Disclaimer - I don't own any characters except my own.
A.N - Sorry if it's been a while. I lost track of time and started a new story too. At this very moment, FFic.net is screwed up and isn't uploading documents...so, in frustration, I started writing this chapter. Strange, ne? Anyways, I hope to actually straighten some things out in this chapter, along with confusing the shit out of you even more. Then again, I think I confuse myself more with each chapter... Enjoy and please review! ^^;;
Warnings - Angst, yaoi/shounen ai, self-infliction, language
Misery Without the Blade
Tsukiyo Hoshi
Chapter Four
I always seem to scew things up, no matter what. Sure, I can keep my mouth shut but what's going on? Me, punching people? That's not like me. I made a complete fool of myself in front of the guys and now they're probably even more confused than before. They'll be back and they'll be ready to question me... What will I do? I can't speak to them; I don't want to talk. Why is my life so confusing...? Why am I still alive...
I turn the handle and walk into the room, the wooden floor creaking with each step I take. I notice another bed in the room as I cross to lie on mine. Now there's even less room to walk around and I have to slide through a small space between the end of my bed and the corner of this new one.
I turn on the lamp on my side-table and lean back onto my pillows. Reaching under, I can feel the knife I placed there from the other day. I sigh, 'I still haven't asked you about that, have I Knick?'
The door opens slowly and I jump in surprise. The guy from earlier is standing in the doorway holding a box and he smiles shyly before placing it on the other bed.
He steps over to me, the shy smile still on his face, "Ian Baynes. You must be Touma, right?"
I nod and take his hand when he holds it out to me.
"Knick told me you don't talk. That's too bad." He looks at the floor and then back up at me, "You see, I like to talk. Almost to the point where I get annoying and I completely make a fool of myself... which I'm doing now. So, feel free to shut me up anytime! I only do this when I'm nervous, though, so don't worry. I don't talk to many people and I guess I'm saying it's a pity 'cause I was planning on talking to you."
I grin, 'Maybe this guy isn't so bad. Then again, he did seem to have an attitude earlier...' I twitch inwardly, 'Great, another Knick...'
Ian walks back over to his bed and starts to unpack belongings out of the box he came into the room with. I sit back down on my bed and watch as he pulls out an alarm clock and a few books.
I unconsciously make an annoying sound as he sits the books down, catching his attention. They didn't let me bring books into the building, so why does he get to have them?
"Oh," he looks down after realizing what I was staring at, "They said they'd allow it as long as I promised the nurses they could check my body for cuts every other day. They're so uptight..."
Before I can even make a move the door opens again. Knick comes in, a box also in his arms. I smile at him, but he ignores me, placing the box down on Ian's bed.
"How much shit do you have, man? What is that, the sixth box so far?" He runs his hand through his hair and leans on the wall.
Ian laughs, "That's the last box I think."
"That's good," Knick starts for his bed, but I catch his hand before he can go too far. He stares, "What?"
I raise my eyebrows and frown a little deeper, hoping I look a little confused and a little concerned.
"Um, about earlier, right?" He looks at me and then at the floor, "It's nothing really.. just..."
I squeeze his hand a little tighter and pull him onto the corner of my bed.
"It's just that.. Well.. " He stammers again before looking over at Ian, "Ian, could you maybe.. "
"I'm already there. Consession stand, here I come!" I smile as he jogs out of the room.
"I didn't really mention anything to him about there being anything between us.. I just told him we're 'close.'" He looks down at the floor again.
Letting go of his hand now, I slide closer to him and lean my head on his shoulder. Maybe now I could...
He starts again, "I heard about you're stunt...and about what Daisuke said. I guess everyone suspects that we're..."
I look up at him, causing him to stop mid-sentence, "Knick..."
Immediately, Knick's eyes start to glaze over with tears, "You..just.."
I decide to choose the best words I can think of as I open my mouth again, "I'm sorry."
Knick brings his hand up and runs his finger along my cheek before smiling, "There's nothing to be sorry about.."
