"OK. Here's the plan," whispered Sirius to the other three boys during History of Magic, where Professor Binns was droning endlessly about some rebellion or battle, or something... the man honestly looked like he was going to die on the spot. The boys were huddled up in a secluded corner of the classroom, where they discussing their prank tactics, and who they were going to use them on.
"We are going to get Lily back for what she did to James and me," Sirius told them. "And I have the perfect idea," he gave a small evil cackle to give effect. "-Lily is afraid of boys, right? How 'bout we use this fear to our own advantage…Snape, he's had a crush on Lily for sometime now, hasn't he? We all know of course that Lily hates him. So why don't we give that greasy haired git a bit of help? It would really peeve her off that's for sure. And the best thing is, there's no evidence to get us into trouble!"
"Sirius, that's too cruel!" gasped Peter.
James and Remus nodded in agreement. A day after he got out of the hospital wing and Sirius was already back to thinking about pranks. It really disturbed James that Sirius could go back to his evil ways in less the twenty-four hours.
"Besides," said Remus. "Since when have we been accustomed to helping Snape out? It's wrong, I tell you, wrong."
"OK, OK. You lot are a bunch of girls, I swear… anyway I've got a 'Plan B'…we seduce Lily and send her barking mad," Sirius guffawed stupidly at this.
James rolled his eyes. Sirius was the only one here that was barking mad.
"Black, is there something you find funny about the violent 'Witch and Warlock Killings of 1253'?" wheezed Professor Binns angrily.
They turned around.
"Er, no, sorry Professor. I was preoccupied over something else," replied Sirius coolly; he gave a wink to Lily who was looking their way with the rest of the class.
She turned red and looked down at her notes. Sirius looked very happy indeed. James shook his head at his friend, though he was slightly amused. So much that he hardly noticed when Professor Binns took ten points off Gryffindor and continued to teach the class.
"Operation P.O.L.E started," mumbled Sirius as if he was off 'Mission Impossible'.
"Pole?" said Peter.
Sirius rolled his eyes in an irritated manner and did a mock imitation of Lily, "Honestly do I have to tell you everything. It's P.O.L.E not 'pole', and it stands for Piss-Off-Lily-Evans. See?"
James thought he was about to collapse from trying to fight the urge of laughing.
"I'm not doing this Sirius," Peter said, turning scarlet.
"Fine, be a chicken," Sirius said in a barely audible voice. "James? Remus? You two game?"
James and Remus looked at each other, clearly both thinking that Sirius needed to be taken to St. Mungo's.
Finally they both mouthed 'OK'.
Remus did it because he wanted to stop Sirius from making this get out of hand and James because Sirius was his best friend and he'd stick to what he did. After all, it couldn't be that bad. Could it? Lily wasn't exactly a troll…when you thought about it; she was actually quite pretty…anyway he wouldn't have to do anything. Lily hated him, so he could just watch Sirius be an idiot without getting involved. It wasn't such a bad idea after all…
"Excellent. So now we've got that settled," Sirius said finally as the class packed up and went to the Great Hall for lunch. "Lets go on to Snape, that Git's been annoying me for ages…"
James, for the tenth time that day shook his head wearily. Sirius's way of thinking was awful; sometimes his logic really disgusted even him. But at the end of the day, he was his best friend. And best friends always stuck together.
***
Lily ran as fast as her legs would carry her to the nearest empty classroom where she slammed the door and locked it with a wave of her wand.
"Arrghh," was all she managed out before she flopped onto an empty desk trying to catch her breath.
Today was not her day. She had been late for her first class, fallen over from carrying too many books, had to tell off two first years for putting frogspawn all over the dungeon floors as a joke, narrowly doge Peeves who was taking the Great Hall's armour apart and throwing it about the place, making an awful clattering racket, and to top it off the Marauders were acting weird. Weirder than usual, that is.
Sirius particularly had been strange for the last couple of days. She just didn't understand it. He was actually being nice to her; it was all very unnerving, especially since she had turned his skin blue and his hair pink a couple of days ago, not to mention she had knocked him into oblivion and given him some nasty bruises. Sirius didn't just come out of it after that sort of thing and try to become your best friend. Sirius was determined, Sirius was cunning, Sirius was clever and smart, let's face it; Sirius was just plain evil.
It scared her. It really scared her. She was waiting. Waiting for Sirius's Inner Satan to come out, it never did though. She had ran for her life just now when he had given her a winning smile and asked her to come to Hogsmeade with him, she didn't understand.
It was the dreaded cat and mouse situation, only much, much worse. Now poor Lily Mouse Evans was waiting in suspense and terror for Sirius Satanic Cat Black to pounce at any moment, while occasionally being cast into confusion on why this nasty kitty was playing with her. Any minute the claws were going to come out, she was sure of it.
She heard a knock on the door. She didn't answer. A muffled voice came from the other side.
"Lily," damn it was Sirius. "You didn't quite get back to me on Hogsmeade thing, you just sort of scampered off. Can you open the door?"
"Bugger off Black!" she replied.
There was silence.
"This is getting ridiculous," he told her. "Alohamora."
