Disclaimer:

Laura: I own all of them! *hugs the Fellowship, and ghost of Tolkien appears*

Lauren: Uh, Laura?

Laura: What? Oooh, crap.

Tolkien: Let them go. *Laura lets all of them go except Legolas, who tries to run away, but Laura grabs his braid before he can get away*

Legolas: Yeek! Ouch.

Laura: Okay, I only own my Leggy poo.

Legolas: Leggy poo??? Hey!

Tolkien: Ahem?

Laura: Pwease? *puppy face*

Tolkien: NO.

Lauren and Laura: Damn. *lets Legolas go*

Legolas: I'M FREE!!! *runs away happily*

Laura and Lauren: *wail* We don't. own. ANY OF THEM!!! *fall on each other bawling*

* A/N: Okay, this story doesn't really follow the movie or the book specifically: it's kind of a mixture of both. The only reason we rated this story PG-13 was for the language. Arighty, toodles! *

Random outburst for the chapter: WALNUTS!! Ahem. sorry. :-\

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Chapter 1: In the beginning, Tolkien created heaven and mid-earth.

~Laura POV~

Okay, so Lauren and me were riding our bikes through the woods. It was a fairly nice day: the sun was shining, birds were singing, and we were wearing summer clothes. NOT. It was cloudy, cold, and damp. Not to mention that it started raining when we were about five miles from home.

"Damn," I said. "This bites."

"Really? I actually like being soaked to the skin. It's fun," she answered sarcastically.

"Go lick an elephant." I was in a crappy mood. PMS, if you must know.

"Well, someone's in a FANTASTIC mood today, aren't they?"

"No." I started riding my bike faster.

~Lauren POV~

What a lovely child. So kind, so caring. HA! Whatever.

I rode quicker to catch up with the demon teenager. I overtook her easily enough, because she had gotten stuck in a mud puddle. I looked around me while Laura struggled to pull her bike out of the gook. "Yo, Laura?"

"What?" she snapped.

"Uh, where are we?" She looked up too, and her face went slightly pale. "I have no idea," she whispered in reply. Then she got an extremely P.O.ed look on her face. "Oh, great! Now we're lost, and I'm covered in mud, and. the trees have moss all over them?"

"What the hell?" I had noticed the moss, too.

"Fantastic. Now we're lost in the Everglades or something, except for the fact that we live in INDIANA!!! Oh, why me? What did I ever do to deserve this?! Damn these space-time continuums."

"Well, there was that one time that you put gum on Miss Huffman's chair. Oh, and when you put mud in Emily Baron's lotion in gym, and-" I started naming off all the bad things she had done just this year.

"No comments from the peanut gallery are allowed, so SHUDDUP!" she screeched as she threw mud at me. It landed with a small splat at my feet.

Just as I stooped down to scrape the mud off my shoe, something went whizzing over my head. An arrow landed in a tree about two inches from Laura's head. "HIT THE DECK!" I yelped, and fell into the mud. She followed suit as a few men came into view.

~Laura POV~

"Yeek!" I screamed as the odd-looking bunch of men came out of the trees. "Who the hell are you?"

"We should be asking you, young maiden," one of the blonde men answered harshly.

"Hey! Geddoff me!" I yelped as he grabbed my shoulder and pulled me to my feet. I struggled, but man! This guy must have a grip of steel or something, because he didn't even try to hold me back. I looked over and saw Lauren having the same problem. "Well, ain't this juuuust great?" I asked in sticky sweetness.

"Get it off me!" I almost laughed as the man heard her call him an "it". The look on his face was that of shock and anger.

"You are a very rude mortal, you know that?" he asked impatiently.

"What in cheese's name are you talking about?" I asked him (or it).

"Come. We are going to see our leader." The blonde things led us away into the woods.

~Elrond POV~

I sighed and shook my head. "Gandalf, the Ring cannot stay here." The old wizard looked sorrowfully at me, then looked out towards the gates as Boromir of Gondor, Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood, and Gimli son of Gloin appeared. "This peril belongs to all of Middle-Earth. They must decide what to do."

I heard footsteps behind me and spun around. Táradur and his men were approaching leading... what was this? Two mortal girls?

"My lord, we found these two children in the woods," Táradur reported.

"Children? Excuse me?" the blonde one asked. She looked annoyed, while her brunette companion stood silent, looking terrified. "We are hardly children. We're both fifteen."

I could barely contain my laughter. In Elvish years, fifteen was hardly a toddler. But I bit my tongue and nodded. "Indeed... Táradur, take these... maidens, to get changed." I looked at their odd attire. What in Eru's name were they wearing? Not to mention that their clothing was completely covered in mud. Táradur bowed slightly and took the two girls past, towards the guest quarters.