'The one moment I actually say something and he decides to contradict me...' I lean into his touch while smirking.
"I'm serious though, it's all my —"
I lean in and capture his lips with mine, interrupting him before he can continue. At first I don't feel any reaction from his part until his hand comes up into my hair and I feel him lean into the kiss. As soon as it had started though, it's over. I pull away and stare into Knick's eyes as he blushes.
I kick myself mentally and force a smile, 'Why did you do that you idiot?! Now he's going to think you're more than just 'close!' That was smart, Hashiba, very smart.'
He smiles and starts to lean in towards my face. I lean back and grap his hand, my other hand going to his chest to stop him.
'As much as it hurts me Knick... That's all...' I think to myself. If only I hadn't wasted words before, he could have heard these too.
Standing, Knick's smile broadens. He doesn't look hurt at all as he stretches, "Um.. I guess —"
The door swings open but from what we see, no one is standing in the doorway. All we see is the darkness in the hallway.
Knick walks over slowly before peaking his head around the corner, then he turns back towards me, laughing.
I give him a puzzled look as he walks back over to me.
"Is it safe to come in yet?" A voice calls from the hallway.
This time I let myself laugh as Ian walks into the room with his hand over his eyes, peaking just slightly.
Knick is still laughing when he lies back on my bed, "Of course it's safe."
------------
Turning over, I cling to my pillow and try to dodge the light that's coming through the window. I can feel the arms around me as I move around, knowing they belong to Knick. He might have gotten the wrong idea last night, but it 's a real comfort to be held like this and I don't make any sudden movements to get away from him.
He mumbles something incoherent as his arms tighten around me. I bring my hand out from under the pillow, feeling the sharp edge of the knife along my index finger, yet paying no heed to it. I brush the hair from his face before noticing the stream of blood trickling down my finger and the blood I'd just run through Knick's bangs.
Cursing silently, I squirm out of Knick's embrace and start silently towards the bathroom. I close the door behind me and sit down on the toilette seat before taking the tissue and placing it against my finger.
'Obviously it was sharper than you thought it was..' I think to myself, staring at the tissue which is quickly becoming stained with my blood.
I stand up again and turn on the faucet with my left hand, placing my right hand under the cool water. I flinch at the pain that courses through my hand and notice that there are more tiny cuts along my palm and fingers.
'That's what you get for putting the fuckin' knife under your pillow, idiot.' I stare through the water at the larger cut I've just caused, realizing it's deeper than I thought. The water in the sink slowly turns crimson and it's not hard to miss the new metallic smell of the blood. 'How sharp was that knife? Damn...'
Reaching over to get more tissue I hear the doorknob rattle before the door casually swings open. To my great dissapointment it's one of the nurses holding the antibacterial spray, making her morning rounds. She stares at my face and then at the tissue in my hand before reaching down to her belt and pushing a button on what looked like a remote, "Mai, room A9, Hashiba."
I hear static after she speaks and I can feel my heart beating in my chest. The static clears and I hear another voice, "Should I contact Mr.Date like he requested?"
"Go ahead," the nurse started, putting down the bottle of spray, "Just get someone down here, quick."
"Right away," the other lady replied and there was static again, before complete silence.
'S-Seiji... He...' I shake my head. This was confusing. He wanted to be contacted?
The nurse takes a few steps towards me, holding out her hand, "Hashiba, just come easily. Let's not have any problems, okay?"
I shake my head again and hit the wall. I notice I've been taking steps backwards.
"Come on Hashiba..." She tries coaxing me away from the wall.
Sliding down the wall, I feel my eyes tear up and I open my mouth, "It was an accident.. "
The nurse puts a hand on my knee, "I know it was, honey; It always is."
A.N. - I amaze myself again.. I must be sick.. x.x Anyways, don't kill me for that quick turn of events at the end... It'll be a good story.. soon.. And now that FFic.net is working I can finally post! *goes to start on next chapter* Please review!