The door opened and he came in, she scowled at him.
"Lily listen-"
"What part of 'bugger off' don't you understand?" she interjected angrily.
He looked genuinely hurt. Whoa, way too out of character for Sirius, she thought, Dead giveaway, it's a known fact Sirius doesn't have a sensitive side.
"So I take it it's a no then?" he asked, still looking crestfallen.
She sighed. How thick can you get?
"Yes," she told him.
"Now it's a yes? Ok, see you then," he said, turning round to go out the door.
"NO!" she said, getting off the desk and going after him.
"What?" he grinned, "You want me right here, right now? Bit keen aren't we?"
Sirius thought he saw Lily almost retch.
"Black, I'm not going to Hogsmeade with you-"
"Heavens, make up your mind woman!" he said in a loud agitated voice.
Lily thought she heard someone snicker. That was strange. There was no one in the room except her and Sirius.
She left it aside however and went up to him, "Black, I'm not going anywhere with you, so just get off my flaming back!"
He looked gently at her and took one of her hands in his, "Now Lily, I know you don't mean it…you've just had a hard time lately. Being Head Girl is hard work. You need a break… so come to Hogsmeade with me."
She sent him death glares and tried to snatch her hand away, he was to quick for her however and she found herself pressed against the wall. She saw Sirius' face come dangerously close to hers. She had to act fast; she found her free hand and gave him an all mighty wack on the face. Sirius looked dumb founded. It was absolutely priceless.
"Right," he said, and Lily was pleased to note he sounded put out. "I'll give you some time to think it over…"
***
Back in the boy's dormitory Sirius was cackling merrily, an icepack on his now red cheek, "Did you see the look on her face though?"
"You're mental Sirius," Remus told him.
"Yes. Yes I am." Sirius agreed, trying to sound sober.
"She'll never go with you, you realize…"
"Oh, I wouldn't say that…she just needs more persuading."
"You're asking for it."
"I know," Sirius replied lazily. "I should stop, but I can't…It's so appetizing for my brain to annoy people; and Lily's too delicious to refuse."
"You won't say that once you end up in the hospital wing a second time; there's only so many body parts a wand or potion can fix…" James told him. "-It was very funny though, watching the whole thing underneath my cloak. She didn't notice anything did she?"
"Nope," replied Sirius gleefully. "Try not to laugh next time though, I heard a bit of giggling from the corner."
"Sorry," Peter replied, beginning to laugh again. "It was so hard not to."
"I can imagine, and you're the one who was against it too," Sirius said. "It is harder than I thought though; any ideas on what I should do next?"
"Pull out now before you get injured for life," provided Remus grimly.
"Oh you're such a spoilsport Moony!" Sirius exclaimed looking like a child who had had his lollipop taken away by an older nasty kid.
"I'm serious!" Remus said.
"What are you talking about? I'm the one who's called Sirius not you!" Sirius exclaimed in a singsong voice.
"You're so immature!" James said.
Sirius snorted, "Bit rich! That's like the kettle telling the saucepan it has a dirty bottom or something!"
"What're you on about?" James asked.
"It's what my great aunt said to people who were being hypocritical!' Sirius exclaimed defensively.
The other three laughed themselves silly as soon Sirius had said this.
"What? She did!" Sirius said huffily.
"Never mind Padfoot, never mind…" Remus responded, trying to calm down.
"Anyway, I'm a pioneer," Sirius went on, going back to the subject of Lily. "Braving to go where no other Marauder has gone before…"
"Where? Lily's knickers?" asked James seriously.
"NO! I mean, I haven't even gone that far yet…" Sirius laughed. "Besides, I don't see why I do all the dirty work, you two said you were in it too. I say Remus goes next."
"No way, no bloody way, Sirius! I help do the scheming; I don't actually go in there. Anyway unlike you Padfoot, I actually have morals. Really, will you just have some empathy for the poor girl; she can't help being disagreeable. She's Head Girl, all people with high leader ship positions are like that," Remus told Sirius.
"Hey!" yelled James. "I'm Head Boy!"
"Sorry, didn't mean you James," Remus replied absentmindedly.
"All right, Remus can be a wuss," Sirius muttered. "Prongs? How bout you?"
"She hates me!" James replied.
"We can fix that," Sirius told him with an imploring look on his face. "You in or out? Besides we all know you fancy her, you've been trying to get her to go out with you for ages…"
James spluttered angrily at this, unable to say anything and going extremely red while the others smirked.
"- Come on James, you can't leave me alone out there…"
"You have testosterone to keep you company…" Remus chipped in.
"Yeah well…" Sirius said, "It's still not the same without James."
James sighed. Not knowing what he was doing, "Yeah, I'm in."
Why, oh why, was he so easy to be manipulated?
"Sweet," Sirius said impishly.
James, for the first time in his life wished he had chosen a different best friend, preferably someone who wasn't as crazy as a mad man. He had bigger problems than Sirius now though. He had agreed to help tame Lily the tiger. How could he manage it without being savaged mercilessly? It was the un-doable task. It was impossible. Mission Impossible.