~Lauren POV~

As I stood stark naked (except for a towel) in front of the woman in my new room, I suddenly realized that I was completely naïve. Sure, this was great: I was getting free clothes, food, attention, etc., but I wanted some information. "Um... where are we and what are we doing here and who are you and what's your favorite color and-"

She cut me off. "You are in the house of Elrond, and-"

"WHAT?!" I screeched. "WHAT IN CHEESE'S NAME ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, WOMAN!?"

"Please! Please! Calm down! You are safe, for you are amongst the Elves of Rivendell."

I looked at her with a face that I'm sure must have clearly stated, Sorry I'm a retard.

"Come again?"

~Legolas POV~

As I sat down in the circle of chairs on the dais in the middle of the garden, I noticed two unfamiliar women. One was brunette, the other was blonde. They were obviously not Elves, but they did not appear to be from these parts, either.

I listened intently as Lord Elrond started talking about why we were in Rivendell. "Bring forth the Ring, Frodo." A halfling stepped forward and put a golden ring on the pedestal. I am quite sure that my eyes became the size of dinner plates. It was THE Ring! "The doom of man..." I heard someone whisper.

Suddenly the man whom I knew as Boromir leapt up. "It is a gift!" he cried. "A gift to the foes of Mordor! Why not use this ring! Long has my father, the Steward of Gondor, kept evil at bay. By the blood of our people," he said, hitting his chest with a fist, "are your lands kept safe!" He pointed at the rest of us, and I glared at him.

"You cannot wield it!" Aragorn stated firmly. "None of us can. The Ring answers to Sauron alone. It knows no other master."

"And what does a ranger know of these matters?" Boromir sneered at him.

I was about to leap up and tell this ignorant man that "this ranger" was the heir to the throne of his land, but the blonde girl did so for me. "Hey, buddy! That's Aragorn! He's the heir to Gondor, so shuddup and let him talk!" She gave him a deathly glare.

I gaped at her. What in the Valar's name was she thinking!?

"Laura! Sit down!" The brown-haired girl tugged on the other one's dress, but she refused.

Boromir looked at her in astonishment, his face bright red and his hand instinctively going to his sword hilt, then turned to face Aragorn. "Aragorn? This... is Isildur's heir?"

"AND heir to the throne of Gondor," Laura added.

Aragorn looked at him, then faced the woman now known as Laura. "Havo dad, arwen en amin," he said politely.

Laura sneered at Boromir, then plopped down unladylike in her seat.

~Laura POV~

I looked over at the elf who I knew was Legolas. I gave him a death glare and mouthed, "What are you lookin' at, Elf-boy?" He turned away quickly and listened to Elrond, but occasionally looked over at Lauren and I.

The conversation quickly became boring, and I pulled a book out of my backpack. Besides, I had seen the movie almost a billion times before, and I knew what was going to happen. In less than a minute Gimli would ruin his axe...

I grinned as I heard, "What are we waiting for? ARRRRG!" and winced slightly as I heard the axe shatter. I chuckled, but didn't look up from my book.

"The Ring cannot be destroyed," Elrond started. Yadda yadda yadda.

Well, here comes the fight scene...

"One does not simply walk into Mordor... Its black gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep... and the great Eye is ever watchful. 'Tis a barren wasteland, riddled with fire, and ash, and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly!"

"Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond just said!" Legolas cried. I mouthed as he said, "The Ring must be destroyed!" I put down my book and looked over at Lauren.

She grinned and mouthed, "And I suppose you're the one to do it?" as Gimli said the exact same words. We rolled our eyes and said with Boromir, "And if we fail, what then! What happens when Sauron takes back what is his?"

And now they start yelling, blah blah blah...

"I will take it!" Frodo cried. One, two three... awwww...

Then Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, and finally Boromir also offered their help. And here comes Sam: "Mr. Frodo's not goin' anywhere without me." I swear that gardener is gay...

And now presenting, ladies and gentleman, MERRY AND PIPPIN!

Unexpectedly Elrond turned towards Lauren and me. "You two will also accompany the Fellowship to Mordor."

"What!?" we yelped at the exact same time. "Why!?"

"Because, my children, we need to get you home."

"Yay! We're going back to Hickville, Indiana!" I grabbed Lauren and we danced enthusiastically around in circles while the Fellowship and all the other random people stared at us.

"Indeed... Camuial, please take these two maidens back to their quarters," Elrond said to a servant girl. The black-haired elf led us away, still chatting sarcastically. "And then we can ride the cows, and eat corn, and play in the soybean fields..."

TBC...

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Well, my little peppermint dumplings, whatcha think? Please R&R!