A.N - Sorry if it's been a while. I lost track of time and started a new story too. At this very moment, FFic.net is screwed up and isn't uploading documents...so, in frustration, I started writing this chapter. Strange, ne? Anyways, I hope to actually straighten some things out in this chapter, along with confusing the shit out of you even more. Then again, I think I confuse myself more with each chapter... Enjoy and please review! ^^;;
Warnings - Angst, yaoi/shounen ai, self-infliction, language
Tsukiyo Hoshi
Chapter Four
I always seem to scew things up, no matter what. Sure, I can keep my mouth shut but what's going on? Me, punching people? That's not like me. I made a complete fool of myself in front of the guys and now they're probably even more confused than before. They'll be back and they'll be ready to question me... What will I do? I can't speak to them; I don't want to talk. Why is my life so confusing...? Why am I still alive...
I turn the handle and walk into the room, the wooden floor creaking with each step I take. I notice another bed in the room as I cross to lie on mine. Now there's even less room to walk around and I have to slide through a small space between the end of my bed and the corner of this new one.
I turn on the lamp on my side-table and lean back onto my pillows. Reaching under, I can feel the knife I placed there from the other day. I sigh, 'I still haven't asked you about that, have I Knick?'
The door opens slowly and I jump in surprise. The guy from earlier is standing in the doorway holding a box and he smiles shyly before placing it on the other bed.
He steps over to me, the shy smile still on his face, "Ian Baynes. You must be Touma, right?"
I nod and take his hand when he holds it out to me.
"Knick told me you don't talk. That's too bad." He looks at the floor and then back up at me, "You see, I like to talk. Almost to the point where I get annoying and I completely make a fool of myself... which I'm doing now. So, feel free to shut me up anytime! I only do this when I'm nervous, though, so don't worry. I don't talk to many people and I guess I'm saying it's a pity 'cause I was planning on talking to you."
I grin, 'Maybe this guy isn't so bad. Then again, he did seem to have an attitude earlier...' I twitch inwardly, 'Great, another Knick...'
Ian walks back over to his bed and starts to unpack belongings out of the box he came into the room with. I sit back down on my bed and watch as he pulls out an alarm clock and a few books.
I unconsciously make an annoying sound as he sits the books down, catching his attention. They didn't let me bring books into the building, so why does he get to have them?
"Oh," he looks down after realizing what I was staring at, "They said they'd allow it as long as I promised the nurses they could check my body for cuts every other day. They're so uptight..."
Before I can even make a move the door opens again. Knick comes in, a box also in his arms. I smile at him, but he ignores me, placing the box down on Ian's bed.
"How much shit do you have, man? What is that, the sixth box so far?" He runs his hand through his hair and leans on the wall.
Ian laughs, "That's the last box I think."
"That's good," Knick starts for his bed, but I catch his hand before he can go too far. He stares, "What?"
I raise my eyebrows and frown a little deeper, hoping I look a little confused and a little concerned.
"Um, about earlier, right?" He looks at me and then at the floor, "It's nothing really.. just..."
I squeeze his hand a little tighter and pull him onto the corner of my bed.
"It's just that.. Well.. " He stammers again before looking over at Ian, "Ian, could you maybe.. "
"I'm already there. Consession stand, here I come!" I smile as he jogs out of the room.
"I didn't really mention anything to him about there being anything between us.. I just told him we're 'close.'" He looks down at the floor again.
Letting go of his hand now, I slide closer to him and lean my head on his shoulder. Maybe now I could...
He starts again, "I heard about you're stunt...and about what Daisuke said. I guess everyone suspects that we're..."
I look up at him, causing him to stop mid-sentence, "Knick..."
Immediately, Knick's eyes start to glaze over with tears, "You..just.."
I decide to choose the best words I can think of as I open my mouth again, "I'm sorry."
Knick brings his hand up and runs his finger along my cheek before smiling, "There's nothing to be sorry about.."
