Disclaimer - I do not own the troopers but I do own mine.

A.N - Wow, it's been a little longer than 9 weeks if I'm correct, ne? Sorry for the extremely long wait and you have all the right to be angry with me. I didn't have a writer's block I just merely lost interest in all the stories I'd been working on, but now I'm back and ready to write an angst-filled chapter. I hope you enjoy this one and sorry if it's a little short! And there will be shounen ai sooner or later.. Not every story needs action, right? Uh... Enjoy!

Warnings - Angst, yaoi/shounen ai, self-infliction, language, and many confusing matters


Misery Without the Blade
Tsukiyo Hoshi



Chapter Two


Was I every truely alone? Did I just convince myself that no one loved me or even wanted me around? All those many hours spent lieing face-down on my bed listening the gentle hum of voices from downstairs, thinking to myself and wondering what it was that they were talking about. Do they care? They rarely act like it. I'm all alone. I keep telling myself this. Is it true? I thought a friend was someone who was there when you most truely needed them. If that's the case... then why wasn't Seiji there for me? Or any of the others? Not even Shin... They didn't care about me and never will. I can't do anything to change that fact either.


I look up at the clock as it ticks away another second of my life. The visitor's room is freezing, probably only forty degrees, and I sit with my arms crossed over my chest and I swear my skin will fall off if I continue to shiver like I am. Fifteen minutes in this room can easily make you feel like an icecube in need of a warm drink of sorts.

I try to understand how Knick can seem so warm in such a cold room but it always seems to be that way. He sits with his arms spread out on the cold table with his head resting on the top. His eyes cross to look at the table in front of him and his fingers tap to some unknown beat. I'm starting to think I'm only imagining this extreme cold I feel.

It's so quiet you can hear the clock time. We've been sitting here for twenty minutes now in the cold, quiet and extremly bright-white room and neither of us have moved or said a word.

Suddenly, Knick's head shoots up as the door opens. To his obvious relief it was only a boy, "Hmm, how long do we have to wait for your friends to arrive, Tou?"

I shrug, my attention drawn to the boy that walked through the doors.

The boy has short, chocolate-brown hair and light brown eyes. His haircut was a strange kind. The top layer was cut to flip under and he had it tucked behind his ears, the bottom layer flipped up in a couple places making it look curled. Besides the hair he seems like a decent person and built a lot like myself. His head is down and his arms are out to his side swaying with each step he takes, making him seem depressed.

The man behind him shoves him forward when he slows down. The boy trips over his own feet and stumbles. This man could possibly be his father but they looked nothing alike. The next thing I know he yells at the boy and grips his arms, "It's your fault you're in here, you know? I told you to go back to America with your mom but you stayed down here with those damn friends of yours. Look what they got you into Ian!"

The boy looks up and glares at the man but then smirks, "Why do you think they're the reason I have 'problems,' Dad? Just because I'm not like you and I want nothing to do with you.. That's why you hate me. Not because of my friends. You just can't face the fact that I'm not you."

His father just stands there, fuming, but Ian continues, "I wanted away from you! I hate you! So, I made a couple of friends that introduced me to a coupld things. I don't care though. Tell me how much of a disgrace I am because I don't care. I'm in here now and as long as I'm away from you I don't care!"

"Mr. Baynes?" A thin lady comes up to them with a packet of papers, "Could you fill these out? We'll take your son now and get him accomodated."

He nods, "Yes, thank you."

She leads Ian away and down the hall. I hear Knick's voice, "I hope he's not with us. Sounds like he has some anger problems, hmm?"

I just shrug again and decide to keep my nose out of his business. Turning back to the doors, I wait for the guys to get here.

In the next few minutes only a couple of nurses walk through the doors. I get impatient but something itches at the back of my mind : What should I do if they want me to talk?

"Hey, is that them?" Knick turns and points out the window.

I nod and stand up. It looks like I'll be making things up as I go. We walk to the automatic doors and I put on the best smile I can while trying not to fall over.

Shin is the first one through the doors. He's automatically in my face looking me up and down before he pulls me into a bone-crushing hug, "My God, how have you been Touma? You're so thin! Don't you eat?"

I don't hug back, I merely stand as he attacks me.

Ryo and Shu enter the building next and detach Shin from me before patting my on the back. I can tell that they are extremely uncomfortable with this visit.

Ryo grins though, "How are you doing? Hope they haven't tortured you too much."

Shu adds in, "Yeah, and I bet you miss the good food, huh? I heard these places can't cook to save their lives."

