it seemed, to him, that they had been together for years. He knew now just how brief their time together had been. All he wanted was to turn back the clock and savor every touch, every kiss that much more. But, he knew that was impossible. It was too late. She was back and Spike was leaving him.



"Spike, please think about this! I know that you loved her! I loved Anya! But I thought we had found something in each other. How can you just walk out of here like this never happened?"



"Pet, look, you and I both knew this couldn't last. I never figured this is how it would end but don't act like this was more than it was."



"What?! Gods, Spike, I love you! And you said you loved me! Why did you even bother being with me if all you wanted was sex? You could have gotten that anywhere! Why break my heart all over again? Did this mean nothing to you?!"



"Well, pet, you know what they say...if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you are with." Spike smirked but quickly became serious again. "Christ, Xander! I thought you, of all people, would understand! What would you do if Anya had been the one to climb out of her grave last night? You know you would have run right back into her arms! And you expect me to stay here when Buffy is back and there might be a chance that she will want me?!"



"And what if she doesn't, Spike? What then? You're going to toss aside someone who does want you for a chance? What happens when she turns you down yet again? Are you gonna go back to stalking her and dreaming about something you will never have?"



"I won't have to worry about that, Xan. I know she will come to me. She has to. Think about it! Who here has experienced death like I have? I have died and come back. Who do you think she will want to turn to when she wakes up from a nightmare that only I could possibly understand?"



"You're forgetting something. She's already been through this! She died once before, years ago, at the Master's hand! You know who brought her back? Me! And who do you think she wanted when it was all over? Angel, that's who! You think that's gonna change just because you're local? Do you really want to be the pinch hitter, Spike? You deserve more than that!"



The brunette could no longer hold back the tears that wanted to fall. Breath hitching, Xander looked at Spike once more before he stood up and walked into their...his bedroom, closing the door behind him.



As the door closed, Spike dropped his head in his hands as he let out a world-weary sigh. He knew there was a chance that Buffy would turn him away as she had done before. He couldn't help the desire to try again. The vampire hated the thought of Buffy turning to Angel for support. He wanted to be there for her when she needed help and he didn't feel he could do that if he was still living with Xander.



The problem was, the thought of leaving the boy nearly broke his heart in two. He had fallen in love with Xander and now found himself torn between one love and another. He did still love the slayer and would give anything for her. And if that meant giving up the friendship and love he had found after her death, then so be it.



As a single tear made its way down Spike's face, he picked up the bag he had packed and walked out the door.



End