'The one moment I actually say something and he decides to contradict me...' I lean into his touch while smirking.
"I'm serious though, it's all my —"
I lean in and capture his lips with mine, interrupting him before he can continue. At first I don't feel any reaction from his part until his hand comes up into my hair and I feel him lean into the kiss. As soon as it had started though, it's over. I pull away and stare into Knick's eyes as he blushes.
I kick myself mentally and force a smile, 'Why did you do that you idiot?! Now he's going to think you're more than just 'close!' That was smart, Hashiba, very smart.'
He smiles and starts to lean in towards my face. I lean back and grap his hand, my other hand going to his chest to stop him.
'As much as it hurts me Knick... That's all...' I think to myself. If only I hadn't wasted words before, he could have heard these too.
Standing, Knick's smile broadens. He doesn't look hurt at all as he stretches, "Um.. I guess —"
The door swings open but from what we see, no one is standing in the doorway. All we see is the darkness in the hallway.
Knick walks over slowly before peaking his head around the corner, then he turns back towards me, laughing.
I give him a puzzled look as he walks back over to me.
"Is it safe to come in yet?" A voice calls from the hallway.
This time I let myself laugh as Ian walks into the room with his hand over his eyes, peaking just slightly.
Knick is still laughing when he lies back on my bed, "Of course it's safe."
------------
Turning over, I cling to my pillow and try to dodge the light that's coming through the window. I can feel the arms around me as I move around, knowing they belong to Knick. He might have gotten the wrong idea last night, but it 's a real comfort to be held like this and I don't make any sudden movements to get away from him.
He mumbles something incoherent as his arms tighten around me. I bring my hand out from under the pillow, feeling the sharp edge of the knife along my index finger, yet paying no heed to it. I brush the hair from his face before noticing the stream of blood trickling down my finger and the blood I'd just run through Knick's bangs.
Cursing silently, I squirm out of Knick's embrace and start silently towards the bathroom. I close the door behind me and sit down on the toilette seat before taking the tissue and placing it against my finger.
'Obviously it was sharper than you thought it was..' I think to myself, staring at the tissue which is quickly becoming stained with my blood.
I stand up again and turn on the faucet with my left hand, placing my right hand under the cool water. I flinch at the pain that courses through my hand and notice that there are more tiny cuts along my palm and fingers.
'That's what you get for putting the fuckin' knife under your pillow, idiot.' I stare through the water at the larger cut I've just caused, realizing it's deeper than I thought. The water in the sink slowly turns crimson and it's not hard to miss the new metallic smell of the blood. 'How sharp was that knife? Damn...'
Reaching over to get more tissue I hear the doorknob rattle before the door casually swings open. To my great dissapointment it's one of the nurses holding the antibacterial spray, making her morning rounds. She stares at my face and then at the tissue in my hand before reaching down to her belt and pushing a button on what looked like a remote, "Mai, room A9, Hashiba."
I hear static after she speaks and I can feel my heart beating in my chest. The static clears and I hear another voice, "Should I contact Mr.Date like he requested?"
"Go ahead," the nurse started, putting down the bottle of spray, "Just get someone down here, quick."
"Right away," the other lady replied and there was static again, before complete silence.
'S-Seiji... He...' I shake my head. This was confusing. He wanted to be contacted?
The nurse takes a few steps towards me, holding out her hand, "Hashiba, just come easily. Let's not have any problems, okay?"
I shake my head again and hit the wall. I notice I've been taking steps backwards.
"Come on Hashiba..." She tries coaxing me away from the wall.
Sliding down the wall, I feel my eyes tear up and I open my mouth, "It was an accident.. "
The nurse puts a hand on my knee, "I know it was, honey; It always is."
A.N. - I amaze myself again.. I must be sick.. x.x Anyways, don't kill me for that quick turn of events at the end... It'll be a good story.. soon.. And now that FFic.net is working I can finally post! *goes to start on next chapter* Please review!