I let myself smile because I knew he was right about the food and also that the first sentence out of his mouth had to do with food.

"It's good to know you're still laughing," I turn around, now facing Seiji. I watch his mouth as he speaks again, "Brought you some food though."

I look down at the box in his hands and something urges me to make a remark about such a large box of doughnuts, but I keep my mouth shut and make a half grin.

"Well, let's eat!" Shuu practically zips between us and grabs the box away, heading to a table.

Ryo and Shin follow after him trying to get him to quiet down. I'm stuck with violet eyes bearing a hold into me.

I stare back at him until he smiled again and whispers something I can barely hear, "I'm glad you're alive... Very glad."

As he walks off I look around for Knick. I've just realized he hadn't said a word. I find him on a faraway wall with his head down but as soon as I take the littlest step in his direction, he dashes off down the hall.

'Knick...'

"Touma, come on!" Ryo laughs as Shu stuffs a whole doughnut into his mouth. Actually quite disgusting.

I decide to go ahead and get the visit over with, 'Right now Knick is more important that eating a box of doughnuts with four people that sent you here. Maybe you can use the doughnuts as an excuse to not talk. Good idea, let's do that!' Sitting next to Seiji I immediately stuff a chocolate one in my mough, making a mess of myself.

Shin starts explaining why Nasuti couln't come even though she wanted to, something about an emergency at the university or something. Ryo interupts him to say something about his new career at teaching Junior League Soccer, Seiji nods blankly, and I try to keep my mind on the food before me. I think Shu is starting an eating contest with me...

I want to reach out for another doughnut but I already feel sick to my stomach. I'm not used to eating this much even if I force myself. I stop at two and a half, sitting back in my chair totally unaware of the figure standing behind me.

Shu looks up, "Who are you?"

"Just a friend of ol' Blue-Boy." The figure says.

'Daisuke...' I glare.

He pokes me on the shoulder until I turn around, then he smirks and decides to bring more hell into my life, "I saw your boyfriend back there. He seemed upset. Being such a caring person, I decided to see if you two had a little spat or something." He raises an eyebrow, "So?"

I continute to glare and mouth a "Shut up."

"I see you have friends though," he continues, "maybe he's jealous or thinks you found a new lover."

This time I stand up, knocking over my chair in the process. I stare him straight in the eye and fight against the urge to yell out a list of profanities.

"What?" He's still smirking.

"Okay..." Shin looks back and forth between us, "Tou? What's going on?"

I shake my head while picking up my chair and sitting again. 'Ignore Daisuke and stuff your face with another doughnut so you don't have to answer them verbally.'

Daisuke changes the subject, "Did you see the new guy, Ian Baynes? There's no room in this building for him. Seems there's too many people with those damned suicidal tendencies, ya know? So, guess who he's bunking with?"

I decide not to turn around even though I'm curious.

He laughs. Damn, I hate that laugh. "With you and Nicky. Isn't this going to be fun? You to adjust now but who knows, maybe you'll get to know him better." He smirks again, patting my shoulder, "You never know, maybe you can talk him into a threesome."

I'd had it! Standing up, my fist flies as fast as my brain flickers into Death-Mode. I hear a satisfying crunch as it lands right into his nose. I grin and duck as he swipes at me before falling back, clutching his face.

I stand and stare at him. Fresh blood oozes nicely from his nostrils and even his bottom lip. We've caused a commotion and now a coupld of larger men have my arms behind my back and are leading me through a door that goes into the Employees Only corridor. I look back to see Daisuke being carried off to the Nurse and the guys looking after me, eyes full of curiosity. I know they'll make an appointment to visit again in a couple of days.


----


"He was taunting you then? You place your hands on the table and stare at me.

I stare back. Even if I wanted to speak I couldn't. They drugged me with so much shit that I can barely even walk let alone stand on my own or talk. It makes me wonder how stupid humanity can really be.

"You didn't break his nose but it was pretty nasty. You're lucky, you know?"

I do something between a shrug and a nod and then drop my head as the room starts to spin momentarily.

"If you had actually broken his nose you'd be in that nice padded room right about now."

I don't even move.

You sigh, "We're done Touma. Go to your room and rest."





A.N. - Short, yes, I know, but I promise I'll get another chapter out very soon. I already have it written on paper and just need to type it out on Notepad. Just bear with me. Also, please excuse misspelled words, if any. My spellchecker is fried so I have to get a new one.

Next chapter might be a little more interesting and it might actually have a background plot! Wow, an improvement!